Posted by HS21 (2682 posts) -

Hey I'm Chad. We just met and by 'met' I mean your eyes serendipitously wandered down into the comments section of a video or article on the internet and you've read a blurb I wrote detailing my thoughts and feelings about said video or article. What luck! Now you know how I feel about this reboot of an old PC game franchise turned FPS or the remake of a little known cult 70s horror film! I'm a pretty big fan of the older stuff, I just wish people would leave that stuff alone. Wouldn't we all be better off if people didn't try to tamper with the classics and get their grubby hands of change on things? Advancements in medicine? Pshh, who needs it? What's wrong with the 'ol stand by of chicken soup and illness sucking leeches? Oh man the automobile? No thanks, I'll just use these getaway sticks called legs, they've never failed me before except for that time when I fell out of a tree peepin' on the widow next door. But I'm losing the plot here, let me find it again.

If you're going to read someone's comment on the internet it should be mine. My opinions are unique and fresh and I have many facets to my comment writing. Here, let me show you using this article: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/4748292.stm

Unnecessarily Cynical

Ungh, the dowry he had to pay was only $50? The goat must not have been a good fuck. Totally not worth getting caught and being forced to marry it. He should have fucked a gazelle, something with class. Lame.

Hyperbolic/Navarrocism

That is THE WORST THING EVER that this guy would engage in coitus with a goat. But it sure is THE BEST THING, LIKE, EVER that he was forced to marry the goat. *Nervous laugh/facial twitch/forced reference to Nic Cage*

Staunchly Defensive for no Discernible Reason

Wow, it is a human being's RIGHT to force him or herself on an animal. Love works in mysterious ways, and sometimes one of those ways is goat fucking. Just leave him alone please, let him be happy. Stop demonizing this goat rapist you vultures.

Cool Indifference

Dude fucked that goat and got caught and was forced to marry the goat he raped? So what? Who cares? I don't. Did Prometheus come out yet? Whatever.

Pointlessly Relating a Life Experience Despite Knowing Deep Inside That Nobody Cares

Oh man, that's pretty crazy. Reminds me of this one time during a family reunion about 3 years ago, it was time for dinner and everyone was at the table except for my uncle. We were all looking for him and then we heard these weird yelping noises from the barn. My cousin Jebediah made a joke about my uncle being a sick, dirty goat fucker. Turns out it was just my little sister Debbie lighting a Furbie on fire. Hahahahahaha, oh man.

Disguising a miniature lecture as a comment in a bizarre attempt at looking well informed even though you know people know you Wikipedia'd that shit

That's pretty crazy. Did you guys know that In many jurisdictions, all forms of zoophilic acts are prohibited? Others outlaw only the mistreatment of animals, without specific mention of sexual activity. In some countries, such as Denmark, bestiality is not outlawed. It is currently illegal in Canada, Netherlands, 34 U.S. states, Australia, the United Kingdom, New Zealand, Turkey and Ghana. In the UK, Section 63 of the Criminal Justice and Immigration Act 2008 (also known as the Extreme Pornography Act) outlaws images of a person performing or appearing to perform an act of intercourse or oral sex with an animal (whether dead or alive). Countries such as Belgium, Germany, and Russia are somewhere in between: they permit sexual activity with animals, but prohibit the promotion of animal-oriented pornography.

Informing People That I was the First Comment

First.

Informing the Poster of the First Comment That he is an Asshole.

Fuck you man, no one cares. Gawd. I'm so mad about something so inconsequential. Arghhhh. Anyways, I too have no input on this article.

Those are just a few approaches to comment crafting that I've got going on at the moment. I'm working on a few new techniques that I just can't wait for you to read on the next article about something as world shatteringly important as video game "news" or the announcement of a new film. Make sure to @reply my comments! I get this delightful redirection of blood to my phallic vessel whenever a stranger on the internet has read my shit, and shit it certainly is.

