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#1 Posted by Raven_Sword (3447 posts) -

Ok, so lately ive been reading alot of self help books on dating and attracting women and stuff. Im really trying to get this part of my life fixed and solved, so im pretty much turning to books and forums (PUA forum.com) to try to get advice, guidance, and etc. However, i dont know if these books and advice are BS or not. Alot of these books are by Pick up Artists. PUA.com is a Pick up Artist Forum. Now, I know Pick up artist has a sleezy stigma tied to it, but I think alot of info could be useful. and there the ones getting women, so theres that as well. I dont know. Clearly what I am doing now isnt working, so really anything will be better than where im at right now. What do you guys think? I dont wanna be some asshole jerk, but im tired of feeling like some Beta bitch people take advantage of and cant attract women.

#2 Posted by Hitchenson (4682 posts) -

A video game forum should be the last place to ask for advice with chicks.

Ryan hotline picture in 3... 2...

#3 Posted by musclerider (590 posts) -

What is your end goal here? Are you trying to find someone to date or just a hookup?

#4 Edited by Village_Guy (2630 posts) -

Here you are...

I always have wanted to post that, yay ;D
#5 Posted by tarvis (75 posts) -

It's no worse than asking for advice on a pick up artist forum. I think you're better off with, "Hello, my name is...." And realise that if a person isn't interested in you, that's no big deal.

#6 Edited by FunkasaurasRex (847 posts) -

I look forward to the constructive and insightful discussion that this thread will surely offer.

#7 Posted by believer258 (11979 posts) -

So have you tried saying "hello" to a girl?
Self-help books won't actually help you if you don't have the confidence to say "hey".

#8 Posted by huntad (1955 posts) -

Confidence. Done.

#9 Posted by NyxFe (248 posts) -

Just talk to people like they are human beings. It doesn't matter whether they are male, female, or anything else. There are no secret tricks or strategies to get women to like you - and if you are going out of your way to try, whoever likes it probably won't want who you really are anyway. 

#10 Posted by MentalDisruption (1642 posts) -

Confidence in yourself is all that is really needed to get girls. If you need to read self help books that boost confidence then by all means do so, but I'd avoid books that try to teach you how to pick up women specifically. Treat them like they're people, don't be afraid to proudly be who you are to other people, and eventually you'll come across a girl who is interested in you.

#11 Posted by StarvingGamer (8364 posts) -

Pickup artists are good at picking up a certain type or girl.

You don't want to be in a serious relationship with that type of girl.

#12 Posted by SuperSambo (2878 posts) -

Get drunk and let the rest happen.

#13 Posted by AlexanderSheen (5036 posts) -

Grow a pair and be honest. That's all you need.

#14 Posted by zaxxoid (5 posts) -

@NyxFe said:

Just talk to people like they are human beings. It doesn't matter whether they are male, female, or anything else. There are no secret tricks or strategies to get women to like you - and if you are going out of your way to try, whoever likes it probably won't want who you really are anyway.

This is basically it. Women aren't some kind of magical special creatures that you have to decode or study. The only obstacle that you really have to overcome is feeling comfortable around them. As for how you can -become- comfortable, I'm not sure how bad things are for you. Try making brief small talk with women that you run into at various places: waitresses (when things aren't busy, obviously,) bank tellers, cashiers, whoever and wherever.

Also, quit buying into the incredibly dumb alpha/beta talk that you here from morons on the internet. Self confidence and self respect are the only things that makes someone "alpha/beta," and it

Oh, and the PUA crowd? Pathetic, manipulative morons who view women practically as an object, a puzzle to be solved with different tactics. That they occasionally get laid by hurting women with low self esteem and dressing like morons should be the last thing on your mind.

#15 Posted by SirOptimusPrime (2025 posts) -

As has been said, confidence is literally the best way to go about it. Don't look at a woman as a goal to be achieved, 'cuz then you're either a) an asshat, or b) going to end up working too hard and looking like it. Just talk, man.

