Tell Me Stories About Dumb Stuff

So I have had a bit of a shitty week and want to celebrate its ending by talking about dumb shit. So tell me the dumbest shot you can remember doing so we can all laugh about it. Here are some of my favorites;

-On my first date I was so nervous and scared that I couldn't stop talking. At some point I started talking about puke. And then at the end of the date, even after the puke talk, she still wanted a hug but, again, I was too nervous, fumbled about, and ended up giving her a handshake instead.

-On a hike my friends and I decided it'd be smart for all of us to climb onto a ledge, hold onto a tree that was growing on the ledge, and look down a waterfall that ran below the ledge. The drop was about 100 feet. When we were done we decided to THEN check to make sure if the cliff was actually safe to stand on. It wasn't. The 'cliff' was a tiny little jut of dirt and rock about three feet tall. With all of us on there we added about a thousand pounds to it and all the weight was on the weakest part of the lip.

-At a warehouse job I used to work at I rode the forks of a forklift up about 20 feet to the top of the warehouse to inventory the goods that were stacked up there. I wasn't even on a pallet. Just the slippery, metal forks.

-While rock climbing as a teenager I fell ten feet off of a rock on to more rocks, shock it off, and climbed back up again. The next time I fell about 15 feet.

-I played a half of football in high school after having had a concussion.

That's all I can think of at the moment. Go ahead and join me in sharing dumb shit!

I once poured salt in my coffee instead of sugar. I felt very dumb afterwards and salty.

I got a new job last week, I lost it due to a panic attack (first one ever) after two days of work. Find the dumb in that getting fired for one panic attack or me being dumb and having it. Both are valid for dumb.

I don't know. I guess a more recent dumb thing (within this year) was when a girl told me "good luck" right before a quiz and I didn't realize she was talking to me until a bit later...yeah. I might add more if I remember other moments.

@akyho:

That's not dumb that's just shitty. I'm sorry dude.

May I ask, what happened? Why did you have a panic attack?

• I almost drove a golf cart into a pond once.
• I was elected Prom King and I didn't even go to the prom. Found out via several people texting me "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU" as I was walking home from seeing Thor.
• Some friends and I were pulled over by a cop for pushing someone across the street in a grocery cart at 1 AM. Note that none of us had been drinking.

During one night back when I went to college in my home country, we were at a small shack that could be rented out that was by the beach with a bunch of friends and people that I eventually became friends with and we were drinking...and I'm a lightweight so I was drinking a lot more than I should have. Needless to say I did puke later that night and had the presence of mind to puke into an area where nobody would accidentally step on it.

Fast forward next morning where I found out that I no longer was wearing my retainers (yep, I had braces on once upon a time then wore retainers) and it was forever lost into the puke-filled ether...and also because I didn't bother to look for it. 0_o

One time I accidentally grabbed a girls boob in the pool because we were playing marco polo, and I didn't realize what it was, so I didn't exactly let go right away. Not really sure what I thought it was at the time. Anyways she kicked me in the junk, which you'd think wouldn't hurt very much with all of the water resistance, but no, it still hurt very much.

The part of getting kicked in the nuts in the pool is pretty kinky...:P

@hunter5024:

People pay good money for an experience like that.

@coafi: I was busy and working hard, not used to working been out of it for 3 years. I had a bad morning lack of sleep rushing around, not eaten anything and lunch rolls around, I am desperate for the toilet thirsty,starving and extremely sore in my feet. So I am rushing around the city (I had to commute into the city 1hr and half travel at 6 in the morning not used to it.) trying to fullfill all my needs in 50mins. I got a drink some food and the toilet except I then had to rush back to work.

Body took over and went into panic mode due to the extremes of unemployed to 150% working with all basic's of life unfulfilled. Had to take the next day off went to the doctors, he fixed me by just talking and should never have a panic attack again. Turned up thursday at 9am supposed to work at 11am. So I did the extra two hours at the end so worked 10 hours, then still did an extra 30min since I didnt want to leave my current task unfinished. Called outside before I left for a "chat" turns out due to the panic attack I failed my 12 week probation and was let go. I was trained for the new store opening up near me and they opened today...had to go in to get some expenses. Was kinda heart breaking seeing the folks I trained with and a good friend of mine who also was hired...all working....and not me.

On a current dumb note. I am eating a fried egg buttie (fried egg in a buttered roll.) I bit into put it down and let the yoke run out...so I have melted butter and egg yoke over my desk.

One time I threw a Snickers in the dark outside, my friend trying to sober me up, because I had a little too much to drink.

