#1 Edited by Ariketh (606 posts) -

Edit: To make things clear, I am a teacher living and working in China. Everyone I work with is Chinese. I'm the only foreign teacher at my entire school, and my supervisor is incredibly disrespectful to me. So for the record, I'm not trying to be racist, I'm just trying to be an asshole to someone who has been a real bitch to me for about 7 months now. Why don't I leave the job? because she is the only person who is an asshole, and she wants me to quit. I'm quite happy at this job, I just really hate this person. If nothing else, be aware that this shit happens in China and it's really fucked up. Why the hell would a student ask their teacher to do their homework for them? And then for a teacher to ask her coworker to do the homework that their student asked them to do. Just because I'm a foreigner. That's fucked up. Even the people I share an office with think it's fucked up. She gives me 22 classes on a Thursday. I've got less than 24 hours to prepare each class, and the classes start Friday evening. Which is why the headmaster feels she might not be suitable for the position of being my supervisor (I've been asking for a few months to get a new supervisor). She has asked me about this for 3 days in a row, despite the fact that it is none of my business and not my job. This is partly me letting off some steam and hoping you all can help give me a good laugh. Plus it was 4am and she had just sent another message to my phone about this. At 4am. I don't think it's considered harassment (at least, not in China), but it sure as fuck isn't very polite. I keep my phone on because it's my alarm.

I'm sorry if I insulted anyone. that wasn't my intent. I just wanted to let off some steam. Again, sorry if I insulted you.

----

My supervisor's student asked her to do their homework for her. Rather than agreeing and doing it, she agreed and then asked me to do it. I said "No," and she said, "Great, I'll email it to you." This homework is for some middle school kid who doesn't want to do their homework, and I never want her to ask me to do it again.

I need your help, duders. This woman is Chinese (I'm pointing that out so you are aware that English is not her native language - I'm not trying to be racist), and rather than just ignoring it, I want to write something really fucked up, complex, and something that does NOT reflect Chinese views at all. Cursing should be avoided, and the use of really big complicated words and references to non-Chinese culture are a huge plus. The main reason I am trying to not do it is because I've lived in China for 2 years and might write something that's actually not completely ludicrous (that's a big word that Chinese don't know, by the way). So, if you're up for the challenge, here it is. I've underlined the important things for you to avoid doing.

----

Ⅰ. Writing(本题共100分)

Study the following picture and complete the conversation. Then write a composition based on the conversation in about 300 words. Your composition will be graded according to clarity, accuracy and meaningfulness.

Parents:

Boy:

Parents:

Boy: Don't worry, Mom and Dad. I promise to only make mistakes you never made.

#2 Edited by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

Whatever it is, it has to be in Japanese. I've heard that there's been some bad blood between China and Japan.

Just came up with something brilliant:

Parents: Uh....hu......nngggggg....yes....

Boy: Dad, I have all your porn right here. What could you possibly be masturbating to?

Parents: OK, I'm done.

#3 Posted by Napalm (9020 posts) -

This is going to end gloriously.

#4 Posted by AlexW00d (6435 posts) -

So you don't want to do this homework a girl doesn't want to do so you want us to do it for you for her?

#5 Posted by nintendoeats (5975 posts) -

I'm pretty sure that there are several levels on which this is inappropriate.

#6 Edited by MariachiMacabre (7099 posts) -

I'm just going to complete the conversation.

Parents: This one is for the boys with the booming system

Top down, AC with the cooling system

When he come up in the club, he be blazin' up

Got stacks on deck like he savin' up

And he ill, he real, he might got a deal

He pop bottles and he got the right kind of bill

He cold, he dope, he might sell coke

He always in the air, but he never fly coach

He a motherfucking trip, trip, sailor of the ship, ship

When he make it drip, drip kiss him on the lip, lip

That's the kind of dude I was lookin' for

And yes you'll get slapped if you're lookin' hoe

I said, excuse me, you're a hell of a guy

I mean my, my, my, my you're like pelican fly

I mean, you're so shy and I'm loving your tie

You're like slicker than the guy with the thing on his eye, oh

Yes I did, yes I did, somebody please tell him who the F I is

I am Nicki Minaj, I mack them dudes up, back coupes up, and chuck the deuce up

Boy: Boy you got my heartbeat runnin' away

Beating like a drum and it's coming your way

Can't you hear that boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom, bass

Yeah that's the super bass

Got that super bass boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom, bass

Yeah that's the super bass

(Boom) [x15]

You got that boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom, he got that super bass

Boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom, he got that super bass

Parents: Dayum, You sure is a hard motherfucker from the streets!

Edit: I had a better, dumber idea.

