Stop debating feminism, let's talk food for self-loathing!

Wife free friday means let's take the hate out on myself night. Coming home from work and getting to spend some hours to unwind by myself I figured, hey, you want to do something really stupid, right? RIGHT! So naturally the old classics came to mind with something good to drink and some snacks and/or candy and just game the entire evening. But no. Tonight was special. Tonight I figured, let's go fucking all in on this thing. So after spending way too much money on way too much crap I came home and started to prepare what will probably undo this entire week of healthy living and hard time at the gym. But to hell with it, I have earned this.

Oh god.

Battered and deep fried cheese and turkey sandwiches that I was dipping in mayo and bbq sauce mixed together. Holy shit. It's like I was eating the embodiment of self-loathing. I am sweating like a fat goth at a summer funeral drinking, by lovely irony, "sugar free" energy drinks. As if that's going to save me. I still have chips and cheese ready to go for some fuckin' nachos. Well, nachos without the meat, beans, and other condiments, let's just call it chips and cheese that I'm going to be dipping in an assortment of dips from chipotle salsa to guacamole. Also, there is some candy. Fuck me, what did I get myself into.

But isn't that what you do when you lose weight and begin feeling like maybe you could get your body in shape?

So, what do you usually stuff your face with when you want to swallow any notion of a better world and the beautiful song of birds?

PS. I'm actually not depressed or self-loathing. Well, maybe I have the self-respect and restraint of a child, but that's an entirely different issue.

PPS. My apartment smells like frying oil.

This thread is sexist

@TheHumanDove said:

This thread is sexist

This post is sexist

@TheHumanDove said:

This thread is sexist

Well, F.

On-topic: Way too many spicy fries is usually what I eat in these types of situations. Simple, but delicious.

@TheHumanDove said:

This thread is sexist

At first I was like, hell yeah this thread is the sexiest.

Then I realized my error and felt a little ache in my heart.

@CL60 said:

@TheHumanDove said:

This thread is sexist

This post is sexist

This quote is sexist. Also, make some octo-dogs. You stick spaghetti into hotdogs and throw it into some boiling water...spaghetti is the legs, dog is the body. It's novel as shit

An entire little caesars hot an ready can sure put the hurt on.

egregious amounts of pizza, as well as sometimes if i get the manic energy and motivation, i will just make a batch of cookies or brownies and eat it all. sometimes before it ends up going in the oven. i dont give a fuck it's friday

OH MY GOD!!!! You want to get away from your wife for a few hours a week? You sir are a sexist pig and I hope you get diabetus.

@Vinny_Says: Have you met my wife? GOD.

Seriously though, she works until midnight and I don't, so it's not as if I had any say in it.

And if I did I would still say "leave me alone" because I'm a sexist pig. Also, she would be forced to cook food for me. Because I'm a sexist pig.

Damn right, I take no guff from these swine as a slightly overweight attorney would say.

@Pezen said:

@TheHumanDove said:

This thread is sexist

At first I was like, hell yeah this thread is the sexiest.

Then I realized my error and felt a little ache in my heart.

Don't worry, this thread is the sexiest.

For me it's more sweets than salty stuff. Especially because I can make those without any help.

I sous vide'd some chicken breasts last night and plan on making chicken alfredo here in a bit. The prep has gone smoothly so far, but I'm sure I'll skip a step and fuck something up as it gets closer to being finished. That's where the self-loathing will come in.

Animalists!!! What do people have against pigs?

I'm a detestable angry reactionary and I'm here to fuck this thread up and ruin food for everyone.

Also, I am a dude, owned.

@MrKlorox: who the hell sous vides chicken in their house man use a pan fer cryin out loud

Whole bags of Doritos. The big bags, not the little ones you get from a vending machine.

Fast food. Soda. Cookies. If I don't hate myself before eating any of these things, I sure as hell hate myself during and after.

@AlexanderSheen: Awesome.

@NMC2008: They don't give us their bacon without a fight.

I fucking love pizza. Every time I get pizza, doesn't matter how good or bad it is, I can't help but get four pieces at least. At practically any other meal I get precisely one helping of whatever it is, but with pizza I can't help but go back for seconds and thirds. I start feeling bad about eating so much, but that just makes me think about pizza more and I go back for fourths at about 11:00. No, really, the timing for my want of another serving is pretty much that perfect, give or take a quarter of an hour. And I can't help but get a fresh can of Pepsi with every serving.

In short, when my family gets pizza I don't stop eating it until it's actually gone all the way.

@MrKlorox: who the hell sous vides chicken in their house man use a pan fer cryin out loud

@Pezen said:

@AlexanderSheen: Awesome.

@NMC2008: They don't give us their bacon without a fight.

So we take bacon against the will of the pigs? Oh no.......... that sounds like.................... like.............

Don't hit me don't hit me! I'm just passing by... oh this isn't one of those? ok sure I can taste this... so square shaped pizza should we allow that? Thoughts!

