It's that time of year again, boys and ghouls! The time when adults finally get to dress up as their favorite superhero in public under the guise of "doing it for the children" or "going to get wasted at a party" when we all really know that if we could dress up as Rocket Raccoon every day and get away with it we totally would.
No? Just me?
Fine, then.
Well if your holiday spirit is waning I have the perfect petrifying present to pass along to you. Trick or treat! It's time for pogs.
Let the horror begin.
Recognize these guys? No? Neither did I, honestly. All the pogs in this Halloween special did indeed come from random assorted boxes that I've ordered. These grab bags are always a favorite for me because I honestly have no idea what I'm going to get. When I pulled these guys out I cocked my head, curious, as they were clearly from an animated film or show. Flipping them over, however, revealed a fascinating revelation.
What? Mutant League? Electronic Arts!? Oh my god. They made an animated series based off of Mutant League Football and Hockey didn't they? Wow. They totally did. Sometimes Wikipedia is more a curse than a blessing.
So yeah. Mutant League Football pogs. This is truly a magical form of expression with tentacles spread deep within myriad stars and nebulae. What could possibly follow Mutant League in pog form?
Depressingly as much as I failed to recognize Mutant League Football pogs at first blush, I immediately recognized this one and was very sad to realize I did not have more from the set. This, my friends, is a pog from Skeleton Warriors, an animated series/action figure franchise that did not last long at all despite the action figures being completely bitchin'. Seriously, they were like the most metal kids toys at the time. They even had a lady skeleton with boobs. Way ahead of it's time. In 1994 combining these things with the Jurassic Park battle damage dinos was a beautiful match that concerned my grandparents to no end.
Well enough reminiscing about childhood cartoons and failed marketing pushes. Let's get into some real scary shit. BRING ON THE SKULLS!
Not only is he a real visible skeleton but he has some serious 'tude. Look at that! He's got a wicked, flailing tongue with a nail ripped through and he still has the guts to diss you. And oh man... I just noticed the fangs... And... Wait... Is that his spine way out on the right? What is this guy's anatomy like? What lies beyond the lens of this little cardboard coin? Is he Dark Souls? I think he might be Dark Souls.
This one is less spooky scary and more Sunset Overdrive but I thought I'd include it. Toxins are scary, right? I actually rather like the design of this one. The splatter of goo on the letters sitting over what I can only imagine is the last thing you see before your consciousness fizzles out from lack of oxygen.
Oh fuck. That's bad luck right there. Also dat background. Also dat offset text fill.
Also 8-Ball. Take a drink.
Wait. The black is so black. Is it a cat *and* an 8-Ball or is it some sort of growth? Now that I think about it a black cat with a Magic 8-Ball mutation creates an interesting juxtaposition of fortune and misfortune.
Huh. I... I think I might be losing my mind. Let's shift gears to something slightly less unsettling.
Uhhhhhhhhh.... The fuck...? Is that... Is she...? Is that blood pouring out of her vagina? She's going to ruin those fashionable shoes. No... Wait... Wait... It's not blood. Are they strands? Like... Jellyfish tentacles? Just dangling from between her legs? Writhing in a pool of grime on the floor?
Shit. I think I made eye contact.
If the next Trek pog doesn't go up tomorrow, please don't tell my family I was murdered by a bloody jellyfish vagina monster.
Oh good. That's a relief. Just a simple bat. The icon of night time terror. The winged embodiment of evil.
Oh. Nevermind. You're right. It was wrong for me to stereotype. Apologies, Mister Bat.
Okay, so maybe these pogs haven't been particularly Halloweeny. Look man, I'm trying. You'd understand if you saw what I have to work with here. I don't want to leave you all this year without at least one appropriate holiday scare, though.
Yeah! YEAH! All right, man! Look at that shit! Tales from the Crypt! YEAH! We've got the Cryptkeeper, a spooky room, and a very, very dead man riddled with arrows. This pog is number 30 in the set, apparently. That makes me actually want to collect the rest of these. Normally I'm not super into pogs that are just screengrabs from tv and movies but man, I bet these are all pretty intense.
I MEAN LOOK AT THAT!
Can you imagine some 13 year old with a bunch of these in his pockets? I can see the CBS news report now. Pogs: Satan's Trading Cards.
Well now, I guess that's about it for my first Halloween Pogstravaganza. I hope you enjoyed the tricks, the treats, the spooks, and the spoops. Everyone have a safe and sane. Fill yourself with fun size Snickers and autumn ale and never, ever forget the true meaning of Halloween:
Yup.
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