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Posted by ArtelinaRose (1852 posts) -

As most people on this website are probably aware of, I am male-to-female transgender. I started hormones back in September and three weeks ago was my six month mark so I'm here to talk to about that a little bit! The short short version of it is: My life is better now.

Hormones are a... interesting thing to experience. Besides the obvious physical changes which I will get into later, the psychological changes have been just as crazy. I find that I am much calmer now, more forgiving, more reasonable, more confident... but with that confidence, I have begun to assert myself more and stand up for myself and what I believe in which blends a little strangely sometimes with the fact that I am also a bit more emotional than I was before. I kind of kneejerk reaction to everything and I have to mentally check myself and step back, analyzing the situation after I calm myself down. It's been a weird thing to get used to... This is all when I'm not on my "period", which is when I get a litttttttttle crazy. I've posted a few times while under that influence and it isn't great.

I had a day after they changed my dosage where I yelled at both of my roommates, apologized, started crying, barricaded my door with my desk, unbarricaded it, had grilled cheese and tomato soup, cried that all I had was grilled cheese and tomato soup, angrily turned off The Last of Us because people were in the same building as me when I wanted to play it, tore apart a piece of paper for no reason other than I needed to destroy something and then cried in my bed wishing I had food that only comes from a place 20 miles away. All within an hour. Girly hormones are weird.

The physical changes have been quite dramatic as well. My skin is softer than it used to be, my body hair grows much slower, my face has changed shape a bit, I have boobs now, I've lost a LOT of muscle, and... well.. The first two here are from the last week, the third one is me two months before HRT and the last one is my ID from when I turned 21.

The things you can't see are that my arms are much smaller, my thighs are more feminine, my waist has curved a bit, my skin is MUCH softer... Ugh, I'M SO different. It's ridiculous. I dunno. I'm pretty now, and I love it.

Online
#2 Posted by Demoskinos (14830 posts) -

Well glad things are working out for you. Seems you indeed made the correct decision.

#3 Posted by indieslaw (345 posts) -

Glad things are going so well for you!

#4 Posted by Wampa1 (668 posts) -

@artelinarose: "I'm pretty now, and I love it" Put a real smile on my face, I usually hate anything "sappy" but I'm glad this all worked out internet stranger!

#5 Posted by StarvingGamer (8238 posts) -

:D:D:D

#6 Posted by TheManWithNoPlan (5508 posts) -

That's so great to hear. I'm glad it's working out for you.

#7 Posted by ArtelinaRose (1852 posts) -

I am underselling how soft I am. It's ridiculous.

It's also a weird thing hitting six months for me because it's the first real milestone that I've been looking forward to, so in my mind I'm like SIX MONTHS I DID IT GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL. I feel like I won, but I also know that I'm nowhere near done with this whole thing. It's difficult to comprehend that I'm going to change even more than I already have.

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#8 Posted by Demoskinos (14830 posts) -

@artelinarose: I do have to ask as much as I've seen you talk bout your intention of having gender reassignment in past blogs/posts that still had to be a huge choice was there any moment of hesitation?

#9 Posted by Hunter5024 (5683 posts) -

Grilled cheese is awesome though!

#10 Posted by Atlas (2445 posts) -

I could not possibly be happier for you. You've done an amazing thing, and I'm glad it's working out well.

#11 Edited by MooseyMcMan (11009 posts) -

I did not know that! Good to see that it's working, though.

EDIT: I should say that prior to this I didn't really know anything about the process of transgender-ing, so this was very informative. Sounds like it wasn't easy.

Moderator
#12 Posted by ArtelinaRose (1852 posts) -

@artelinarose: I do have to ask as much as I've seen you talk bout your intention of having gender reassignment in past blogs/posts that still had to be a huge choice was there any moment of hesitation?

There was about eight months of coming to terms with it... It... wasn't so great. I tried to kill myself over it because the pressure of knowing I was willingly choosing a far more difficult life that can potentially end with me being murdered fucked with my anxiety something fierce. But... it's all okay now. Looking back, how much I freaked out over it makes me feel a little silly.

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#13 Edited by ShaggE (6453 posts) -

Congrats!

#14 Posted by Creamypies (4065 posts) -

It's amazing what we can do these days with hormones! Delighted to hear that it's all working out for you, and I look forward to your 12 month update!

#15 Posted by Nev (548 posts) -

It's great you're doing so well. Congratulations on the 6 Month mark - you look fantastic!

#17 Posted by csl316 (8674 posts) -

Congrats. It was probably a tough decision and a rough transition, but sounds like it'll be worth it in the long run.

#18 Edited by pause422 (6187 posts) -

Congrats, definitely sounds like its a lot of stuff to go through. Its great that you're doing something that you want though, and are happy. Let me just say I'm glad the GB community as a whole are not huge assholes, and this is a topic that can actually be acknowledged and discussed here, unless a majority of other gaming sites would be filled with nothing but immature assholes being dicks.

