#1 Posted by Legion_ (1256 posts) -

Hey duders. I think most of us has some sort of secret we don't want our closest to know about. It might be because we're embarrassed, afraid or whatever, but we all have something. I thought it might be nice to share that with a bunch of complete strangers, if for nothing else than to just say it. Or type it, more like.

I'll go first. I'm currently writing a screenplay. It might not seem like a big thing, and it's certainly something that a lot of people try their hand at, but to me, it's the most personal thing I've ever done. I'm pouring my heart into this.

Okay, that's me. You're up next!

#2 Posted by believer258 (11642 posts) -

Despite being a massive fan of Metroid Prime and constantly citing Super Metroid as the best game ever made, I have never finished Metroid 1 or Metroid Prime 3.

Also I am abusing the fuck out of the random encounter rate slider in Bravely Default, which I'm beginning to feel like I shouldn't do.

Also I bought FEAR 3 at full launch price and finished it. Twice. And then on PC a third time, much later.

#3 Edited by Legion_ (1256 posts) -
#4 Edited by Clonedzero (4091 posts) -

Well if i told you, it wouldnt be a secret anymore would it?

#5 Posted by HatKing (5821 posts) -

I was in middle of typing something pretty heartfelt here, but then got a sobering text from a friend. Man. Rum, huh?

Here's my deep secret: I've become terrified to actually be real with people. The idea of being honest or vulnerable, even with anonymous strangers, makes me uncomfortable. I don't like approaching people. I don't like telling my friends when I'm sad. I don't even like visiting my family because it reminds me of a lot of really unfortunate, honest shit. I have become so attached to humor as a defense mechanism that I don't really remember how to tell people what I'm honestly feeling without making some sardonic jest.

#6 Edited by Ezakael (911 posts) -

I was recently invited to a party by a friend (My first ever party) and as weird as it sounds I'm kind of freaked out about it. I'm 20 and I've never drank alcohol or been to a party so I have no idea how to react. I'm also kind of scared of the idea of trying alcohol because I'm a picky eater and have a very strong gag reflex.

#7 Posted by believer258 (11642 posts) -

@legion_ said:

@believer258: You monster.

For not playing Metroid 1 or Prime 3 or for abusing the encounter slider in Bravely Default? It can't be because I spent money and far too much time on FEAR 3!

@hatking said:

I was in middle of typing something pretty heartfelt here, but then got a sobering text from a friend. Man. Rum, huh?

Here's my deep secret: I've become terrified to actually be real with people. The idea of being honest or vulnerable, even with anonymous strangers, makes me uncomfortable. I don't like approaching people. I don't like telling my friends when I'm sad. I don't even like visiting my family because it reminds me of a lot of really unfortunate, honest shit. I have become so attached to humor as a defense mechanism that I don't really remember how to tell people what I'm honestly feeling without making some sardonic jest.

I definitely know what this feels like. I usually do keep whatever I'm feeling locked up inside. That's probably not healthy, but I have always been that way.

#8 Posted by falserelic (5333 posts) -

I am the devil.

#9 Posted by Video_Game_King (36026 posts) -

俺はもう死んだよ。

#10 Posted by HatKing (5821 posts) -

@ezakael: I didn't properly drink until I was 21. Now I'm a connoisseur, among my friends, of good beer and Scotch. Dude, drinking shouldn't be something you have to stress over. The whole reason it exists today is because people use it to unwind and disconnect from stress. Go to the party, you're young and twenty is a totally reasonable age to start experimenting with this stuff. Maybe you'll connect with a bunch of people and make some new friends and completely change your identity, I've seen that happen. Maybe you'll meet somebody you like and make a new close friend. Or maybe you'll hate it and remain quite in the corner the whole time (that's my experience). The cool thing with that last one is that those people usually go on to do cool shit like invent things or write movies.

If I wasn't a loser for the first twenty six years of my life (I'm 26), then I would have nothing interesting to write about now that I'm actually able to express myself creatively. God, I'm so fucking thankful I wasn't one of those people who just got along with everybody in high school and went on to be a lawyer or used cars salesmen. Fuck that.