I'm not trying to come off as the cool guy, because I'm not, but I landed an amazing girl by literally doing nothing. I just acted like myself and managed to not come off as a fucking blowhard, somehow. That kind of lackadaisical attitude can seem like confidence to women since they pick it up as you not looking like you're trying to get in their pants - go too far, though, and they think you're uninterested which can go poorly or rather well depending on the person.

Being attractive is more than good looks and being a smooth talker, if you're looking for the right kind of girl. Being yourself, no matter what that entails as long as it isn't something really creepy and offputting, is the easiest way to finding someone that's more than a "hookup." You don't even have to go out of your way to meet girls - if you're a student, classes and projects are easy ways to have small talk that leads into conversations that lead into a date. Out in the real world, things get a bit harder... I met my girlfriend when I went running one day but I couldn't help you about getting dates from barhopping or anything.

#16 Posted by Sackmanjones (4737 posts) -

I've had a girlfriend for 4 years. How did I get her? I talked to her. I was a nice guy.

Advice from a professional right there.

#17 Posted by TooWalrus (13232 posts) -
#18 Edited by Chop (1999 posts) -

I'm not sure what you're looking for.

If you just want hook ups, go ahead and apply all those PUA tricks, but if you actually want to make friends and hey, even a girlfriend, just talk to people. 90% of peoples problems with women can be traced back to just not talking. Turn off your brain and pretend you're talking to someone you've known your whole life.

#19 Edited by DoctorWelch (2774 posts) -

The key to finding someone to date is to not try to find someone to date. Simply look at women like they are just other people to befriend. Start a conversation with them just like you would start a conversation with anyone, and just be yourself and don't psych yourself out.

Then, if you get to know her a little, just ask her on a date. It's really not hard, just ask. If they say no, who really cares, just move on. Stressing yourself out and getting all worked up about it does the exact oposite of what you want, and if you're reading books and visiting forums for advice you are clearly too worried about it.

#20 Posted by IceColdGamer (605 posts) -

LOL @ "Pick up artists"

Have some confidence and talk to a girl.

Don't like your body? Hit the gym.

Don't like the way you talk? Talk more, it helps.

Ever notice girls are more attracted to the confident men in the room? It's because they're confident. Not because they read books about picking up girls.

#21 Posted by RPGee (759 posts) -

First of all, consider whether you're good friends with any women at all. If you are, then congratulations, you've taken step one: being able to be friendly and kind with women. Don't be afraid to ask for their advice, since it can definitely help, even if it can hurt to listen to. If you don't have any, then go out of your way to make a female friend first, for aforementioned reasons.

Other than that, it's all about self-confidence. Being yourself, and being happy with yourself, is way more important than any relationship, and they do tend to lead to them anyway. Talk to people if you feel like you can. If you can't, do it anyway and find that area of conversation where you feel confident and comfortable. Get into good shape if it makes you feel good, since that will make you better to yourself and others.

And, seriously, consider a dating service like Match.com. I know a few people who have met their partners through sites like those, and they're as happy as they could possibly be. It's got a stigma to it, but it's all about doing it right. Go for one of the paid services, since that means people are taking it seriously, and again, just be yourself. Life finds a way.

And don't be a Pick-Up Artist. Those are sleazy, scummy dudes who attract sleazy, scummy women so that they can have sex and that's it. If you want to never have a relationship, then go for that, but it may just exacerbate any problems you feel you have.

#22 Posted by Grimmrobe (199 posts) -

Uhh, how 'bout asking your mom? Seriously.

#23 Posted by TaliciaDragonsong (8699 posts) -

Listen, adapt and improvise but never go above your station. Know what your good points are and what people like about you, play to that strength. 
Don't think the other gender is some majestic being (spoiler: we're not, and neither are you men) but just another person with his/her own set of problems. Approach with genuine interest, that is key.
 
As IceCold said tho, if there's something you don't like about yourself (YOU, not society's image of you) do something about it.
 
If you need practice with the talking aspect feel free to send me a message, I'll be glad to help out.

#24 Posted by Wrighteous86 (3819 posts) -

Neg a girl and peacock.

