#1 Edited by Legion_ (1281 posts) -

Hey dudes.

I've been using Scripped for a little while now, and it's a pretty cool service. It's basically a piece of online screenwriting software.

As you may have gathered, I'm an (awful) aspiring writer. It would be really cool to share some of my work with you guys. If there's anyone else who uses the service, let me know, and we'll start a group over at Scripped!

See you!

#2 Posted by Baillie (4161 posts) -

Why don't you write as if you were Legion and jotted down your life stories. I'd read that.

#3 Edited by Jams (2960 posts) -

I am Legion, hear me roar! with numbers too big to ignore!

#4 Edited by Legion_ (1281 posts) -
#5 Posted by Winternet (8018 posts) -

So you write your Giant Bomb erotic fanfic there?

#6 Edited by VoshiNova (1687 posts) -

right on! I've never seen that site, but I'll check it out. Share some of your stuff in this topic?

#7 Edited by Legion_ (1281 posts) -

@voshinova said:

right on! I've never seen that site, but I'll check it out. Share some of your stuff in this topic?

Sure. This is a five page scene that functions as the intro for a feature I've called Seasons in the Abyss (yes, from the Slayer album, not even a fan, but that name). I feel it's pretentious as fuck, so please, don't hold back on the criticism, constructive or otherwise.

#8 Edited by VoshiNova (1687 posts) -

@legion_: I'll take a look and tell ya what I think ^_^

It's neat! Some juvenile dialogue, but it definitely sets a mood. I think you should continue and share!

#9 Posted by Legion_ (1281 posts) -
#10 Edited by Legion_ (1281 posts) -

@voshinova said:

@legion_: I'll take a look and tell ya what I think ^_^

It's neat! Some juvenile dialogue, but it definitely sets a mood. I think you should continue and share!

I agree that the dialogue needs a lot of work. Right now I'm trying to just hammer down the story point by point, and then go back and change the dialogue that makes me go "uuugh".

#11 Posted by VoshiNova (1687 posts) -

@legion_: I read through the whole piece (so far) and that's more than I can say for many other things. Please update as you continue writing, as I would like to see the growth of the script. As of right now, prop's for even sharing and accepting criticism .

#12 Edited by Legion_ (1281 posts) -

@voshinova: Well you know, if I'm writing something that's shit, I'd rather know it by page five than page 150. I'll update as I get along. Thanks man.

#13 Posted by Legion_ (1281 posts) -

@voshinova: So, I took a closer look at the dialouge, and I found it lacking in so many ways. Most of all, the problem was that it was just no fucking way that girl would ever sit down with the guy after that exchange. I rewrote most of the dialouge, and I'd appriciate it if you could take a look at it.

#14 Edited by VoshiNova (1687 posts) -

@legion_: absolutely, and again, props for taking critique in stride - ill take a look at it in the morning and let you know what I think. ^_^