@humanity said:
@duskvamp: Yah just a bit of empathy I guess. If (and I hope this doesn't happen by the way but I want to use a personal example) theoretically you and Wright broke up and you decided to write in for advice then people read your post while chuckling "well obviously this girl has no idea what love is cause she would know long distance relationships don't last. I feel like she was just being really naive.. yah I agree she should have known better.. ok next mail" You know, that's not really great advice.
We definitely lacked a bit of empathy on that email, as DuskVamp admitted. However, the guy was making a bunch of outlandish statements hoping to qualify himself, and it was mostly posturing. Being in love plenty of times when you're 18, and having had 15 girlfriends so you know what you're talking about: saying stuff like that actually implies the opposite, that he had no idea what he was talking about. We addressed that in a ridiculing manner though, and I wish we hadn't.
I pointed out that he was using melodramatic and romantic language when discussing this girl, and I was trying to imply that his perceptions of things were misguided and wrong, which I think is obvious to anyone with an outside perception.
More directly, we advised that while this girl is giving him some physical and emotional attention, she is up-front and blatantly telling him she's not interested in dating him. He called that mixed signals, but it's not mixed signals. She's telling him what she does and doesn't want, and he needs to take her at her word rather than assuming implications based off her actions. If a girl knows you're interested and she tells you she's not interested in you, 9 times out of 10, that's exactly what she means. It's not a test, or a trick. It's her letting you down. That was our real advice, and I stand by it.
Like you said, we were way too mocking with that email, and I understand why we were, but I wish we hadn't been and will try to temper the humor (and we do need some for people to remain interested) so that it doesn't become cruel. But I do think we gave them solid advice in the matter. Our messaging just may have gotten lost in all the other things we were saying.
I appreciate the feedback though, we are definitely going to utilize it.
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