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#1 Posted by kishan6 (1914 posts) -

So I have moral issues involving my friend/girlfriends sister.

No its not that (Get your mind out of the gutter). Well anyways my friend thinks that she is going out with this kid in the army who is back for a month on leave. And basically Im not sure if he thinks they are dating but either way since Im friends with his friends I was with him and he said he fucked 4 girls since he had been back. So something isnt lining up. If its just a miscommunication then I think I should just stay out of it and say its none of my business. However if he is cheating on her then I feel the need to tell her for obvious reasons. And now she is asking me what I think of him. And I dont know what to do.

Giant bomb To the Rescue!!!

#2 Posted by Vinny_Says (5700 posts) -

You're right, it's none of your business.

#3 Posted by punisherkaos (273 posts) -

Yea stay out that man

#4 Posted by BraveToaster (12590 posts) -

While it is none of your business, it would suck if this dude ended up sleeping with a woman who had an STD and unknowingly passed it on to your lady friend. I don't see why someone would make a commitment knowing good and well that they are going to cheat.

#5 Posted by chrismafuchris (1088 posts) -

I new advice too. You see, there's this incredibly cute Mexican girl in Twitter and I, being a huge fan of both girls and things that speak Spanish, want nothin more than for her to follow me, but she has up until now refused, saying (in Spanish) that she speaks no English. Now, I do speak a fair deal of Spanish, but as a result of my current location, I am in not position to have it become my primary language. What am I to do, Giant Bomb?

#6 Posted by killacam (1284 posts) -

That's none of my business.

#7 Posted by adam1808 (1452 posts) -

Not something you want to be involved in man, deny all knowledge and save yourself the stress.

#8 Posted by theguy (796 posts) -

If she specifically asks you what you think of him I'd answer with something like "He's on leave so I wouldn't take him too seriously." Beyond that stay out of it man.

#10 Posted by Deranged (1837 posts) -

Don't get involved mate, it doesn't seem like anyone is asking for the assistance.

#11 Posted by Zor (654 posts) -

Hmm... well, I would, but then again, that is mainly if i found myself in the same situation, i would want my friend to tell me. Some people will say it none of your business, and right now it isn't. The question is, do you want to make it your business? Because if you do, then get ready for some complex inter-group relations to happen...

#12 Posted by Grimhild (723 posts) -

@kishan6:

Sucks, but not your business.

Also the guy in the military may have either been convinced by his peers or convinced himself that a Jodie is screwing her. Jodie being the synonym for any man or woman that is sleeping with your significant other while you're deployed. So maybe it's just an asshole defensive reaction.

Or he's just a douche.

#13 Posted by SexyToad (2760 posts) -

I feel this is necessary.

#14 Posted by kishan6 (1914 posts) -

@Zor said:

Hmm... well, I would, but then again, that is mainly if i found myself in the same situation, i would want my friend to tell me. Some people will say it none of your business, and right now it isn't. The question is, do you want to make it your business? Because if you do, then get ready for some complex inter-group relations to happen...

Thats what Im saying I would want someone to tell me.

But I seriously dont want to get into any complete bullshit situations. I tend to stay out of drama I just always try to do the right thing.

Fuck this lol why couldnt he have just not told me lol.

#15 Edited by SmilingPig (1337 posts) -

I would tell her, despite the fact that it’s not the best thing to do for me.

The mere fact that she asked you means that she thinks that you are a decent guy, so if you don’t tell her you prove her wrong.

#16 Posted by wjb (1656 posts) -

Usually minding your own business is the way to go, but if she's your friend, you might want to investigate. Especially if she's your girlfriend's sister -- don't want to get in hot water, just in case. They might take your reluctance negatively. Also, STDs.

By the way, that dude sounds like a real "winner." "Hurr durr, I slept wit four gurls, derp."

#17 Posted by kneebees (20 posts) -

Two things, firstly chrismafuchris.... make your own thread about your non important stuff elsewhere. this dude has a real problem and your twitter stuff is no buenos? (upsidedown questionmark?) secondly - buddy, it sounds like the guy is a total scumbag, the sort of person who should be forgotten about.. While it isn't really your business, and it is i'm sure weird to watch from the outside. The problem you are really having here, is thinking that if something goes terribly you will blame it on yourself. It is not you fault in any way!