#11 Posted by Jay_Ray (1070 posts) -

I am almost 28 and have never had an honest/close relationship with anyone; not family, not friends, not a real love interest. At this point I don't know even how to tell a person I like/care for/love how I feel. And I think as a result I may have lost the ability to feel emotions outside a very small range (never ecstatic nor sorrow).

#12 Posted by Cowman (658 posts) -

I've always liked Fran Drescher's laugh.

#13 Posted by Legion_ (1256 posts) -

@hatking: I can relate. I fucking hate talking about my emotions, and that's why I put them in writing instead. I think if anyone who knows me well read what I'm currently writing, they wouldn't believe it was my work.

#14 Posted by HatKing (5821 posts) -

@legion_: I'm with you, dude. I'm actually a writer myself. If people read my honest shit, they might ask who I stole it from. I'm also currently dumping my soul into a screenplay. Combines a few things that have been very prominent in my life, and I'm really hoping I can make it turn into a thing.

#15 Edited by Ezakael (911 posts) -

@hatking: Thank you for the encouragement! I'll definitely keep in mind what you said whenever I start having doubts about it. This is a pretty big thing for me because I've been battling self esteem issues for a very long time, so being invited to a party is something I would have never thought possible before now.

#16 Edited by Seikenfreak (334 posts) -

@ezakael said:

I was recently invited to a party by a friend (My first ever party) and as weird as it sounds I'm kind of freaked out about it. I'm 20 and I've never drank alcohol or been to a party so I have no idea how to react. I'm also kind of scared of the idea of trying alcohol because I'm a picky eater and have a very strong gag reflex.

Nothing wrong with that I'd say. I'm almost 27 years old now and I've probably only ever had an alcoholic drink four or five times now off the top of my head. One of those was at a party a friend of mine had (I think I was around your age). Nothing against the drink I guess but the party consisted of me kinda awkwardly hanging around while my other friends drank and hung around I guess. One of my best friends actually got pretty hammered and he is very much like me, not a drinker or party person etc, and was throwing up being all emotional, apologizing to me about random stuff and saying all kinds of things. We all thought it was pretty hilarious and I'd guess he doesn't look back on that moment too fondly. Anyway, I spent the rest of the night baby sitting drunk people preventing them from getting in their cars while completely wasted and just keeping an eye on people. Apparently this is a thing that a person like me falls into at parties? lol

Drinking for the sake of getting drunk and partying was and is just not my kind of thing. I also had a troubled childhood which caused me to not think very highly of alcohol. I've got no problem if one of my friends wants to sit around in the garage, work on a car, and have a drink. That just has never happened because people have come to believe that I'm super anti-drinking I guess, which I can't blame them because I'm sure I gave them that impression. I also seem to have zero physical alcohol tolerance from never drinking so that makes things a little scary. I also have no taste preference. Any of the stuff I've had kinda tastes like piss so I don't really like any of it. I can't go somewhere and say "I'll have X to drink" lol

Whatever though. I don't get hung up about it. I'm pretty proud of the fact that I don't drink or smoke anything. I'm glad I didn't fall into that time/health/money/brain wasting rut that so many teens fall into to be cool.

It could be interesting to go to the party. You may or may not meet someone. You may just sit around doing nothing for hours. If you aren't drinking then at least you are possibly preventing other people from killing themselves or others with whatever kind of stupid behavior. Whatever happens, it'll be an experience. Just be true to yourself and what you believe. If it becomes super uncomfortable or something happens, don't be afraid to remove yourself from the situation.

#17 Posted by Crembaw (315 posts) -

I am a chronic, compulsive liar to every single person that I love.
As a result, like HatKing, although for much different reasons, I am incredibly afraid of people tapping that 'real me.' It's gotten to the point where my psychiatrist and psychological therapist have both openly stated they feel as though I am flat-out hiding something from them - and had any other person said that, I would have lost my goddamn mind on the spot.

