#1 Posted by nintendoeats (5975 posts) -

We are being attacked by aliens! Would you kindly tell me a few things about them?

What do they want?

What resources do they have?

What is their plan?

Have they attacked other planets?

Will they let us live when they are done?

#2 Posted by Sgykah (95 posts) -

They're green. Peanuts. Spaceships. Floor. Only ones that resisted. No.

#3 Posted by AlexanderSheen (5045 posts) -

What do they want?

Classified

What resources do they have?

Classified

What is their plan?

Classified

Have they attacked other planets?

Classified

Will they let us live when they are done?

Classified

#4 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

I can see what you're doing. False flag bullshit to generate animosity toward the Moon. Such underhanded tactics won't work, good sir.

#5 Posted by Toms115 (2316 posts) -

"aliens." we have dismissed that claim.

#6 Posted by Winternet (8027 posts) -

Unless you're Andrew Ryan, I ain't telling you shit.

#7 Posted by crusader8463 (14425 posts) -

What do they want?: Our Virgins

What resources do they have?: Our Virgins

What is their plan?: Sex up our Virgins.

Have they attacked other planets?: Every one expect Planet Whore .

Will they let us live when they are done?: Only to birth new virgins.

#8 Posted by AhmadMetallic (18954 posts) -
@crusader8463 said:

What do they want?: Our Virgins

What resources do they have?: Our Virgins

What is their plan?: Sex up our Virgins.

Have they attacked other planets?: Every one expect Planet Whore .

Will they let us live when they are done?: Only to birth new virgins.

Amazing.
#9 Posted by A_Dog (744 posts) -

Don't worry. Just make sure you have a towel.

Online
#10 Posted by BeachThunder (12118 posts) -

It doesn't sound like I have much choice other than to respond.

  • What do they want? To live in our brains, near electrical synapses.
  • What resources do they have? They have a variety of different resources, but primarily they have wlpnkgmw (Pronounciation: wlpn-kgmw; plural: wlpn-kgmwq).
  • What is their plan? To find a nice cosy place to settle down with plenty of electricity to run their little wlpnkgmwq.
  • Have they attacked other planets? No, we should be honoured that we're the first; also, they really resent the word 'attacked'.
  • Will they let us live when they are done? Hey, one step at a time; they aren't even aware that we're living organisms.
#11 Posted by nintendoeats (5975 posts) -

@BeachThunder: That is possibly the most useful answer anybody could have given.

#12 Posted by SexyToad (2760 posts) -

They want sex. They have needs. They attacked planet sexiness. They will let us live sexy.

#13 Edited by Hailinel (25179 posts) -

@nintendoeats said:

We are being attacked by aliens! Would you kindly tell me a few things about them?

What do they want?

What resources do they have?

What is their plan?

Have they attacked other planets?

Will they let us live when they are done?

What do they want? Our men. Or more specifically, our dicks.

What resources do they have? A vast fleet of giant spacecraft that cast vast shadows across human cities.

What is their plan? Sex. Lots of it.

Have they attacked other planets? Only those with sentient species containing male gender traits.

Will they let us live when they are done? Sorry dude, they may be hot space babes on the outside, but on the inside they are black widows. But they don't give a shit about our women, so...maybe?

#14 Posted by Dagbiker (6978 posts) -
@nintendoeats

We are being attacked by aliens! Would you kindly tell me a few things about them?

What do they want?

What resources do they have?

What is their plan?

Have they attacked other planets?

Will they let us live when they are done?

1. Sex.
2. Sex.
3. To sex you up.
4. yes.
5. Only if you promise not to tell.
#15 Posted by PeasantAbuse (5138 posts) -

All of these aliens sound pretty cool.

#16 Posted by believer258 (12019 posts) -

As long as they aren't particularly into probing.

#17 Posted by Napalm (9020 posts) -

I actually got scared for a second.

Yes, I'm gullible sometimes.

Eat shit.

#18 Posted by MikeGosot (3227 posts) -
@nintendoeats said:

We are being attacked by aliens! Would you kindly tell me a few things about them?

What do they want?

