Well, here I am posting another blog! My other blog described that I am making the attempt to be strong, live, mature, hold on to love and gain freedom. This blog will describe the upcoming challenges that I either face temporarily or the rest of my life. If you’re interested in reading what I want to say, keep reading!
My worst nightmare is to lose my mom or my pets because of something that I have done or could have done. When we moved to our new neighborhood here in beautiful Tennessee, little did we realize that we moved into a rural rough neighborhood. Within a couple of weeks, we found out through a neighbor that there are massive drug deals and some shootings (because of drugs) further down the street mom and I now live on. Even though we live the safer part of the neighborhood, we must have loaded guns in each room and a security system for protection. We also are able to clearly see where the deals are made from our house, which really is disturbing. Our strategy is to pretend that we don’t pay attention and move on. Don’t make eye contact, don’t stare, and don’t call the police because they are the ones that make the situation worse. In other words, we are to keep to ourselves and speak to no one. We no longer live in a neighborhood to where we can feel safe to step out of the house at night and even the day! I no longer feel safe in my own home, because you never know who might break in. We do wish that we investigated the area more, but it’s a mistake that we have to live with for a very long time. The upcoming challenge is that if crime gets really bad here, if our house is shot at, if we are robbed, or anything else imaginable, will I be able to handle it? My mom can for sure, but when it comes to me… I’m not sure if she’ll be ok if I’m not. The truth is, I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it… because I’ve always been used to living in safe neighborhoods and around richer homes (Our house is always the turd in the punch bowl). Now that we are living in a strange neighborhood where we know absolutely no one, will my mom and I be ok? I no longer feel safe around anyone or living here anymore, but maybe I'm over reacting. I can only pray for comfort of mind, and for the safety of mom and I as well as our dogs.
The other upcoming challenge is living close to a more populated area. I don’t mind being around easily accessible stores and whatnot, but my main concern is driving. I’ve never had to practice driving in a place with so many cars! There are more than 15,000 people here, compared to only 4 to 5 thousand in Virginia! My eye sight isn’t the greatest as I am blind in one eye, and I do not have depth perception! So, I hope that I can pass the driver’s test, and never wreck afterwards or before!
My mom always told me that she regretted not ever letting me get a part time job somewhere to learn about the “real world”, because she says I sass and talk back to her too much. I’ve often wondered what life would be like after college. I’ve been in school for a long time, and I’m 23 now. I have no job experience, and getting a job will be a nerve wracking experience for me as I do not know what it’s like. Part of me agrees with her, and part of me doesn’t. I agree because of the experience issue, and I disagree because of the doing the best I can with school issue. I’m sure it’s just about the same for everyone who is nervous with their very first job, but everything is happening to me so quick… I want to learn, but that doesn’t mean I will. My challenge is to overcome the fear, and say yes I can do whatever I set my mind to; however, this challenge isn’t something that can be fixed overnight as it needs to happen first. I'll continue to worry about jobs until it happens, then might laugh about it afterward... then again maybe not. I could never talk to anyone about this situation, but maybe I'll get some insight from one of you good members of GB.
Mom has told me that once I can be self sufficient, she’ll leave me. Thing is I don’t want her to leave, because I know I can’t live on my own. She tells me that she thinks that she is a hindrance to me from growing up and she’ll die anyways, but I try to tell her that she isn’t the problem. The problem is myself, as I am my own worst enemy. I cannot tell her that I don’t want to find love (a romantic relationship) because she does not believe me no matter how many times I try to mention it to her. I am my own hindrance, because I don’t want to be alone, but I’ll end up being alone because my sick head. This challenge is what will I do if I live alone? We all may find out if I’m still around here on GB!! Anyways, tough love from my mom may be what I need, but who really knows? I may need to suck it up, and perhaps look for someone! (I cannot believe I said that, and I don’t ever want to do that again! It’s sickening to me to think about that!!) I need to desperately think about where I’ll be in 5 years, because I just don’t see the possible future.
No matter what challenges may come, I have to be ready… even if I doubt that I can face those challenges... whether I can make it or not. It’s normal for an alien to have doubts too like a human. =-P My mom only wants best for me, and does the best she can… though she does try too hard like all moms seem to do, and she’s mean and pushy as all hell. So much has happened this year, and it’s all hard to take in. I still haven’t even yet touched the tip of the ice burg of all that’s happened this year, but I mainly mentioned the highlights here in this and the other blog.
Feel free to share your comments, thoughts, and perhaps challenges you're going through, thanks for reading this extra addition of personal crap about me, and until next time!
I still have that infamous appreciation for beautiful music coming from strange places!