I don't know the ins and outs of this situation and it could be very different from how I picture it, but if it's getting to you enough to sit there and write a post about it on a video game site. Then maybe its a major problem and you should think about saying something... but it depends on so many factors that are specific to you.

This doesn't sound like a very good answer but if it was me, i wouldn't say anything direct but i would make sure that it was known. Don't be a gossip, but just... make sure that people are... aware of current events.

"DID YOU HEAR THAT ONE ARMY DOUCHE FUCKED LIKE A FUCKIN' HUNDRED PEOPLE ALL THE TIME? CRAZY RIGHT? WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK OF REAL TEXAS? YEAH IT WAS THIS COOL WEIRD THING IN A CASTLE WITH LIMBO AND BRITISH COWBOYWIZARDS!"

#18 Posted by kishan6 (1914 posts) -

@wjb said:

Usually minding your own business is the way to go, but if she's your friend, you might want to investigate. Especially if she's your girlfriend's sister -- don't want to get in hot water, just in case. They might take your reluctance negatively. Also, STDs.

By the way, that dude sounds like a real "winner." "Hurr durr, I slept wit four gurls, derp."

Yeah Ive been trying to investigate but I dont talk to this kid at all besides that like one time so I cant ask him what his relationship status is. And yeah this is a unrelated story but said something about me and the minivan I drive ( Im broke so fucking shoot me, its wheels man) so yeah he is kind of a dickbag

#19 Posted by kneebees (20 posts) -

I was pretending I was at a party at the end there.

#20 Posted by wjb (1656 posts) -

@kishan6 said:

@wjb said:

Usually minding your own business is the way to go, but if she's your friend, you might want to investigate. Especially if she's your girlfriend's sister -- don't want to get in hot water, just in case. They might take your reluctance negatively. Also, STDs.

By the way, that dude sounds like a real "winner." "Hurr durr, I slept wit four gurls, derp."

Yeah Ive been trying to investigate but I dont talk to this kid at all besides that like one time so I cant ask him what his relationship status is. And yeah this is a unrelated story but said something about me and the minivan I drive ( Im broke so fucking shoot me, its wheels man) so yeah he is kind of a dickbag

I think you know your answer then. You can state your opinion without getting too specific. I do that all the time. He's obviously a dirtbag and maybe your friend will realize that sooner than later. Sometimes people just have to make mistakes.

#21 Posted by pyromagnestir (4299 posts) -

@kishan6: Find out if a threesome is potentially on the table. (or if insist on being helpful, I suppose you could try to get your friend to talk to talk to this guy. Sounds like either a miscommunication or he's lying to her about stuff.)

@chrismafuchris: Fake your own death.

#22 Posted by Slag (4250 posts) -

@kishan6 said:

@Zor said:

Hmm... well, I would, but then again, that is mainly if i found myself in the same situation, i would want my friend to tell me. Some people will say it none of your business, and right now it isn't. The question is, do you want to make it your business? Because if you do, then get ready for some complex inter-group relations to happen...

Thats what Im saying I would want someone to tell me.

But I seriously dont want to get into any complete bullshit situations. I tend to stay out of drama I just always try to do the right thing.

Fuck this lol why couldnt he have just not told me lol.

Dude seriously don't get involved. Nothing can come out this well for either of you. The truth is you don't really know. The guy said said stuff to you, but he could have been exaggerating to impress his buddies (or you). Or he could be a liar, or he could have actually been with those girls, or maybe something else. Point is you don't really know, and you shouldn't try to find out.

If she asks you again, just tell her to ask the army guy not you. If they are actually dating she's going to have to find out from the army guy anyway. And by doing so, if he's up to gettin' around she will probably find out.

#23 Edited by aurahack (2270 posts) -
#24 Posted by kneebees (20 posts) -

@pyromagnestir: You can't make a terrible joke and then tell someone to kill himself.

