Post your Jokes

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his whopper.

A New Zealander walking along the road with a sheep under each arm.
He meets another New Zealander who says "you sheerin' mate?" and the first guy replies "naw, they're all mine"

This blonde called 911, screaming "Help me, Help me my house is on fire".
The dispatch said "Mam, please calm down. I need to get some information from you".
Again the blonde yelled "Help me, Help me my house is on fire".
The dispatch said "Mam calm down, How do we get to your house?".
The blonde replied "Duh... In the big red truck".

Diary Queen?



What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?






Where's my tractor?

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?






Where's my tractor?"

"Diary Queen?



What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?






Where's my tractor?
"

Womens rights.

As a barman i always have a chuckle at this....

A man is sitting at the bar having a few drinks on his own. As the place begins to pick up and more people enter he notices an attractive woman sitting on her own. Finishing off his drink the man walks over to where she is sitting and asks her "Would you sleep with me for £1million?" with a straight face. The woman looks shocked at first but then after noticing he was a somewhat attractive man she giggles and says "yes, yes i would". The man smiles and sites beside her as he looks at his wallet then he asks her another question "Would you sleep with me for £20?". The woman looks at him disgusted and screams "what sort of a woman do you think i am!?!?" to which the man grins "Oh we've already found that out, now we're just negotiating the price!"

the wii being a hardcore console is a pretty good joke

"As a barman i always have a chuckle at this....

A man is sitting at the bar having a few drinks on his own. As the place begins to pick up and more people enter he notices an attractive woman sitting on her own. Finishing off his drink the man walks over to where she is sitting and asks her "Would you sleep with me for £1million?" with a straight face. The woman looks shocked at first but then after noticing he was a somewhat attractive man she giggles and says "yes, yes i would". The man smiles and sites beside her as he looks at his wallet then he asks her another question "Would you sleep with me for £20?". The woman looks at him disgusted and screams "what sort of a woman do you think i am!?!?" to which the man grins "Oh we've already found that out, now we're just negotiating the price!"
"

will racist jokes get me modded

A Grasshopper walks into a bar.
The bartender says "Hey, we have a drink named after you"
The grasshopper replies "You have drink named Steve?"

I totally stole that but I don't care, I like it too much.

Chuck Norris once went to the Virgin Islands, Now they're just "The Islands".

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad.

Chuck Norris was sitting at home one day when his girlfreind said "Look at my Book" she then held up the book. He then roundhouse kicked her three states away and said "Don't ryhme when your around me, Don't $*(^ with Chuck"

Realizing the Irony in the story hours later, Chuck let out a hearty laugh and killed everyone on his street.

What do you call a man with 3 eyes?
Seymour XD.
As for the racist thing, im betting if it is wrong, your post will only be deleted.

"will racist jokes get me modded"

"

Chuck Norris once went to the Virgin Islands, Now they're just "The Islands".

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad.

Chuck Norris was sitting at home one day when his girlfreind said "Look at my Book" she then held up the book. He then roundhouse kicked her three states away and said "Don't ryhme when your around me, Don't $*(^ with Chuck"

Realizing the Irony in the story hours later, Chuck let out a hearty laugh and killed everyone on his street.

"

George Bush is our president.

Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It turned into a farm...

Did you hear about that scarecrow that got a nobel prize?

Apparently he was outstanding in his feild...

"Did you hear about that scarecrow that got a nobel prize?

Apparently he was outstanding in his feild..."

"SleeplessKnight1988 said:

"Did you hear about that scarecrow that got a nobel prize?

Apparently he was outstanding in his feild..."

Ok get some decent jokes in when you go back to school to learn how to spell
"

Whats black, white, and screaming? A nun falling down the stairs ...
Whats black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her.

"Womens rights.
"

"Whight_Knight said:

"Womens rights.
"

I just went and told that joke to my mom and she thought it was hilarious lol.
"

"Firelad43 said:

"Whight_Knight said:

"Womens rights.
"

I just went and told that joke to my mom and she thought it was hilarious lol.
"

Its an old reliable, gets most men anyway :P ...You just have to be careful which women you tell it to.Nice to know your mom has a sense of humor though, thats good :)
"

"Why did the MOD close the Sexay PIC Thread??

...
..
...

Cause He was GAY

I win. close the thread"

A woman's arm spontaneously combusted while at the supermarket. After an employ extinguished the fire she was promptly arrested. When asked by the employ asked why she was being arrested, the police officer replied "She was carrying an unlicensed firearm."

What's Hitlers least favorite planet?
'Jewpiter'

Whats Long, Hard, and Hated by Scousers
School

"

SleeplessKnight1988 said:

"Scousers_ARE_SCUM said:
Sigh. Your username sucks. Have some bastard pie."

What ever scouse, go hunt for rats

anyways-

Why do Black people Have flat noses?

..
.
.
.
..
Cause thats where GOD put his Feet, When they pulled off their Tails.

"

Women's rights...

Just playing.

Minehas been taken:(

"i dont have time to argue with scum like you, k? now piss off

Back on Topic -

How do you get 100 jews into a car?
Throw a quarter in it.
How do you get them out again?
Tell them Hilter is driving.

What runs faster than a Mexican with a TV?
his Cousin with the Toaster
"

This is meant to be a thread about jokes, not a thread to post racial flames :) one more and it gets locked.

i didnt see the warning before i posted, DONT LOCK IT

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, but seriously if racial hatred jokes are all you guys know....just wow get out to some bars and hear some better ones please!

"I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, but seriously if racial hatred jokes are all you guys know....just wow get out to some bars and hear some better ones please!
"

What do you call two blacks on one bike?
Organized crime

i didnt know they werent allowed from the front page....sorry

Just so you all know, Scousers are people who are from liverpool in england. All my family are from liverpool, so i think this guy is a prick and should be banned

And locked!