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#51 Edited by Ducksworth (659 posts) -
#52 Edited by Hockeymask27 (3683 posts) -

Dude you only get one. No matter how shitty it is. There is no after life waiting only this life right now so just make the best of it.

#53 Edited by Ravenlight (8040 posts) -

@artemesia:

I've got my fingers crossed that this is just an elaborate ARG relating to The Phantom Pain.

Hang in there, duder.

#54 Edited by Video_Game_King (35811 posts) -

#56 Posted by cloudnineboya (761 posts) -

hopefully you did go to bed and is all cosy and dreaming of nice things, and not gone through with what you were thinking of doing. i say go and see someone like a help place for people in your situation too get a better understanding off the person you are and how theses people deal with there lives, and the chance to meet new friends like minded as your self. then it might help with the assholes that you work with and your so called friends , because once you are happy with what you are you can just think to your self well fuck you this is who i am and if you don't like it then you can either deal with it or piss off . i can tell you that these people calling you a freak probable have done stuff that does deserves the tag line freak .

as to the girl that has been living and sponging off you. you have done a great thing here but it is time to tell her to find her own place unless she understands what you are going through and helps you through it some days, if not then let her go, you really dont need that kind off stress on top of every thing else.

i have depression and anxiety that steams from my paranoia/ mild schizophrenia and most days i think off turning the light out permanently but if it was not for my family and especially my sis who as been a rock for me the past 15 years. the thought off putting them through that pain always stops me going ahead with it . but it is getting harder too not do do it now a days, so i totally can see where you are coming from i like you hate myself and it takes all my will just to go out side most days. so i just say ok today is not going to be the that day i am going to take this day to see what i need to do ,you sound like a genuine good person witch sound like a good trait to have so maybe use that to help you , do some thing like charity work where people will appreciate who and what you do.

here's hoping you have read all these wounderfull comments and taken a step back. the world needs mor poeple like you not less

#57 Posted by HerbieBug (4193 posts) -

I want you to call local crisis line and talk to them.

Next, I want you to go to walk-in clinic or emergency room and tell them how you are feeling.

Life does not have to be this way for you, for anyone. Things can get better with help. I say this because I know. I was in a similar place in life a couple years ago. I have OCD, and Asperger's Syndrome, and Dysthymia as well. I thought nothing would ever improve. That there was no reason to continue my suffering. I was wrong.

Please consider that you may be wrong as well. Please.

#58 Posted by Blu3V3nom07 (4136 posts) -

I simply don't know what to put here. All these suggestions are very good ideas. Volunteer somewhere where your help is needed. But, I think this has already happened. I just don't know what else to think.

I'd like to think that many of us can get along in real life, if we knew each other. I wish I did know you so maybe I could provide some type of help. But, know that we all here at GB Community, hope that you haven't done this. The world is definitely worth living for, E3 and the like, as petty as those things may seem..

#59 Edited by dungbootle (2454 posts) -

Don't do it.

1-800-784-2433 (1-800-SUICIDE)

1-800-SUICIDA (Spanish)

#60 Posted by Animasta (14633 posts) -

I am in a very similar spot that you are, transgender an all (except my health does not really permit me to work). Life sucks for us, especially those who don't have the means to transition, but you can't let that get you down. You're in a much better spot than I am even.

go talk to one of the numbers that have been listed.

you can't kill yourself either because you are one of my favorite posters too :(

#61 Posted by JasonR86 (9582 posts) -

@artemesia:

Hi. I was referenced earlier by @yummylee as a therapist. I think he might have built me up a bit more then I deserve but I would like to try to help if I could. Suicide is a scary thing for me to think of personally because it is such a permanent thing. I can't fully understand how hard this transition must be for you and how sad you must feel but I can appreciate where you're coming from and can understand how hopeless you must feel. But these feelings and where you are currently is only temporary. I can understand that it can feel like this is just how things are going to be and nothing will get better but in your OP you mentioned that it had. You explained that at some point you were unable to let anyone know that you were transgender. Now you can. So before, when you couldn't approach this topic, I can only imagine that you felt even more hopeless then then you do right now. So there has been improvement even if it is hard to see.

I say this because I think where you are currently is temporary and you are attempting to solve that temporary problem with the most permanent of solutions. And I also believe that that solution is giving up and I think that you can be stronger then that. You've shown strength coming to terms with who you are. You've shown strength admitting that to others. I believe you can continue to grow strong and become a happier person through overcoming these current problems you face. If you need to speak with a therapist then I hope you do. I can understand that money is an issue. If you can, try to get medicaid as it can open up doors for medical, mental, and dental health services. Speak with your local DSHS to try to qualify. If not, look on google to see if you can find a clinic that can offer a sliding fee scale. I don't know where you live but I work at a clinic that does this and I think there are few others so it must be something other clinics do in other states.