It just makes you both look bad.

#25 Posted by the_OFFICIAL_jAPanese_teaBAG (4308 posts) -

Dont be involved with it because nothing happened as long as she doesnt find out ;)  
 
 
 
But real talk, I think you could confront him though.  Theres nothing wrong with that.  

#26 Edited by pyromagnestir (4299 posts) -

@kneebees: @pyromagnestir said:

@kishan6: Find out if a threesome is potentially on the table. (or if insist on being helpful, I suppose you could try to get your friend to talk to talk to this guy. Sounds like either a miscommunication or he's lying to her about stuff.)

@chrismafuchris: Fake your own death.

Fake...

And who's this other person that looks bad? I'm the only one you're referring too. I should be the only one who looks bad, no?

#27 Posted by kneebees (20 posts) -

@pyromagnestir: everyone looks bad always.

#28 Posted by pyromagnestir (4299 posts) -

@kneebees: Well I have nothing to do with that. As long as I'm not inadvertently making others looks bad then all's good.

#29 Posted by kneebees (20 posts) -

@the_OFFICIAL_jAPanese_teaBAG: yes, confronting is a good idea if the guy is at all reasonable. Don't put yourself in a place where aggression may fall upon you though.

#30 Posted by kneebees (20 posts) -

@pyromagnestir: If i'm honest, i just mis-read and i thought you were being harsh. it made me unsmiley. sorry for the judgement.

#31 Posted by Franstone (1111 posts) -

If my friend had some info about my significant other cheating on me I would hope they would tell me...

#32 Posted by Tolshakk (84 posts) -

Why pass up an opportunity to cause drama?

#33 Posted by SpartyOn (500 posts) -

@kishan6: I've been in a similar situation before. I did nothing, she got hurt, and then she found out I knew because of a slip-up from the mutual I chose to come to for advice. Then her friend, my girlfriend, was all kinds of furious and associated me with a cheating scumbag, The fact is man, you do know what's up, and thus have to make a decision. Ethics is sticky business sometimes...I'd just consider how you would feel if you're girlfriend treated you like that ass treats her, and think about what you would want your friend/girlfriend to do in that situation. I wish you luck.

#34 Posted by the_OFFICIAL_jAPanese_teaBAG (4308 posts) -
@kneebees said:

@the_OFFICIAL_jAPanese_teaBAG: yes, confronting is a good idea if the guy is at all reasonable. Don't put yourself in a place where aggression may fall upon you though.

for some strange reason I feel like the guy seems kinda threatening though because hes in the army and he seems douchey.  
#35 Posted by SexyToad (2760 posts) -

Tell her only if you are positive that he is cheating. If you're not then just stay out.

#36 Posted by Sackmanjones (4688 posts) -

If you need some serious advice... You have come to the wrong place

#37 Posted by Lunar_Aura (2779 posts) -

tell him that she's cheating on him and grab some popcorm

#38 Posted by Sploder (917 posts) -

You should fuck him and see how he likes it.

#39 Posted by jimmyfenix (3852 posts) -

@Sploder said:

You should fuck him and see how he likes it.
#40 Posted by Char12 (69 posts) -

@Sploder said:

You should fuck him and see how he likes it.
#41 Edited by DeF (4859 posts) -

@GenocidalKitten said:

Well, if she's asking you all you can do is tell her what you know. Right?

I think you should get more information, make sure it's not a miscommunication, then talk to her.

agreed!

if you can't get more information, make absolutely clear that you are not sure if you heard it right and not present it as fact.

edit: saw a later post:

@wjb said:

@kishan6 said:

@wjb said:

Usually minding your own business is the way to go, but if she's your friend, you might want to investigate. Especially if she's your girlfriend's sister -- don't want to get in hot water, just in case. They might take your reluctance negatively. Also, STDs.

By the way, that dude sounds like a real "winner." "Hurr durr, I slept wit four gurls, derp."

