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#1 Posted by Pezen (1632 posts) -

Wife free friday means let's take the hate out on myself night. Coming home from work and getting to spend some hours to unwind by myself I figured, hey, you want to do something really stupid, right? RIGHT! So naturally the old classics came to mind with something good to drink and some snacks and/or candy and just game the entire evening. But no. Tonight was special. Tonight I figured, let's go fucking all in on this thing. So after spending way too much money on way too much crap I came home and started to prepare what will probably undo this entire week of healthy living and hard time at the gym. But to hell with it, I have earned this.

Oh god.

Battered and deep fried cheese and turkey sandwiches that I was dipping in mayo and bbq sauce mixed together. Holy shit. It's like I was eating the embodiment of self-loathing. I am sweating like a fat goth at a summer funeral drinking, by lovely irony, "sugar free" energy drinks. As if that's going to save me. I still have chips and cheese ready to go for some fuckin' nachos. Well, nachos without the meat, beans, and other condiments, let's just call it chips and cheese that I'm going to be dipping in an assortment of dips from chipotle salsa to guacamole. Also, there is some candy. Fuck me, what did I get myself into.

But isn't that what you do when you lose weight and begin feeling like maybe you could get your body in shape?

So, what do you usually stuff your face with when you want to swallow any notion of a better world and the beautiful song of birds?

PS. I'm actually not depressed or self-loathing. Well, maybe I have the self-respect and restraint of a child, but that's an entirely different issue.

PPS. My apartment smells like frying oil.

#2 Posted by TheHumanDove (2523 posts) -

This thread is sexist

#3 Posted by CL60 (16906 posts) -

@TheHumanDove said:

This thread is sexist

This post is sexist

#4 Posted by Cloudenvy (5891 posts) -

@TheHumanDove said:

This thread is sexist

Well, F.

On-topic: Way too many spicy fries is usually what I eat in these types of situations. Simple, but delicious.

#5 Posted by Pezen (1632 posts) -

@TheHumanDove said:

This thread is sexist

At first I was like, hell yeah this thread is the sexiest.

Then I realized my error and felt a little ache in my heart.

#6 Posted by TheHumanDove (2523 posts) -

@CL60 said:

@TheHumanDove said:

This thread is sexist

This post is sexist

This quote is sexist. Also, make some octo-dogs. You stick spaghetti into hotdogs and throw it into some boiling water...spaghetti is the legs, dog is the body. It's novel as shit

#7 Posted by WaylonJennings (104 posts) -

An entire little caesars hot an ready can sure put the hurt on.

#8 Posted by stonepawfox (236 posts) -

egregious amounts of pizza, as well as sometimes if i get the manic energy and motivation, i will just make a batch of cookies or brownies and eat it all. sometimes before it ends up going in the oven. i dont give a fuck it's friday

#9 Posted by Vinny_Says (5719 posts) -

OH MY GOD!!!! You want to get away from your wife for a few hours a week? You sir are a sexist pig and I hope you get diabetus.

#10 Posted by Pezen (1632 posts) -

@Vinny_Says: Have you met my wife? GOD.

Seriously though, she works until midnight and I don't, so it's not as if I had any say in it.

And if I did I would still say "leave me alone" because I'm a sexist pig. Also, she would be forced to cook food for me. Because I'm a sexist pig.

Damn right, I take no guff from these swine as a slightly overweight attorney would say.

#11 Posted by AlexanderSheen (5040 posts) -

@Pezen said:

@TheHumanDove said:

This thread is sexist

At first I was like, hell yeah this thread is the sexiest.

Then I realized my error and felt a little ache in my heart.

Don't worry, this thread is the sexiest.

For me it's more sweets than salty stuff. Especially because I can make those without any help.

Online
#12 Posted by MrKlorox (11209 posts) -

I sous vide'd some chicken breasts last night and plan on making chicken alfredo here in a bit. The prep has gone smoothly so far, but I'm sure I'll skip a step and fuck something up as it gets closer to being finished. That's where the self-loathing will come in.

#13 Posted by NMC2008 (1237 posts) -

Animalists!!! What do people have against pigs?

#14 Posted by artgarcrunkle (970 posts) -

I'm a detestable angry reactionary and I'm here to fuck this thread up and ruin food for everyone.

Also, I am a dude, owned.

#15 Posted by stonepawfox (236 posts) -

@MrKlorox: who the hell sous vides chicken in their house man use a pan fer cryin out loud

#16 Edited by pyromagnestir (4326 posts) -

Whole bags of Doritos. The big bags, not the little ones you get from a vending machine.

Fast food. Soda. Cookies. If I don't hate myself before eating any of these things, I sure as hell hate myself during and after.

#17 Posted by Pezen (1632 posts) -

@AlexanderSheen: Awesome.

@NMC2008: They don't give us their bacon without a fight.

