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Posted by Tireyo (6446 posts) -

Last night at 1:20 AM, my dad lost the battle with cancer that started in his kidney, then spread to his spine and worked it's way up to his other organs. He was only 53 years old. Before he passed away, I didn't want to go to bed right away because I felt that something strange was going to happen when looking at him on the hospital bed in the living room. Mom told me that he's waiting for me to say something to him, and I told her that I couldn't say it quite yet. I got tired enough to want to go to bed... and I finally told my dad that I loved him and wished him a good night. I told him that if he needed to go, then he can go. I kissed my two fingers, then placed them on his head because it's something that I just do. Afterwards, I got my water that I usually drink throughout the night, then went to bed. Six minutes later, he was gone and my mom watched him take his last breath. Mom came into my room and shut my door and didn't tell me what was wrong. As any person would do... I got up to see what was the matter, though I had that feeling that I already knew, and I went into the living room to see him. I told him that I loved him again after knowing that he was definitely gone, and I went back to bed. I managed to get 4 hours of sleep last night and I'm still awake. I don't want to close my eyes and go to sleep, because I don't want a terrible nightmare that I don't really need at the moment, but I know that I'll need sleep for tomorrow... so I'm going to have to suck it up and sleep.

Right now, my mom and I feel like we are in a terrible nightmare that we cannot wake up from. We cannot cry, and people are really shocked by that because we stayed strong. I'm gradually starting to miss him dearly. What makes it hard for me is that there is a slight regret that I've been holding in about me that no one knows about, and the bad part is that I still cannot tell anyone. I'm going to make my dad proud though because I'm going to get my Bachelor's in Business Administration in December and I'm going to learn how to drive!! I'm also going to try to live a happier life, though it seems far-fetched right now.

Anyways, My grandpa isn't taking it well as his two sons (My dad and uncle) passed away before him. My granddad is still alive, but he has given up... and I'll be seeing him tomorrow. I have a feeling that I'll lose him too, but I think I'll be able to see him tomorrow for perhaps one last time.

I'm not going to be online for a while. User TobbRobb will be posting sometime next week our special 5 star anime review blog, but I will not respond to anyone until I come back. I don't know when I'll be back, but it'll only be for a short time. I will be disappearing from my town, because mom and I need to get away from everyone because they are driving us insane with all these phone calls.

I thank you all for being nice to me because it's all that I really wanted. I know that most people here do not believe in prayer, so it's best to at least keep me and my family in your thoughts because we are having a rough time. My stomach is very upset, and I'm having a strange pain in my chest, back, rib, and possibly my kidney, so I think that I need to sleep right now before it gets worse. I apologize for my bad grammar... though I think that I've always had bad grammar. I'm very tired right now, my mind is racing, and restless. I think I'm about to crash though.

See you all later,

Tyler

Edit: Thank you all for the kind words. It really means something. I feel like all of this is some sort of cruel and sick joke, then I realize that it isn't because I was around to take care of my dad and I watched him suffer. It's not something that I want to remember. The funny thing is that I really do wish it was a cruel and sick joke, because right now I just want my dad back...

Anyways, I'll really be disappearing temporarily soon. I haven't had a good cry yet, and I'm waiting for it.

#1 Edited by Tireyo (6446 posts) -

Last night at 1:20 AM, my dad lost the battle with cancer that started in his kidney, then spread to his spine and worked it's way up to his other organs. He was only 53 years old. Before he passed away, I didn't want to go to bed right away because I felt that something strange was going to happen when looking at him on the hospital bed in the living room. Mom told me that he's waiting for me to say something to him, and I told her that I couldn't say it quite yet. I got tired enough to want to go to bed... and I finally told my dad that I loved him and wished him a good night. I told him that if he needed to go, then he can go. I kissed my two fingers, then placed them on his head because it's something that I just do. Afterwards, I got my water that I usually drink throughout the night, then went to bed. Six minutes later, he was gone and my mom watched him take his last breath. Mom came into my room and shut my door and didn't tell me what was wrong. As any person would do... I got up to see what was the matter, though I had that feeling that I already knew, and I went into the living room to see him. I told him that I loved him again after knowing that he was definitely gone, and I went back to bed. I managed to get 4 hours of sleep last night and I'm still awake. I don't want to close my eyes and go to sleep, because I don't want a terrible nightmare that I don't really need at the moment, but I know that I'll need sleep for tomorrow... so I'm going to have to suck it up and sleep.

Right now, my mom and I feel like we are in a terrible nightmare that we cannot wake up from. We cannot cry, and people are really shocked by that because we stayed strong. I'm gradually starting to miss him dearly. What makes it hard for me is that there is a slight regret that I've been holding in about me that no one knows about, and the bad part is that I still cannot tell anyone. I'm going to make my dad proud though because I'm going to get my Bachelor's in Business Administration in December and I'm going to learn how to drive!! I'm also going to try to live a happier life, though it seems far-fetched right now.

