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Posted by Claude (16254 posts) -

Who doesn't like sex? Who? But the first time you play a video game no matter what it is; new, sequel, prequel or something never seen, the first time is always the best.
 
Why am I comparing video games to sex? Well, they can both be casual or hardcore. Can they not? Sometimes you finish and sometimes not. But with sex the first time comes once, with video games they come often. The only difference is that sex involves two people or more of emotional capabilities and the understanding of consent.
 
But I consent to video games as well. I receive pleasure from them. Maybe not of the sexual nature, but the vibrating controller helps. My brain probably fires the same chemicals either way.
 
The first time played. How wonderful are games that way. Even when you play a genre that has been played out, the first time is still the sweetest. Or are they? I'm getting old and looking for more. Genres feel old and tired. I find myself looking for something different all the time. I want to feel that pleasure of exposure of innocence once again. 
 
I'm looking for my first. I want my virginity in video games back. I want that pleasure of picking something up that is new. In essence, I'm scared again. I fumble with the controls and everything seems awkward. And as the game progresses, so does my relationship with it as we become one on a pleasure and reward scale. 
 
I will continue to search. I will continue to play video games. My first sex was done long ago, but my first video game is about to be played. 
 
I wonder what it will be?
 
You?

#1 Edited by Claude (16254 posts) -

Who doesn't like sex? Who? But the first time you play a video game no matter what it is; new, sequel, prequel or something never seen, the first time is always the best.
 
Why am I comparing video games to sex? Well, they can both be casual or hardcore. Can they not? Sometimes you finish and sometimes not. But with sex the first time comes once, with video games they come often. The only difference is that sex involves two people or more of emotional capabilities and the understanding of consent.
 
But I consent to video games as well. I receive pleasure from them. Maybe not of the sexual nature, but the vibrating controller helps. My brain probably fires the same chemicals either way.
 
The first time played. How wonderful are games that way. Even when you play a genre that has been played out, the first time is still the sweetest. Or are they? I'm getting old and looking for more. Genres feel old and tired. I find myself looking for something different all the time. I want to feel that pleasure of exposure of innocence once again. 
 
I'm looking for my first. I want my virginity in video games back. I want that pleasure of picking something up that is new. In essence, I'm scared again. I fumble with the controls and everything seems awkward. And as the game progresses, so does my relationship with it as we become one on a pleasure and reward scale. 
 
I will continue to search. I will continue to play video games. My first sex was done long ago, but my first video game is about to be played. 
 
I wonder what it will be?
 
You?

#2 Posted by JeffGoldblum (3707 posts) -

That was... poetic.

#3 Posted by Rayfield (2097 posts) -

Oh dear me.
#4 Posted by LiquidPrince (16027 posts) -

Claude... You just need to go out and be more of the Playboy you know you are deep down.

#5 Posted by Meteora (5787 posts) -

I hope this is just a joke.
 
Still, pretty funny.

#6 Posted by TheHT (11549 posts) -

sry guy i can't agree with that.
 
i would like to play some games again like it was the first time though. hmmm, you've made me think. well played.

#7 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

I, too, long for that virgin feeling. I'm getting it right now just listening to Final Fantasy VI music. So beautiful, so ready for me to fuck it, but the timing! I must be patient.

#8 Posted by LiquidS (971 posts) -

Maybe your onto something. 
First time playing a game I am terriable and generally fail at the task at hand. It only takes much practice for me to think I'm half decent. 
Much like sex.
#9 Posted by FartyMcNarly (566 posts) -

GAMES ARE LIKE FOOD, THEY'RE GOOD AT FIRST BUT AFTER A WHILE THEY'RE SHIT
GAMES ARE LIKE RETARDS, GREAT TO WATCH BUT WHEN THEY FUCK UP IT'S FUCKING ANNOYING
GAMES ARE LIKE BONERS, YOU'RE NOT SURE ABOUT THE FIRST ONE BUT REALIZE PLAYING WITH THEM IS FUN 
GAMES ARE LIKE GIANT SHITS, THE PRICE OF ADMISSION IS PAINFUL BUT ONCE IT'S OVER YOU'RE GLAD YOU DID IT.
GAMES ARE LIKE FUCKING RETARDED POSTS, THEY'RE AMUSING BUT I CAN DO BETTER!

#10 Posted by Claude (16254 posts) -
@FartyMcNarly: 
 
You're so sweat, I could eat you.
#11 Edited by Tru3_Blu3 (3223 posts) -

You make me want to end my virginity, Claude. Too bad I respect women and actually treat them like human beings.

#12 Posted by Semition (731 posts) -

Wow... This was really awkward to read.