#7 Posted by BrockNRolla (1694 posts) -

Since your post is nigh incomprehensible, I'm going to guess that English is not your first language either, so I wouldn't be disparaging "Chinese."

Beyond that, you sound like a real ass.

#8 Edited by Ariketh (606 posts) -

@Napalm said:

This is going to end gloriously.

That's what I'm hoping for. This has nothing to do with my job, and this is far more entertaining than going to my boss or the headmaster and informing them of this. She's already on the verge of losing her position as my supervisor because she's always late giving me my schedule. Plus other people want her job too. I'd imagine it comes with some sort of salary bonus and gives you a higher position in the company.

@BrockNRolla said:

Since your post is nigh incomprehensible, I'm going to guess that English is not your first language either, so I wouldn't be disparaging "Chinese."

Beyond that, you sound like a real ass.

First, not sure what exactly you're referring to. And second, yes, I am a real ass.

#9 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

Wait, why are that woman's breasts on her stomach?

#10 Posted by Jimbo (9992 posts) -

Does she actually suck? Is that why you're doing... whatever the hell this is? I have no idea what is going on here at all.

#11 Posted by JasonR86 (9726 posts) -

Just say no. If you get fired for this you can sue for wrongful termination. But regardless you have to stand up for yourself.

#12 Posted by Ben_H (3431 posts) -
@MariachiMacabre said:

I'm just going to complete the conversation.

Parents: Have fun in prison, you piece of shit.

Boy: I promise to buttfuck as many of my fellow prisoners as humanly possible. Maybe more.

Parents: Dayum, You sure is a hard motherfucker from the streets!

This is fun! 
 

Parents: Remember son, bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks.

Boy:  I know mom, I'll avoid Eric Wright as much as possible.

 Parents: Just remember to stick with Deathrow and things will be just fine.

Boy: Don't worry, Mom and Dad. I promise to only make mistakes you never made.

#13 Posted by Jams (2966 posts) -

@Ariketh said:

My supervisor's student asked her to do their homework for her. Rather than agreeing and doing it, she agreed and then asked me to do it. I said "no" and she said, "great, I'll email it to you." This homework for some middle school kid who doesn't want to do their homework, and I never want her to ask me to do it again.

I need your help, duders. This woman is Chinese, and rather than just ignoring it, I want to write something really fucked up, complex, and something that does NOT reflect Chinese views at all. Cursing should be avoided, and the use of really big complicated words and references to non-Chinese culture are a huge plus. The main reason I am trying to not do it is because I've lived in China for 2 years and might write something that's actually not completely ludicrous (that's a big word that Chinese don't know, by the way). So, if you're up for the challenge, here it is. I've underlined the important things for you to avoid doing.

----

Ⅰ. Writing(本题共100分)

Study the following picture and complete the conversation. Then write a composition based on the conversation in about 300 words. Your composition will be graded according to clarity, accuracy and meaningfulness.

Parents: Now remember son, you stones will get bruised if you don't use your bone

Boy: I know, I know. There will be sheep and other classmates at the all boys school.

Parents: And don't let any red haired witches perform rituals and coitus with you.

Boy: Don't worry, Mom and Dad. I promise to only make mistakes you never made.

#14 Posted by Brodehouse (10129 posts) -

Parents: "Son, it's time for you to move out. We've had it up to here with your lollygagging, your donnybrooking, and your tomfoolery. You believe that you should be able to do and think whatever you like. This is not a life that a man should live. A real man should be armed at all times, and ready to slit the throat of any person who comes between him and success. Where is your dirk, son? Exactly. Exactly our point! You aren't ready to enter the world and scratch and claw for success and social advancement that you cannot possibly achieve! Why can't you just do what you're told, permanently, until you die like any upstanding citizen? We've given you everything you need to succeed in this world and yet you continue to be willful and arrogant. You will never get ahead with that attitude. You must follow orders and show respect at all times, because only through subjugation can you gain independence!"

Boy: "Man, you guys are completely crazy. For real."

Parents: "How dare you? Life is not about enjoying yourself and doing what you want! It's about slave-like obedience and following orders! Look at us! If we had made our own decisions, we would not have been married and given birth to the acceptable amount of properly gendered children. You could have been a girl! Think of the shame! Your mother is a woman, and her horrible weakness and worthlessness sickens me every day! But we did not make that mistake, and you have never thanked us once! Not once! You will go on to make plenty of mistakes!"

