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Posted by Chop (1962 posts) -

This story is just so incredibly stupid; I just had to share.

So this morning, I get up for work. I'm up before everyone else in the house, so I quietly made my way to the fridge. I open it up to find some premo left over sausage just sitting there on a plate. Now, I love a good sausage, so I was all over those bad boys. I threw three or four of them in the microwave for a minute and chowed the fuck down. They were delicious. A little red on the side but hey, I like a rare burger, so what's a rare sausage!?

I got home from work and shortly after, I talked to my friend. Turns out those sausages I ate hadn't been cooked. Or well, I guess they had been cooked...in the microwave...for a minute...by me. My stomach hasn't caved in upon itself yet, so I'm entirely convinced that I'm god.

Anyone else ever pull off a total badass move composed of eating RAW MEAT!?

*note that I know that breakfast sausage is cured, don't take my fun away*

#1 Posted by Jimbo (9709 posts) -

Can I have your stuff?

#2 Posted by JasonR86 (9372 posts) -

Bareback?

#3 Posted by Chop (1962 posts) -

@jimbo: I'm pretty poor. I mean, sure you can have my stuff, but it seems to me like it would be more of a burden than a treasure.

@jasonr86: Of course. I clearly don't have time for safety. I just needed those ho...uhh, luke warm sausages inside me!

#4 Edited by TheHumanDove (2396 posts) -

You know who else enjoyed raw meet? Hannibal Lecter. I'm onto you

#5 Posted by Tireyo (6382 posts) -

A human carnivore that eats raw meat... nasty!

#6 Posted by AlexW00d (6059 posts) -

What kind of sausage? Chorizo? Cumberland? Bratwurst? Details man.

Online
#7 Posted by SexyToad (2739 posts) -

#8 Posted by Chop (1962 posts) -

@alexw00d: Just normal breakfast sausage links. RAW PORK LINKS.

@thehumandove:@tireyo643: They say human meat is closest to pork and ya know, I didn't mind that pork...whose gonna volunteer an arm?

#9 Posted by TheHT (10272 posts) -

A human carnivore that eats raw meat... nasty!

So uncivilized.

#10 Posted by Tireyo (6382 posts) -

@chop said:

@alexw00d: Just normal breakfast sausage links. RAW PORK LINKS.

@thehumandove:@tireyo643: They say human meat is closest to pork and ya know, I didn't mind that pork...whose gonna volunteer an arm?

Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm no human. Maybe you can eat thehumandoves dick. Supposedly it's a delicacy in some countries among cannibals.

#11 Edited by Chop (1962 posts) -

@chop said:

@alexw00d: Just normal breakfast sausage links. RAW PORK LINKS.

@thehumandove:@tireyo643: They say human meat is closest to pork and ya know, I didn't mind that pork...whose gonna volunteer an arm?

Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm no human. Maybe you can eat thehumandoves dick. Supposedly it's a delicacy in some countries among cannibals.

All the disease makes it a premium.

#12 Posted by Tireyo (6382 posts) -

@chop said:

@tireyo643 said:

@chop said:

@alexw00d: Just normal breakfast sausage links. RAW PORK LINKS.

@thehumandove:@tireyo643: They say human meat is closest to pork and ya know, I didn't mind that pork...whose gonna volunteer an arm?

Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm no human. Maybe you can eat thehumandoves dick. Supposedly it's a delicacy in some countries among cannibals.

All the disease makes it a premium.

Who said anything about disease? O_o

#13 Posted by Chop (1962 posts) -

@chop said:

@tireyo643 said:

@chop said:

@alexw00d: Just normal breakfast sausage links. RAW PORK LINKS.

@thehumandove:@tireyo643: They say human meat is closest to pork and ya know, I didn't mind that pork...whose gonna volunteer an arm?

Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm no human. Maybe you can eat thehumandoves dick. Supposedly it's a delicacy in some countries among cannibals.

All the disease makes it a premium.

Who said anything about disease? O_o

I just assumed. He just seems...dirty.

#14 Edited by RandomHero666 (3174 posts) -

I ate raw chicken once, about 2 years ago actually.
2 weeks of migraines, vomiting and medication.

Now I pretty much cook meat until smoke comes off it

#15 Edited by Tireyo (6382 posts) -

@chop said:

@tireyo643 said:

@chop said:

@tireyo643 said:

@chop said:

@alexw00d: Just normal breakfast sausage links. RAW PORK LINKS.

@thehumandove:@tireyo643: They say human meat is closest to pork and ya know, I didn't mind that pork...whose gonna volunteer an arm?

Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm no human. Maybe you can eat thehumandoves dick. Supposedly it's a delicacy in some countries among cannibals.

