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#1 Edited by Seppli (10251 posts) -

Right now I've got one of them poops of the unflushable kind floating in my toilet bowl. Every once in a while my butt produces marvels of poop-engineering. Size consistency structural integrity - indestructible maverick poop.

The more I shape up, the more frequently I find a super poop after conclusion of my daily 'business sitting'. Anyways - before I stoop to crushing this marvel with a toilet brush, which is nasty business - I'm marinating the turd in toilet cleaner, hoping it dissolves and becomes flushable yet again.

Any of you super poopers got any advanced tips to force the turd down the drain without getting all up-close and nasty? I'd rather refrain from shoving it down with a brush.

#2 Posted by TooWalrus (13235 posts) -

Uh...

#3 Posted by TheVeteran13 (1210 posts) -

Eat it

#4 Posted by haffy (673 posts) -

Just stick your hand in there and break it up.

#5 Posted by laserbolts (5331 posts) -

Seriously?

#6 Posted by ImmortalSaiyan (4690 posts) -

Go into the toilet like in Trainspotting.

#7 Posted by Spoonman671 (4694 posts) -

I usually just have my sniper hit them with the plasma rifle.  I'll use the Headshot ability if it's a Heavy Floater, though.

#8 Posted by Hailinel (25179 posts) -

Er...did you try just flushing a second time?

My god, I'm actually starting to miss the dating advice threads.

#9 Posted by FourWude (2261 posts) -

Dirty bastard.

#10 Posted by ImHungry (377 posts) -

@Hailinel said:

Er...did you try just flushing a second time?

My god, I'm actually starting to miss the dating advice threads.

Touch it's shoulder?

#11 Posted by BisonHero (6674 posts) -
@Spoonman671
I usually just have my sniper hit them with the plasma rifle.  I'll use the Headshot ability if it's a Heavy Floater, though.
Fuck, you beat me to it.
#12 Posted by Spoonman671 (4694 posts) -
@BisonHero: I knew I had to get it in there fast before somebody else did.
#13 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

Isn't this 's area of expertise?

#14 Posted by AlexanderSheen (5036 posts) -

Cool...

#15 Posted by Vitor (2823 posts) -

@BisonHero said:

@Spoonman671
I usually just have my sniper hit them with the plasma rifle. I'll use the Headshot ability if it's a Heavy Floater, though.
Fuck, you beat me to it.

God dammit, you both beat me to it. Was gonna make an assault flushing joke and all...

#16 Posted by MarkWahlberg (4606 posts) -

Now you are a man, my son.

#17 Posted by Everyones_A_Critic (6305 posts) -

I've never had an unflushable shit. But I know all too well the "endless wipe".

#18 Posted by Kerned (1170 posts) -

@BisonHero said:

@Spoonman671
I usually just have my sniper hit them with the plasma rifle. I'll use the Headshot ability if it's a Heavy Floater, though.
Fuck, you beat me to it.
#19 Posted by lemonlateralus (102 posts) -

Use old razors to slice that shit.

#20 Posted by StarvingGamer (8371 posts) -

This thread is just the right amount of stupid and bizarre.

#21 Posted by Strife777 (1604 posts) -

There is no hope left!

#22 Posted by Bocam (3784 posts) -

Do this

#23 Posted by EarlessShrimp (1660 posts) -

@Everyones_A_Critic: if you've ever used a low flow toilet over extended periods of time, you'll get one eventually. That, my friend, I can assure.

#24 Edited by believer258 (11986 posts) -

Insert shitty pun *here*.

Since this is a bizarre thread, I'm going to give a bizarre suggestion - pour Coca-Cola on it. If that stuff can dissolve a piece of chicken, then certainly it should be able to eat away at a piece of shit. Even if it is going to take a while, you should do it for science.

EDIT: Never mind, a quick Google search reveals that the above was nothing more than a myth. Coca-cola does not, in fact, dissolve chicken.

#25 Posted by RollingZeppelin (2025 posts) -

I honestly thought this thread was about XCOM coming in. If the toilet bowl cleaner doesn't work, try CLR or something else acidic. If those don't work, you're pretty much out of chemical options, you'll have to go the mechanical route.

#26 Posted by billyhoush (1192 posts) -

A kid I went to college with said he would keep a butter knife on the tank to chop his shit up so it would flush.

#27 Posted by BraveToaster (12589 posts) -

That's nasty

#28 Posted by Godlyawesomeguy (6399 posts) -

Christ.

#29 Posted by Gantrathor (213 posts) -

I open up my web browser, and I'm treated to this. Thank you for ruining my afternoon. Just a few seconds ago, I was innocent. So innocent. I miss that time.

#30 Posted by Cloudenvy (5891 posts) -

So this is what you've moved on to, Seppli? : (

#31 Posted by coaxmetal (1640 posts) -

I too assumed this thread as about xcom, and by flush you meant the assault class skill (which sucks compared to rapid fire). Turns out it wasn't; instead it was about poop. Sometimes that happens though.

#32 Posted by Demoskinos (15011 posts) -
@believer258

Insert shitty pun *here*.