#25 Posted by Christoffer (1858 posts) -

@Raven_Sword: I'm not trying to be a dick, but maybe you set your bar a bit too high?!?! I know that was my problem for a couple of years. Always finding faults, always listening too my friends opinions about her, always rationalising my way out of it.

Just saying that feeling like a "goddamned stupid idiot" is inevitable if you want to progress... or so it was for me, I don't know about other people.

#26 Edited by altairre (1214 posts) -

Is it weird that I would have been kinda disappointed if this thread wasn't about something concerning girls?

#27 Posted by mandude (2669 posts) -

Fake your death.

#28 Posted by Colourful_Hippie (4415 posts) -

What happened to the old fashion way of just talking to a girl and then working from there?

@TooWalrus said:

Alright this trumps the Ryan.jpg

#29 Posted by Strife777 (1604 posts) -
@TooWalrus This image is preeeetty good.

I think you shouldn't look into how to "pick up" girls, but more into how to improve your confidence. Because that's all it's really about, confidence. If you can figure out how to feel good about yourself, the rest should come easily. I have that problem myself, I just need to figure out how to solve it.
#30 Posted by CashBailey (805 posts) -

First of all, clean yourself up.

Even if you happen to be a bit overweight (or underweight) you can still look good by getting some decent clothes. Leave the t-shirts and stinky Vans at home.

Shower and shave regularly. Get a haircut and basically present the best version of yourself you can. It doesn't have to cost a lot (you can go to Goodwill and find some great clothes), just make an effort. You'll be amazed at how much more confident you feel, and it all starts from the inside.

Oh, and take all those pick-up artist books and burn them. Sure, if you're some roided-out sociopathic bro-douche resplendant in your best Ed Hardy and Affliction gear trawling the nightclubs those 'tips' may get you laid. But I think it's safe to say that those people live in a very different world to the majority of us.

#31 Posted by CrimsonNoir (402 posts) -

Dressing better will always help.

#32 Posted by Thrustache (20 posts) -

@AlexanderSheen said:

Grow a pair and be honest. That's all you need.

If that doesn't work, use money.

#33 Posted by Stonyman65 (2751 posts) -

Confidence dude. That's all it takes. I've seen some truly hideous people get the girl because they actually had the balls to go up an talk to her. Until you can do that, no book, movie or forum can help you.

Good luck.

#34 Posted by Scrawnto (2454 posts) -

@IceColdGamer said:

LOL @ "Pick up artists"

Have some confidence and talk to a girl.

Don't like your body? Hit the gym.

Don't like the way you talk? Talk more, it helps.

Ever notice girls are more attracted to the confident men in the room? It's because they're confident. Not because they read books about picking up girls.

I actually just joined a gym this week, and I'll be going for my second workout tonight, but boy do I need to talk more. I haven't had friends around to talk to on a regular basis since I left college a year and a half ago, and it really shows. I mumble and slur my words like no one's business. It's pretty bad.

#35 Posted by MuttersomeTaxicab (668 posts) -

Gotta know what you want and have the wherewithal to go for it.

Why, take a look at this fine young gentleman in the moving pictures below. He is goal-oriented and knows what he wants, deep down. What's more, he knows how to ask for it.

#36 Posted by bvilleneuve (265 posts) -

It's really interesting that you phrase it as "I'm really trying to get this part of my life fixed and solved." Your life is a system, man. It's all interconnected, and even if you can focus in on some parts in isolation, you absolutely can't do that with romance. When a woman gets interested in you, it should be for you. So just make sure you're happy with everything in your life. That will bring you the confidence to show yourself as you truly are to the people you interact with, and if you're happy with who you are, then there will definitely be somebody else who is as well.

But don't mess with that PUA shit. Just focus on your own life. Because as RuPaul says, if you don't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love anybody else?

#37 Posted by Jimbo (9862 posts) -

Be better looking and richer.

#38 Posted by CornBREDX (5579 posts) -

Best advice: 
 
Don't be a creep. 
Be yourself (assuming yourself isn't a creep in which case seek help). 
Be confident. 
Don't go around expecting to get a woman. 
Let the chips fall where they may.

