Rate the last movie you watched.

Wrong Turn - 3.5/5

I saw this once years ago, but remembered nothing about it. Actually not bad, although still far from good. Entertaining trash, basically.

Wrong Turn 2 - 2/5

Ohhh, right. Remember all the "reality show" conceits that cheap horror sequels were obsessed with for a while? Still, as bad as the movie is, I had fun. They went a little more comedic this time, and it actually kind of worked. A bad, bad movie just the same. Henry Rollins pulling a Rambo is a delight, though.

Wrong Turn 3: 1.5/5

"Hey Steve, I wrote this script about a group of prisoners escaping into the woods."

"Okay, Bob, but throw in the killer hillbillies from Wrong Turn."

"... Why?"

"We just hired a team of CG artists that were fired from the Scifi Channel for being too incompetent, and their specialty is shitty gore effects."

"I'm just going to stop asking you things from now on."

"That's for the best, Bob."

...

Three down, three to go. I knew this series was dumb, but I'm enjoying myself. One thing that sticks in my craw is that they keep reusing a couple of the hillbillies despite them definitively dying at the end of each movie. Granted, they're chemically-altered "mutants" (crikey), but they're still mortal. Yeah, the giggling witch-looking dude is fun to watch, but maybe have a BIT of continuity? Ah well. One plot hole amongst billions. Nothing in these movies makes a lick of sense.

Crimson Peak - Solid 7/10.

Good story, not too predictable. Decent FX and acting. Jessica Chastain is always a pleasure to watch... :)

Whiplash 9/10

What an intense film. Feel burnt out after it.

If you like fun you should watch Ninja Busters. It's pretty nuts.

The Princess and the Frog - 7/10

I am pretty new to Disney movies and I really dug this one, I liked the setting a lot and I thought the animation was stellar.

Spotlight is remarkably restrained considering the subject matter and the fact that many would expect it to be an Oscar-bait movie with all the associated trappings of such a thing. The whole film is incredibly affecting and anger inducing and slowly creeps up on you until you spend the last third of the film with a furious lump in your throat. Altogether this is a fantastic film and well worth watching. I rank it 5 out of 6 Bostonian accents.

The Hateful Eight is pretty darn good. Part of me feels it is too long, because of a very prolonged set up, but the set up really helps make the last leg of the movie surprising and tense so it might suffer for being shortened. 7/8 Cowboys.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: Man what a bummer. I liked Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter and remember "liking" the book so I figured why not! While I didn't hate it, I certainly didn't like it. Too much P&P, not enough zombies. It was an overall boring movie that had too few action scenes, not enough T&A (even by Victorian standards), and the movie was just too long. For the most part it seemed like they played it safe and didn't have much fun. Also, I didn't like Matt Smith before and I like him even less now.

Panda 3: Not the strongest of the three and I wouldn't be surprised if it were the last one, but overall I liked it. Other than that there's not a whole lot to say, especially if you've seen the others. I liked JK Simmons' character and James Hong is always a treat.

Rumble in the Bronx. All the stars. Movie is dope. I've seen it like 50 times.

Three words: Emperor's New Groove

The Illusionist - 4/5

Beautiful animation.

Analyze This 4/5

Some hokey Robert De Niro acting, but still pretty enjoyable.

Barely Lethal (2014)

The synopsis if this: A teenage special ops agent yearning for a 'normal' adolescence fakes her own death and enrolls as an exchange student in a typical American high school. She quickly learns that surviving the treacherous waters of being a teenager can be more difficult than international espionage.

Ugg, I had high hopes for this movie, but the second half was a mess with poor plot development and story holes. This could have been easily been Clueless mixed with Kingsman: The Secret Service...but they dropped the ball in the second half of the movie is a way I have never seen before.

Hey, the premise is great and the first half of the movies works. However, the second half of the movies starts to show plot holes and weird editing inconsistances. Characters would leave one scene with a problem, yet show up in the next scene with problems already resolved off screen or forgotten. Other scenes appeared out of sequence, where things that WERE resolved are suddenly not resolved for one scene and then once again gone.

Some of the movies is fantastic, the fight scenes with the female teen agents are well done. The production must have had a good stunt coordinator and gave these young woman time to learn complex fight choreography. The actresses are actually good and their roles, and Samuel L Jackson does his militarily bad-ass as good as ever. Sadly, when you have story holes and poor editing the movies falls apart very quickly.