As a teen I grew up near a really small town we would all go to hang out in on the weekend. One night while riding around in the back of a truck a guy named John who was with us jumped up and yelled "look at them boobies bounce" at some girls. The girl yelled back "I'm eleven years old, thank you very much".

Actual dumb stuff.

I was the "test pilot" to a death slide made by some 15 year olds....hints in the name of what a death slide is. Think Zip line but home made. I was 8 and it was a line of garden hose across a 300ft drop Valley between trees with the middle being a straight drop....I got stuck in a tree and they tried cutting the tree but couldn't get all the bits making me stuck....so we decided to cut the hose (with my permission) I dropped 100ft. I came out with just a bruised ass.

Few weeks later they came back with some fencing wire and a little more engineering in...it was a rope with some metal at the closed around the wire. This time it was a 45 degree angle towards the valley bottom.....you kinda pick up alot of speed....I dipped too low and hut the ground at high speed. Sprained my wrist, flew threw a cow pat and prickly thistles average childhood in scottish country side. (scotland.)

No, I don't drink

I was about 16 and had just started going to parties and drinking. I believe it was New Year's Eve/Day, it was bollocks freezing (below 0 degrees centigrade at least) and me and a couple of dudes were walking home from a party late at night. (2 of us were very drunk, the other was completely sober). On the way back we got up to some stuff.

• We pissed in a bin, then contemplated taking a shit in it before deciding not to. Someone then threw grit salt in my face.
• We went to a park where we ran away from what we assumed were perverts/rapists/murderers. They were probably just people walking their dogs.
• I threw a half eaten banana at a parked Volvo. It somehow stuck to the side of the car so we ran away again.
• I spat on any car that had a custom licence plate for some reason.

Getting drunk used to be a fucking riot.

I was clubbed over the head with a flashlight by a Canadian Mountie in Windsor, and then had to take a $200 taxi ride from Canada jail back to Michigan the next morning. That was an expensive night of drinking.

Over a decade ago, I got pulled over because I had 7 people in my 5 person car. We had to get out as they searched for beer.

We had to stand by the trunk. Little did they know that an 8th person was in the trunk THE WHOLE TIME! Trying not to sneeze or pop out to scare someone since he thought we were screwing with him.

@colourful_hippie: All of my stories were when I was completely sober.

So I started going out with a guy in high school. Just so you know that even stupid things end well, we are now happily married and have been together since the late 90s, so yeaaaaah us! Anyway, I was at his house one day and I had to use the bathroom. This was super early in our relationship, so I was really worried about it. I was still in the phase that I thought that I shouldn't so much as show any type of body function in front of him, cough, burp, whatever. I was mortified, but nothing could be done. I had to go. So I end up going and using the bathroom, and when I go to flush, the toilet clogs. At the time I didn't know that their water pressure was pretty weak as compared to my house, so I thought I had done something horribly wrong. I had visions of the entire bathroom flooding and him dumping me while I tried to clean the floor like some Cinderella knock-off. I tried my best to fix it by taking up what I could find in the moment, which was a toilet brush I believe, and after a few minutes it seemed pretty well fixed, but I still knew that I had to admit it to him in case it clogged again or something was wrong. I go into his room where we were watching tv or doing homework, I can't recall which, I just remember that I was almost in tears, just one word away from full crying. I very quietly say that I clogged the toilet. He asked me to repeat it, he can't hear me. I say a little louder that I clogged the toilet and I can't even look up. I think he could tell that I was just about to cry my eyes out, maybe I was at that point, and he hugs me and says it's no big deal. Everything ends up being fine and nothing is broken or flooded. We still joke about it today with his mother. I mean, I wanted to crawl out the two story window and run away, I was so horrified. Now we both laugh about it.

During my first job as a cashier at Kroger there was an old Indian man named BT that would bag groceries. When he was told to go out on lot to collect the shopping carts, he would go in his car and sleep until someone went out to get him. It's the reason no one really asked him to collect carts.

He was one of my favorite people of all time.

@colourful_hippie:

Ahhhh.

Smart ass.

My first job was working at this mail "factory". We printed and shipped fuck tons of junk mail, catalogs, recruitment stuff, ya know, junk mail.

I was working the conveyer belt (which was basically just standing there making sure everything was going in right so it didnt get clogged up). SOMEHOW i noticed something addressed to me, some navy recruitment ad. I pulled it off and put it in my pocket.

On break i was showing some co-workers joking about it. My boss was in the room and overheard it. I was fired on the spot. I guess its super illegal to pull mail out of circulation before it gets to its destination or SOMETHING like that.

When I was very little I had to do a book report dressed as Diego Rivera. So naturally I brought a bag full of toy guns to school with me.

