#1 Edited by ItBeStefYo (1021 posts) -

When out with friends she saw her ex and discovered that she still had strong feelings for him. She told me that she couldn't be with me anymore because she felt guilty about her feelings for her ex.

I know that she will most probably get back together with her ex but I've never felt so strongly about a girl before her and she had told me that she felt exactly the same. I helped her stop self harming and maybe even saved her life but after this whole "ex" scenario I told her that I couldn't even remain friends with her.

She said "If you change your mind I am always here". Do you think I should ever speak to her again? I don't want to be hurt again but I feel like we were right for each other

#2 Edited by Carryboy (632 posts) -

#3 Edited by Turtlebird95 (2313 posts) -

It sounds like you were the committed one in this relationship. If she is willing to dump you for someone else after all you did for her she's not worth your time of day.

#4 Posted by idBloc (126 posts) -

It sounds like you were the committed one in this relationship. If she is willing to dump you for someone else after all you did for her she's not worth your time of day.

^ this

#5 Posted by Clonedzero (4091 posts) -

murder suicide is your only option now.

#6 Posted by Nictel (2385 posts) -

Cry, drink, move on. If she was ready to dump you so easily she ain't worth it.

#7 Edited by joshthebear (2700 posts) -

#8 Posted by MariachiMacabre (7056 posts) -

@idbloc said:

@turtlebird95 said:

It sounds like you were the committed one in this relationship. If she is willing to dump you for someone else after all you did for her she's not worth your time of day.

^ this

This. I've been in this scenario. She isn't worth it. Except my ex tried coming back to me after her ex was put in prison for having sex with a 12 year old. Not kidding.

#9 Posted by Ace829 (2083 posts) -

It sounds like you were the committed one in this relationship. If she is willing to dump you for someone else after all you did for her she's not worth your time of day.

What this guy said. From the details you've given, this is an open and shut case.

#10 Posted by TooWalrus (13139 posts) -

It seems like just yesterday you were ranting about how you hated your mum because she wanted you to do chores. Little tyke's growin' up so fast...

#11 Posted by TooWalrus (13139 posts) -

Also:

#12 Posted by Darji (5294 posts) -

No dont do it. It will only hurt more and more until its getting too much. Close this chapter in your Life now before it is too late.

#13 Edited by Akyho (1586 posts) -

@mariachimacabre said:

@idbloc said:

@turtlebird95 said:

It sounds like you were the committed one in this relationship. If she is willing to dump you for someone else after all you did for her she's not worth your time of day.

^ this

This. I've been in this scenario. She isn't worth it. Except my ex tried coming back to me after her ex was put in prison for having sex with a 12 year old. Not kidding.

Another tip of the hat and been there done that, not that her ex had sex with a 12 year old. Except she cheated on her boyfriend with me...then on me with my friend...then on my friend with me...then she got back with her ex....then dumbed her ex after he raped her then got with a dutch guy and dumped all this info on me after ignoring me for 2 weeks......so you see I did it 5 more times than I should have and she still dropped my ass when i was in a time of crisis despite being their for all of that.

So yeah dude dont make the same terrible mistakes as I, and this was a 2 year period. Cut ties and resist.

#14 Posted by Ravenlight (8040 posts) -

How many ghosts did you bust together? If that number is less than one, let her go.

#15 Posted by ripelivejam (3584 posts) -

Also:

lol at how sarah was unceremoniously co-opted in this one. also girl advice line-ception.

#16 Posted by idBloc (126 posts) -

@idbloc said:

@turtlebird95 said:

It sounds like you were the committed one in this relationship. If she is willing to dump you for someone else after all you did for her she's not worth your time of day.

^ this

This. I've been in this scenario. She isn't worth it. Except my ex tried coming back to me after her ex was put in prison for having sex with a 12 year old. Not kidding.

Did she give the you-know-you-are-a-nice-guy excuse?

#17 Edited by Dagbiker (6939 posts) -

@itbestefyo said:

When out with friends she saw her ex and discovered that she still had strong feelings for him. She told me that she couldn't be with me anymore because she felt guilty about her feelings for her ex.

I know that she will most probably get back together with her ex but I've never felt so strongly about a girl before her and she had told me that she felt exactly the same. I helped her stop self harming and maybe even saved her life but after this whole "ex" scenario I told her that I couldn't even remain friends with her.

She said "If you change your mind I am always here". Do you think I should ever speak to her again? I don't want to be hurt again but I feel like we were right for each other

You should probably keep away until you feel like you understand your emotions better, or until you get over her, that might take years, My first girl friend took several months to get over. Until you do that you will only regret any affection you send her way, and she dose not return.