I would also look to support forums that specifically help individuals who are transgender. Doing a quick google search I found this site. But I imagine you could find even more through google. This site may not be the best place to talk about such issues.

The other thing that I would do is try to contact or at least follow Carolyn Petit. She's an editor on gamespot who is transgender and likely has the thickest skin on the planet. She would be a great person to learn from and talk to about what you are going through.

I wish you the best of luck.

#62 Posted by HisDudeness (251 posts) -

I've hit rock bottom a few times, and I promise it really does get better... You don't have to do it, please reconsider.

#63 Posted by NakAttack (1289 posts) -

Duder. i have been there. don't do it. check this out before you do anything.

Also, in the words of Jeff Gerstmann,

You have plenty of time to be dead later, don't rush it.

#64 Posted by Wrighteous86 (3719 posts) -

God, I hope the fact that she hasn't posted lately isn't foretelling...

There are other options. There always are. Sometimes it takes talking to someone to see it. You can live the life you want, or close to it. Everyone can, potentially. Don't just give up. Life's unpredictable.

#65 Posted by theguy (796 posts) -

Someone message the mods about this thread. I sent a message to Sweep but he's the only one I know.

#66 Posted by JasonR86 (9582 posts) -

@theguy said:

Someone message the mods about this thread. I sent a message to Sweep but he's the only one I know.

What would you have us say?

#67 Posted by ArbitraryWater (11419 posts) -

I'm going to be super bummed if this ended the way I think it ended despite all of the support from fellow forum-goers. Duder, if you're still there, don't do it.

#68 Posted by theguy (796 posts) -

@jasonr86 said:

@theguy said:

Someone message the mods about this thread. I sent a message to Sweep but he's the only one I know.

What would you have us say?

At least draw their attention to this thread. Whether they decide to take action or not this is something they should know about.

#69 Edited by bombedyermom (223 posts) -

Depression is the worst. But there are so many wonderful things out there that you haven't experienced yet. Don't give up. Own your mistakes, don't blame them on others. Make up for them. The easy way out is never the right way.

#70 Edited by Jeust (10450 posts) -

@artemesia: I sympathize with your situation, and I desire all for the best for you. Do what you feel it is the better option.

#71 Posted by mrfluke (5048 posts) -

I'm going to continue reading, but I thought we all knew you were transgendered...? At least, I did. Kinda weird to be making a big deal out of it here because of that.

Not sure what to say after reading that. I don't know that "don't do it" is really an effective message. "Life will get better" or "there has to be a better way" has always sounded like sweet nothings to me that people who don't understand the person in question's situation say to prevent them from doing something stupid. I feel the same way about "thinking on the bright side."

I will say, however, that it seems that you're stuck thinking about unfulfilled dreams a lot. That, I can say with 100% certainty, we all have. Unfulfilled dreams, are not, in my opinion, a proper basis for doing something as drastic as taking one's own life. "Dreams", I think, are irrelevant and if they don't happen, then they don't happen. Best to come up with new ones or refocus on potential future happiness than be stuck in the past. I hate the past.

It sounds like you've been trying to do the best with your tough situation as you could, and that's great. Because of that, I don't know how much emphasis anyone could place on trying to get out of it or finding alternatives.

Because you've made this decision, there's really no urgency for when you have to do it, right? So, before you kill yourself, I suggest you use common resources such as suicide hotlines, internet forums (like this!), therapists and such to maybe give you a different perspective before you do something that can't be fixed. The best decisions are always those that can be changed.

this is a hard thing to write a response to, but i think this one here is the closest thing i would write so im gonna quote it.

#72 Edited by TyCobb (1944 posts) -

@theguy said:

@jasonr86 said:

@theguy said:

Someone message the mods about this thread. I sent a message to Sweep but he's the only one I know.

What would you have us say?

At least draw their attention to this thread. Whether they decide to take action or not this is something they should know about.

I am sure they already know about the thread. Notice all the deleted messages. They have been cleaning up asshole posts.

#73 Posted by JasonR86 (9582 posts) -

@theguy said:

@jasonr86 said:

@theguy said:

Someone message the mods about this thread. I sent a message to Sweep but he's the only one I know.

What would you have us say?

At least draw their attention to this thread. Whether they decide to take action or not this is something they should know about.

I'm sure they know.

#74 Posted by Animasta (14633 posts) -

I'm going to be super bummed if this ended the way I think it ended despite all of the support from fellow forum-goers. Duder, if you're still there, don't do it.