I'm also terrible at reading my own vital signs. Several times over my yearlong quest to lose weight (I've lost 36 pounds in the last six months!) I have almost passed out from physical exertion, because I am just too embarrassed to seem weak in that Gym setting.

#18 Edited by ViciousBearMauling (897 posts) -

@hatking said:

Here's my deep secret: I've become terrified to actually be real with people. The idea of being honest or vulnerable, even with anonymous strangers, makes me uncomfortable. I don't like approaching people. I don't like telling my friends when I'm sad. I don't even like visiting my family because it reminds me of a lot of really unfortunate, honest shit. I have become so attached to humor as a defense mechanism that I don't really remember how to tell people what I'm honestly feeling without making some sardonic jest.

You know that sobering feeling when you read a paragraph on a forum that pretty much describes you? Yeah.... Feelin' that.

I completely understand. I'm so good at making light of everything shitty in my life (And I'll tell ya, some pretty fucked up shit has occured) that I almost forget how to grieve properly. If I didn't have a wife that wrings my real feelings out of me, I'd probably forget how to feel entirely.

Hell, I write short stories on my free time. The product of this hobby can get pretty dark, one example being a fictional piece on a broken home full of alcoholism and the abuse of others seen trough the eyes of an imaginative child. Friends read it and say "Wow! How do you come up with these topics? They feel so realistic and fleshed out". I respond with some twisted joke to avoid the topic of my experiences with a broken home.

Ugh, it's a problem.

Online
#19 Posted by TheBluthCompany (367 posts) -

I... this is hard... I bought a Babymetal song.

I don't know what to do.

#20 Posted by Aetheldod (3511 posts) -

Well I´ll be 32 in about a week and Im still a virgin ... yep :/

#21 Posted by ArbitraryWater (11478 posts) -

I am a hipster bastard who hates Harry Potter pretty much exclusively because of how popular it has become.

#22 Posted by JasonR86 (9609 posts) -

Well, it's not much of a secret here but I'm a recovering alcoholic. I've been clean for two years now. I've only told a few people though. Also I'm considering writing a book but haven't found the time to do it yet.

#23 Edited by TheManWithNoPlan (5242 posts) -

I don't think this is really that much of a secret to my closest family members, but I'm incredibly indecisive. Yeah, that may not seem that serious on the surface, but it's something I've tried my hardest to resolve over the years, despite it just getting worse. I'm not talking about just little things like what book to read, or whether I should have cereal or toast for breakfast. I'm talking about big life decisions too involving things like school, work and my social life.

I'm the kind of person if given a tough choice I'd choose neither, because it's too much pressure. A lot of the time I feel pathetic. I've sacrificed and missed out on so many things during my youth because of this debilitating mentality. Deep down I think just I'm scared of being hurt or let down, like I have been so much in the past.

Whoah... I think I just got a little too real. Uh... video games. Right guys?

#24 Posted by Khann (2788 posts) -

I am horrifically depressed.

#25 Posted by Jeust (10480 posts) -
@hatking said:

I was in middle of typing something pretty heartfelt here, but then got a sobering text from a friend. Man. Rum, huh?

Here's my deep secret: I've become terrified to actually be real with people. The idea of being honest or vulnerable, even with anonymous strangers, makes me uncomfortable. I don't like approaching people. I don't like telling my friends when I'm sad. I don't even like visiting my family because it reminds me of a lot of really unfortunate, honest shit.

I know how that is. It's so hard, but you should look towards opening up little by little, even though it will be more or less painful. But I believe it isn't as painful as clamming up. As you progress on that road you'll find yourself better understood.

@jay_ray said:

I am almost 28 and have never had an honest/close relationship with anyone; not family, not friends, not a real love interest. At this point I don't know even how to tell a person I like/care for/love how I feel. And I think as a result I may have lost the ability to feel emotions outside a very small range (never ecstatic nor sorrow).

I understand how you feel. Personally that is something I struggle with, and as such I say that you should try opening up with the people you have the most confidence with, and that you feel would be easier, and learn from it, and tackle harder challenges in that road each at due time. It is a hard spot to be in, full of mild suffering, that isn't worth it. Opening up will lead you to feel a great array of emotions, and eventually experience being ecstatic.