She split up with you because she dose not want to wast your time, because she can not return the affection you want. Not being friends is valid, rejection is hard.

You should also tell her, if you feel this way, that she can come back when she is ready, but, also express to her that you also have to live your life.

#18 Edited by MariachiMacabre (7056 posts) -

@idbloc said:
@mariachimacabre said:

@idbloc said:

@turtlebird95 said:

It sounds like you were the committed one in this relationship. If she is willing to dump you for someone else after all you did for her she's not worth your time of day.

^ this

This. I've been in this scenario. She isn't worth it. Except my ex tried coming back to me after her ex was put in prison for having sex with a 12 year old. Not kidding.

Did she give the you-know-you-are-a-nice-guy excuse?

Well, when she left me for him I tried reminding her of his tendency to hit on 15 and 16 year old girls and she said her feelings for him were too strong. After she tried coming back to me she said I was "so good to her she didn't know how to handle it and got freaked out and left." Then I said "Well, good luck with that." and got off that crazy train.

#19 Edited by Stonyman65 (2608 posts) -

If she's that stupid to get back with the dude she dumped/dude that dumped her than you are better off without her.

And when they break up again and she tries to go back to you (she will, don't worry), tell her to fuck off.

You might not realize it now, but this probably the best thing that could have happened to you.

Listen. Do. Live.

Online
#20 Posted by BaneFireLord (2913 posts) -

Tell her to go fuck herself and never talk to her again.

#21 Posted by Mrsignerman44 (1100 posts) -

In my opinion she sounds a little crazy, I'd stay away from her if I were you.

#22 Posted by TheVeteran13 (1197 posts) -

What a hoebag.

#23 Edited by Oscar__Explosion (2204 posts) -

@itbestefyo: if she comes back just tell her to fuck right off. You were the committed one and she just runs off back to an ex? Then she's gonna remember why she was no longer with the ex in the first place and possibly try to run back to you. Again tell her to fuck off. I'm sorry this is happening to you duder, but there are other girls out there that wouldn't pull this shit off.

What a hoebag.

Word

#24 Posted by golguin (3849 posts) -

Always tell girls to hit the road when they're wishy washy like that. When she tries to crawl back (she will) you tell her to keep on walking. You have the option to bang her and drop her if you want to be like that, but never go back expecting something.

#26 Posted by ModernAlkemie (358 posts) -

It sounds like she is totally immature and has no idea what she wants. You are right for getting out of that situation. Being in a relationship with that kind of person is an emotional rollercoaster that is never worth it. And guess what? That means she wasn't right for you! You obviously deserve someone mature enough to handle an actual relationship without pulling this kind of B.S.

Like removing a Band-Aid, it's best to resolve this as quickly and cleanly as possible. Get that person out of your life, move on, and forget about her. She is not worth your time, and the sooner you can realize how crappy she has been to you the sooner you can find someone soooooo much better. Don't let yourself miss out on that awesome person by holding out a flame for this person.

It really sucks, but you'll be fine.

#27 Edited by Solh0und (1759 posts) -

@turtlebird95 said:

It sounds like you were the committed one in this relationship. If she is willing to dump you for someone else after all you did for her she's not worth your time of day.

Yeah, I had this happen to me a few times as well. I would agree with this and say she was probably not worth crying over for if she just dumped you like a small sack of potatoes. :(

#28 Edited by Canteu (2821 posts) -

Get over her. That girl is clearly poison.

Sorry.

#29 Edited by TheHumanDove (2523 posts) -

Touch her shoulder

#30 Posted by TheManWithNoPlan (5268 posts) -

Sorry man. You just got to move on.

#31 Posted by FearMyFlop (100 posts) -

Turn off your phone, stay away from social networks and play video games and run a couple miles every night. Distance yourself from everything for a while. Keep your mind busy and yourself active and it will help pass the time faster. Checking your phone constantly and checking to social internet for updates will make this inevitable pain worse and happen slower.

#32 Posted by Slag (4074 posts) -

She said "If you change your mind I am always here". Do you think I should ever speak to her again? I don't want to be hurt again but I feel like we were right for each other

I'm sorry you lost her. That always sucks especially when you clearly put some serious effort into the relationship.

But she did the honorable thing by being upfront with you instead of passive aggressive behavior or cheating on you. In the long run that will be better for you both.