Really glad most of the people here are very understanding and great.

#19 Edited by TruthTellah (9076 posts) -

Even just two months back, I said you were very pretty and you said you weren't, and now you're here giving an update on your progress and proudly expressing just how pretty you are. That's freaking fantastic! :D

You've explained many times how difficult this all has been, but it's really paying off. Thanks so much for being so open and sharing your personal journey like this. I respect your willingness to share yourself with others, and I hope it helps you as much as your words help others.

(Also, this post got me reading your tumblr again, and the last two hours of my life just disappeared)

#20 Edited by BaconGames (3417 posts) -

From what I understand hormone therapy for processes like this can kick you like a mule. Happy to hear that you've actualized your social self and are happy with the results. Can you imagine if that wasn't the case? You know what? Don't, it's best to stay positive and enjoy the success.

It's not often though that we discuss such matters on these forums, and in large part that's probably for the best, but I'm curious how you self-identify now. In a world where gender descriptions can run the length of a paragraph or be monosyllabic, it's fascinating to hear how people navigate that stuff. How has that been?

#21 Posted by Demoskinos (14830 posts) -

@artelinarose: I do remember that post as well. Its good you stayed around with us in the land of the living! As quick as life can turn shitty it can just as soon turn the other direction. It seems you're on that path now and that is awesome.

#22 Posted by ArbitraryWater (11737 posts) -

You've made your own choices (acting instead of being acted upon) and stuck with them, and it's good to see that things are working out for you.

#23 Posted by crusader8463 (14422 posts) -

I wish you the best of luck, and eagerly await your Poison cosplay. :) Every time I see a time line of the changes people go through it blows my mind. It always makes me sit back and just think "Man. Science can do some amazing things!"

One of my coworkers is a transgender too and she had told me some really sad stories about some stuff she has had to go through in her life time. There are some really ignorant people out there and I hope you have the strength to not let them get to you.

#24 Edited by takayamasama (439 posts) -

@artelinarose: Rock on fellow Washington duder. Glad stuff seems to being going well, and most importantly you are loving it! That's all that matters in life.

#25 Posted by ArtelinaRose (1852 posts) -

@nev said:

It's great you're doing so well. Congratulations on the 6 Month mark - you look fantastic!

Thank you u/////u

From what I understand hormone therapy for processes like this can kick you like a mule. Happy to hear that you've actualized your social self and are happy with the results. Can you imagine if that wasn't the case? You know what? Don't, it's best to stay positive and enjoy the success.

It's not often though that we discuss such matters on these forums, and in large part that's probably for the best, but I'm curious how you self-identify now. In a world where gender descriptions can run the length of a paragraph or be monosyllabic, it's fascinating to hear how people navigate that stuff. How has that been?

Um, if you're asking how I identify, then I am a gray asexual panromantic transgender female. If you're asking how it's been entering this sort of community where such identifiers become common/expected, it's something you get used to quickly and then learn to appreciate. Knowing these important things about somebody's personality right out of the gate is a very useful thing, and knowing what the boundaries are and what things are NOT accepted right away is very convenient. My understanding and appreciation for others whose lifestyles and identities are completely different from mine has definitely grown.


And for those who are interested, there are more pictures of me and myself on my tumblr: http://artelinarose.tumblr.com/tagged/selfie

Online
#26 Posted by Hailinel (24794 posts) -

Great to hear things are turning out on the positive side! :)

#27 Posted by Flacracker (1675 posts) -

Two questions:

  1. What do you mean your period? Do you have ovaries and a uterus?
  2. I can't see many straight males wanting to go for a transgender female. So do people like you hope to find a transgender male?
#28 Edited by stonepawfox (236 posts) -

awesome, happy for you

#29 Posted by PeasantAbuse (5138 posts) -

Congrats! I'm glad to hear things are working out for you.

#30 Posted by TheHT (11261 posts) -

Fuckin A.

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#31 Edited by Jay_Ray (1101 posts) -

Congrats!

#32 Edited by ArtelinaRose (1852 posts) -

Two questions:

  1. What do you mean your period? Do you have ovaries and a uterus?
  2. I can't see many straight males wanting to go for a transgender female. So do people like you hope to find a transgender male?

These are terrible, insensitive questions but I'm going to answer them anyway.

1. A period is more than just physical. I get the psychological and emotional parts of it.

2. A) Why do you assume I'm straight?

B) Why do you assume all relationships are straight?

C) Why do you assume a straight man wouldn't want me? Don't answer that. It's because you think I'm a man, and that's your fuck up, not mine.

D) I have a super wonderful, gorgeous girlfriend whom I love very much.

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#33 Edited by Grabbizle (21 posts) -

@artelinarose: Isn't it fascinating? The technologically and medically advanced age we're currently living in provides something fitting for everyone, and it's still in its infancy. I feel happy for your feeling more comfortable in your state of being. Hope you live a much happier life!