@crembaw said:

I am a chronic, compulsive liar to every single person that I love.

As a result, like HatKing, although for much different reasons, I am incredibly afraid of people tapping that 'real me.' It's gotten to the point where my psychiatrist and psychological therapist have both openly stated they feel as though I am flat-out hiding something from them - and had any other person said that, I would have lost my goddamn mind on the spot.

I'm also terrible at reading my own vital signs. Several times over my yearlong quest to lose weight (I've lost 36 pounds in the last six months!) I have almost passed out from physical exertion, because I am just too embarrassed to seem weak in that Gym setting.

I was like that before! What a nightmare that is. ahah

If you want to overcome that condition look into why do you lie. Is it because of embarassment, desire to please, being funny, or secretive?

Personally when I was like that I felt I couldn't have any real relationship with anyone, as it would always be established upon lies. It isn't a nice place to be in either.

@jasonr86 said:

Also I'm considering writing a book but haven't found the time to do it yet.

You should try it out man! It could be a life changing experience if you try it seriously.

I don't think this is really that much of a secret to my closest family members, but I'm incredibly indecisive. Yeah, that may not seem that serious on the surface, but it's something I've tried my hardest to resolve over the years, despite it just getting worse. I'm not talking about just little things like what book to read, or whether I should have cereal or toast for breakfast. I'm talking about big life decisions too involving things like school, work and my social life.

I'm the kind of person if given a tough choice I'd choose neither, because it's too much pressure. A lot of the time I feel pathetic. I've sacrificed and missed out on so many things during my youth because of this debilitating mentality. Deep down I think just I'm scared of being hurt or let down, like I have been so much in the past.

Whoah... I think I just got a little too real. Uh... video games. Right guys?

I understand how that feels. Have you ever considered the fact that a main reason for your debilitating mentality might because of having always some safe place to fall back to when having to make a tough choice? Personally I feel that unless you face the situations that appear in your life, think and make serious decisions and try and work to live up to them, you might run into a corner where you can't get out of without some serious decisions and consequences.

____________________________________________

Personally I have a lot of secrets, and most of them nobody knows but me. But the one that comes to mind is how sensitive I am. I am very observant, and often seeing the behaviour of people, I find myself thinking of how petty, uncaring, violent and ill-intented they can be towards one another. It's like people like to revel in suffering, from their own making or others.

#26 Posted by TheManWithNoPlan (5242 posts) -

@jeust: You're right. A lot of what contributes to my mentality is that I do have a safe place to fall back on. I'm not challenged to take that next step and conquer my fears. I've become much too complacent. It's definitely something I work on daily and strive to overcome.

#27 Posted by cikame (970 posts) -

It's a secret.

#28 Edited by Jay_Ray (1070 posts) -

@jeust: I should have added that I kind of like my lack of emotions. I have empathy, like I understand why a person feels happy, sad, etc. but I rarely feel them even given extremely tragic situations; and I like it. I suppose that's my secret.

#29 Posted by Cloudunderfire (31 posts) -

I loved resident evil 6. I still think about it sometimes when I'm running.

#30 Posted by Harpell (146 posts) -

@crembaw: I know what you mean. I used to do that all the time, between the ages of 18-21. It's a terrible habit to break. Let me tell you, if you stop, you will feel so much better.

For me, It is the fact that I am bisexual. I have been in heterosexual and (one) homosexual relationship, but only my closest friends know the latter. I would be terrified to tell anyone else. It's actually something that makes me scared of dating, since at some point I would feel compelled of revealing my history, and I feel like that is something that would be of major concern to them.

#31 Posted by Jeust (10480 posts) -

@jay_ray said:

@jeust: I should have added that I kind of like my lack of emotions. I have empathy, like I understand why a person feels happy, sad, etc. but I rarely feel them even given extremely tragic situations; and I like it. I suppose that's my secret.

ah that's interesting.