#1 Posted by HS21 (2682 posts) -

Hey I'm Chad. We just met and by 'met' I mean your eyes serendipitously wandered down into the comments section of a video or article on the internet and you've read a blurb I wrote detailing my thoughts and feelings about said video or article. What luck! Now you know how I feel about this reboot of an old PC game franchise turned FPS or the remake of a little known cult 70s horror film! I'm a pretty big fan of the older stuff, I just wish people would leave that stuff alone. Wouldn't we all be better off if people didn't try to tamper with the classics and get their grubby hands of change on things? Advancements in medicine? Pshh, who needs it? What's wrong with the 'ol stand by of chicken soup and illness sucking leeches? Oh man the automobile? No thanks, I'll just use these getaway sticks called legs, they've never failed me before except for that time when I fell out of a tree peepin' on the widow next door. But I'm losing the plot here, let me find it again.

If you're going to read someone's comment on the internet it should be mine. My opinions are unique and fresh and I have many facets to my comment writing. Here, let me show you using this article: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/4748292.stm

Unnecessarily Cynical

Ungh, the dowry he had to pay was only $50? The goat must not have been a good fuck. Totally not worth getting caught and being forced to marry it. He should have fucked a gazelle, something with class. Lame.

Hyperbolic/Navarrocism

That is THE WORST THING EVER that this guy would engage in coitus with a goat. But it sure is THE BEST THING, LIKE, EVER that he was forced to marry the goat. *Nervous laugh/facial twitch/forced reference to Nic Cage*

Staunchly Defensive for no Discernible Reason

Wow, it is a human being's RIGHT to force him or herself on an animal. Love works in mysterious ways, and sometimes one of those ways is goat fucking. Just leave him alone please, let him be happy. Stop demonizing this goat rapist you vultures.

Cool Indifference

Dude fucked that goat and got caught and was forced to marry the goat he raped? So what? Who cares? I don't. Did Prometheus come out yet? Whatever.

Pointlessly Relating a Life Experience Despite Knowing Deep Inside That Nobody Cares

Oh man, that's pretty crazy. Reminds me of this one time during a family reunion about 3 years ago, it was time for dinner and everyone was at the table except for my uncle. We were all looking for him and then we heard these weird yelping noises from the barn. My cousin Jebediah made a joke about my uncle being a sick, dirty goat fucker. Turns out it was just my little sister Debbie lighting a Furbie on fire. Hahahahahaha, oh man.

Disguising a miniature lecture as a comment in a bizarre attempt at looking well informed even though you know people know you Wikipedia'd that shit

That's pretty crazy. Did you guys know that In many jurisdictions, all forms of zoophilic acts are prohibited? Others outlaw only the mistreatment of animals, without specific mention of sexual activity. In some countries, such as Denmark, bestiality is not outlawed. It is currently illegal in Canada, Netherlands, 34 U.S. states, Australia, the United Kingdom, New Zealand, Turkey and Ghana. In the UK, Section 63 of the Criminal Justice and Immigration Act 2008 (also known as the Extreme Pornography Act) outlaws images of a person performing or appearing to perform an act of intercourse or oral sex with an animal (whether dead or alive). Countries such as Belgium, Germany, and Russia are somewhere in between: they permit sexual activity with animals, but prohibit the promotion of animal-oriented pornography.

Informing People That I was the First Comment

First.

Informing the Poster of the First Comment That he is an Asshole.

Fuck you man, no one cares. Gawd. I'm so mad about something so inconsequential. Arghhhh. Anyways, I too have no input on this article.

Those are just a few approaches to comment crafting that I've got going on at the moment. I'm working on a few new techniques that I just can't wait for you to read on the next article about something as world shatteringly important as video game "news" or the announcement of a new film. Make sure to @reply my comments! I get this delightful redirection of blood to my phallic vessel whenever a stranger on the internet has read my shit, and shit it certainly is.

#2 Edited by Little_Socrates (5675 posts) -

First.

#3 Posted by wefwefasdf (6729 posts) -

@Little_Socrates: Gah, no one cares who is first. You're such an asshole!

#4 Posted by mylifeforAiur (3483 posts) -

A love that broke all boundaries: She was a lonely goat looking for something more. He was a man looking for someone or something special. They abnegated social norms--defied the close-mindedness of their families and friends. And on the way, discovered a love that surpassed the acceptable. He became known as...