#18 Posted by believer258 (11990 posts) -

I fucking love pizza. Every time I get pizza, doesn't matter how good or bad it is, I can't help but get four pieces at least. At practically any other meal I get precisely one helping of whatever it is, but with pizza I can't help but go back for seconds and thirds. I start feeling bad about eating so much, but that just makes me think about pizza more and I go back for fourths at about 11:00. No, really, the timing for my want of another serving is pretty much that perfect, give or take a quarter of an hour. And I can't help but get a fresh can of Pepsi with every serving.

In short, when my family gets pizza I don't stop eating it until it's actually gone all the way.

Online
#19 Posted by MrKlorox (11209 posts) -
@stonepawfox said:

@MrKlorox: who the hell sous vides chicken in their house man use a pan fer cryin out loud

The pan comes after the initial cooking in the water oven, which I always use to sear the meat. Cooking has been great since I discovered sous vide, and it's practically the only method I use now.
#20 Posted by NMC2008 (1237 posts) -

@Pezen said:

@AlexanderSheen: Awesome.

@NMC2008: They don't give us their bacon without a fight.

So we take bacon against the will of the pigs? Oh no.......... that sounds like.................... like.............

#21 Posted by AngelN7 (2970 posts) -

Don't hit me don't hit me! I'm just passing by... oh this isn't one of those? ok sure I can taste this... so square shaped pizza should we allow that? Thoughts!

#22 Posted by stonepawfox (236 posts) -

@MrKlorox: oh that totally makes sense and i'm not doubting that it comes out really really good. i would just be hard pressed to go through that effort when i could just pan fry it in 10 minutes and have it be decent enough.

then again this is coming from someone with barely a kitchen and i'm probably just jealous anyway. why can't i have an immersion circulator? hell i need a stand mixer too...not that baking turns out that well with all the uneven heat zones in my oven. stupid money

#23 Posted by fox01313 (5080 posts) -

Fine then, what's the best coffee brand to go for?

#24 Posted by Slay3r1583 (624 posts) -

@WaylonJennings said:

An entire little caesars hot an ready can sure put the hurt on.

A pizza and breadsticks for under $10? That's what I'm talking about. I've never managed to finish all of it in one sitting but I've come damn close. I always hate myself afterwards though.

#25 Posted by TheDudeOfGaming (6078 posts) -

@TheHumanDove said:

@CL60 said:

@TheHumanDove said:

This thread is sexist

This post is sexist

This quote is sexist.

Everyone's sexist!

#26 Posted by DoctorDanger99 (686 posts) -

i really want to eat some pizza but im afraid of the racial stero types involved with italians....maybe ill just eat some white bread? no,dammit. thats offensive to white people.great,so im a self loathing white man. crap,i just mentioned i was a man.

::Hangs self::

#27 Posted by Pezen (1632 posts) -

@AngelN7: Well, I do partake in some of that square "pizza" thing sometimes, usually frozen. But to be honest, it feels more like a warm sandwich and rarely like pizza. So, for my money, pizza is still round.

@fox01313: Obviously Kopi Luwak.

@DoctorDanger99: You know how to conquer racial shame? Eat broadly ethnic. I'm Swedish and there is nothing Swedish about deep fried shit or nachos. The only Swedish thing on my menu tonight is Swedish style introspective self-loathing.

#28 Posted by Scrawnto (2456 posts) -

I've been eating nutella out of a jar with a spoon these last few days because I can't be arsed to cook a proper meal. How's that?

#29 Posted by TheHT (11519 posts) -

I'm gonna take a nice long shower then dig in on far too much homemade lasagna.

Online
#30 Posted by Pezen (1632 posts) -

@Scrawnto: Perfect, that's the spirit! Eating things that shouldn't be eaten by itself with a spoon directly from the jar is always a step in the right direction.

#31 Posted by DoctorDanger99 (686 posts) -

@Pezen: swedish style self introspective self loathing? is that like american self loathing? over here it involves alot of whiskey and listening to The Cure. (just like heaven)

#32 Posted by Turambar (6809 posts) -

Ramen noodles, cook them then dry them off, dip them in batter, fry it along with scrambled eggs and ham and way too much soy sauce.  

#33 Edited by MrKlorox (11209 posts) -
@stonepawfox: Heh, I just use a beer cooler that I sprayed extra insulating foam into, fill it with hot water from the tap (comes out at 130F), and make heat adjustments using a tea kettle full of boiling water. I'm extremely lazy, and this thing has turned out to be more of a "set it and forget it" than our friggin Ronco rotisserie. I just have to check it every half hour or so for the first 90 minutes to see if the temperature drops below pasteurization temperature (around 140F) and I can leave it in there for hours at a time in case I'm in the middle of a game or whatever. And the cleanup is easier as well (aside from the initial vacuum sealing that happens when we get home with the meat) which is great for a germophobe such as myself.
 