#15 Posted by BonOrbitz (2252 posts) -

@Brodehouse said:

Parents: "Son, it's time for you to move out. We've had it up to here with your lollygagging, your donnybrooking, and your tomfoolery. You believe that you should be able to do and think whatever you like. This is not a life that a man should live. A real man should be armed at all times, and ready to slit the throat of any person who comes between him and success. Where is your dirk, son? Exactly. Exactly our point! You aren't ready to enter the world and scratch and claw for success and social advancement that you cannot possibly achieve! Why can't you just do what you're told, permanently, until you die like any upstanding citizen? We've given you everything you need to succeed in this world and yet you continue to be willful and arrogant. You will never get ahead with that attitude. You must follow orders and show respect at all times, because only through subjugation can you gain independence!"

Boy: "Man, you guys are completely crazy. For real."

Parents: "How dare you? Life is not about enjoying yourself and doing what you want! It's about slave-like obedience and following orders! Look at us! If we had made our own decisions, we would not have been married and given birth to the acceptable amount of properly gendered children. You could have been a girl! Think of the shame! Your mother is a woman, and her horrible weakness and worthlessness sickens me every day! But we did not make that mistake, and you have never thanked us once! Not once! You will go on to make plenty of mistakes!"

Winner! /thread

#16 Posted by BrockNRolla (1694 posts) -

@Ariketh said:

My supervisor's student asked her to do their homework for her. Rather than agreeing and doing it, she agreed and then asked me to do it.

Who is "their" referring to? Are there multiple students? Is this your supervisor's child? Based on this sentence it would appear that your supervisor is a teacher and that the teacher's student is asking the teacher to do the student's homework? Why would the teacher agree to do a student's homework? Why would the teacher then ask you to do it? This either doesn't make any sense, or you were unable to convey what you actually meant.

I said "no" and she said, "great, I'll email it to you."

Well, you missed some capital letters and commas in there, but overall I'm assuming that you intended to convey her ignoring of your response, so good job on that.

This homework for some middle school kid who doesn't want to do their homework, and I never want her to ask me to do it again.

I'm assuming you're missing a word in there. Maybe "is."

So I guess what you're saying is that if you send her something for this assignment, even in jest, it will probably look like a middle school kid wrote it, which now explains why you're on this forum asking other people to write something for you.

The proper response seems to be refusing to do it and sending her e-mail, along with a message to whatever advisors you may have as to your supervisor's conduct. That would be far more appropriate that getting down in the mud with someone and vindictively trying to put them in an awkward situation. But, as you claim to be an ass, you've taken a different approach.

#17 Posted by supamon (1334 posts) -

A student doesn't want to do her work so she passes it to her supervisor, supervisor doesn't want to do it so she passes it to you, you don't want to do it so you outsource it to the forums.

Should we outsource this to 4CHAN or some dark place of reddit?

#18 Posted by MrJorOwe (282 posts) -

I want to know why the parents and boy are not Chinese.

#19 Posted by Ravenlight (8011 posts) -

@Video_Game_King said:

Wait, why are that woman's breasts on her stomach?

That's the terrible affliction known as "sad tits" that affects one-in-six women over the age of eighteen, worldwide.

#20 Posted by Fattony12000 (7564 posts) -
#21 Edited by Ariketh (606 posts) -

@MariachiMacabre Dude, you're fucking awesome. Thanks for that.

@supamon said:

A student doesn't want to do her work so she passes it to her supervisor, supervisor doesn't want to do it so she passes it to you, you don't want to do it so you outsource it to the forums.

Should we outsource this to 4CHAN or some dark place of reddit?

Yes. I'm 99% sure 4CHAN is blocked in China, so I am unable to do that myself. 4CHAN and YouTube.

Thanks. Sorry if I insulted you or upset you. I'm just really pissed off at my super. God damn that bitch.

I'm using their because I'm honestly not sure if it's a boy or a girl student. Though I may later refer to the student as a "her" since girls are more likely to study English in China than boys are. I'm not sure why though. The reason the student is asking her to do the homework is probably because the student doesn't want to do it, or the student doesn't believe they'll actually gain anything from doing it. Or it could be because the student thinks that they've got too much homework, and is trying to make their burden lighter. Some teachers feel sympathy for their students, especially if they're not the one who gave them the assignment. I am aware that students in China get a stupidly huge amount of homework. Most of it is bullshit that they can do while watching TV, but this is something that Chinese don't normally have to consider and would probably require more time than what they're used to. In fact, I'd guess from the assignment that it was given to the student by another foreign teacher from a different school, since it's about leaving home, and Chinese people typically live at home until they're married, though they do live in dorms usually when they go to college. But it probably isn't for anyone higher than middle school because the school I work for doesn't actually teach anyone older than middle school. I suppose it could be someone she used to teach who graduated.

Ok, you got me there. I missed capitalizing my letters and using correct punctuation.