GOAT FUCKER!

Coming soon to a theatre near you.

#5 Posted by ShadowConqueror (3050 posts) -

The Men Who Fuck With Goats

#6 Posted by Jazz (2256 posts) -

something hyperbolic followed by something random followed by ellipses statement ellipses random mention of work load, ellipses.

#7 Posted by Hot_Karl (3309 posts) -

Hahaha, oh man. This reminds me of the time where I thought I was reading something intelligent, funny, informative and remarkably well-written on the internet, but then I ended up taking an arrow in the knee. So great.

#8 Posted by TruthTellah (8776 posts) -

LOUD NOISES!

(Thank you for writing on this important subject. I will notice your posts in the future, good sir.)

#9 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

@HS21 said:

Love works in mysterious ways, and sometimes one of those ways is goat fucking.

Just another reason to love this guy. (And not in the goat-fucking way.)

#10 Posted by dudeglove (7749 posts) -

I'm 12 years old and what is this?

#11 Posted by Ravenlight (8040 posts) -

Nonplussed, Seeking Clarification About Trivial Details

How was the goatfucker "captured and tied up"?

#12 Posted by arab_prince (2053 posts) -

I completely disagree with your opinion but I will fight to death for the right to let you have it. Carry on good sir, you prick.

#13 Posted by RobertOrri (1121 posts) -

I am certain that you are already aware of the responses a blog post with such a title will elicit, so I will refrain from repeating others' replies.

#14 Posted by Claude (16255 posts) -

If you're fucking a goat at least you don't have to look at its eyes, those things freak me out.
 

 Don't you fucking look at me.
#15 Posted by Still_I_Cry (2494 posts) -

Cool indifference used judgmental language O_O so he isn't really indifferent!

Who is he to say that the goat did not consent?!

#16 Posted by Example1013 (4834 posts) -

So from what I've heard, apparently all of this is a thing now. Snarky barky bark bark.

...

...

...

Nic Cage.

#17 Posted by mfpantst (2574 posts) -

What in the what?

#18 Posted by Arker101 (1474 posts) -

I used to marry goats but then I took an arrow to the knee.

#19 Posted by Everyones_A_Critic (6296 posts) -

That was actually pretty great.

#20 Posted by WMWA (1160 posts) -
@HS21 Followed
#21 Posted by Tireyo (6409 posts) -

Living in this over-sexualized world really stinks for me.

#22 Posted by EuanDewar (4890 posts) -

I see your point but frankly, you seem uneducated and mentally deprived. I'm going to persistently challenge your points even when I know you're right because of problems I had when I was younger.

Also did you know I have a girlfriend? Cause I do.

#23 Posted by el_tajij (709 posts) -

@HS21 said:

.....What luck! Now you know how I feel about this reboot of an old PC game franchise turned FPS....

Wait a second. This ENTIRE post is just your way of justifying that you like the new Syndicate. There is no justification. There is no excuse. You can't have your cake and eat it.

#24 Posted by PixelPrinny (1030 posts) -

I am deeply offended and/or appalled by this as it vaguely ties into human and/or animal rights issues and I'm going to take this opportunity to sit upon my high horse and tell you all that I am morally superior.

#25 Posted by W0lfbl1tzers (1787 posts) -

Dayum girl.

#26 Posted by Sweep (8842 posts) -

...didn't we ban you?

Moderator
#27 Posted by HS21 (2682 posts) -

@Sweep said:

...didn't we ban you?

Wasn't your ass stick free?

#28 Posted by Sweep (8842 posts) -

@HS21: Stop talking about my ass, pervert!

Moderator
#29 Posted by Dagbiker (6964 posts) -

I was expecting somthing bad, but got this instead.

#30 Posted by Papa_XIV (149 posts) -

People's comments are many times completely unrelated to the video/news/whatever. I am following you now :)

#31 Edited by MarkWahlberg (4600 posts) -

HS21 can just write the internet for us from now on. Or at least write the basic scripts that kids in Malaysian sweatshops then type out ad infinitum for 30 cents an hour.

Relevant quote: "I don't fuck goats, I make love to them"