#32 Posted by bigjeffrey (4794 posts) -

im dead inside

#33 Edited by SteamRickroller (250 posts) -

I AM THE UNICORN WIZARD

#34 Edited by TheAcidSkull (236 posts) -

The Dichotomy of the human mind fascinates me on a disturbing level.

#35 Posted by SgtSphynx (1269 posts) -

I'm a 6'3" tall mass of barely contained rage.

#37 Posted by AlexanderSheen (4929 posts) -

Well I´ll be 32 in about a week and Im still a virgin ... yep :/

I'm 25 and I'm a virgin too. I don't look at it as something shameful or something to be embarrassed about but that's not how society works. Never had any real relationship with anyone and my friends tried to hook me up with girls, invited me to parties and such but I'm just too insecure to even make a move. I'm too conscious of my own faults.

#38 Posted by 2HeadedNinja (1546 posts) -

Well I´ll be 32 in about a week and Im still a virgin ... yep :/

I'm 36 and are a virgin too ... I have never been happy with myself and my life and I feel like I messed up everything that I could mess up. I feel like even if there was a woman that liked me (which seems unlikely to me) I would block that because I don't have anything to offer. As a result of all of this I think about ... drastic measures ... more often than I probably should. Nothing that I have any "plans" for but the thought pops into my mind on a regular basis.

#39 Edited by Rebel_Scum (637 posts) -

@video_game_king said:

俺はもう死んだよ。

One day the real secret of your identity will be revealed :p

@aetheldod said:

Well I´ll be 32 in about a week and Im still a virgin ... yep :/

Not sure if I believe you but is your avatar a picture of yourself?

On topic: I've smoked crack in LA (Venice area) using a broken glass pipe with some LA gang members. Not proud but it was fun and I kind of feel I saw the real LA.

#40 Posted by MooseyMcMan (10482 posts) -
@harpell said:

For me, It is the fact that I am bisexual. I have been in heterosexual and (one) homosexual relationship, but only my closest friends know the latter. I would be terrified to tell anyone else. It's actually something that makes me scared of dating, since at some point I would feel compelled of revealing my history, and I feel like that is something that would be of major concern to them.

As another bisexual (who's basically been in the closet until now), I feel you man.

Also, yeah, I guess that's mine too. I wasn't going to say it, but then someone else did, so hey, why not?

#41 Posted by Fattony12000 (7053 posts) -
@harpell said:

For me, It is the fact that I am bisexual. I have been in heterosexual and (one) homosexual relationship, but only my closest friends know the latter. I would be terrified to tell anyone else. It's actually something that makes me scared of dating, since at some point I would feel compelled of revealing my history, and I feel like that is something that would be of major concern to them.

<>

As another bisexual (who's basically been in the closet until now), I feel you man.

Also, yeah, I guess that's mine too. I wasn't going to say it, but then someone else did, so hey, why not?

<>

#42 Edited by MooseyMcMan (10482 posts) -

@fattony12000: I could hug you so hard right now.

EDIT: Also, I still have plenty of other secrets, so just imagine what those must be!

#43 Edited by Sanj (2353 posts) -

I think I have OCD. I've not been to the doctor to get diagnosed and no one really knows about it, but from what I've read about the disorder...I'm fairly certain. Unless needing to turn my front door handle 3 times every time I leave the house because otherwise I fear something bad will happen is perfectly normal. There's more stuff obviously, but I don't want to get too into it.

#44 Edited by TruthTellah (8546 posts) -

I wrote a long post here about what my "big secret" is, and I deleted it.

Maybe it's silly, as it's not exactly a big deal to some people, but I'm still not comfortable sharing it here. Because you're not really complete strangers. I interact with many of you a lot, and I would care if sharing it impacted how people here talk to me. It shouldn't matter to how people treat me here, because I'm just an individual like anyone else. For the purposes of chatting here about videogames, it doesn't matter.

So, in lieu of that, I'll tell a different personal secret.

Back when I was undergoing multiple surgeries and being treated with a lot of meds to beat a life-threatening infection a few years ago, I felt something that is hard to perfectly describe. In essence, I had a point where I felt death. And after months and months of agony, it was strikingly peaceful. My life and hopes had been left in shambles by the disease. I was used to severe pain by then, and my eyes seemed perpetually tired from tears. I was faced with dying flesh and my long hair falling out. Once so active, I was left spending most days lying in place with my mind in a void.