The Lobster - 4/5

This movie was rather odd, in a good way, sometimes reminding me of a Wes Anderson movie.

There's no backstory given for the setting, but we're in Britain and single people are sent to a hotel were they must find a suitable life partner within 46(or so) days or something bad (and really weird) happens. Collin Farrel does quite a good job playing a rather different role and, even more so, style than you see him in usually. One of the most fascinating things about the movie is how every line seems unnatural and forced, but in a way that really fits the setting, much like the style of acting you'd see in movies like Clockwork Orange. The movie is quirky enough to avoid getting depressing despite the somewhat dystopian setting. Without spoiling anything; The ending certainly underlined just how dysfunctional relationships in this movies world are and did leave an impression.

Continuing my Wrong Turn journey:

Wrong Turn 4 - 1/5, 4/5

Giving this one two ratings because this is easily the worst one yet, but I have to give it major props for a torture scene that actually made me cringe pretty hard. The actor really sells it, as do the foley artists. So yeah, points for unexpected brutality. Still, piss-poor film.

Wrong Turn 5 - 4/5

Well damn. This one always gets shit for being the worst in the series, but I actually thought it was the best. Doug Bradley is great in it as an ersatz Hannibal type (kind of), the setting is a nice change of pace, and it's both vicious and hilarious. The acting is next-level atrocious save for Mr. Bradley, but that's nothing new. As always, though, I'm grading this series against itself. By no means is this a 4/5 compared to actual good horror.

I'll edit in the finale, Wrong Turn 6, after I watch it tonight. It's been an interesting ride finally running through this franchise. As bad as it is, I'll kind of miss it when it's over.

Edit: Wrong Turn 6 - 2.5/5

The story itself felt like a sub-par Tales From The Crypt entry that, like part 3, seemed almost like another spec script with the Wrong Turn villains added in. It was also glacially paced in a way that seemed more like padding for time than tension building.

On the positive side, they had a stunningly gorgeous setting and a great soundtrack. They clearly wanted to do something creative with the franchise, and they come so close to pulling it off. I'd rate this much lower, maybe the worst of the series, but it had so many good ideas. It just couldn't execute on them. Points for aesthetics.

The Wrong Turn franchise- 2/5

As I keep saying: These are not good movies. But they have moments of brilliance and are consistently entertaining even at their worst. Recommended only for genre junkies and gorehounds.

Garden of Words - 1/5

Some really great visuals, but man this movie is fuckin lame as hell.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.

Poor. The director and screenplay are both awful, but some of the best casting choices I've ever seen. I loved it as a kid but the films didn't get good until Columbus stopped.

Star Wars Episode 3.

Good. Very enjoyable. Saw it multiple times in the cinema and still feel the same.

Deadpool. It really surpassed my middling but optimistic expectations. It could've been a brutally unfunny trainwreck, but it was genuinely hilarious with a good amount of clever, rapid-fire jokes. The action was good, I just wish there was more of it. The movie definitely earns its R-rating, but I felt it could've gone a lot farther. It's not THAT violent, and personally, I was hoping for some Punisher: War Zone levels of carnage. Still, a very entertaining movie, through and through. Ryan Reynolds was born for this role.

4/5

Darwin's Nightmare

A strong mix of interesting subjects and political importance. Well edited, good digital photography, and also isn't afraid to find humor in the irony/hypocrisy of the whole ordeal.

Maybe in my top 1700

Deadpool - 5/5

Big fan of the character, and it was so satisfying to finally see it done justice. Also, I heard a great quote "Ryan Reynolds is to Wade Wilson, as Robert Downey Jr is to Tony Stark", which I think is very accurate.

Also, it was nice to see the movie not just go for the Daniel Way Deadpool route, which is just random nonsensical words, and funny for the sake of being random. There are some really great jokes in there, and a lot for fans to enjoy.

I saw Deadpool and it's pretty extraordinary how perfect it is at being a Deadpool movie. Your enjoyment will depend entirely on how much you appreciate the character I think. I give this movie Deadpool out of Deadpool.

Fast & Furious 7: The best Michael Bay film since The Rock, 3/5.