#13 Posted by Rayfield (2097 posts) -
@FartyMcNarly said:
"GAMES ARE LIKE FOOD, THEY'RE GOOD AT FIRST BUT AFTER A WHILE THEY'RE SHIT GAMES ARE LIKE RETARDS, GREAT TO WATCH BUT WHEN THEY FUCK UP IT'S FUCKING ANNOYING GAMES ARE LIKE BONERS, YOU'RE NOT SURE ABOUT THE FIRST ONE BUT REALIZE PLAYING WITH THEM IS FUN  GAMES ARE LIKE GIANT SHITS, THE PRICE OF ADMISSION IS PAINFUL BUT ONCE IT'S OVER YOU'RE GLAD YOU DID IT.GAMES ARE LIKE FUCKING RETARDED POSTS, THEY'RE AMUSING BUT I CAN DO BETTER! "

Somebody please lock this thread before it gets any worse.
#14 Posted by Claude (16254 posts) -
@Rayfield said:
" @FartyMcNarly said:
"GAMES ARE LIKE FOOD, THEY'RE GOOD AT FIRST BUT AFTER A WHILE THEY'RE SHIT GAMES ARE LIKE RETARDS, GREAT TO WATCH BUT WHEN THEY FUCK UP IT'S FUCKING ANNOYING GAMES ARE LIKE BONERS, YOU'RE NOT SURE ABOUT THE FIRST ONE BUT REALIZE PLAYING WITH THEM IS FUN  GAMES ARE LIKE GIANT SHITS, THE PRICE OF ADMISSION IS PAINFUL BUT ONCE IT'S OVER YOU'RE GLAD YOU DID IT.GAMES ARE LIKE FUCKING RETARDED POSTS, THEY'RE AMUSING BUT I CAN DO BETTER! "
Somebody please lock this thread before it gets any worse. "
Please do. I just need a bump.
 

#15 Posted by s3ank1m (126 posts) -

wtf......

#16 Posted by ArbitraryWater (11930 posts) -

Claude, for as much as I think you are awesome, you are really starting to sound like a creepy old rapist (But for video games) right now.

#17 Posted by Rayfield (2097 posts) -
@Claude said:
" @Rayfield said:
" @FartyMcNarly said:
"GAMES ARE LIKE FOOD, THEY'RE GOOD AT FIRST BUT AFTER A WHILE THEY'RE SHIT GAMES ARE LIKE RETARDS, GREAT TO WATCH BUT WHEN THEY FUCK UP IT'S FUCKING ANNOYING GAMES ARE LIKE BONERS, YOU'RE NOT SURE ABOUT THE FIRST ONE BUT REALIZE PLAYING WITH THEM IS FUN  GAMES ARE LIKE GIANT SHITS, THE PRICE OF ADMISSION IS PAINFUL BUT ONCE IT'S OVER YOU'RE GLAD YOU DID IT.GAMES ARE LIKE FUCKING RETARDED POSTS, THEY'RE AMUSING BUT I CAN DO BETTER! "
Somebody please lock this thread before it gets any worse. "
Please do. I just need a bump.
 

 
"

What the...? Did you just retort my suggestion that this thread should be locked with an unflattering image of Nick Nolte? Dman you sir, and may God strike your eyes! I counter your cheekiness with boldness only fit for kings! 
 

 
#18 Posted by Claude (16254 posts) -
@ArbitraryWater said:
" Claude, for as much as I think you are awesome, you are really starting to sound like a creepy old rapist (But for video games) right now. "
Well then, so it shall be. Creepy Uncle Claude reigns true. 
 
But there again, I see the the first game played, better than the first sex played. But hey, that's just me.
#19 Posted by captain_clayman (3325 posts) -
@FartyMcNarly said:
" GAMES ARE LIKE FOOD, THEY'RE GOOD AT FIRST BUT AFTER A WHILE THEY'RE SHIT GAMES ARE LIKE RETARDS, GREAT TO WATCH BUT WHEN THEY FUCK UP IT'S FUCKING ANNOYING GAMES ARE LIKE BONERS, YOU'RE NOT SURE ABOUT THE FIRST ONE BUT REALIZE PLAYING WITH THEM IS FUN  GAMES ARE LIKE GIANT SHITS, THE PRICE OF ADMISSION IS PAINFUL BUT ONCE IT'S OVER YOU'RE GLAD YOU DID IT.GAMES ARE LIKE FUCKING RETARDED POSTS, THEY'RE AMUSING BUT I CAN DO BETTER! "
that was the best thing i have ever read 
ever 
 
forever
#20 Posted by Tally_Pants (594 posts) -
@Tru3_Blu3:
somebody should tell this guy that girls are just as horny as guys... they just aren't as obvious about it... just bust a nut already and hope you find a freak who wants it more than you!
#21 Edited by Hot_Karl (3309 posts) -

WAT
 
Also, is the first time ever the best for either thing? From what I hear, my friends who've "lost it" said that they were glad to just get it over with, while the first game you play might not necessarily be a good one. 
 
I guess both "first times" are memorable however.
 
EDIT: For the record, I'm still a virgin. Literally, not figuratively- like when it comes to games or anything.

#22 Posted by Symphony (1912 posts) -

I played my first game when I was 2... I first had sex at 19... I find it incredibly hard to try and compare the two....
 
Weird thread is weird.

#23 Posted by RetroIce4 (4392 posts) -

Casual or Hardcore. Your choice. Lol.

#24 Posted by Seedofpower (3941 posts) -

 I like playing video games while having sex. I win either way.

