#1 Posted by Stabbers_McGee (46 posts) -

So the past couple of weeks I was seeing this girl whom I really like. I thought the dates went well, mostly dinner, movies, hanging out, etc. The other day she tells me she doesn't see herself being in a romantic relationship with me. Seemed a little too soon to make that conclusion, we'd only had 3 or 4 dates under us. Should I try to convince her otherwise? Is there a way to do that? If the dates had been crumby I would understand and not be as unwilling to accept my fate, but I had a great time and thought she did, too. Should I try to find out why she feels that way?  I think I took it pretty well when she told me, but now it is sorta eating away at me. Anyways, sorry for another "help me with girls!" thread, but I appreciate any insights you guys and gals may have.

#2 Posted by Afroman269 (7387 posts) -

3 to 4 dates seems like enough to me. Go ahead and ask why she feels like that but don't push it and it sounds like it's done and you should move on. The last thing you should do is to spam her with questions as to what's wrong and stuff. Just start looking at other prospects.......that's what I would do at least.

#3 Posted by mikeeegeee (1577 posts) -

Sounds like the chemistry isn't there. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. I'd pack up and move on. Unless you're really set on her. In which case, persist.

#4 Posted by DeeGee (2150 posts) -

You can't force a girl to like you.

#5 Posted by Enigma777 (6061 posts) -

Let it go

#6 Posted by KaosAngel (13764 posts) -
@DeeGee said:
" You can't force a girl to like you. "
...uh yeah you can.  Trust me, I've done it before.  Hire some people to stalk her, and then "save" her.  It works.
#7 Posted by BabyChooChoo (4911 posts) -

Yes, let it go. Move on and accept it.

#8 Posted by Tricks73r (255 posts) -

Urkle it. Don't take "No!" for an answer for 9 seasons, and in the mean time, secretly invent a device that makes you into a supreme version of yourself. I think Dr. Phil did an episode on how to handle this matter, and came to the same conclusion. 

#9 Posted by Sweep (9023 posts) -

Fake your own death.

#10 Posted by CornBREDX (6244 posts) -

It's time to move on. Once one of you says its over, it's over.  You can't change someones mind about that.

#11 Posted by SuperSambo (2894 posts) -

She dont like you. Leave it.

#12 Posted by BeachThunder (12569 posts) -

Let's make this game related:

#13 Edited by iam3green (14390 posts) -

sweet i can post this again. you know i do enjoy posting this image all the time. 
you should just let it go. she doesn't think the chemistry isn't there. there is nothing that you can do. it also kind of sounds like you got friend-zoned.
#14 Posted by ___pocalypse (554 posts) -

I think it would be okay for you to ask why she's not into you ("did I do something to upset you? Just a chemistry thing?"), but she's made her decision and trying to change her mind would just reflect badly on you. There are more ladies out there! Sometimes people don't mutually or romantically click with each other, it's not  big deal.

#15 Posted by BeachThunder (12569 posts) -
@iam3green said:
"she doesn't think the chemistry isn't there."
#16 Posted by cancerdancer (316 posts) -

Why WOULDN'T she want to be with a dude who dresses like a ninja?

#17 Posted by GunslingerPanda (4884 posts) -

You can't force her to go out with you. Just get over it and move on.

#18 Posted by jorbear (2517 posts) -

I feel as though this is somewhat appropriate. 