All the disease makes it a premium.

Who said anything about disease? O_o

I just assumed. He just seems...dirty.

You'll have to ask him on that matter. You humans never make any sense.

#16 Edited by Chop (1962 posts) -

@chop said:

@tireyo643 said:

@chop said:

@tireyo643 said:

@chop said:

@alexw00d: Just normal breakfast sausage links. RAW PORK LINKS.

@thehumandove:@tireyo643: They say human meat is closest to pork and ya know, I didn't mind that pork...whose gonna volunteer an arm?

Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm no human. Maybe you can eat thehumandoves dick. Supposedly it's a delicacy in some countries among cannibals.

All the disease makes it a premium.

Who said anything about disease? O_o

I just assumed. He just seems...dirty.

You'll have to ask him on that matter. You humans never make any sense.

Oh, so sorry. You mentioned his dick, so I just assumed you and he were intimate. My mistake.

#17 Posted by ThePencil (390 posts) -

#18 Edited by Tireyo (6382 posts) -

@chop said:

@tireyo643 said:

@chop said:

@tireyo643 said:

@chop said:

@tireyo643 said:

@chop said:

@alexw00d: Just normal breakfast sausage links. RAW PORK LINKS.

@thehumandove:@tireyo643: They say human meat is closest to pork and ya know, I didn't mind that pork...whose gonna volunteer an arm?

Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm no human. Maybe you can eat thehumandoves dick. Supposedly it's a delicacy in some countries among cannibals.

All the disease makes it a premium.

Who said anything about disease? O_o

I just assumed. He just seems...dirty.

You'll have to ask him on that matter. You humans never make any sense.

Oh, so sorry. You mentioned his dick, so I just assumed you and he were intimate. My mistake.

Yep. You're mistake.

#19 Edited by kmdrkul (3476 posts) -

Go get scanned for worms ASAP! And if you have any, pictures please.

#20 Posted by AziMuttyo (82 posts) -

Did you gag?

#21 Posted by deathstriker666 (1337 posts) -

You've ever eaten sushi before? I don't see what's the big deal here. As long as it's lean, raw meat is great. I've even eaten raw octopus and squid. Octopus was tough and chewy, very much unenjoyable. Squid was absolutely tasteless, didn't care much for it. I think you'll be fine. Build up your immune system bro

#22 Edited by EuanDewar (4509 posts) -

so you ate your friends raw sausage huh?

#23 Posted by TheVeteran13 (1197 posts) -

#24 Edited by TyCobb (1924 posts) -

@deathstriker666 said:

You've ever eaten sushi before? I don't see what's the big deal here. As long as it's lean, raw meat is great. I've even eaten raw octopus and squid. Octopus was tough and chewy, very much unenjoyable. Squid was absolutely tasteless, didn't care much for it. I think you'll be fine. Build up your immune system bro

No, no, no. There are meats that you should never eat raw. Chicken and pork are those meats. Fish is completely different. As long as it is Sushi grade or extremely fresh, it is fine to eat them raw. Beef is fine too (Steak tartare).

Quick edit: Chicken and pork, should also never be eaten under cooked. Chance of getting sick is a lot less, but still probably a 50/50 chance depending on how under cooked.

#25 Posted by jakob187 (21503 posts) -

@jasonr86 said:

Bareback?

Best comment in the thread. Nay, possibly in the internet!

As for the sausage, OP, you're fine. Go eat a pound of raw hamburger and then we'll talk.

#26 Posted by eskimo (459 posts) -

Carpaccio chicken.

#27 Edited by Zomgfruitbunnies (560 posts) -

@eskimo said:

Carpaccio chicken.

Hellooooo, salmonella.

#28 Edited by Pr1mus (3512 posts) -
@thehumandove said:

You know who else enjoyed raw meet? Hannibal Lecter. I'm onto you

Doesn't Lecter actually cook his meat? He does in Red Dragon, i don't remember the other movies. All this to say that OP is clearly worst than Lecter.

#29 Edited by tourgen (4229 posts) -

parasites. nesting up in your warm guts.

#30 Posted by TheHumanDove (2396 posts) -

@pr1mus said:
@thehumandove said:

You know who else enjoyed raw meet? Hannibal Lecter. I'm onto you

Doesn't Lecter actually cook his meat? He does in Red Dragon, i don't remember the other movies. All this to say that OP is clearly worst than Lecter.

I remember him making a monologue about raw meat in one of the movies of the trilogy. Cant recall which one. Anyways this thread is weird and somehow focused on eating my penis. So....Im out?....uhhh

#32 Edited by ichthy (450 posts) -

Reminds me of a friend that "accidentally" ate some raw shrimp. How the hell do you accidentally eat raw shrimp? It's blue.