Anyways, My grandpa isn't taking it well as his two sons (My dad and uncle) passed away before him. My granddad is still alive, but he has given up... and I'll be seeing him tomorrow. I have a feeling that I'll lose him too, but I think I'll be able to see him tomorrow for perhaps one last time.

I'm not going to be online for a while. User TobbRobb will be posting sometime next week our special 5 star anime review blog, but I will not respond to anyone until I come back. I don't know when I'll be back, but it'll only be for a short time. I will be disappearing from my town, because mom and I need to get away from everyone because they are driving us insane with all these phone calls.

I thank you all for being nice to me because it's all that I really wanted. I know that most people here do not believe in prayer, so it's best to at least keep me and my family in your thoughts because we are having a rough time. My stomach is very upset, and I'm having a strange pain in my chest, back, rib, and possibly my kidney, so I think that I need to sleep right now before it gets worse. I apologize for my bad grammar... though I think that I've always had bad grammar. I'm very tired right now, my mind is racing, and restless. I think I'm about to crash though.

See you all later,

Tyler

Edit: Thank you all for the kind words. It really means something. I feel like all of this is some sort of cruel and sick joke, then I realize that it isn't because I was around to take care of my dad and I watched him suffer. It's not something that I want to remember. The funny thing is that I really do wish it was a cruel and sick joke, because right now I just want my dad back...

Anyways, I'll really be disappearing temporarily soon. I haven't had a good cry yet, and I'm waiting for it.

#2 Posted by StarvingGamer (8381 posts) -

My condolences. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. Try to keep your chin up duder, you'll be in my thoughts.

#3 Posted by chocolaterhinovampire (1294 posts) -

Sorry to hear that dude

#4 Posted by GunslingerPanda (4827 posts) -

:(

#5 Posted by FancySoapsMan (5841 posts) -

Sorry to hear that :( 

#6 Posted by dungbootle (2458 posts) -

I'm sorry, friend. Stay strong.

#7 Posted by MikeGosot (3227 posts) -

I don't even know what to say, duder. Hmm, you were the only person to post something on my wall in GB, so that's pretty awesome and... Stay strong, duder.

#8 Posted by Mike_Sandbag (40 posts) -

I'm sorry for your loss. Sometimes words can feel so hollow, but try to keep your chin up. Do your father proud with your degree and your license!

#9 Posted by NoCookiesForYou (762 posts) -

My sincere condolences.

#10 Posted by EndlessObsidian (477 posts) -

I'm sorry for your loss. Stay strong.

#11 Posted by Wraith1 (565 posts) -

I usually don't know what to say in these situations, stay strong

#12 Posted by ayman03 (1 posts) -

sorry to hear that

that's rough buddy

#13 Edited by Juicebox (485 posts) -

That was touching story. You're a good person. Take care of your mother, nice people like you aren't so common anymore. I wish you the best, don't let tough times get you down. Look to the future you're a good kid. Your dad was proud of you, hell I'd be proud to have you as my son. Make your dad proud.

#14 Posted by Masha2932 (1242 posts) -

My condolences mate. Keep your chin up and stay strong for your family.

#15 Posted by Halberdierv2 (1873 posts) -

my condolences. lost a great aunt myself yesterday. may he rest in peace.

#16 Posted by Claude (16254 posts) -

I'm so sorry Ty. I give you my strength of mind and mend over the internet. Grieve and take care my friend.

#17 Posted by NegativeCero (3014 posts) -

I'm rooting for you and your family. I'm sorry, Tyler.

#18 Posted by EarlessShrimp (1663 posts) -

My sincerest apologies my good man. Keep on keeping on.

#19 Posted by myketuna (1725 posts) -

Sucks, man. But you seem to be taking it well (as well as anyone could anyway) and I'm sure you will make your father proud. Good luck learning how to drive!

#20 Posted by InfiniteSpark (314 posts) -

Sorry to hear. My condolences to you and your family.

Online
#21 Posted by Bloodgraiv3 (2712 posts) -

My condolences, I wish I could say more. I know how hard it is to lose someone in the family so close.

#22 Posted by boylie (305 posts) -

My condolences to you and your family duder :(

#23 Posted by gamefreak9 (2372 posts) -

My mom also has cancer, the fight's been going on for 7 years... it sucks. My condolences...on a lighter note...I can't believe you guys don't love FMA brotherhood and Naruto... so I don't mind the anime delay...take your time

#24 Posted by Jeust (10758 posts) -

My condolences man. Those pains might be related to stress and anxiety, try to rest and take it easier. 
 
Also don't blame yourself for not telling your father, as he is watching over you. 
 
Take care!

#25 Posted by Contrarian (1143 posts) -

No mere words can ever convey a message suitable for such tragic events. I wish you well in dealing with your own pain, as well as being there for your family. My good thoughts are with you.