#39 Posted by RIDEBIRD (1233 posts) -

@huntad said:

Confidence. Done.

#40 Posted by IceColdGamer (605 posts) -

@Scrawnto: Talk to people in the gym. Run beside people and strike up conversation if they're not listening to music or focusing on something else. DO NOT hit on women at the gym.

#41 Posted by Butler (389 posts) -

I have a secret I found that I will share with you guys. I just give girls exorbitant amounts of money and they find me attractive. I don't have to bathe, be nice, or have any redeemable human qualities. What's even better I don't even have to get out of my car to pick up woman I'm that good. I just drive up to a corner of a street usually in the middle of the night. Pro tip right there for ya, you don't have to go to bars or clubs or learn how to dance or wear pants to pick up girls you just find them hanging out on street corners. I'm curious about what they do for a living because they're always just loitering on the street corner but far be for me to judge what people do in their free time. I guess I'm just more sophisticated with my water polo and turtle riding hobbies. To each their own I guess.

#42 Posted by YOU_DIED (703 posts) -

@Raven_Sword said:

Ok, so lately ive been reading alot of self help books on dating and attracting women and stuff. Im really trying to get this part of my life fixed and solved, so im pretty much turning to books and forums (PUA forum.com) to try to get advice, guidance, and etc. However, i dont know if these books and advice are BS or not. Alot of these books are by Pick up Artists. PUA.com is a Pick up Artist Forum. Now, I know Pick up artist has a sleezy stigma tied to it, but I think alot of info could be useful. and there the ones getting women, so theres that as well. I dont know. Clearly what I am doing now isnt working, so really anything will be better than where im at right now. What do you guys think? I dont wanna be some asshole jerk, but im tired of feeling like some Beta bitch people take advantage of and cant attract women.

If this is about being a pushover, just stand up for yourself when you think the time is right. What is the worst that can happen? People will say mean things about you (sticks and stones etc.)?

Do you feel the need to find a woman because you want to be considered 'normal', or do you actually want a companion? If the former is the case, I'd recommend you try not to worry about what other people think of you in that regard. Focus more on things you are interested in and improving yourself for your own sake instead of trying to win the approval of others.

#43 Posted by DuskVamp (681 posts) -

Not meaning to be bitchy, but is this actually supposed to be serious??

#44 Posted by crusader8463 (14423 posts) -

Show her your penis. If you are not in jail, running away from the police, or in a hospital having it surgically reattached within the hour then she is into you! If you have a tiny penis that she would just laugh at then pull out a wallet full of money. Best of luck.

#45 Posted by YOU_DIED (703 posts) -

@DuskVamp said:

Not meaning to be bitchy, but is this actually supposed to be serious??

I think so, I see threads like this all the time on this site

#46 Posted by Sinusoidal (1635 posts) -

Whatever you do, DO NOT tell her you asked for advice on talking to her on a video game forum.

#47 Posted by pyromagnestir (4326 posts) -
@Sinusoidal

Whatever you do, DO NOT tell her you asked for advice on talking to her on a video game forum.

But that's my 3rd best opening line! Man...
Online
#48 Posted by DuskVamp (681 posts) -

@YOU_DIED said:

@DuskVamp said:

Not meaning to be bitchy, but is this actually supposed to be serious??

I think so, I see threads like this all the time on this site

Oh yeah, I've seen plenty of relationship advice threads on here, usually asking for advice with a specific girl/relationship. But self help books on how to attract women is new one for me.

#49 Posted by Sinusoidal (1635 posts) -

@pyromagnestir said:

@Sinusoidal

Whatever you do, DO NOT tell her you asked for advice on talking to her on a video game forum.

But that's my 3rd best opening line! Man...

You know what? It might actually work on the right lady. Hell, it's as honest as it's possible to be.

#50 Posted by GERALTITUDE (3410 posts) -

What's all this confidence BS? Just pretend you don't notice them. Girls love that shit.