Howl's Moving Castle - Very pretty, but the star-studded English dub is absolutely terrible, worse than I could have even expected, and the ending is not nearly as interesting as it could have been. Definitely not meant for me. 2/5

The Revenant - Good, slow, very well acted, very tense. Tom Hardy and Leo DiCaprio are fantastic. Bored some friends, but I enjoyed it thoroughly. 5/5

Signs: I've now seen every Shymalymalyamylan movie except for Avatar and The Visit and I think of the lot I liked this one the least. The ending felt corny in a way that didn't bother me in The Lady in the Water, even though tonally/structurally they're very similar. 6/10

The Canal: Heard some good things about this one going in. The acting and atmosphere are excellent but its just not a) thematically interesting or b) very original. Despite some really tense and creepy moments it's hard to be entertained when you know exactly what's going to happen after the first ten minutes. 4/10

Shame (2011): Really powerful character sketch. Despite not being a sex addict myself, I found the main character (and even his sister) undeniably relatable. Perhaps the biggest strength of this film is its ability to present these quiet, introspective moments. There are times when we are encouraged to pause and reflect on what has just happened, how the main character must feel, and what he must be thinking. I should warn everyone that there is some incredibly explicit sexual content in this film, so maybe don't watch it somewhere you'll have people buzzing about in the background. 9/10

Deadpool 4/5

I saw the budget but it was still hilarious, and for those saying you have to appreciate Deadpool my stepmom who is not say your target audience loved it and thought it was extremely funny.

Beasts of No Nation: A pretty great movie. Abraham Attah gives one of the best performances I've ever seen from a child actor, nearly outacting Idris Elba in many scenes. We rarely get to see war from a child's perspective on film, especially a child soldier, which makes this movie all the more important. My one complaint is that the ending is somewhat weak compared to the rest. But only somewhat. 5/5

The Prestige: Second viewing. I've heard a lot of people say The Prestige is Christopher Nolan's best movie, so maybe there was something I missed when I saw it back '06. Nope, not really. In fact I liked it even less this time around. The movie has three strong points: Jackman's charismatic turn as Angier, David Bowie as Tesla and that shot of the light bulbs in the snow. Otherwise it has the standard Nolan problems: bland characters and a plot that relies way too much on twists and turns. It's very hard for me to care what happens to the characters when they are so one-dimensional. 2/5

Stargate: Needed a popcorn flick to watch with my girlfriend and we decided on this for purely nostalgic reasons. I loved this movie as a 12-year old, but I can't say the same for 32-year old me. It's a really dumb action flick with solid acting from Spader, Russell and Davidson that spawned a bunch of really horrible TV shows. 2/5

Deadpool: I am not an original fan so I don't know if its in keeping with his origin story or who Ajax was. I've read a few more recent runs though (like the Posehn/Duggan stuff) and I thought it captured the same feel. I laughed a fair few times. I give it 4/5.

The Martian: I finally got around to watching this people in my social circle were hype for this movie and I have to say I enjoyed it but it was a bit monotonous in places. I give 3/5.

Finally saw Bridge of Spies last night. It dragged a little bit in the middle and I don't know if they really needed all the scenes with Powers in them, but I'm a sucker for Cold War stuff and the story was the perfect Tom Hanks Everyman vehicle.

4/5.

Office Space 4/5

Another old movie, another 'ohh, that's where those memes come from'. Genuinely funny and a great time capsule: floppy disks, Y2K panic, goofy hip-hop.

Deadpool - 4.5/5

X gon' give it to ya, he gon' give to ya!

Hail, Caesar! (2016) 4/5

The Coen brothers love movies, they love them by knowing them deeply by seeing the greatness of their flaws. The Coen's pay homage to genres from noir to Depression-era musicals to Westerns, making a movies about movies, and with “Hail, Caesar!” they clearly loved making some fine movies WITHIN the main movie. As I watched, I suddenly wanted to see each of the movies within this movie. I'd want to see the fictional Hail, Ceaser! within Hail, Ceaser!. I'd want to see the song and dance sailor film. I wanted to see the trendy, New York love story farce. I wanted to see the western and synchronized swimming film.

I loved this film from its crazy view of the world, to everything being solved by 'back handing' a movie star into just shutting up and smiling.