You never talk about puke on a first date. Manure on the other hand, is a good 1st date topic. Horse manure's not that bad. I don't even mind the word “manure.” You know, it's, it's “nure,” which is good. and a “ma” in front of it. MA-NURE. When you consider the other choices, “manure” is actually pretty refreshing.

@crembaw:

Oh yeah, book reports. I have two good stories about those.

-I had to read a book in 6th grade and then do an oral report in front of the class. When it came time to do the presentation I hadn't read the book or prepared a presentation. So I read the back of the book cover, the sleeves, and the ending and, with a blank piece of paper in my hands, I made up a presentation on the spot. I got an A somehow.

-In fourth grade I had to talk to my teacher about a book I was supposed to read. I read about half of this book. We had to turn the book into the teacher so that he could read it to make sure we ha actually read the book. I was planning on improvising here too but I couldn't because he already knew I hadn't read the book. Apparently I decided to keel the bookmark in the book when I turned it in.

I seem to get locked out a lot.

Two weeks ago I was stuck in the parking lot at work for about half an hour for someone to pick me up, since I accidentally locked my keys and my wallet (which had my backup key) inside the building. It was about 40 degrees and pouring down rain. Instead of thinking to go wait in a hotel lobby a block and half away, I instead decided to wait it out underneath my car.

When I was younger I got locked out after a baseball doubleheader once. So to kill time I decided to work on my curve against the garage door. It was already dusk, so I couldn't see what I was doing very well and I was throwing hard enough (65-75mph) that ball was ricocheting basically all the way back to me. I kept going for about thirty minutes until I heard a loud "PANG", when I apparently snapped off the handle to lift the door. Upon closer inspection several of the pitches had actually nearly punched all the way through the door itself. Boy did I get in trouble for that one.

@akyho: Man, that sucks. I hope you land back on your feet soon. Good luck!

-Once a friend of mine asked if I wanted to head out of town to help him and one of his friends with some video stuff and I accepted. We had a great time and played some games on the Wii (this was in 2008 I believe). Later that night, someone wondered aloud if the plastic adjuster on the Wii remote strap would hurt if someone got smacked with it, so I lifted my shirt up and said have at it. So he and three other people grabbed Wii remotes while someone else grabbed a camera and they wailed on my stomach for a good 20 seconds or so. Didn't hurt, left a few marks, and we all had a great laugh about it and I got along with them pretty well after that. Also they thought that was enough abuse for the night and so I was immune from any other pranks that went on for the rest of the night.

-I'm a Resident Assistant at my college. At about 1 in the morning or so someone came knocking on my door. Didn't bother to put my glasses on because I figured someone just locked themselves out of their room. So I get up, grab my keys and just open the door, don't even check to see who it is through the eye hole. It was one of my residents in a banana costume with two maracas, and he shook those things and swayed back and forth. I just looked at him funny (I just woke up) and he asked if he woke me up, which I confirmed. He left, I went to bed and forgot about it until the next morning, which made me wonder if that actually happened (he confirmed that it did later).

It would absolutely 100% be on CNN and Fox news. They report on kids making guns with their hands and getting expelled, or the autistic kid who recently got expelled for drawing a bomb on a piece of paper. I bet he just really liked Giantbomb.

I may or may not have lit bottle rockets out of the crack of my ass for money. Lots and lots of money.

Karaoke night. Macarena. Less than a month ago. To make matters worse, I was just drunk enough to think "hype man"-ing people as they sang country songs was funny, but too drunk to do anything but pump my fist in the air, point at the singer, and repeat lyrics with a "motherfuckers!" added. "Ring of fire, motherfuckaaaaas! Johnny Cash in this bitch!"

Thankfully people were kind enough to just ignore me, because holy shit, I was being a douchenado that night.

Right, so when I was 12 I went with my older sister (seven years older) to a coastal city to visit a friend of her's. Thinking back I'm not exactly sure why I went on this trip with her. I'm not sure about a lot of things in my past. Anyway, this is the story of the first time I got drunk.

Sister and I and her friend and her friend's boyfriend went to a restaurant for dinner. There was drinking. Or, they were drinking and I was being there pretending to be cool with my soda pop. By the end of dinner, sister and her friend were feeling the effects. On the car ride home, sister's friend said to me "I want to see you drunk". She was 20, I was 12. Now you're thinking this is hot and has potential. I'm getting there. This was not a bluff on her part. And my sister, already most of the way there, was on board with this idea. So a trip to liquor store is made and we arrive back at sister's friend's apartment.