#25 Posted by armaan8014 (5416 posts) -

Ha Ha... One of the greatest blog posts in the history of GB Mr Claude! :D

#26 Posted by CrazyBagMan (849 posts) -

Hero of the web.

#27 Posted by Geno (6477 posts) -

Have you heard of XBLA or Steam? I have my game virginity broken on a weekly basis. 

#28 Posted by Computerplayer1 (991 posts) -

I didn't really read any of that but I'll answer anyway....
 
 
No.

#29 Posted by Dalai (7047 posts) -

Often when I play a game for the first time, I get fucked. So in some weird way, video games = sex.

#30 Posted by Xeiphyer (5606 posts) -
@Claude said:
  But with sex the first time comes once, with video games they come often. 
 
(So many jokes go right here, its impossible to pick one!)
#31 Posted by Sweep (8927 posts) -

 I play videogames WHILST I'M HAVING SEX.
 
" Compare your life to mine, then kill yourself."

Moderator
#32 Posted by Claude (16254 posts) -
@Sweep said:
"  I play videogames WHILST I'M HAVING SEX.
 
" Compare your life to mine, then kill yourself." "
It's not your first sex though, unless you're playing a video game for the first time while having sex. Otherwise it doesn't count. Even then there's a caveat to the meaning of the first time.
 
@Geno said:
" Have you heard of XBLA or Steam? I have my game virginity broken on a weekly basis.  "
I might be a skank, but I'm not a whore.
#33 Edited by Geno (6477 posts) -
@Claude: Just sayin', it surprises me that anyone can feel the way you do when currently this is the largest growth of the indie games market in history, and games are easier to obtain than ever before. Every week there is a game that surprises me and changes my view of how games look, play and feel. My back catalog is bursting at the seams with such games. 
#34 Posted by Tireyo (6447 posts) -

I don't have the desire for sex, so I play video games.

#35 Posted by Odyssey (115 posts) -

The more you have sex, the better it is.
 
Videogames are the opposite.

#36 Posted by Evilsbane (4654 posts) -

Oh man could you imagine playing your favorite game ever for the first time WHILE having sex? That would be like...being born again or something. lol

#37 Posted by Odyssey (115 posts) -

it would be the clumsiest thing ever

#38 Posted by HandsomeDead (11863 posts) -

How long before this thread spirals so far out of control that Claude pretends he's trolling us?

#39 Posted by JokerSmilez (1293 posts) -
@Tru3_Blu3 said:
" You make me want to end my virginity, Claude. Too bad I respect women and actually treat them like human beings. "
So, since I've had sex with a woman, I must not respect women or treat them like human beings? I don't follow what you're getting at...
#40 Posted by JokerSmilez (1293 posts) -
@Claude said:
" @Sweep said:
"  I play videogames WHILST I'M HAVING SEX.
 
" Compare your life to mine, then kill yourself." "
It's not your first sex though, unless you're playing a video game for the first time while having sex. Otherwise it doesn't count. Even then there's a caveat to the meaning of the first time.
Technically, you only get one first time with video games too. A new game is not your "first time" any more than having sex with a new person is. But if we're comparing playing a new game to having sex with a new partner, sex wins.
#41 Posted by End_Boss (3220 posts) -

This was an incredibly odd thread to read. 
 
I'm not sure how I feel right now.

#42 Posted by swamplord666 (1763 posts) -

Well having done both, I'd take sex over videogames any time of the day...

#43 Posted by Claude (16254 posts) -

One of the finest pieces of literature I have written. Drunk as a skunk. Drunken blogs on these forums are nothing but for amateurs. 

#44 Posted by Jolt92 (1560 posts) -

Dude what the fuck are you even saying.

#45 Posted by Akeldama (4253 posts) -
#46 Posted by Weltal (2274 posts) -
@Claude said:
" One of the finest pieces of literature I have written. Drunk as a skunk. Drunken blogs on these forums are nothing but for amateurs.  "
Well I guess that makes sense because what you've written is complete nonsense. Or Genius. I can't really tell.
#47 Posted by Claude (16254 posts) -
@Weltal said:
" @Claude said:
" One of the finest pieces of literature I have written. Drunk as a skunk. Drunken blogs on these forums are nothing but for amateurs.  "
Well I guess that makes sense because what you've written is complete nonsense. Or Genius. I can't really tell. "
Well then, my job was done. At least it wasn't gibberish, now was it?
#48 Posted by sodiumCyclops (2644 posts) -

Sex while playing a new video game for the first time is one of life's most sacred pleasures.

#49 Edited by HitmanAgent47 (8576 posts) -

Videogames gives you serotonin in your brain. But it's not the same sex chemicals as endorphins. It's similar and both are addictive to the brain. I think a runner's high might be more similar but they are both chemicals in the brain for reward. Too much serotonin will get you depressed I think.

#50 Posted by Claude (16254 posts) -
@HitmanAgent47 said:
"

Videogames gives you serotonin in your brain. But it's not the same sex chemicals as endorphins. It's similar and both are addictive to the brain.

"
Sorry dude, it all works the same for some. It varies from case to case and individual to individual. You can't box that in.