I would assume (and this is a very uneducated assumption) that, due to the mention of not wanting to doing it whilst tired, she's not 100% sure of it.

but again this is just my assumption.

#75 Edited by Wrighteous86 (3719 posts) -

If only there were a way to find out who @artemesia is in real life, so we can call somebody...

#76 Posted by Animasta (14633 posts) -

@wrighteous86: since she is a premium member, I wouldn't be surprised if the staff were able to get that information.

#77 Posted by Winternet (8000 posts) -
@theguy said:

Someone message the mods about this thread. I sent a message to Sweep but he's the only one I know.

They have been moderating this thread pretty heavily, so they are aware of it.

#78 Posted by mrfluke (5048 posts) -
#79 Posted by Nev (539 posts) -

I, like everyone else, really hope this isn't too late, but seriously duder, this isn't the way to go about this. I can relate to a lot of what you've posted, and I know it's tough to get through a day feeling like this, but you have to believe shit will get better.

Please, just respond if you're still out there, and remember that if nothing else, this community cares about you, and is here for you.

#81 Posted by Gamer_152 (14049 posts) -

As I see there have been several posts in here about the mod team and the moderation of this thread, we are aware of the existence of this thread. This is a very delicate situation, but I'm largely keeping this open because I think despite a few posts that have not been helpful, the users here are being supportive of Artemesia. If this thread turns south I will not hesitate to lock it, but I doubt that will happen. I may be back soon with a message for Artemesia.

Moderator
#82 Edited by MariachiMacabre (7039 posts) -

As I see there have been several posts in here about the mod team and the moderation of this thread, we are aware of the existence of this thread. This is a very delicate situation, but I'm largely keeping this open because I think despite a few posts that have not been helpful, the users here are being supportive of Artemesia. If this thread turns south I will not hesitate to lock it, but I doubt that will happen. I may be back soon with a message for Artemesia.

She's a premium member so the staff has her information. Is there any way they can use that to find out where she is and get her some help?

#83 Edited by Video_Game_King (35811 posts) -

I may be back soon with a message for Artemesia.

The question everybody has right now is "will she?".

#84 Posted by MethodMan008 (805 posts) -

There is always hope your life will get better.

I'm certainly not in a good spot, but with hard work and hope you can change things.

Please stay.

#85 Edited by Winternet (8000 posts) -

It's been over 7 hours since the post. If she did just went to bed, as we all hope, then she's probably getting up soon.

I'm getting anxious about this.

#86 Posted by phantomzxro (1558 posts) -

Hey like everyone else is saying don't do it because you have a future and you have to keep fighting on. Life sucks at times but its never forever and when you do find some friends worth a salt you will be all the better and stronger for it. The many people here who don't want you to do this is only a small part of the world who could have your back. You will find people in person who have the same feelings.

I can not stress anymore to just think this over and read everyone's comment here to realize if these people can care for you, there are people outside the internet who could be just as caring if not more so. You just have to first get professional help and talk this out with a professional. The giant bomb community is not going anywhere ether if you need any kind of support system right now at least. You will need one outside of the internet too but please just cool it on the end stuff until you have time to think about this and get help. Friends are always around the corner so just stay strong.

#87 Edited by Gamer_152 (14049 posts) -

@mariachimacabre said:

@gamer_152 said:

As I see there have been several posts in here about the mod team and the moderation of this thread, we are aware of the existence of this thread. This is a very delicate situation, but I'm largely keeping this open because I think despite a few posts that have not been helpful, the users here are being supportive of Artemesia. If this thread turns south I will not hesitate to lock it, but I doubt that will happen. I may be back soon with a message for Artemesia.

She's a premium member so the staff has her information. Is there any way they can use that to find out where she is and get her some help?

I guess in theory it would be possible. I'm pretty sure nothing like this has happened before, and it would be up to the staff what they wanted to do if anything. I think I'll shoot them a PM about the situation, but even if they can do something, it could be some time from actually PMing them to someone being able to reach the OP.

Moderator
#88 Edited by MariachiMacabre (7039 posts) -

@mariachimacabre said:

@gamer_152 said:

As I see there have been several posts in here about the mod team and the moderation of this thread, we are aware of the existence of this thread. This is a very delicate situation, but I'm largely keeping this open because I think despite a few posts that have not been helpful, the users here are being supportive of Artemesia. If this thread turns south I will not hesitate to lock it, but I doubt that will happen. I may be back soon with a message for Artemesia.

She's a premium member so the staff has her information. Is there any way they can use that to find out where she is and get her some help?

