What is your big secret?

If you don't mind explaining, what happened to force you into getting an ileostomy? When I was recovering from a disease that had severely damaged my colon, I know I struggled to have the confidence I once had with others. You worry that people don't want a damaged person or to deal with anything abnormal(or kind of gross), but fortunately, there are people who understand. It's just more difficult. I really feel for what you have to face, as I only suffered through that for a couple years. For the most part, after a few surgeries, I'm now pretty normal on that front. Still, some stuff has to be explained anyway.

I hope you'll continue to grow in your confidence with it. My brother is paralyzed from the waist down, and I imagine dating will be difficult for him if he gets to that age. But for the most part, spending time with others of many different ages with many physical and mental afflictions has taught me that there is hope for all of us. There are people who will still enjoy their time with you and even come to love you regardless of our imperfections. I appreciate you sharing this difficult part of who you are, and I just wanted to encourage you in your continued efforts to move forward as the man you are today.

As someone with a relatively mild (currently) case of Crohn's disease affecting my intestines, I can see where he's coming from. Even with my being the happiest and most self confident that I've been in several years, I can't even imagine having to live with a bag (something that could, one day, be my life, if I don't take care of myself). I don't know if I could do it, frankly.

It might be tough, but I'd say that every day you can go with a bag should be taken as a victory, however small.

@truthtellah: Agreed. I'm weirdly proud that a thread like this can actually be meaningful for a internet community. I mean, imagine making a thread like this on one of the major gaming sites. It would be eaten up by sarcasm of crappy jokes.

Instead this community shows the heights of it's heart here, and take to unbelievable new heights.

I'm proud to be a part of this community with all of you. I think it's moments like this that keep me believing that the internet isn't all that bad.

I want a Wii U... well it's actually no secret, I tell anyone who will listen!

Another secret, which isn't really a huge secret with people I know but it rarely comes up in conversation/I'm rarely in a position that I need to explain it, but I'm pretty hemophobic (fearful of blood) because of a pretty traumatic experience when I was three years old (I'm 24 1/2 now). My mom and I were in a big car accident involving an 18-wheeler, which we both miraculously came out of alive, but mom had a pretty bloody face after it happened and that image must have left a very large impression on me. I'm better now than I used to be (I feel somewhat accomplished that I can watch almost all of the director's cut of Battle Royale outside of two scenes) but I still have limits.

Ha, I'm 36 too :) Sometimes I wish I had the ability to fake it but whenever I try....it's exhausting. My funny tends to be extremely dry and most people don't seem to appreciate it lol

I enjoy playing the new BlazBlue.

I never make topics in the forms here because I always feel like any topics I come up with aren't good enough to warrant discussion. There have been times where I'll have the topic completely written out and I'm about to publish it but at the last second I'll close the browser or tab and just do something else on the site.

I'm actually three ducks in a man costume.

Ew...

I'm bored to my bones, like deep resounding boredom, possibly depression but I'm missing a few of the markers for that so I don't think its that. I'm in my early 30's, I have a decent paying job. I have a girlfriend, a house, a cat, I have done things and had adventures, and most people, I believe, would be happy with my life. But I wake up some days just wanting the whole thing to crash down around me because I can see my life for the next 40 years from this vantage point, and it looks an awful lot like the exact place I'm in.

The thing is, I know I'm lucky, I'm a fat, under educated jerk who has had the good fortune to be where I'm at, so I stay, I build equity in my home, I save money, I don't get too self destructive. Maybe all of this tedium pays off, maybe it doesn't, I don't know.

Well in the spirit of sharing...

I'm close to 33 years old. I have a house, a decent job and two lovely cats. I'm smart enough to realize that I should consider myself lucky while there's so much true misery and suffering in the world. Yet the fact of the matter is I've been on anti depressants for the last couple of years. I've always been a bit of a loner, but this never used to bother me that much. If people would ask me if I felt lonely, I'd go De Niro on their ass and tell them I'm alone, not lonely (Heat). Now as I'm getting a bit older, I'm finding that I'm very much lonely and it's in fact only gonna get worse as other people mature and I remain 17 mentally. I'm deathly afraid of rejection or any sort of commitment, whether it's romantic or just friendship. I have exactly two friends, my older brother and another guy who's equally awkard. Romantically, despite having had multiple partners, they all run screaming after a while saying they can't handle being around a guy who's always so melancholy. I wouldn't call myself emo, but I guess I can't argue with the fact people call me fatalistic philosophically. Anyway long story short my insecurity and low self esteem have held me back my entire adolescent and adult life and I'm too much of a chicken shit to do anything about it, despite knowing there is more to me than this. Fuck I thought this would have been more cathartic. Oh well thx for reading and thank you guys as well for sharing your personal feelings.