Yet, in the face of it all, a moment came. There was a warmth in every part of my body, and I could feel that unparalleled joy of being with someone who knows and loves every bit of who you are. All sense of separation was gone. You, me, and all of this were nothing but fading sand upon the sea. It becomes more of a blur as the days go by, but in that moment, I suddenly saw a bigger picture. I was there with everyone else I had ever cared for, and we were all looking upon that moment in my life, knowing full well that it was only one moment on the path. It all made sense... I felt like I was finally home.

But then I was back. I was here. With all the blood and festering smells. A world creaking at the edges, cloaked in a heavy veil. I longed so much to go back. I knew in my heart that my story had ended; that I was happy with the life I had led. Happy with the person I had become over those years I had. I was okay with it being over. But I was still here in this body. With this crippled perspective and pain.

It took me a long time to move on; though, I don't think I'll ever quite be the same. It's hard to regain a "normal" perspective after that. I'm talking to you today, but, when I really think about it... my talking to you still feels a little absurd. Like it's a farce. We fill our roles and keep the theater going, putting importance on so many fleeting things. Yet, it's already over. We're living in this moment, but at the same time, we're all already there at the end. I saw it.

As the years come and go, I wonder if I did indeed see it, but there's still a part of me that remembers. I think my mind wants it to go away, and I know some people think it would help to forget. Maybe it would help get me back to normalcy, but I don't think I want that. Who would want to lose memory of the best feeling they've ever had? I want to learn to handle what I've seen and felt, not forget it. It may hinder me leading a normal life, but it's part of who I am.

That's something very personal to me, and I don't talk about it much. Though, I don't mind discussing it if someone is curious.

#45 Edited by TruthTellah (8546 posts) -
@video_game_king said:

俺はもう死んだよ。

Woah, you, too? It's pretty weird, right?

@fattony12000 said:
@harpell said:

For me, It is the fact that I am bisexual. I have been in heterosexual and (one) homosexual relationship, but only my closest friends know the latter. I would be terrified to tell anyone else. It's actually something that makes me scared of dating, since at some point I would feel compelled of revealing my history, and I feel like that is something that would be of major concern to them.

<>

@mooseymcman said:

As another bisexual (who's basically been in the closet until now), I feel you man.

Also, yeah, I guess that's mine too. I wasn't going to say it, but then someone else did, so hey, why not?

<>

Fattony, I knew you had too much love to limit it to just one sex. <>

*hugs all around*

#46 Posted by Pie (7055 posts) -

....I thought this was going to be happy fun time video game secrets......

#47 Posted by TruthTellah (8546 posts) -
@pie said:

....I thought this was going to be happy fun time video game secrets......

Uhhhh... you could probably share a happy fun time video game secret if you wanted to. Some of us may be sharing some more serious stuff, but there's no harm in some levity as well. :)

#48 Posted by MooseyMcMan (10482 posts) -

@pie said:

....I thought this was going to be happy fun time video game secrets......

Uhhhh... you could probably share a happy fun time video game secret if you wanted to. Some of us may be sharing some more serious stuff, but there's no harm in some levity as well. :)

I could turn mine into a video game thing by saying that Metal Gear's use of bisexual characters (never mind how they're portrayed) helped me realize I was bisexual.

#49 Posted by TruthTellah (8546 posts) -

@truthtellah said:
@pie said:

....I thought this was going to be happy fun time video game secrets......

Uhhhh... you could probably share a happy fun time video game secret if you wanted to. Some of us may be sharing some more serious stuff, but there's no harm in some levity as well. :)

I could turn mine into a video game thing by saying that Metal Gear's use of bisexual characters (never mind how they're portrayed) helped me realize I was bisexual.

Makes perfect sense. Definitely not surprised that Kojima might help reveal the truth.

#50 Posted by MooseyMcMan (10482 posts) -