This is going to get a bit personal, sorry for venting in a blog post but I don’t really know where else to go. I’ve talked to some of my real life friends but they don’t really feel like I feel. Maybe some like-minded bombers might be in my shoes. Please give this a read and chime in if you want!!!
So my wife wants to have kids. Not right away but in the next two years she would like us to start trying to have a “family”. I thought her and me and our fluff ball of a cat made a pretty good family. Right now I don’t really want kids. I’ve never really understood the desire for children. It’s not something I would leave her for. I’m sure there will come a day when I’m a father but the idea of it keeps me awake at night. A little version of me is something that shouldn’t excited. Well the child will be half mini her, I hope more than half, it still worries me. I hate who I am so why would I want to pass along my issues to someone else.
I was the only child of two older parents growing up. My Mom was Forty and my Dad was Fifty Five. My parents didn’t really like each other. Growing up they would hang out in separate rooms watching TV. If they wanted to talk to each other, instead of going to the others lair they would yell ‘pick up the phone,’ and they would talk over the dial tone until the operator came on. I had my own lair, with a TV and various Nintendo consoles. If they were ever in the same room for too long it would typically result in a fight. I didn’t really hang out with them very often. We just kept to ourselves. This is what family was to me. Two people who didn’t really like each other and avoided the other whenever they could.
At school I was bullied all the time. From first grade till ninth, I didn’t really have a lot of friends. High School I joined drama club and made some friends but the kids I grew up with in the same grade still picked on me. In elementary school I think it was the worst. They would pick on me and I would get mad and try to fight back and would end up in trouble. I seriously had my own desk in the office. I think it was because I would calm down and relax in there, since no one would pick on me. Most of the kids in the neighborhood were younger than me by three or four years. I would hang out with some of them but a few times their parents would ask me to stop hanging out with them and "find someone my own age."
Anyway I wrote about all of that to show what I think growing up is. I don’t want to create a life that has to deal with grade school. College was awesome and I made friends and wasn’t really picked on again but it took a lot of tears and awful thoughts to get to that point. I was barely strong enough to make it, what if my child gets it worse?? I hardly talked to my parents and didn’t really connect with them most of my life, my father died in 2000 and I talk to my mom a lot but she is more of a bother. My wife and I are really happy and not at all like my parents but they say having a kid is really tough and puts a strain on the family. I just don’t see any positives from having kids.
So Giant Bomb, does anyone reading this have kids?? Is it something to celebrate not to fear?? Let me know!! Thanks so much for reading.