Where I proceed to down three beers and some sort of spiked lemon concoction while sister and sister's friend continued their own drinkings. Now, the boyfriend wasn't keen on this whole thing and had to work the next day so he went to the bedroom to sleep. Now you're thinking I've read stories and seen movie scenes that played out exactly like this, or maybe with people all of legal age. And you're right. But then again you're wrong.

At some point sister and sister's friend get into a wrestling match on the flo- now at this point I want to reiterate that this is, in fact, a completely true story, and as true stories go it doesn't play out the way it's supposed to. So they're wrestling on the floor in their pajamas- Hey! I said this was a true story. It is. ...wrestling on the floor in front of the tv in their pajamas when boyfriend comes out complaining of the noise and that he has to be up early in the morning. Argument ensues between friend and boyfriend. Friend and boyfriend adjourn to their bedroom. My sister continues to lay on the floor staring at the ceiling.

We hear yelling from the room, then quiet. Sister stumbles off to bed in their guest bedroom and I lay out my sleeping bag on the couch. I sit there and stare at the ceiling myself for a while thinking this is the weirdest night I have ever experienced. I was correct. And it got weirder.

About an hour later, sister's friend comes out to the living room to talk to me. Hot! But sadly no. For she is crying. Apparently her boyfriend was quite perturbed at her allowing me to drink. And, also apparently, made her feel bad about the whole thing. So now here I am on a couch being tearfully apologized to by a fairly attractive 20 year old girl for her contributing to my delinquency. "I'm so sorry," she said. "It was wrong," she said. Keep in mind here that we are both still quite drunk. I could not fathom what she was trying to apologize for, being as I said, 12 years old at the time. And there I am now -platonically, chastely, unfortunately- consoling this girl for feeling bad that her boyfriend was mad at her that she had given a relatively substantial quantity of spirited drink to a minor i.e. me.

And that was it. She went to bed. My sister and I left the following day. The end. Yes, truly the end. This is a true story. :/

Oh, and also her pajamas were large and flannel and shapeless and left everything to the imagination. I'm sorry.

Also, at the time I didn't see the sexy potential this whole scenario had. I was too busy being drunk.

That actually sounds pretty awesome!

Last year I got blackout drunk, lost my keys, and passed out in an alley. That was a super fun day the next day.

Was at some dumb family event and I got a glass of orange juice and vodka. Without thinking I spent the rest of the night refilling the same glass back to the top with nothing but Vodka and not adding any orange juice. I had like 5 of those glasses. It never hit me until a few hours later at the end of the night when I got up to go to sleep in the back of my van. I had stripped out the back seats and threw an old mattress in there since I knew I was going to be drinking. As soon as I put my head down I lost all feeling in my body and fell face first into the pillow. I almost died from suffocation as I was face first in the pillow and couldn't move. Somehow I managed to turn my head to the side and just vomited all over the back of my van.

The best part is that the van would spend the rest of the next day sitting in the baking hot sun. My van smelt like puke vodka sitting in the sun. One of the few times I drank in my life and was pretty much the last too.

@herbiebug: Anticlimactic!

@jasonr86 Ever seen Dragonball Z Abridged? The humor is a bit hit or miss, but when it hits (and it does often), it's fucking great.Here's episode 1.

@believer258: I'm sorry! D:

Let's see...

I also don't really drink. These are all things that happened while I was sober.

Haha, I don't regret a second of it, I just go there for karaoke quite a bit, so I try to stay SOMEWHAT classy when I'm off the stage. :P (on the stage, all bets are off)

@herbiebug: On second thought, "bastard" was a little strong.

There was this time where I began doing a solo Irish line dance to Kool and The Gang's Jungle Boogie at a mate's daughter's Christening... One of those moments (and there are many) where my body cringes into itself whenever I think back to it.

once blindly forgot my carry-on that i traveled with by where you picked up luggage, had to have security get it back for me.

in middle school during lunch, i once tried to take an extra side item to split with one of my buddies and i got caught.

once blindly threw a 20 in the trash only to barely remember in time before the trash went out that i did do that.

skipped classes a wholeeee lot with a couple of my buddies,

buddy of mine once ate a honey bun off the floor, thought it was still good.

@jasonr86: nice thread buddy, good on you for making it, been having a not too stellar week as well, this thread is very cathartic

When I was 11 or 12 one of my uncles had just finished his mandatory 12 months in the military(Norway). He had smuggled home a belt of blanks which he thought was an excellent gift for me.
The day after I was eager to show it to my friends, so of course I brought it to school with me.

A teacher caught us trying to make something happen by banging rocks at the bottom of the "bullets", while we were holding them upright with our hands on a flat surface in the school yard.

I got a stern talking to by my parents but nothing else happened thankfully.