#34 Posted by MB (12408 posts) -

Wow, what a difference! You are definitely quite pretty, if I walked by you on the street or something I wouldn't think you were any different from any other woman. Congrats.

Moderator
#35 Edited by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

@artelinarose: I do remember that post as well.

I think we all do. I mean, it was so much harder for you, but.....still, congrats on things being better and everything.

#37 Posted by falserelic (5437 posts) -

Congrats and best of luck to you.

#38 Edited by believer258 (11907 posts) -

@artelinarose said:

@flacracker said:

Two questions:

  1. What do you mean your period? Do you have ovaries and a uterus?
  2. I can't see many straight males wanting to go for a transgender female. So do people like you hope to find a transgender male?

These are terrible, insensitive questions but I'm going to answer them anyway.

1. A period is more than just physical. I get the psychological and emotional parts of it.

2. A) Why do you assume I'm straight?

B) Why do you assume all relationships are straight?

C) Why do you assume a straight man wouldn't want me? Don't answer that. It's because you think I'm a man, and that's your fuck up, not mine.

D) I have a super wonderful, gorgeous girlfriend whom I love very much.

First off, congratulations!

Second - I don't think that flacracker was trying to be insensitive, he was just a little too forward with his questioning.

#39 Posted by JackSukeru (5912 posts) -

You're purty.

I mean...in a lot of situations that would've just come off as creepy, but I figured if there was an approriate time to compliment a lady then this would be it. Right?

Good luck with the life stuff and also, just to be safe, fuck you for all the videogame related bs we probably disagree on.

#40 Posted by Random45 (1209 posts) -

You're looking pretty fantastic. If you didn't say anything, It wouldn't have even crossed my mind that you used to be male.

That change is pretty damn amazing.

#41 Posted by EchoEcho (825 posts) -

You look great! More importantly, I'm glad to hear that you're happy, and I wish you all the best as things progress.

#42 Posted by TyCobb (1972 posts) -

I normally stray away from any of these types of threads, but wanted to say congratulations. It seems like your life has turned a complete 180 from the prior threads you have made over the last couple of years.

So... Congrats Ms. Duder!

#43 Edited by HatKing (5949 posts) -

@flacracker said:

I can't see many straight males wanting to go for a transgender female. So do people like you hope to find a transgender male?

I'm a straight dude, and maybe I'm just open minded, but I wouldn't have a problem dating a transsexual woman. I've certainly thought a lot about the issue, and the only hesitation I could come up with would be social. I'm not sure my family would be entirely accepting, but it's not like they're super thrilled about my religious and political perspectives anyway, so why do I care what they think of my romantic life? Not that I'm dying to share intimate, personal details about who I'm dating with them anyway. As long as this person possesses the qualities I look for in a partner, I would absolutely date them. If some prick walking down the street has a problem with it, they can keep it to themselves or explain it to me with a mouthful of blood.

Edit: Also, congrats @artelinarose! It's good to see this community is mostly supportive. And these journeys are always interesting when people are brave enough to share. Thanks!

#44 Edited by Slag (4376 posts) -
@artelinarose said:

The short short version of it is: My life is better now.

That's all that matters. I'm happy for you that it's going well!

Props to you for pursuing your happiness.

#45 Posted by Steadying (1238 posts) -

This is really great to hear. I'm happy for you!

You also look really great by the way. :P

#46 Posted by joshwent (2207 posts) -

Crap. I think my original comment here got sucked off to 502-bad-gateway-land, so I'll reiterate...

I'm pretty now, and I love it.

There are few sentiments as beautiful as that. Especially after seeing you sporadically lamenting physical things over the last few whenevers here. Congratufuckinlations!

And now for the deeply personal and insensitive question...

are those comics behind you on the racks in the first photo? I don't want to be jealous of your hair and a crazy comic collection.

#47 Posted by ArtelinaRose (1852 posts) -

@joshwent said:

Crap. I think my original comment here got sucked off to 502-bad-gateway-land, so I'll reiterate...

@artelinarose said:

I'm pretty now, and I love it.

There are few sentiments as beautiful as that. Especially after seeing you sporadically lamenting physical things over the last few whenevers here. Congratufuckinlations!

And now for the deeply personal and insensitive question...

are those comics behind you on the racks in the first photo? I don't want to be jealous of your hair and a crazy comic collection.

I work in a comic book store, actually!

And yes, my pink bangs are definitely awesome.

Online
#48 Edited by GreggD (4505 posts) -

You may be pretty, but I, on the other hand, also think you're pretty. So there!

#49 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

@greggd said:

You may be pretty, but I, on the other hand, also think you're pretty. So there!

Fuck you, man! I, for one, think she's pretty!

#50 Posted by joshwent (2207 posts) -

I work in a comic book store, actually!

Ok, oooooookay, this is starting to get a little too awesome. May you be cursed with chipped nail polish... and your clothes not fitting in new frustrating ways... and the sense of pride that can only come with true self-actualization! ;)