  @iam3green: That picture is amazing. Also, I would talk to the girl on Facebook first, just comment on her pics, links, or whatever. Don't get too creepy though. Facebook stalking is enough already. 
#19 Posted by Fallen189 (5060 posts) -

Don't listen to anything that anyone on this website says

#20 Posted by Wrighteous86 (3824 posts) -
Even if you convinced her to go out with you again, it would only prolong the inevitable and make the pain worse.  I've seen long-term relationships do that, and it never ends well, let alone 4 dates (which is definitely enough time).  There's no way you're going to change her mind, and she probably didn't think the dates were as great as you did (obviously).
#21 Posted by JoMate (238 posts) -
@iam3green: do you have her msn? either way just try to start a nice little chat and if it goes well post in this little sentence: "we should totally hang out sometime" this might not work if you live outside of the us. ow and pls start your own thread about it so I can copy and past that awesome image of yours in their :P 
as for the op you could try asking why she thinks this way and try to fix it, or just take it as advice for the next girl though fixing would be better. If all fails report back and GB might have some absurd resolutions to try and steel her hart back
#22 Posted by Stabbers_McGee (46 posts) -

I appreciate all the replys. I think the thing that threw me off the most is that she was so active in talking to me and finding time to hangout. I initiated the first date, but two days later she invited me over for dinner. Normally I would be able to tell right away if she wasn't into me. I suppose it might just be her friendly nature. I do want to ask why she didn't want to pursue anything just for my own edification, but I don't want to be confrontational about it.
As for 3-4 dates being enough time to know, I guess that is true, but I think I'm kind of a hard guy to get to know. My relationships in the past have been a result of getting to know each other for a while and then dating. I don't have this luxury with her. Anyways, thanks again.

#23 Posted by natetodamax (19229 posts) -
@Fallen189 said:
" Don't listen to anything that anyone on this website says "
Sound advice
#24 Posted by benjaebe (2784 posts) -

Touch her shoulder.

#25 Posted by StaticFalconar (4850 posts) -


#26 Posted by FritzDude (2273 posts) -

Take her to Paris.

#27 Posted by craigbo180 (1726 posts) -
@Stabbers_McGee:  Dear Stabbers McGee. I thought with a name like that you would know not to try to enter into romantic relationships with girls pre stabbing. Tut tut tut.
#28 Posted by teh_destroyer (3577 posts) -

Being single is awesome.

#29 Edited by audiosnag (1582 posts) -

You could ask why she feels that way I guess....but ultimately, you're gonna wanna move on. When a girl says that is usually means she's not interested. Persistence sometimes SOMETIMES SOOOOOMETIMES (rarely) can change things but 99.9999999% of the time...don't bother.
If she sees you're cool and you move on and start hangin with other girls an stuff she may start to become interested again. Cause girls are crazy like that.

#30 Posted by davidh219 (257 posts) -

Not really much you can do. 4 dates is plenty for anyone to realize they don't like someone. Hell, I usually know whether or not I want to pursue a woman after the first date, and women are probably the same way. You could go ahead and ask her what exactly she didn't like about you though, for future reference, but it's most likely nothing in particular. Unless you're a socially awkward clingy creeper that is. 

#31 Posted by Wright (637 posts) -

  Let Mac Lethal solve all your problems.

#32 Posted by Vonocourt (2172 posts) -
@KaosAngel said:

" @DeeGee said:

" You can't force a girl to like you. "
...uh yeah you can.  Trust me, I've done it before.  Hire some people to stalk her, and then "save" her.  It works. "
#33 Posted by Tim_the_Corsair (3065 posts) -

Not trying to get too personal, but did you sleep together on the last date?

It sounds like she was into you and then something changed, sexual chemistry can be one of the main reasons for a good thing to cool off, especially if you didn't do something dramatically dickish.

#34 Posted by Stabbers_McGee (46 posts) -
@Tim_the_Corsair:  Nope. Hadn't slept together or anything yet. Two nights before we had grabbed dinner and a play. Then she kinda springs that on me out of the blue. Maybe I'm just terrible at reading women, but it seemed like we were both having fun.
#35 Posted by the_OFFICIAL_jAPanese_teaBAG (4284 posts) -

im just wondering if theres a specific thread for this cause i think i need some advice to be honest.  call me what u will for asking advice on a gaming forum but my best friend's in Australia and the only friends that i trust are pretty close to the girl and friends that im pretty close to dont take me too seriously so yeahhhh...