Yes, I didn't type is.

You're right. A lot of people are right. I should just ignore this. Still, if nothing else, it's fun to read what people write.

@Brodehouse said:

Parents: "Son, it's time for you to move out. We've had it up to here with your lollygagging, your donnybrooking, and your tomfoolery. You believe that you should be able to do and think whatever you like. This is not a life that a man should live. A real man should be armed at all times, and ready to slit the throat of any person who comes between him and success. Where is your dirk, son? Exactly. Exactly our point! You aren't ready to enter the world and scratch and claw for success and social advancement that you cannot possibly achieve! Why can't you just do what you're told, permanently, until you die like any upstanding citizen? We've given you everything you need to succeed in this world and yet you continue to be willful and arrogant. You will never get ahead with that attitude. You must follow orders and show respect at all times, because only through subjugation can you gain independence!"

Boy: "Man, you guys are completely crazy. For real."

Parents: "How dare you? Life is not about enjoying yourself and doing what you want! It's about slave-like obedience and following orders! Look at us! If we had made our own decisions, we would not have been married and given birth to the acceptable amount of properly gendered children. You could have been a girl! Think of the shame! Your mother is a woman, and her horrible weakness and worthlessness sickens me every day! But we did not make that mistake, and you have never thanked us once! Not once! You will go on to make plenty of mistakes!"

Duder, that's amazing.

@Video_Game_King said:

Wait, why are that woman's breasts on her stomach?

That's a very good question.

@JasonR86 said:

Just say no. If you get fired for this you can sue for wrongful termination. But regardless you have to stand up for yourself.

I don't think that really works in China. But you're right about "just say no." I should probably just go to my boss or the headmaster with this and say, "now can I have a new supervisor?"

#22 Posted by jozzy (2035 posts) -

@Video_Game_King said:

Wait, why are that woman's breasts on her stomach?

Gravity.

#23 Posted by UlquioKani (1182 posts) -

What kind of school makes the teacher do homework if the student doesn't?

#24 Posted by lockwoodx (2479 posts) -
@Ariketh said:

Edit: To make things clear, I am a teacher living in China. Everyone I work with is Chinese. I'm the only foreign teacher at my entire school, and my supervisor is incredibly disrespectful to me. So for the record, I'm not trying to be racist, I'm just trying to be an asshole to someone who has been a real bitch to me for about 7 months now. Why don't I leave the job? because she is the only person who is an asshole, and she wants me to quit. I'm quite happy at this job, I just really hate this person. If nothing else, be aware that this shit happens in China and it's really fucked up. Why the hell would a student ask their teacher to do their homework for them? And then for a teacher to ask her coworker to do the homework that their student asked them to do. Just because I'm a foreigner. That's fucked up. Even the people I share an office with think it's fucked up. She gives me 22 classes on a Thursday. I've got less than 24 hours to prepare each class, and the classes start Friday evening. Which is why the headmaster feels she might not be suitable for the position of being my supervisor (I've been asking for a few months to get a new supervisor). She has asked me about this for 3 days in a row, despite the fact that it is none of my business and not my job. This is partly me letting off some steam and hoping you all can help give me a good laugh. Sorry if I insulted anyone.

----

My supervisor's student asked her to do their homework for her. Rather than agreeing and doing it, she agreed and then asked me to do it. I said "no" and she said, "great, I'll email it to you." This homework for some middle school kid who doesn't want to do their homework, and I never want her to ask me to do it again.

I need your help, duders. This woman is Chinese (I'm pointing that out so you are aware that English is not her native language - I'm not trying to be racist), and rather than just ignoring it, I want to write something really fucked up, complex, and something that does NOT reflect Chinese views at all. Cursing should be avoided, and the use of really big complicated words and references to non-Chinese culture are a huge plus. The main reason I am trying to not do it is because I've lived in China for 2 years and might write something that's actually not completely ludicrous (that's a big word that Chinese don't know, by the way). So, if you're up for the challenge, here it is. I've underlined the important things for you to avoid doing.

----

Ⅰ. Writing(本题共100分)

Study the following picture and complete the conversation. Then write a composition based on the conversation in about 300 words. Your composition will be graded according to clarity, accuracy and meaningfulness.

Parents: Time you to go out into the world to have irresponsible relations until leaning to please your other.

Boy: Damned be laws which restrict my seed. I will have 12 children and my first son will be named for you XI WAN JI.

Parents: That's spirit for my son. Stick to the man and show him proud Americans are not afriad of welfare.

Boy: Don't worry, Mom and Dad. I promise to only make mistakes you never made.

 
Decided to throw in a little engrish to make it sound even more authentic.