#1 Edited by mlarrabee (2874 posts) -

I'm waiting for the coppers to arrive.

Why, you ask?

This guy:

Wico Command Control. THE joystick. It is THE joystick because it was my first. It was my Amiga's tendril through which it touched my life.

Now, that one's not mine. I'm too lazy (general state) and tense (current state) to take a picture of it at the moment. But that's what he looks like.

I bought him off of eBay. Slightly used, inside his original box with the "Fred Meyer" sticker still attached. Sweet, sweet bliss...

I've had good experiences working with eBay. Only one real problem until now. Back then it was just a case of the seller disappearing from the globe. No item, no contact, no refund. Paypal ended up paying me back because the super spy was too busy globe-trotting.

Oh, but this new character! He's a keeper!

It wasn't enough to have just one of those things shown above. I needed two. One for my WinUAE emulation setup and one for the real, live Amiga I bought four weeks ago.

(USPS broke my new baby's casing, but that's another story, and a sad one.)

Well, I should have been suspicious when I never heard a peep from this new seller. Not even when the FNG took an extra four days to arrive.

But imagine my surprise when I opened the box. Instead of a "nice" and "surprisingly good for its age" Wico, the most externally fine and internally busted Wico met my eyes. You should have seen the results Windows Controller Calibration spit out...

"This will never do," I thought. "The seller says he takes returns within a fortnight."

So I send off a message explaining the problem, and two days later send the broken thing away with a dishonorable discharge. And delivery confirmation.

The character got it back two days ago. "The numbers said so!" But what do I return from work--year-end inventory, hooray!--this evening to find?

An accusation of fraud.

Why, the cheeky droppings from a large-mouth fish!

Off to eBay Complaints I scampered (since it's Christmas, the only time I scamper) to declare my indignation.

The character responded with a threat of imminent coppers. Twice.

He's surely blustering, but I vacuumed anyway. And made the bed. And rearranged the liquor cabinet with the expensive bottles in front. And half-prepared crème brûlée so I can finish it right as they knock.

Now I'm sitting in my chair, taking care to not play video games so they don't interrupt my first experience with Outcast.

So.

What do you do while kinda-sorta waiting for the coppers?

EDIT: I found out about a thing. I couldn't justify making a thread about it, but here's to hoping someone sees this edit and plays it. It's an interesting idea that works very well: a reading man's platformer.

http://ludusnovus.net/my-games/silent-conversation/

#2 Posted by BlastProcessing (910 posts) -

PUT YOUR HARD DRIVE IN THE MICROWAVE AND NUKE IT, DONT ASK JUST DO IT

#3 Posted by mlarrabee (2874 posts) -

@BlastProcessing: Flash drives, too?! Or can I flush those?

And there was something about touching the officers' shoulders, I'm sure of it. Not sure what good that'll do, but it seems to work for everyone else...

#4 Posted by Animasta (14637 posts) -

ebay police FREEZE

why'd you do it son? why'd you do it?

#5 Posted by MariachiMacabre (7039 posts) -
@mlarrabee

@BlastProcessing: Flash drives, too?! Or can I flush those?

And there was something about touching the officers' shoulders, I'm sure of it. Not sure what good that'll do, but it seems to work for everyone else...

Under NO circumstances are you to touch their shoulders. That's a BIG no-no. You need to get a plastic tub, put your computer in it and fill it with the strongest acid you can buy. Preferably Hydrochloric. If time allows, do the same with your eBay account.
#6 Posted by Demoskinos (14520 posts) -

ALL I GOTTA SAY IS DON'T SHOP LIFT FROM THE WAL-MART.

#7 Posted by ZeForgotten (10397 posts) -

First off, you should probably turn off the PC just so they don't check all your illegally downloaded music, movies and games or copyrighted photos.  
 
 
What I do while waiting for the police is just say fuck it, go outside and look for a blue thing with a star on it. 
That's a police bribe. One of those and the cops just suddenly stop caring. 
 
Or I ask Chris, who just happens to own a white car, to take the blame

Online
#8 Posted by Syphous (170 posts) -

I warm up the ol' hugging arms!

#9 Posted by mlarrabee (2874 posts) -

@MariachiMacabre said:

@mlarrabee

@BlastProcessing: Flash drives, too?! Or can I flush those?

And there was something about touching the officers' shoulders, I'm sure of it. Not sure what good that'll do, but it seems to work for everyone else...

Under NO circumstances are you to touch their shoulders. That's a BIG no-no. You need to get a plastic tub, put your computer in it and fill it with the strongest acid you can buy. Preferably Hydrochloric. If time allows, do the same with your eBay account.

Wait, I know this one! Don't use the tub, right? I knew Breaking Bad would teach me useful stuff!

#10 Posted by Video_Game_King (35834 posts) -
#11 Posted by Zomgfruitbunnies (727 posts) -

Hi, OP, are you British and is this about cops?

#12 Posted by ZeForgotten (10397 posts) -
Online
#13 Posted by MariachiMacabre (7039 posts) -
@mlarrabee

@MariachiMacabre said:

@mlarrabee

@BlastProcessing: Flash drives, too?! Or can I flush those?

And there was something about touching the officers' shoulders, I'm sure of it. Not sure what good that'll do, but it seems to work for everyone else...

Under NO circumstances are you to touch their shoulders. That's a BIG no-no. You need to get a plastic tub, put your computer in it and fill it with the strongest acid you can buy. Preferably Hydrochloric. If time allows, do the same with your eBay account.

Wait, I know this one! Don't use the tub, right? I knew Breaking Bad would teach me useful stuff!

JESUS CHRIST IT MUST BE AMATEUR HOUR! I specifically said a plastic tub! YOU MUST WANT TO BE THROWN INTO EBAY PRISON AND MADE INTO A SEX SLAVE BY A GUY WHO SOLD HOMEMADE LANYARDS!
#14 Posted by Warfare (1632 posts) -

Get rid of those photos she don't look 18.

#15 Posted by Video_Game_King (35834 posts) -

@ZeForgotten:

They always do.

#16 Posted by mlarrabee (2874 posts) -

@Zomgfruitbunnies said:

Hi, OP, are you British and is this about cops?

I'm not, and it is.

#17 Posted by jonnyboy (2920 posts) -

Bollocks, it's the Rozzers.

#18 Posted by Zomgfruitbunnies (727 posts) -

@mlarrabee: Oh, okay. Cops are pretty weird people.

#19 Posted by thebunnyhunter (1349 posts) -

Lay down sensually and nude on the bed and try to seduce them.......i think that is the only way, but if that doesnt work tell them Franklin wants a word with them.

#20 Posted by mlarrabee (2874 posts) -

eBay responded and ordered a refund much more quickly than I expected. I'm still out six dollars for shipping, and I'm hoping scam artists can't leave negative feedback that would tarnish my beautiful "100%."

Now to track down that globe-trotter and duel him for honor. I got my refund from him as well, so the duel can't be for that.

@jonnyboy: And, jonnyboy? I approve of your avatar. I approve 100%. And there's no approval more approving than that.

#21 Posted by Sursh (243 posts) -

@Demoskinos said:

ALL I GOTTA SAY IS DON'T SHOP LIFT FROM THE WAL-MART.

may i ask why?

maybe there's an obvious answer.

but my theory is you wouldn't bother, if it were so obvious.

#22 Posted by Aleryn (703 posts) -

@mlarrabee said:

"Now to track down that globe-trotter and duel him for honor."

Bahahaha good one, made my night.

#23 Posted by TheHT (10808 posts) -

If nothing else, that was certainly an enjoyable read. I wish you great success in your hunt good chap.