#36 Posted by supermike6 (3656 posts) -

Stalk her for three months. Then climb through her window while she's sleeping and cook her breakfast in bed before work. 
Be sure to bring flowers or it will not work! Good luck!

#37 Posted by DrPockets000 (2859 posts) -

If you care, ask her why she feels that way but don't smother her.

#38 Edited by Dan_CiTi (3575 posts) -

Usually I kill myself. This means you should forget she ever lived and move on because she's a cheese face.  
Also you prob did something wrong to mess up chemistry of some kind. 

#39 Posted by Tim_the_Corsair (3065 posts) -
@Stabbers_McGee Any conversations about potentially touchy topics? Religion, politics, marriage, orgies, etc?

Not trying to belabour the point, but your description makes it sound more like there was a turning point to me.

Regardless, I would definitely ask her, although bear in mind that that question is a lot easier to ask if you arent planning on staying friends in the sense of regularly socialising. Nothing puts the crimp in a new friendship like asking why you guys didn't work out.
#40 Posted by Stabbers_McGee (46 posts) -
@Tim_the_Corsair:  Yeah, I know what you mean, but I can't think of anything unusual...
I think I have to ask at this point. We wouldn't see each other much without actively trying, so I doubt there will be a lot of interaction even if we did stay friends.
#41 Edited by Wrighteous86 (3824 posts) -
@Stabbers_McGee: Did you even make out or kiss a bit?  If not, then she was probably never interested in dating, or not after the first date or two.  Odds are she knew it was over a while before you did.

@Wright said:

"Let Mac Lethal solve all your problems."

 There is actually some good advice in the video, I'm surprised.
#42 Posted by Vinny_Says (5729 posts) -

#43 Posted by dudeglove (8477 posts) -
@Sweep said:
" Fake your own death. "
#44 Posted by JJWeatherman (14575 posts) -
@Afroman269 said:
" 3 to 4 dates seems like enough to me. Go ahead and ask why she feels like that but don't push it and it sounds like it's done and you should move on. The last thing you should do is to spam her with questions as to what's wrong and stuff. Just start looking at other prospects.......that's what I would do at least. "
Nice job being the first reply, too.  :)
#45 Posted by BraveToaster (12588 posts) -

You already had a chance to convince her and you wasted it. Time to move on.

#46 Posted by tomte (291 posts) -

Even if she doesn't want to be in a romantic relationship with you it doesn't  mean that she dont wanna be in a sexuall relationship

#47 Posted by Pezen (1701 posts) -

 Sometimes some people just have an idea of what their lives should be and if you've said you see your life as A she might have figured that it's not fit with her plans for B. My ex girlfriend dumped me for that very reason, and we were together for a few months. But one night she called me and explained that she just didn't see it working out because we were heading in different directions and even though feelings were there, she didn't want to compromise her future because of me and how my life looked like at the time, and in retrospect I quite respect her decision to stay true to herself. 
And sometimes, it just doesn't click past 'friendship'.

#48 Posted by MordeaniisChaos (5730 posts) -
@Stabbers_McGee: Unfortunately there needs to be more than "fun" on dates. If there wasn't one ounce of anticipation, excitement, chemistry, then maybe things weren't as on track as you thought. I think you should let it go, but if you feel very strongly, then maybe you just need to express that more. I'm not saying it'll get you anywhere, but I know that disappointment from a spurned advance is better than not trying. On the other hand, if you don't feel that strongly, I would just let it go, especially if you two are friends. There is a difference between being compatible, and having true chemistry. 3 or 4 dates is actually about the right amount of time to feel things out and figure out if you want things to progress beyond that. It may seem like too little time to you, because it seems you were a little blind sided by it, but I'd say you need to figure out how you really feel. If you feel strongly enough, then absolutely take a risk. But if you don't care enough about the relationship going that far, don't bother.