I don't blame you for not wanting to talk to her again, especially right now when the hurt is so raw. And in the short term to get over her, getting distance from her is a must for your own benefit. The Friend Zone is the absolute worst place to be with an ex you still have feelings for. But don't turn it in a never ever thing for yourself.

Maybe that is what ends up happening anyway or maybe years from now when you have moved on past her you two can have a friendship again. There's no point in locking yourself into an action you may regret later. Never is a very long time.

It's her loss, don't make it yours too.

#33 Edited by Intro (1206 posts) -

I probably won't give the best advice, I've only been in one relationship (still in it).

But if you wanted an actual relationship with a person who will be there for you, who loves you like you love them, then her leaving is good. She isn't worth it, and I know that sounds cliche, but it's true. She obviously didn't love you or she wouldn't have left. I would not talk to her again, but that's your choice. I definitely wouldn't pursue a relationship with her. Forget about her and move on, I know it's going to be hard, sad and depressing, but you'll get through it.

Also, there's a good chance her ex and her won't work out again (it's just a matter of time before they realize why they didn't work out in the first place), and at that point she may come back to you. Just, no. Don't be an option to her or she'll open up about who she really loves or has feelings for later on just like before.

However, I have a lot of respect for her just telling you up front. This world is full of cowards who would rather hide a lot from you and possibly cheat. That's just an awful thing to do. You got lucky, you'd probably have a lot of rage if you stayed with her and caught her cheating or talking inappropriately with the ex. At least this way you see she isn't the one and that it's okay to move on.

I feel for you man, best of luck.

#34 Posted by Nivash (241 posts) -

Wow, that's harsh man.

So all it took for her was seeing her ex and "discovering" she still had feelings? If that's all it takes for her to abandon her "strong feelings" for you then she's clearly not emotionally mature enough for you to stay friends. Nothing good will come of it. Just cut the ties and move on is my advice, and don't feel like a bad guy for taking a tough stance. The fallout is on her, not you.

If I'm also allowed to psychologize a bit I'd say that the combination of such quick swings of affection, a history of self-harm and the fact that she stills wants to be friends points to emotional instability which is just a fancy way of saying "she doesn't know what she wants". The problem is that such people are often impulsive and have a tendency towards emotionally manipulating others whether they are aware of it or not. If you feel up to it, take a look at your history together and see if she's done something like that before. If yes, then run for the hills, man!

#35 Edited by Bollard (5292 posts) -

@canteu said:

Get over her. That girl is clearly poison.

Sorry.

#36 Posted by AlexanderSheen (4932 posts) -

@canteu said:

Get over her. That girl is clearly Poison.

Sorry.

Hey, I would be okay with that.

#37 Posted by StrikeALight (1114 posts) -

Move on, I guess.

And no offense meant, but if she's self-harming, there's clearly a lot of issues she needs to work through before being able to commit to a serious relationship. I knew a lot of girls like this in my teens / early twenties, and they tend to have a penchant for self-destruction - even if the going is good.

#38 Edited by natedawg_kz (234 posts) -

i thought this site was video game related

#39 Edited by StrikeALight (1114 posts) -

i thought this site was video game related

Off-topic can never be too off-topic.

#40 Edited by AlexanderSheen (4932 posts) -

@natedawg_kz said:

i thought this site was video game related

i thought this was the off-topic section

#41 Posted by StrikeALight (1114 posts) -

@toowalrus said:

Also:

lol at how sarah was unceremoniously co-opted in this one. also girl advice line-ception.

This is so fucking down the rabbit-hole, its awesome.

#42 Posted by oldenglishC (922 posts) -

There's over three billion women on the planet right now.

You'll be fine.

#43 Posted by Ekami (252 posts) -

Fight for her. Grab a sword and swing wildly at her feelings.

#44 Posted by Ekami (252 posts) -

Only when the beast is slayed, will the beast inside you awaken.

#45 Edited by Jams (2959 posts) -

@itbestefyo said:

When out with friends she saw her ex and discovered that she still had strong feelings for him. She told me that she couldn't be with me anymore because she felt guilty about her feelings for her ex.

I know that she will most probably get back together with her ex but I've never felt so strongly about a girl before her and she had told me that she felt exactly the same. I helped her stop self harming and maybe even saved her life but after this whole "ex" scenario I told her that I couldn't even remain friends with her.

She said "If you change your mind I am always here". Do you think I should ever speak to her again? I don't want to be hurt again but I feel like we were right for each other

The first thing I would have asked her is;" if she has such strong feelings for him then why did they break up in the first place? And what makes you think it won't happen again and you'll be right back where you are now?"

Then you tell that cochina to fuck off.