What resources do they have?

What is their plan?

Have they attacked other planets?

Will they let us live when they are done?

What do they want? To force human evolution.
 
What resources do they have? Thousands of sentient weaponized "robots".
 
What is their plan? They send thousands of weird sentient weaponized "robots" that never run out of battery and have a nearly perfect regenerating system that fuck around for a while, causing mayhem and them they deactivate. 
 
Have they attacked other planets? Yes. They did basically the same thing and it always worked.
 
Will they let us live when they're done? Of course. That's the point.
#19 Edited by BestUsernameEver (4825 posts) -
  • yes
  • yeah
  • mmhmm
  • affirmative
  • no
#20 Posted by NegativeCero (3014 posts) -

What ever happened to aliens wanting to eat our brains? I feel like that was a common thing when I was a kid.

#21 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

@believer258 said:

As long as they aren't particularly into probing.

To be fair, you guys totally brought that on yourselves. Nobody I know in the interstellar community was into anal probing until you guys mentioned how little green men or little grey men (seriously, what the fuck's with that shit?) were shoving things up your butt. At that point, it became infinitely easier to fuck with you guys big time. And while I'm on this topic, I'll just say that corn fields are mostly you guys. There's not a lot of fun to be had in tattooing the Earth.

#22 Posted by Bribo (607 posts) -

@nintendoeats said:

We are being attacked by aliens! Would you kindly tell me a few things about them?

What do they want?

What resources do they have?

What is their plan?

Have they attacked other planets?

Will they let us live when they are done?

To probe your anus.

A space boat and an anal probe.

To beam you up to their space boat and probe your anus.

They have also attacked Uranus.

Yes, but only so that they might continue to probe your anus.

#23 Posted by nintendoeats (5975 posts) -

@Napalm said:

I actually got scared for a second.

Yes, I'm gullible sometimes.

Eat shit.

...

...

we're talking about ALIENS

...

on the INTERNET

...

#24 Posted by ch3burashka (5127 posts) -

@nintendoeats said:

We are being attacked by aliens! Would you kindly tell me a few things about them?

What do they want?

What resources do they have?

What is their plan?

Have they attacked other planets?

Will they let us live when they are done?

1. Our jobs

2. Power in numbers

3. Take the menial jobs first, then slowly move up under the guise of 'education'

4. No; they haven't left their planet of origin yet

5. Right now, they want our jobs. Once they get those, who knows what they'll want

#25 Posted by Deusx (1910 posts) -

@AlexanderSheen said:

What do they want?

Classified

What resources do they have?

Classified

What is their plan?

Classified

Have they attacked other planets?

Classified

Will they let us live when they are done?

Classified

Classified

Seriously if you want some ideas for an aliens story just go to SCP Foundation.

#26 Posted by Grillbar (1877 posts) -

@nintendoeats said:

We are being attacked by aliens! Would you kindly tell me a few things about them?

i am not the main character in Bioshock so no

#27 Edited by ShadowSkill11 (1783 posts) -

What do they want? Bitches | What resources do they have? Hennessy | What is their plan? To take our money and bitches | Have they attacked other planets? No | Will they let us live when they are done? Yes, to make more bitches

#28 Posted by Napalm (9020 posts) -

@nintendoeats: You're going to get it, now, you punk. C'mere!

#29 Posted by Little_Socrates (5684 posts) -

What do they want?

UNION RIGHTS!

What resources do they have?

LASERS!

What is their plan?

OCCUPY!

Have they attacked other planets?

YAVIN!

Will they let us live when they are done?

ONLY IN VEGAS!

#30 Posted by ShaggE (6573 posts) -

What do they want? The gradual phase-out of animal testing over the next three years!

When do they want it? Over the next three years!

What resources do they have? Picket signs!

What is their plan? The gradual phase-out of animal testing over the next three years!

Have they attacked other planets? Probably!

Will they let us live when they are done? Also probably!

#31 Posted by TheDudeOfGaming (6078 posts) -
  1. Sex with human chicks
  2. Unlimited
  3. See #1
  4. Yes
  5. No