@MrKlorox: oh that totally makes sense and i'm not doubting that it comes out really really good. i would just be hard pressed to go through that effort when i could just pan fry it in 10 minutes and have it be decent enough.

then again this is coming from someone with barely a kitchen and i'm probably just jealous anyway. why can't i have an immersion circulator? hell i need a stand mixer too...not that baking turns out that well with all the uneven heat zones in my oven. stupid money

Fine then, what's the best coffee brand to go for?

@WaylonJennings said:

An entire little caesars hot an ready can sure put the hurt on.

A pizza and breadsticks for under $10? That's what I'm talking about. I've never managed to finish all of it in one sitting but I've come damn close. I always hate myself afterwards though.

@TheHumanDove said:

@CL60 said:

@TheHumanDove said:

This thread is sexist

This post is sexist

This quote is sexist.

Everyone's sexist!

i really want to eat some pizza but im afraid of the racial stero types involved with italians....maybe ill just eat some white bread? no,dammit. thats offensive to white people.great,so im a self loathing white man. crap,i just mentioned i was a man.

::Hangs self::

@AngelN7: Well, I do partake in some of that square "pizza" thing sometimes, usually frozen. But to be honest, it feels more like a warm sandwich and rarely like pizza. So, for my money, pizza is still round.

@fox01313: Obviously Kopi Luwak.

@DoctorDanger99: You know how to conquer racial shame? Eat broadly ethnic. I'm Swedish and there is nothing Swedish about deep fried shit or nachos. The only Swedish thing on my menu tonight is Swedish style introspective self-loathing.

I've been eating nutella out of a jar with a spoon these last few days because I can't be arsed to cook a proper meal. How's that?

I'm gonna take a nice long shower then dig in on far too much homemade lasagna.

@Scrawnto: Perfect, that's the spirit! Eating things that shouldn't be eaten by itself with a spoon directly from the jar is always a step in the right direction.

@Pezen: swedish style self introspective self loathing? is that like american self loathing? over here it involves alot of whiskey and listening to The Cure. (just like heaven)

Ramen noodles, cook them then dry them off, dip them in batter, fry it along with scrambled eggs and ham and way too much soy sauce.  

@Turambar said:

Ramen noodles, cook them then dry them off, dip them in batter, fry it along with scrambled eggs and ham and way too much soy sauce.

Back up. Tell me again about the part where you take poor people food and then turn it into a legit meal. I've got to try this this weekend.

Actually, I don't think I have any soy sauce. What is the best brand? My local asian market has like 10,000 different kinds and I don't know which to pick.

@Turambar said:

Ramen noodles, cook them then dry them off, dip them in batter, fry it along with scrambled eggs and ham and way too much soy sauce.

Oh god, that sounds incredible. I've done egg-drop ramen soup, but that is some next-level shit.

@Turambar said:

Ramen noodles, cook them then dry them off, dip them in batter, fry it along with scrambled eggs and ham and way too much soy sauce.

Back up. Tell me again about the part where you take poor people food and then turn it into a legit meal. I've got to try this this weekend.

Actually, I don't think I have any soy sauce. What is the best brand? My local asian market has like 10,000 different kinds and I don't know which to pick.

I have a Reese's addiction.

@DoctorDanger99: American self loathing is a lot more commercially viable. Swedish self loathing is more introspective and cold and usually doesn't lead to good comedy.

@Pezen said:

Wife free friday means let's take the hate out on myself night.

So what you're saying is that your wife isn't home, in the kitchen, cooking you dinner like she should be?!

(I'm kidding.)

If someone gave me a pint glass full of pesto I would slam it.

@Turambar said:

But this is food for self-loathing, so I went with the cheapest and shittiest.

In that case, I'll skip the soy sauce and fancy noodles and just buy $50 worth of asian candies and junk food. Pocky coma, here I come!

@Sergio: Yes. She cooks during the weeks, I'm at a loss now when I'm at home by myself. That always leads to bad ideas.

(Actually, I'm a decent cook but she just wants food faster than me and I take my sweet time when I cook leaving her hungry and me with hardly any spare time. So she handles the week day cooking and in return I do all the dishes and the laundry, bam, equality up in this bitch.)

@Turambar said:

But this is food for self-loathing, so I went with the cheapest and shittiest.

In that case, I'll skip the soy sauce and fancy noodles and just buy $50 worth of asian candies and junk food. Pocky coma, here I come!

@Turambar said:

Oh fuck...that reminds me I haven't had any in half a year...

Bringing it full circle, is Men's Pocky sexist?

@Ravenlight: Either that or they're calling all men "bitter" and they can have their own specific chocolate "fun". I'm a man and I resent having my own fun chocolate because I may or may not be bitter. Also, why would I want bitter chocolate? I want happy fun chocolate.

So your wife wasn't home to cook food for you.

@Dagbiker: Stating the obvious, Kermit.

Ps. I could have cooked myself, but I just chose not to and insisted on bad choices because that seemed like more fun.

@Dagbiker said:

So your wife wasn't home to cook food for you.

BOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!

@DoctorWelch: Don't break anything trying to perform an overly complicated high-five later.

@Pezen said:

@DoctorWelch: Don't break anything trying to perform an overly complicated high-five later.

......too late :/