Couldn't agree more, burnt out is the exactly how I felt after it ended, well that and the thought that 'holy shit, I don't think I have that amount of passion for anything.' It really was a crazy film, don't feel the trailers did it justice at all. Crazy.


Anyways, I saw The Hateful 8 and The Revenant pretty close together so I'll drop a mini review for both.

The Hateful 8: I don't even want to say much about this film because it feels like every little thing is a spoiler, it's just a great suspense film, it's The Thing with cowboys,, which is fitting given Kurt Russell is in it, the guy who did the soundtrack for The Thing does it for this movie as well, and I think Tarantino even said it was an inspiration for this movie.
It's pretty much two and a half hours of that one scene in every Tarantino movie where something is about to happen, you don't know to who, or how bad, or exactly when, but it's going to go down and it's going to be crazy. I loved the dread. 8/8 Because of course.

The Revenant: "Wow, this is beautifully shot, the action scenes are awesome, it's like Children of Men but with Natives and Fur traders, this is nuts! Anyways, how long into this are we? Only... wow, not even.. not even that far in... this movie is going to be loooooong."
There isn't much I can say about this movie at all, everything has been said, it's very well shot, beautiful locations, great action. But holy shit, there are so many scenes that just felt long and cumbersome, like if they were taken out they would have lost nothing. I really appreciate when a director goes practical, and man, did he ever, but I just kept feeling bored, with moments of "holy shit!" It felt like the movie could have lost half an hour and been better for it. 3/5

Godard. Week-End.

I hate scores, so I'll just say it was enjoyable, maybe transcendental. Does it destroy cinema? It sure felt like it.

Deadpool: 2.5 out of 5. Not a fan of the character, but there was enjoyable bits. Loved the stuff between Wade and Vanessa before Wade becomes Deadpool. Think this series could definitely get better as it goes on, though.

Dead End

Another class-based melodrama from the 30's. By all means solid, but also stage-y and broad. Toland's photography helps, but I think this is one I'll likely forget about after a while.

Maybe in my top 2800.

World of Tomorrow - the latest Don Hertzfeldt thing. It's quite funny, and cute, and an interesting little bit of sci-fi. It's on Netflix. I gave it a 4/5.

Gardens of the Night 4/5

Absolutely devastating.

The Witch - quite good. a real slow burn but it burns. 4/5

The Martian, very good movie especially if you're into space stuff, 5/5.

Deadpool: 4/5

Was expecting it to be terrible, actually quite enjoyed it. A little overly juvenile in places, even for the character I guess, but still pretty good. Enjoyable (and thats coming from someone ONE HUNDRED PERCENT burnt out on comic book shit).

Death of a Gentleman 4/5

Documentary about corruption in global cricket, deeply depressing, especially watching Ed Cowans career start and end in less than 90 minutes. Jarrod Kimber is a snarky, brilliantly funny cricket writer though. Eye opening.

The Penalty

Solid early Lon Chaney-led effort about a legless crime boss obsessed with revenge. Drags a bit, and the script isn't always that compelling, but Chaney is great as always and makes it worth seeing.

Maybe in my top 2000

Deadpool. 10/10 Superb

Deadpool - 4/5

Great movie, couple slow moments, but you kinda need those.

The Martian 4/5

Children of Men 5/5

Admittedly I didn't get super choked up or emotional, but I can imagine for people with kids, oomph I bet that movie hits real hard. But some of those scenes were so beautifully shot, and the near future dystopia is just too realistic.

Watched a lot of films over the weekend

The Martian - Surprised me by being a good, recent Ridley Scott film, and by being a good internet darling. I was pretty unfairly disposed towards this so I was surprised to have only very niggling negative things to say about it. Like all the good bits of Interstellar with the rubbish removed, but also missing some of the beauty. Probably worth it for having characters that acting in realistic ways. The way characters' names appeared on screen as they were introduced made me wonder if Ridley Scott has been possessed by the spirit of his late brother. Maybe a 4/5?

Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation - Surprised me by not being very enjoyable. I had thought that Ghost Protocol did pretty well at bringing the series up to date. This film just repeats a lot of the same tricks, unfortunately, so it never really steps out of its predecessor's shadow. The villain is singularly uncharismatic which is unfortunate because he is on screen a lot. 2/5

Season of the Witch for some reason - Actually one of Nic Cage's better recent performances, but the film itself is a masterclass in sidestepping every interesting thematic possibility raised in the narrative - or maybe not sidestepping so much as passing by and going as fast as it can in the opposite direction. It's obvious they spent all their budget on a certain special effect at the climax of the movie but it still looks shit. 1/5

On The Beach - Good acting, thoroughly depressing. Ava Gardner is brilliant in it, and the central moment is a real gut punch, as is the race scene, but it never really escapes the trappings of that era of sci-fi film. The score is particularly bad on that front. 3/5

In the Electric Mist - distinctly weird Southern Gothic/Noir thing with Tommy Lee Jones, I'd never heard of it before. Levon Helm plays the ghost/hallucination of a confederate general. I like TLJ as an actor and it's primarily because of roles like this. The film is a bit of a muddle and never really comes together, but the plot about a crime being witnessed a long time in the past and preying on the mind of the main character is really strikingly put on screen. I think the director just isn't up to the job of filming this story to be honest - in the hands of someone like Werner Herzog or Terry Gilliam or even Shane Carruth, this story could have been something really special. A very noble 2/5

Cloud Atlas - There's an early moment when Tom Hanks turns up as an Irish gangster caricature that made me burst out laughing; I'd heard a lot when this came out about the odd casting choices, and felt like that was a confirmation that it was doomed to fail. As it happened, the film still drew me in, and as I came to the end I realised that the Wachowski's were probably being more canny than i gave them credit for by making Hanks act so ridiculously there, as it really brings out the comic tone of that part of the story. I was surprised by how good the film was. I was expecting a noble failure a la The Fountain but it's not a failure at all. It doesn't quite achieve greatness - I felt that the emotional climax of the film didn't really provide the crescendo I wanted, and I didn't find myself particularly moved, so much as interested. With all the stuff about music in the story I felt they could have attempted something more symphonic with the editing - but it is a good set of stories with some meat to it. A lot of the themes are essentially the same as Upstream Color, which is an altogether more moving experience. 3/5

The last half hour of The Adjustment Bureau which I only mention because of how sad it is that the works of Philip K Dick so often get reduced to a high concept nothing

Source Code which again I only really mention because of how brilliant I thought it felt when it came out and how utterly mundane it seems now.

Not in a position to write anything thorough, but here goes.

The Guest: 2014 horror/thriller/dark comedy/satire. Awesome soundtrack. Fun, self aware thrills. Never watched Downton Abbey, but I now have a man crush on Dan Stevens. Solid 4/5.

Room: Felt kind of dumb that I hadn't figured out what the movie was truly about until Joy (Brie Larson) kind of states it plainly. Super interesting subject. Wonderfully acted, even by the child actor Jacob Tremblay. Surprisingly rarely depressing. It made me smile a lot. Another solid 4/5.

Creed: Rocky for a more modern age. Michael B Jordan is good as always and Stallone is at his best. The plot turn concerning Rocky is a little predictable and cliche, but they pull it off admirably. The boxing scenes are super well done especially the long take of the first one. Doesn't do anything new, but does it all well. Yet again, a decent 4/5.

The Night Before: Another sort-of stoner comedy from Seth Rogen. Great chemistry amongts everyone involved. Michael Shannon as a drug dealer is the fucking best: "It's the present" *taps fingers*. Seth Rogen on drugs is always a fun watch. Pretty decent. 3/5.

John Wick.

What a rad film.

Ex Machina. Typical Alex Garland. It leaves you feeling like you've just wasted the time, especially if you'd been internally writing your own versions of how it would go. Would not recommend. The graphics on the girl are good, but that's it.

Circle

3/5

It's pretty much a litteral rendition of a philosophical thought experiment on morality and human nature. "There's a group of people from all corners of society standing in a room. Only one can get out alive. Who will it be?"

I was on board with the idea for a while but as it moved along the script became too much on the nose and the characters became empty vessels of different philosophical inquiries. Now the criminal had his point, he lived. Mark. Now the cop had his rant, he lived. Mark. Now the afro-american. Now the atheist. Now the priest.

Not to say there aren't any interesting twists, turns and thought-provoking stuff in there. But overall it felt too much like a stilted turn-based philosophical discussion to be an effective thriller.

What to watch instead: Simple Plan