Where is the logic? married men getting hit on

So i often hear how married men get hit on more by women. One reasoning for that is because the men are more relaxed and this attitude is what attracts the women.

So lets say i accept that fact. Looking at my life, i have done exactly that, i have been relaxed and normal since i was never interested in dating and that is still mostly the case. But my ego has me curious as to why i havent been mr.Popular....im not particularly bad around girls. In fact, i am quite good at getting them to smile and laugh even when i first meet them. I dont think I am hidious (i can go and ask to make sure), and i hope to god i dont smell. SO whats happening. Is the married man comment total bullshit or is it really me?

i would like to think i have a number of secret admirers, and they are just to shy, but common sense says other wise. so since i am aware of what the giant bomb forums are like its inevitable that the 1800-giantbomb happens, its only a matter of time but i urge u to be creative. If i am not getting real insight then i hope to be entertained.

The popular theory I always heard was that women want what they can't have and that if you are married that means that some woman wants you so you must be worth trying for. Honestly there is no right answer as no one knows any more then you do. It's all just random ideas. Personally I think that it's a fetish some women have and they like being the home wreaking cheating whore so they go after married guys, and some just like being cock teases and trying to tempt guys into doing bad. Who knows.

New pick-up method. Go to a cafe, and instead of buying a girl coffee like we once would, snip a girl's headphones with a pair of scissors. Show her how we're all so obsessed with out headphones and isolationism that the classic "meet a girl in a coffeeshop" story is now officially outdated.

Seinfeld was pretty good.

You're the type of person who would probably say girls like bad boys because you've tried being nice to girls all your life and it's never gotten you anywhere.

Looks like you're bored and looking for temptation...

First off, it's probably best to not interpret myth as fact, especially when the myth isn't particularly flattering toward women. Even if there are stats to back it up, you're not doing yourself any favors believing something like that is true. It's demeaning, considering it probably only applies to a very small percentage of females.

Second, it's also probably best not to assume you have secret admirers. I mean, I guess it could help with your confidence, but what you said just sounded a little delusional. Common sense is best.

Third, purposely trying to be calm and normal does the exact opposite, from what I've experienced, at least. It's not something you can attempt; you either are or you aren't.

I'm sure someone out there likes you, and sometimes it takes time. Don't give up!

@super2j: You say you arnt intrested in dating but you are asking why girls arnt begging to have sex with you. And yes that was a very large exaggeration.

You're the type of person who would probably say girls like bad boys because you've tried being nice to girls all your life and it's never gotten you anywhere.

New pick-up method. Go to a cafe, and instead of buying a girl coffee like we once would, snip a girl's headphones with a pair of scissors. Show her how we're all so obsessed with out headphones and isolationism that the classic "meet a girl in a coffeeshop" story is now officially outdated.

@Matfei90 said:

@Little_Socrates said:

New pick-up method. Go to a cafe, and instead of buying a girl coffee like we once would, snip a girl's headphones with a pair of scissors. Show her how we're all so obsessed with out headphones and isolationism that the classic "meet a girl in a coffeeshop" story is now officially outdated.

I think that'd do more to get you slapped, especially if they're nice and expensive headphones.

How about snip them, then offer to replace them another time?

@Little_Socrates said:

@Matfei90 said:

@Little_Socrates said:

New pick-up method. Go to a cafe, and instead of buying a girl coffee like we once would, snip a girl's headphones with a pair of scissors. Show her how we're all so obsessed with out headphones and isolationism that the classic "meet a girl in a coffeeshop" story is now officially outdated.

I think that'd do more to get you slapped, especially if they're nice and expensive headphones.

How about snip them, then offer to replace them another time?

Offer to replace them after you have dinner with her.

@Dagbiker said:

We need to create an award for the duder that posts that picture the most in one month. It's like a civic duty, and there should be some merit in reminding people just how fucking weird it is to see these topics pop up on a video game website.

There's no magic formula - women, just like men, tend to be individuals with their own wants and desires.

Some might go for married men as a challenge or might attracted by the taboo, some might be the opposite. Some want a guy twenty years older, others want an inexperienced boy.

No different to what men want from women, and it reeks of desperation to think otherwise.

Yes, all single women want to fuck married men. Just buy a cheap ring and wear when you go out. When a woman approaches you, act like you're not interested; this will get her downstairs area leaking.

@Dagbiker said:

@Little_Socrates said:

@Matfei90 said:

@Little_Socrates said:

New pick-up method. Go to a cafe, and instead of buying a girl coffee like we once would, snip a girl's headphones with a pair of scissors. Show her how we're all so obsessed with out headphones and isolationism that the classic "meet a girl in a coffeeshop" story is now officially outdated.

I think that'd do more to get you slapped, especially if they're nice and expensive headphones.

How about snip them, then offer to replace them another time?

Offer to replace them after you have dinner with her.

There it is! And, if she's still making a fuss, offer to replace them with better ones.

I've always thought it was because the woman sees that another woman has gone through the work to see if he's actually good in a relationship and can commit.