I guess in theory it would be possible. I'm pretty sure nothing like this has happened before, and it would be up to the staff what they wanted to do if anything. I think I'll shoot them a PM about the situation, but even if they can do something, it could be some time from actually PMing them to someone being able to reach the OP.

I think it's worth a shot if it helps in any way. I'd just put the equivalent of an URGENT sticker on that PM. Whatever that may be.

#89 Posted by Winternet (8000 posts) -

@mariachimacabre said:

@gamer_152 said:

As I see there have been several posts in here about the mod team and the moderation of this thread, we are aware of the existence of this thread. This is a very delicate situation, but I'm largely keeping this open because I think despite a few posts that have not been helpful, the users here are being supportive of Artemesia. If this thread turns south I will not hesitate to lock it, but I doubt that will happen. I may be back soon with a message for Artemesia.

She's a premium member so the staff has her information. Is there any way they can use that to find out where she is and get her some help?

I guess in theory it would be possible. I'm pretty sure nothing like this has happened before, and it would be up to the staff what they wanted to do if anything. I think I'll shoot them a PM about the situation, but even if they can do something, it could be some time from actually PMing them to someone being able to reach the OP.

I think twitter may work better/faster in this situation? Or e-mail.

#90 Edited by Sweep (8790 posts) -

Both mods and staff are aware of this thread.

Moderator
#91 Edited by Wrighteous86 (3719 posts) -

@sweep said:

Both mods and staff are aware of this thread.

Thanks for the update Sweep. I think that's all we can do for now.

#92 Posted by GunslingerPanda (4605 posts) -

Don't kill yourself. Just come to England and get the op on the NHS. Pleeeeease. Don't give up on education too: You seem intelligent, and even if you're not it doesn't matter as long as you work hard at it.

:(

#93 Posted by Sackmanjones (4650 posts) -

Don't kill yourself. Tha ain't the answer in any situation

#94 Posted by peritus (950 posts) -

You sound like a great person, dont give up on life! The world needs people like you, and it will get better because of people like you! Even if it doesn't seem like it now. Please dont!

#95 Posted by 49th (2669 posts) -

Things will always change. Don't end your life.

#96 Posted by wumbo3000 (930 posts) -

Another comment from random Internet person may ring hollow, but please don't do this.

And you say you didn't graduate high school? You articulate your thoughts better than most college graduates.

#97 Posted by SirOptimusPrime (1915 posts) -

@fluxwavez said:

I'm going to continue reading, but I thought we all knew you were transgendered...? At least, I did. Kinda weird to be making a big deal out of it here because of that.

Not sure what to say after reading that. I don't know that "don't do it" is really an effective message. "Life will get better" or "there has to be a better way" has always sounded like sweet nothings to me that people who don't understand the person in question's situation say to prevent them from doing something stupid. I feel the same way about "thinking on the bright side."

I will say, however, that it seems that you're stuck thinking about unfulfilled dreams a lot. That, I can say with 100% certainty, we all have. Unfulfilled dreams, are not, in my opinion, a proper basis for doing something as drastic as taking one's own life. "Dreams", I think, are irrelevant and if they don't happen, then they don't happen. Best to come up with new ones or refocus on potential future happiness than be stuck in the past. I hate the past.

It sounds like you've been trying to do the best with your tough situation as you could, and that's great. Because of that, I don't know how much emphasis anyone could place on trying to get out of it or finding alternatives.

Because you've made this decision, there's really no urgency for when you have to do it, right? So, before you kill yourself, I suggest you use common resources such as suicide hotlines, internet forums (like this!), therapists and such to maybe give you a different perspective before you do something that can't be fixed. The best decisions are always those that can be changed.

@ienkub said:

Please don't do it. you seem to be a generous and caring person. we need more people like you.

i found this on reddit/r/SW/ just now. take five minutes to read it before you do anything, okay?

Please, @artemesia tell me you read those? Please? I know it's not my place to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, what I think is silly or not (and trust me, coming from someone who has contemplated this a few dozen times, it's not silly), or anything like that... but we're here for you and I hope you are reading this right now. I really, really hope so.

Online
#98 Posted by BaneFireLord (2907 posts) -
#99 Posted by Wikitoups (768 posts) -

The Trevor Project is a nationwide organization that provide crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth. http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

"If you need support, please call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386 to speak with a trained volunteer counselor."

#100 Edited by eccentrix (1483 posts) -

Think about anyone else in a similar situation to yours. Would you have them kill themselves? It doesn't sound like it, you seem like a sensitive and sympathetic person. I'm just asking you to turn that generosity of feeling towards yourself. You have a lot to offer, it'd be a shame to have one fewer good people in the world.