#33 Posted by Mirado (948 posts) -

I've had carpaccio. Real carpaccio, mind, not this rare bullshit. But I wouldn't eat raw ground meat of any sort; too much of a chance for bacteria to have been mixed in.

#34 Posted by thevigilanteoflove (486 posts) -

I one time ate a piece of nearly raw chicken once before realizing that it was. And it was a pretty big piece. It sort of tasted odd, but I didn't think of it until my brother took one bite of his and said it was raw. I looked at what was left of my piece and noticed it was the same. I wasn't physically sick, but I had this feeling all day that I was going to get sick, and almost wanted to make myself throw up. Luckily I didn't have to do that and I felt fine, but jeez, it scared me.

#35 Posted by MarkWahlberg (4493 posts) -

Dude relax, if you haven't had the poops yet you're fine.

Or dying. One of the two, anyway.

#36 Edited by believer258 (11039 posts) -

Sure, there are a few dick jokes in this thread, but not nearly as many as I expected, and none of them nearly as good as they should be.

...what? You mean I should think of a good joke? If my humor sucks when I'm fully awake and alert, imagine it when I'm making a 2:30 AM post.

#37 Posted by EXTomar (4122 posts) -

Why does the title of the thread read like a euphemism for sex?

#38 Posted by Ravenlight (8033 posts) -

OP is likely dead of sausage poisoning now. Let us all share a moment of silence in his memory.

#39 Posted by Unilad (479 posts) -

where the fuck is this thread going?!

#40 Posted by TheDudeOfGaming (6077 posts) -

@extomar said:

Why does the title of the thread read like a euphemism for sex?

It's because OP is talking about sausages.

@chop said:

This story is just so incredibly stupid; I just had to share.

So this morning, I get up for work. I'm up before everyone else in the house, so I quietly made my way to the fridge. I open it up to find some premo left over sausage just sitting there on a plate. Now, I love a good sausage, so I was all over those bad boys. I threw three or four of them in the microwave for a minute and chowed the fuck down. They were delicious. A little red on the side but hey, I like a rare burger, so what's a rare sausage!?

I got home from work and shortly after, I talked to my friend. Turns out those sausages I ate hadn't been cooked. Or well, I guess they had been cooked...in the microwave...for a minute...by me. My stomach hasn't caved in upon itself yet, so I'm entirely convinced that I'm god.

Anyone else ever pull off a total badass move composed of eating RAW MEAT!?

*note that I know that breakfast sausage is cured, don't take my fun away*

#41 Posted by Chop (1962 posts) -

OP is likely dead of sausage poisoning now. Let us all share a moment of silence in his memory.

It's true. I pooped out my heart like five hours ago. I'm just a ghost now.

I figured the best use of my ghostly powers would be to haunt all of you fuckers.

#42 Edited by InternetCrab (1504 posts) -

Just imagine that salmonella is floating around in your stomach.

#43 Posted by Nekroskop (2786 posts) -

You're a pussy, OP. Besides; your stomach can handle raw meat. Just watch out for parasites.

#44 Posted by Fattony12000 (6350 posts) -

Begun, the sausage war has.

#45 Posted by audioBusting (1299 posts) -

Sometimes I eat raw bacon and prosciutto. I guess they're similar?

#46 Edited by Sinusoidal (1152 posts) -

I've eaten live octopus. Not bad. Kind of bland actually. Squirms in your mouth and sticks a little to your cheeks/tongue. This was the larger kind cut up while still alive. I guess some people eat small ones whole, but you have to be careful with those: if you swallow them the wrong way they can stick in your throat and choke you to death.

I feel kind of bad for the octopi, they apparently are quite smart animals. Maybe as smart as or even smarter than dogs. But then they eat those too here in Korea.

That I have not tried.

Raw beef is common here. It's actually pretty good. Raw pheasant too.

#47 Edited by supamon (1325 posts) -

I expect a daily report out of this.

And not enough dick jokes in here!! Stop slacking off and strap it on! Jeez!

#48 Edited by BeefyGrandmole (322 posts) -

I ate 6 raw out of date chicken nuggets once when I was really drunk. I had the shits for 2 days and then I was fine.

#49 Edited by Jams (2956 posts) -

OP is likely dead of sausage poisoning now. Let us all share a moment of silence in his memory.

They found him in the men's bathroom at the local park, dead of sausage poisoning. They say he should have stopped after 5 in one night. That his body couldn't handle all the sausage.

#50 Edited by EXTomar (4122 posts) -

Remember, Trichinoisis is a nasty parasite in uncooked pork and other meat product. Have fun pulling that out of your stomach!