@super2j:

You may not be hideous, but you apparently are not ridiculously handsome, shapely and/or grossly rich either. Believe me, you'd know if you were.

I've seen women, as well as heard of women, whom have stalked and harassed, even sexually assaulted some of my friends over the years (f.e. taking off her clothes in public and jumping him against his will, constant phone calls, ringing at the door at all times of day etc.). But of course those guys were ridiculously handsome and shapely. As an Average Joe - you would not believe what horny and desperate women are capable of in pursuit of 'the perfect man'.

So there's your answer. You are apparently NOT ridiculously handsome, shapely and/or grossly rich. Act accordingly. You either man up and ask women out yourself, or you buy favors from ladies of the night. Or you work on getting grossly rich, shapely, maybe even cross the line to ridiculously handsome. Also - life's a bitch, and then you die.

From what I can tell you're average. Average people don't have secret admirers; they're just average. You might have had a few women be attracted to you at some point or another but if you're as relaxed as you said and that uninterested in dating, and with the cultural norm in the west being that it's the man that initiates romantic interest, they probably didn't think it worth the effort to try to start anything and moved on from that initial attraction.

If you're just coasting through romantic life with no interest then people are just going to ignore you romantically and move on to more promising prospects.

@super2j:

I've never heard that.

I HAVE heard that some women like married men because they are a challenge, and challenging men are attractive. I've heard that from several friends of mine actually so I'd like to think there is some truth to that. The same thing can be said for men who have a girlfriend already. There a lot of conniving bitches out there who would like to break up a good thing.

This can also be applied to girls/young women who like assholes. You know the guys. There is something interesting about a guy who won't fall head over hills for you right away (you being the girl that is). Also, some girls feel like the could be "the one" to break the guy and have him open up in a way that other girls couldn't get him too. ***again, this is what I've heard from girl-friends, so I take some stock in it.

Your not being popular with the ladies might have something to do with the fact that you think it's a good idea to seek dating advice on a video game web site.

@AgnosticJesus: i was never looking for advice. i was just verbalizing....textualizing? something that had crossed my mind a couple times. The opinions of you guys(giantbomb forums)...ppl i know who will not mock or exaggerate my question here, makes it a safe place to vent, and potentially an enlightening one.

@AgnosticJesus said:

Your not being popular with the ladies might have something to do with the fact that you think it's a good idea to seek dating advice on a video game web site.

Oh snap. Right in the male pride! Anywho, you get into a fight, and you know what that means right? Make-up sex time, awwww yeah!

@super2j said:

The opinions of you guys(giantbomb forums)...ppl i know who will not mock or exaggerate my question here

You're clearly a glass half full kind of person. I have to say though, an impressive turn out of sincere answers.

There is no logic! It's not a science, love is an emotional train of hope and despair!

they might also hit on them because married men tend to have a stable life are usually in a stable career.

some of the other posts ive seen are good too

Could it be because married men have commitments. Ladies, who are just in for the fun of it, might be looking for just that? There's no attachment afterwards.

Everyone here is wrong. While yes, occasionally a woman will probably hit on a guy because she wants what she can't have, or because she figures he's already been vetted by another woman, or any of a number of reasons, that assumes a woman is interested in the man at all.

Reality: 90% of the time, women will approach married men (with rings on) because they view them as safe, the same way they view gay men as safe. Better than gay men, even, because they can flirt and feel pretty and all that without the risk of it going to far.

In my experience, if you're not interested in them - you're interesting to them because they're interested in finding out whyyou're not interested.

... Yeah.

@super2j: Pre-selection

Females tend to prefer males who have already been chosen by other females of their species. There are several reasons for this for evolutionary biological and sexual selection reasons.

Deeper explanation -> Source. (nsfw-ish [lingerie])

So yeah, women hitting on married men/men with girlfriends really is a thing.

Edit: You know what, I bet you probably have a lot more questions/topics along this line that you are curious about. This may be up your alley.

I don't get why this is so important to you..

@Dagbiker said:

@Little_Socrates said:

@Matfei90 said:

@Little_Socrates said:

New pick-up method. Go to a cafe, and instead of buying a girl coffee like we once would, snip a girl's headphones with a pair of scissors. Show her how we're all so obsessed with out headphones and isolationism that the classic "meet a girl in a coffeeshop" story is now officially outdated.

I think that'd do more to get you slapped, especially if they're nice and expensive headphones.

How about snip them, then offer to replace them another time?

Offer to replace them after you have dinner with her.

Hey, girl. *snip*

What the hell was that for?

I'll buy you better ones if you go out with me.

How about I just call the fucking cops?

Shit! How did this 100% perfectly planned scenario go to shit?

@Rolyatkcinmai said:

@Dagbiker said:

@Little_Socrates said:

@Matfei90 said:

@Little_Socrates said:

New pick-up method. Go to a cafe, and instead of buying a girl coffee like we once would, snip a girl's headphones with a pair of scissors. Show her how we're all so obsessed with out headphones and isolationism that the classic "meet a girl in a coffeeshop" story is now officially outdated.

I think that'd do more to get you slapped, especially if they're nice and expensive headphones.