@truthtellah, @MooseyMcMan: Yeah, I had crohns and that eventually led to the surgery. Went through two resections to remove pre-cancerous areas and the second time they found cancer in what they chopped out, so they said if they found any more pre-cancerous stuff that everything would have to come out. So 6 months later for the followup to the last surgery they found more and that was it. Strangely I was one of the people that didn't have much for crohns symptoms and was pretty much normal, I was just one of the 'lucky' ones who had the cancer stuff popping up.

I've heard of other people that had bad crohns symptoms so having everything chopped out was the best thing to happen to them. If I could just win powerball everything would be much better for me I think :)

Here's a fun one for you.

If the topic of sexuality ever comes up, I tell people I'm gay. While I like being somewhat flamboyant in nature and happen to near-exclusively find dudes pretty awesome, it's not entirely true.

I'm actually asexual.

I know, I know. You're already typing up a response along the lines of "lololol! What are you, a sea slug or something? lololol!" That's pretty much why I keep it under wraps.

Honestly, It seems like it's a massively difficult thing for people to get their heads around some times. It's not abstinence. It's not celibacy. I'm not repulsed by the act or a prude. Nor am I blind to seeing physical beauty in others. I just have a sex drive of 0. Maybe 0.5 if I'm feeling particularly horny. And yet I get told it's a phase, or that I've not met the right person yet or whatever sort of thing that would be kind of ignorant to say to an LGBT person. It's pretty much the closest thing I can think of that represents me in a world that seems to like tagging things, so I'm going to take it for now.

Feels like a weird grey area that even the social justice minded and scholars don't pay much attention to.

@subwayd: I don't think being asexual is so odd. I mean, considering who can be attracted to who and all the wild ways that attraction works, it makes perfect sense to me that some people might just not be sexually attracted to anything. Of course, it's usually less absolute than that, but in contrast to extreme desire, a lack of desire seems understandable.

Though, I'd say a lot of scholars have put thought into asexuality. It seems like a natural direction in a world of 7 billion people, and the potential factors involved have been considered over the years. I'm sure asexual individuals have been around throughout history; it's just something that has come more to the forefront in recent times.

Screw anyone who gives you a hard time for not having the same attractions they have. You're you, and if you don't feel particularly attracted to anyone or anything, that's your own thing. There's no reason anyone here or elsewhere should give you any silly crap for it.

heh. Win powerball? That would be nice. Then I could afford to get proper health insurance again.

I'm glad they caught it before the cancer spread. Sounds like it came at a heavy price, but you're here with us. And I'm glad that's true.

Probably being clueless of a whole bunch of popular, everyday things, that you'd assume almost every normal person to be aware of. Probably the main reason for why I'm pretty awkward socially.

I feel like I am very ugly, even though I know I'm not. I constantly think about how much I wish I was one of those famous actors/singers/models who have women screaming over them all the time.

I guess my big secret is that I am a secret loner. I don't have any friends and I say that I am a "secret loner" because I am able to give off the impression that I have a social life. I feel sometimes I need to tell little lies to feed that appearance, probably not trying to lose face.

It used to bother me in earlier years wondering within my inner thoughts, but now I guess I have that "I don't give a f***" attitude. Gaming has helped me in many ways to escape reality and enter into different worlds other than the one i'm in.

I feel like a number of you sweet souls in this thread need to learn about a wonderful thing in life:

Hookers.

They are wonderful. Get a haircut and a bath first.

I had a colonoscopy earlier this year, and they didn't find any signs of cancer, so hopefully I won't have to deal with anything like that any time soon. Hopefully. I'm glad things turned out fine for you (well, fine as in you're still alive).

I have Tourette's syndrome. Not the yelling kind, it's mostly throat clearing and mouth clenching.

I hate it because I feel like I'm not normal.

Oh, I'm also 25 and still a virgin....

Man...this thread... :) Heartwarming and sad at the same time. I just hope everyone here knows they don't have to suffer in silence.

I wrote earlier about some experiences I have had in group therapy, which while painful, have been very useful in helping me understand and cope with my emotions, feelings and life in general. I would suggest that some people in this thread look for something similar. People really seem to feel the need to share stuff and while it is great that we seem to have created Giant Bomb's own therapy group, it will be worthwhile to find a proper support group run by a real proffessional.

I know it is a cliche but if you had a broken leg you wouldn't sit at home hoping it healed itself, and you shouldn't do the same with emotional injury.