#26 Posted by Grillbar (1872 posts) -

My condolences.

#27 Posted by AdzPearson (201 posts) -

Sorry to hear that. My dad was round about the same age when he died, so I can relate to it (although the circumstances were different). I wish you and your family all the best.

#28 Posted by Phatmac (5726 posts) -

Sorry about the news duder. :/ Can't imagine the lose of my dad. Best wishes from me and the rest of the community! Stay strong, Tyler.

#29 Posted by PSNgamesun (411 posts) -

Keep ur head up n take care of ur mother n family stay strong

#30 Posted by President_Barackbar (3467 posts) -

As Abraham Lincoln once said: "I feel how weak and fruitless must be any word of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming." But for what it's worth, I offer my condolences.

#31 Edited by Landon (4152 posts) -

Stay strong, man. Hope you get through this ok.

#32 Posted by Deusoma (3018 posts) -

My condolences, Tyler. You and yours will indeed be in my thoughts.

#33 Posted by Chias (81 posts) -

If I had a hat on right now, I would take it off in respect for you. I don't know what else I could tell you. I can't put in words about what to do, I don't think any can. Just know that you did the best things you could have done and keep strong.

#34 Edited by Bulby33 (599 posts) -

I lost my dad, too, when I was younger. 
 
It's tough. Stay strong.

#35 Posted by JJOR64 (19023 posts) -

Sorry to here that. I have not lost my parents, but I have lost my grandparents and I know the feeling. Stay strong duder.

#36 Posted by AjayRaz (12441 posts) -

i can't possibly imagine what you could be going through. stay strong, Ty.

#37 Posted by Hailinel (25179 posts) -

My condolences to you. I'm not sure what else I can say, so I guess all I can do is echo the others and hope you stay strong.

#38 Posted by ssj4raditz (1125 posts) -

All my love and best wishes to you and your family. I wish I could just hug you right now.

#39 Posted by Robot_Sneakers (418 posts) -

My condolences, stay strong. And good luck getting your Bachelor's and with driving,

#40 Posted by Zurgfrog (154 posts) -

I'm sorry to hear that, stay strong duder

#41 Posted by Roflwaffles (184 posts) -

:(

#42 Posted by Mrsignerman44 (1100 posts) -

My condolences, keep your chin up. Your dad would want to see you happy, I'm sure.

#43 Posted by BrockSampson (299 posts) -

I am very sorry for your loss. My utmost condolences.

#44 Posted by Sackmanjones (4742 posts) -

Hang in there buddy

#45 Posted by Blair (2513 posts) -

That's very depressing. Keep focus on the positives. I've used Giant Bomb as a source of happiness and familiarity during times of turmoil. I hope you can derive the same pleasure through this difficult time.

#46 Posted by CRACKYSTUNTYE (38 posts) -

No matter how you look at it this will be one of the hardest things youll do in your life. And, it speaks volumes to your charecter how well your handling this. So I'll try to make you feel better by trying to say something halfway profound. Loss is a part of life. And, it's an important part to. Because, loss gives memories and time in general value. Especially with so many great memories from such a great and important person in your life. In time the hurt will go away and you'll be left with hundreds of memories that will comfort and shape you for the better in the years ahead. So keep hanging on man, your making your dad and all of us proud! (i just tryed to put myself in your shoes and thought of what id want to hear so i hope this helps and dosen't just come off as random ramblings)

#47 Posted by Little_Socrates (5683 posts) -

One of the hardest days of your life is coming. May he find peace and may you remember that he would wish you to do him proud.

#48 Edited by Max_Cherry (1137 posts) -

I'm so sorry. It was good you were there when it happened. I've haven't had that luck with my losses. My father died Easter 1972 of a heart attack in NY. He was still a young man (he was only 53). At the time I was living in California. We had just finished fighting about god knows what over the phone an hour earlier, and when I called back to apologize he was gone. My mother died of pancreatic cancer at only 61 in August 1984, and I wasn't there. But, worst of all My beloved sister hanged herself in the shower of a half way house on the other side of the country from me at just 38 in April 1985. The fuckers running the facility thought it would be a good Idea to put locks on the bathroom doors, and as a result they could not reach my sister until she had already expired. There went my entire immediate family and in each instance I was so far away. But, time heals all and I have a family of my own, a son who's about to turn 23 and a daughter who just turned 25 along with my lovely wife of almost 31 years.

Anyway, stay strong. I offer my sincerest condolences to you and your family.

#49 Posted by Deusx (1910 posts) -

My girlfriend lost her dad at the age of 15 and I know how hard it can be for someone but man, I hope it helps for you to know that everyone here sincerely wishes the best for you and your family. Good luck duder, you can get through this.

#50 Posted by asian_pride (1654 posts) -

I've pretty much said what I said before, but I'll say it again anyway. Keep your head up, take your time to recover, and take it easy. Ganbare!