Yeah Ive been trying to investigate but I dont talk to this kid at all besides that like one time so I cant ask him what his relationship status is. And yeah this is a unrelated story but said something about me and the minivan I drive ( Im broke so fucking shoot me, its wheels man) so yeah he is kind of a dickbag

I think you know your answer then. You can state your opinion without getting too specific. I do that all the time. He's obviously a dirtbag and maybe your friend will realize that sooner than later. Sometimes people just have to make mistakes.

If he's acting like that, I have little doubt that you misheard what he said that one time. Definitely tell her to be careful with that dude at least...

#42 Posted by BirdkeeperDan (400 posts) -

Unfortunately saying nothing doesn't really excuse you from making the decision. The girl would be mad later if she found out you knew and said nothing. It doesn't sound like your particularly close to either though. I'd tell the girl because the guy probably doesn't care and if he does then he shouldn't have cheated.
#43 Posted by Geralt (318 posts) -

If she found out later on, that dude will definitely think it was you. So...no way out for you either way.

Brace for impact!

#44 Posted by Seppli (10251 posts) -

All depends on their relationship. If it's just casual sex for sport, it's a no harm/no foul situation.
 
Either way. Feint ignorance and shut your mouth. You'll be golden. If asked your opinion, side with her. Done.

#45 Edited by Inkerman (1451 posts) -

Well here's what the million dollar question boils down to; which do you prefer, your friend finding out by some other means and suffering, but you (hopefully) staying high and dry and no play no foul, or telling your friend, causing her maybe less pain, but you getting dragged into the drama.

Kind of reminds of the philosophy question about the runaway tram and if you pull the lever you kill five people but if you do nothing 10 die.

#46 Posted by TheHT (11145 posts) -

He ain't your friend, she is. Tell her what his big mouth told you.

#47 Edited by WhiteForestParkRangr (51 posts) -

Seems fairly straight-forward, based on your story. If he's telling the truth in boasting about his extra-relational sexual exploits, then he's a douche-canoe. If he's lying about it to make himself look good, he's also a douche-canoe, just slightly less so. Either way the guy is a cheater or an egotistical, habitual liar (which wouldn't bode well for your girlfriend's sister's feelings sooner or later).

I think she should know about what was said, otherwise you may feel partly culpable if something bad results of you just "letting things go, man!". I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who feigns ignorance about MY significant other's improprieties just for the sake of my feelings. Sweeping things under the carpet/keeping her in the dark would be to let this asshole win and most likely stomp all over her clueless heart in due time. I prefer the painful truth to a comfortable lie (by omission or otherwise). I also think she would value you looking out for her best interests and even if you got a negative initial reaction, in retrospect would eventually come to appreciate you appreciating honesty and truth and not being so condescending as to think she's not adult enough to handle it, especially if she cares about what you think. And who gives two shits what douche-canoe thinks/does, an extreme defensive or even violent reaction would only further demonstrate you most likely made the right choice.

To the "It's none of your business" folks, the guy made it his business the moment he opened his fat mouth and told him he fucked 4 other girls behind a good friend's back. He didn't ask to hear that, but now that he did, he's been made into an unwilling accessory to douche-canoe's possible immoral acts against someone he cares about and so finds himself in a bit of a moral dilemma.

Like others already said, I'd sit her down and qualify your words and intentions very carefully and just state what was said, not an interpretation what you think he actually meant, as that would be for her to decipher and act upon (assuming she believes them to be in a monogamous "relationship"). At the least, if it only meant her taking a "wait and see" approach and keeping a closer, more skeptical eye on things then it would still be totally worth it in my eyes.

Ultimately you are the most qualified to decide a course of action here, as everyone here offering an opinion is doing so in a contextual/informational vacuum. Go with your own moral compass dude. If it doesn't "feel" right, it most likely isn't.

#48 Posted by AhmadMetallic (18955 posts) -

@GenocidalKitten said:

I think you should get more information, make sure it's not a miscommunication, then talk to her.

Is this lyrics?

#50 Posted by Tim_the_Corsair (3065 posts) -

You need to tell her.

You owe this dickhead nothing and she is someone you care about, even if it is simply because of the relationship to your girlfriend.

Tell her, it's the right thing to do.