Since this is a bizarre thread, I'm going to give a bizarre suggestion - pour Coca-Cola on it. If that stuff can dissolve a piece of chicken, then certainly it should be able to eat away at a piece of shit. Even if it is going to take a while, you should do it for science.

EDIT: Never mind, a quick Google search reveals that the above was nothing more than a myth. Coca-cola does not, in fact, dissolve chicken.

A shitty pun eh? *shakes head*
#33 Posted by murisan (1119 posts) -

What.. the fuck? Well, you obviously need to weaponize it.

#34 Posted by 49th (2783 posts) -

Use toilet paper to cover the poop, then when flushing the toilet the paper will be flushed too causing the barrier to pull the poop down into the toilet with it.

#35 Posted by daedelus (93 posts) -

@Everyones_A_Critic said:

I've never had an unflushable shit. But I know all too well the "endless wipe".

Yes, does anyone know of ways to avoid the *endless wipe*? I hope this isn't too off topic, I would like information to combat this.

#36 Posted by crusader8463 (14423 posts) -

The key is to prevent it from happening. As it comes out your anus you can usually tell if it's going to be a big one. Force your anus to retract back to a closed state as it falls out cutting it into smaller bits. If need be flush after each one hits the water and you hear the plop sound.

#37 Posted by crusader8463 (14423 posts) -

@Godlyawesomeguy said:

Christ.

Prayer! Why didn't I think of that. Pray it down!

#38 Posted by emkeighcameron (1876 posts) -

Trap it with a "toilet paper net" - drape 3-4 pieces of TP over it then flush

should work

#39 Posted by living4theday258 (679 posts) -

@crusader8463 said:

The key is to prevent it from happening. As it comes out your anus you can usually tell if it's going to be a big one. Force your anus to retract back to a closed state as it falls out cutting it into smaller bits. If need be flush after each one hits the water and you hear the plop sound.

goddammit i didn't need that image in my head.

on topic if it doesnt dissolve then your sol(Shit outta luck)

#40 Posted by TheHumanDove (2523 posts) -

touch its shoulder

#41 Posted by FirePrince (1763 posts) -

Seriously, what the fuck. You are better off asking your washing machine what to do.

#42 Edited by Seppli (10251 posts) -

Success!

It went down in two phases.

  • Phase 1: After some marinating, it got sucked into the drain - though its 'head' was still peeking out. Added some toilet cleaner and let it be for a while.
  • Phase 2: Another wait and flush later, it's gone from view. I'm afraid it might be lurking right out of sight though. Good enough.

It got kinda dragged along the bottom of the bowl, and left a brown trail, kinda like a slug. So I need to get that toilet brush out after all. Nonetheless - poop crisis managed. Thanks a lot for your support. You guys are the best.

#43 Posted by jakonovski (209 posts) -

@emkeighcameron said:

Trap it with a "toilet paper net" - drape 3-4 pieces of TP over it then flush

should work

I call it "hoisting the mainsail".

#44 Posted by LastNinja (281 posts) -

Use to sail with a ship that had vacuum based plumbing, which meant the toilet bowl was pretty dry and you basically had to lay down a small buffer/cushion of toilet-paper before starting in order for the vacuum action to really get something to grab on to (in addition to keeping the bowl free of brown trails). Over the years it just became a habit, and now I always do it and as a result no floaters.

#45 Posted by PillClinton (3291 posts) -

Welcome to healthy eating, dawg. Floaters are the norm. I have a very powerful flushing toilet for whatever reason, so it's not an issue.

#46 Posted by DoctorDanger99 (686 posts) -

give it a hat and name it gidget. now when people come over introduce it as your love child...and then touch it's shoulder.

#47 Posted by arjybarjy (93 posts) -

Just pick it up and put it in your pocket and drop it into a bin when the opportunity comes.

#48 Posted by DoctorTran (1565 posts) -

At work I have the box boys take care of it. At home.. I don't have floaters.

#49 Posted by Hailinel (25179 posts) -

@Seppli said:

Success!

It went down in two phases.

  • Phase 1: After some marinating, it got sucked into the drain - though its 'head' was still peeking out. Added some toilet cleaner and let it be for a while.
  • Phase 2: Another wait and flush later, it's gone from view. I'm afraid it might be lurking right out of sight though. Good enough.

It got kinda dragged along the bottom of the bowl, and left a brown trail, kinda like a slug. So I need to get that toilet brush out after all. Nonetheless - poop crisis managed. Thanks a lot for your support. You guys are the best.

It terrifies me that over three hours passed between the OP and this follow-up.

#50 Posted by PillClinton (3291 posts) -

@Hailinel said:

@Seppli said:

Success!

It went down in two phases.

  • Phase 1: After some marinating, it got sucked into the drain - though its 'head' was still peeking out. Added some toilet cleaner and let it be for a while.
  • Phase 2: Another wait and flush later, it's gone from view. I'm afraid it might be lurking right out of sight though. Good enough.

It got kinda dragged along the bottom of the bowl, and left a brown trail, kinda like a slug. So I need to get that toilet brush out after all. Nonetheless - poop crisis managed. Thanks a lot for your support. You guys are the best.

It terrifies me that over three hours passed between the OP and this follow-up.

Terrifies...?

...or intrigues?