I used to cook with nothing but the oven (did I mention how lazy I am) but I always ended up ruining steaks and other cuts of meat that weren't super thick. But with this ghetto water oven, under and overcooking the insides has stopped happening. Now I just need thermometer that can read above 158F so I can start doing vegetables.
#34 Posted by Ravenlight (8040 posts) -

@Turambar said:

Ramen noodles, cook them then dry them off, dip them in batter, fry it along with scrambled eggs and ham and way too much soy sauce.

Back up. Tell me again about the part where you take poor people food and then turn it into a legit meal. I've got to try this this weekend.

Actually, I don't think I have any soy sauce. What is the best brand? My local asian market has like 10,000 different kinds and I don't know which to pick.

#35 Posted by Scrawnto (2456 posts) -

@Turambar said:

Ramen noodles, cook them then dry them off, dip them in batter, fry it along with scrambled eggs and ham and way too much soy sauce.

Oh god, that sounds incredible. I've done egg-drop ramen soup, but that is some next-level shit.

#36 Posted by Turambar (6809 posts) -
@Ravenlight said:

@Turambar said:

Ramen noodles, cook them then dry them off, dip them in batter, fry it along with scrambled eggs and ham and way too much soy sauce.

Back up. Tell me again about the part where you take poor people food and then turn it into a legit meal. I've got to try this this weekend.

Actually, I don't think I have any soy sauce. What is the best brand? My local asian market has like 10,000 different kinds and I don't know which to pick.

Kimlan and Otafuku.  I don't know if those are good, it's just what my parents have always used so I do as well.  Also, for the record, ramen is an extremely shitty choice in this case.  I've tried it with some different types of noodles, and Japanese buckwheat noodle is my favorite since they are so thin.  But this is food for self-loathing, so I went with the cheapest and shittiest.
#37 Posted by PeasantAbuse (5138 posts) -

I have a Reese's addiction.

#38 Posted by Pezen (1632 posts) -

@DoctorDanger99: American self loathing is a lot more commercially viable. Swedish self loathing is more introspective and cold and usually doesn't lead to good comedy.

#39 Posted by Sergio (2160 posts) -

@Pezen said:

Wife free friday means let's take the hate out on myself night.

So what you're saying is that your wife isn't home, in the kitchen, cooking you dinner like she should be?!

(I'm kidding.)

#40 Posted by artgarcrunkle (970 posts) -

If someone gave me a pint glass full of pesto I would slam it.

#41 Posted by Ravenlight (8040 posts) -

@Turambar said:

But this is food for self-loathing, so I went with the cheapest and shittiest.

In that case, I'll skip the soy sauce and fancy noodles and just buy $50 worth of asian candies and junk food. Pocky coma, here I come!

#42 Posted by Pezen (1632 posts) -

@Sergio: Yes. She cooks during the weeks, I'm at a loss now when I'm at home by myself. That always leads to bad ideas.

(Actually, I'm a decent cook but she just wants food faster than me and I take my sweet time when I cook leaving her hungry and me with hardly any spare time. So she handles the week day cooking and in return I do all the dishes and the laundry, bam, equality up in this bitch.)

#43 Posted by Turambar (6809 posts) -
@Ravenlight said:

@Turambar said:

But this is food for self-loathing, so I went with the cheapest and shittiest.

In that case, I'll skip the soy sauce and fancy noodles and just buy $50 worth of asian candies and junk food. Pocky coma, here I come!

Oh fuck...that reminds me I haven't had any in half a year...
#44 Posted by Ravenlight (8040 posts) -

@Turambar said:

Oh fuck...that reminds me I haven't had any in half a year...

Bringing it full circle, is Men's Pocky sexist?

Implying women cannot appreciate fun or flavor?
#45 Posted by Pezen (1632 posts) -

@Ravenlight: Either that or they're calling all men "bitter" and they can have their own specific chocolate "fun". I'm a man and I resent having my own fun chocolate because I may or may not be bitter. Also, why would I want bitter chocolate? I want happy fun chocolate.

#46 Posted by Dagbiker (6978 posts) -

So your wife wasn't home to cook food for you.

#47 Posted by Pezen (1632 posts) -

@Dagbiker: Stating the obvious, Kermit.

Ps. I could have cooked myself, but I just chose not to and insisted on bad choices because that seemed like more fun.

#48 Posted by DoctorWelch (2774 posts) -

@Dagbiker said:

So your wife wasn't home to cook food for you.

BOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!

#49 Posted by Pezen (1632 posts) -

@DoctorWelch: Don't break anything trying to perform an overly complicated high-five later.

#50 Posted by DoctorWelch (2774 posts) -

@Pezen said:

@DoctorWelch: Don't break anything trying to perform an overly complicated high-five later.

......too late :/