U2's Bono is the champion of many worthy charitible causes. He has fought to cure Malaria, AIDS, the Super Bowl, and Hurricane Katrina. Each time he has failed, but the world still admires his effort. However, Bono is a silent victim in his own struggle. And no, I'm not referring to his inability to go eye-nude, I'm talking of course about the invading robot-penis threat. What can the world do to fight this menace, when the world's most famous Irish celebrity is himself a victim?! Is there no hope?
I've done a lot of research on this debilitating problem for humanity, and it led to a few hypotheses. The first one, is that these robot penises only seem to attack when the victim is being photographed in profile. I developed a theory that the key to unlocking
The horror! Not only is it new robot penises that are finding their way into the mouths of celebrity and anonymous netizen alike! The older, wider, far more painful ones have picked up the torch, and headed straight for our mouths!
My next hypothesis was that if we could somehow contain the robot penises in some sort of protective casing, we could weaken their desires for human sexual conquest! But then a research assistant forwarded the following to me. He had tested my hypothesis (without my permission, and certainly without me asking) by attempting to attach an orange condom-like casing on the head of one of his friend's robot penises, and letting him hold the robot penis, he
At this point, I became totally despondent. My profile theory proved incorrect, and so did my encasement theory. I didn't know what to do. My colleagues attempted to console me, but were unable. I decided to walk the streets, with relevant neon signs floating and subsiding in my peripheral vision, like that Simpsons' episode when Homer becomes smart, but rejected the stupid townsfolk.
I stopped in at an old music club to get away from it all, not thinking the robot penises would be hiding there too. Much to my chagrine, I walked right in on the middle of a brand new robot penis phenomenon! They had moved onto a new orifice, a much smaller one (a much more painful
But you know what? When crisitunity knocks, you've got to listen to his religious rant on your doorstep. This horrifying moment, this iconic image of the robot penis threat to mankind got me my research grant. Stanford, Harvard, Yale, and the National University of Singapore have all asked me to undertake my formal study in their laboratories. I decided to accept all their offers, and so now robot penises and their effects on screaming people's mouths are being studied as far afield as Boston and Singapore.
It has also led to some spinoff studies. For instance, what kind of traumatic effect does a lead singer's struggle with a
Have you ever witnessed the horror of a man (or woman) struggling against an invading robot penis? Has it scarred you for life? Has it strengthened your resolve to fight this menace? This thread is intended to support those struggling to cope with the robot-penis-in-friends'-and-favourite-celebrities'-mouths problem.
Please share your thoughts. We're here to help.
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