What I found is that I presented with all the symptoms; the ways my depression was affecting my life around me (mostly anxiety, drug addiction, self-esteem) but getting some proffessional help enabled me to understand where all these problems were coming from and why I was making my life so difficult for myself. Obviously you can get this important work in one-on-one counselling, but a group adds so much more, for me at least. A lot of people in this thread seem to have problems relating, or getting close to other people and having a safe space where you can build relationships offers so much.

Anyway all this probably sounds really wanky, all I can say is that if you have problems you need to look for solutions and accept you can't do it all yourself. Take that first small step cos you never know where it will take you - ring the doctor, go on a dating site, go to a party, join a book club, go swing dancing - whatever it is. I really hate the idea that there are all these good people afraid to live their lives and I hope you can all find the strength to understand and love yourselves a bit more.

Sermon over ;)

@leebmx: That was a really nice post :) Recently i made a decision to change and take those small steps. How it works out is yet to be determined.

And i hate the idea too, there are a lot of nice people on these forums. And i wish them the best. Are you still doing the therapy?

Thanks - I wasn't sure if it was really patronising or not. Yeah i'm still doing it. About half way through a year long course. Some weeks i've hated it, some weeks i've been bored, other times I have come out walking on air - over all I think it is doing some good, and of course the process doesn't finish when the sessions end. You tend to do a lot of work outside of the room just thinking things over and trying to work stuff out

Over the last few years I have more and more realised that if I want my life to improve I have to force this to happen. Sounds basic but I have spend a long time doing little, just either putting things off or self-medicating to the point where I wasn't thinking at all. But it doesn't have to be big dramatic gestures, just small, small risks which lead on to other things. Like you say, how those things work out is always uncertain, but at least there is potential in the uncertainty.

Shhhhhh! It's a secret. >__>

Oh, awesome, I've been looking for a chance to post this.

@monkeyking1969:

I don't know if I have a big secret. I'm pretty open about stuff, even with people I don't know super well. Like, most people who know me know that I'm a burn victim with scarring all over his legs, they know I suffer from severe anxiety, and they know I don't love talking to people. I don't have any horrible life-shattering thing I've done in my past that I need to cover up, either. Like, I've spent a night in jail, because I used to do drugs, but whatever, why would I hide that from anyone? If any of that is enough to keep someone away from me, I don't really care. I have a hard time dealing with people anyways, if this keeps the shallow ones away, that just makes my life easier.

I guess what I've saying is that I kind of wear my heart on my sleeve, so I don't have any big secrets. I'm really trying to think of something I hide from people on a regular basis and nothing at all is coming to mind.

I want to get a Giant Flemish Rabbit and make him wear a top hat and a monocle. Then I would name him Mr.Cheddars!

I never finished Super Mario Bros on NES. Ever.

Another I have is that after seeing the first iron man movie I've kinda started idolizing and emulating the character. Ha ha. Might seem weird.

I started watching Kill la Kill.

@rand0mzer00: Me neither :/

I have never played a real mario game, like I actually have never picked up a controller and interacted with a mario game. I've never really played a metroid game either (10 minutes of prime doesnt count). The only Zelda I have ever played is Twilight Princess for Wii, which I played to completion and thought it was amazing.

My experience with Nintendo games is very limited. This isn't really a secret though. I grew up in the time where Nintendo was no longer the king of console gaming, so it's understandable I missed their stuff. I grew up on playstation.

Just realized this after watching a movie with my friends yesterday. I'm in love with my best girl friend, not girlfriend, but a friend who is a girl. I fell asleep on her shoulder, and she just sat there stroking my cheek for the entire run of Return of the King.

When I walked her home later, I just wanted to kiss her so fucking bad. But I'm too fucking afraid of the rejection and fucking things up, that I'd rather just have us stay friends. Thing is, she's so caring about everyone that it's hard to say if she feels the same way about me. What complicate matters more is the fact that I have a girlfriend. But there's just no doubt in my heart that I'm more in love with my friend than my actual girlfriend.

All movie logic says I should just go for it though. And I do like movies.

EDIT:

Might also point out that we're currently in military service together. We met at boot camp and have been really close every since, ending up stationed at the same base and all. Now some might think what I feel for her is just because of a lot of exposure to her, but I can swear that's not the case. I'm just really fucking in love with the person she is.

...

I hate textbooks. Deep seething hatred.

Despite shaking my head for a solid week when it ended, I have just started to rewatch lost.

I use Jeff's love for certain games as a buyers guide on which games to avoid. Love ya Jeff <3

My secret is, even anonymously, I still feel uncomfortable sharing secrets with anonymous people on the internet.

I'm Batman

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night from Brad screaming 'CHICKEN CHASER' in his glorious faux English accent in my mind.

@jaycee13: hugs for you if okay. i hope that life has improved some since then for you.