How about snip them, then offer to replace them another time?

Offer to replace them after you have dinner with her.

Hey, girl. *snip*

What the hell was that for?

I'll buy you better ones if you go out with me.

How about I just call the fucking cops?

Shit! How did this 100% perfectly planned scenario go to shit?

Obviously, you need more charisma than that to pull it off, though it is clearly a risky move. But also, what good is calling the cops gonna do? You'll just leave. They're not gonna track a guy down for snipping someone's twenty-dollar earbuds.

I think its more about style... and tbh if we are on GB forums chances are we don't have that style :p.

Get a ring and pretend that you're married. BOOM! I hope your mind is blown.

You're the type of person who would probably say girls like bad boys because you've tried being nice to girls all your life and it's never gotten you anywhere.

@Subjugation said:

@super2j: Pre-selection

Females tend to prefer males who have already been chosen by other females of their species. There are several reasons for this for evolutionary biological and sexual selection reasons.

Deeper explanation -> Source. (nsfw-ish [lingerie])

So yeah, women hitting on married men/men with girlfriends really is a thing.

Edit: You know what, I bet you probably have a lot more questions/topics along this line that you are curious about. This may be up your alley.

Can't believe I sat through 45 seconds of a Stealth Attraction video. It always feels good to have a creepy 12 year old tell me about the biology of women.

@Little_Socrates said:

@Rolyatkcinmai said:

@Dagbiker said:

@Little_Socrates said:

@Matfei90 said:

@Little_Socrates said:

New pick-up method. Go to a cafe, and instead of buying a girl coffee like we once would, snip a girl's headphones with a pair of scissors. Show her how we're all so obsessed with out headphones and isolationism that the classic "meet a girl in a coffeeshop" story is now officially outdated.

I think that'd do more to get you slapped, especially if they're nice and expensive headphones.

How about snip them, then offer to replace them another time?

Offer to replace them after you have dinner with her.

Hey, girl. *snip*

What the hell was that for?

I'll buy you better ones if you go out with me.

How about I just call the fucking cops?

Shit! How did this 100% perfectly planned scenario go to shit?

Obviously, you need more charisma than that to pull it off, though it is clearly a risky move. But also, what good is calling the cops gonna do? You'll just leave. They're not gonna track a guy down for snipping someone's twenty-dollar earbuds.

no, but it's incredibly easy to claim the guy tried to mug you, corroborated with a few eyewitness reports of "i, uh, yeah, i think he pulled out scissors or something".

For girls looking for a one night stand, less chance of the man becoming attached

@Mirado said:

@Dagbiker said:

We need to create an award for the duder that posts that picture the most in one month. It's like a civic duty, and there should be some merit in reminding people just how fucking weird it is to see these topics pop up on a video game website.

That picture always makes me lol, But yeah we should really have a seperate section for this kind of stuff by now. And if you think about it, it's not that weird to have these threads on a gaming site...

To the OP have you tried wearing a ring to test your theory? Seems like an obvious solution to me. I personally think it's the lack of desperation that does it.

Well I am a girl and contrary to your idea, I would never hit on a married man. Though I have friends whom I know who would do just that. Why? Because they love it, the thrill I mean to find a guy who loves and is committed completely to someone and if a guy is to fall back into bed with them, they accomplished something the wife couldn't. It's a confidence factor.

In my opinion, I feel that when the idea of being married comes out, no one is trying for anything at first. It's casual because he's taken and you have little or no intentions of "Pouncing" on him. Though having a close friendship with no thought of intimacy happens, you develop strong feelings. I might be taking a different route on your idea but this is my opinion.

I feel that you say you're laid back and casual and you like to make them laugh. Great!! Well maybe too laid back, girls want to be pursued (not creepy stalkerish though) and you should be more forward in putting your feelings and wants out there so she knows, and finding a girl who likes you back would be a rather simple feet I'd think.

@Brodehouse said:

@Video_Game_King

You're the type of person who would probably say girls like bad boys because you've tried being nice to girls all your life and it's never gotten you anywhere.

I started acting like an asshole to women on purpose and it actually did alright for me. But then I got older and reverted to normal half-nice, half-asshole.

so are you like two face?

@super2j: It's got to do more of going after the forbidden or the unavailable. It's more to do with basic human ego then human behavior.

@BraveToaster said:

Yes, all single women want to fuck married men. Just buy a cheap ring and wear when you go out. When a woman approaches you, act like you're not interested; this will get her downstairs area leaking.

Aren't there technically two downstairs areas? And multiple ways for one of them to leak?

Either way, wear a condom.

Yeah, I'm sure you're real handsome, I mean, you make topics on Giantbomb asking for girl advice so you're probably the shit!

@Ravenlight said:

@BraveToaster said:

Yes, all single women want to fuck married men. Just buy a cheap ring and wear when you go out. When a woman approaches you, act like you're not interested; this will get her downstairs area leaking.

Aren't there technically two downstairs areas? And multiple ways for one of them to leak?

Either way, wear a condom.

Might as well get both downstairs areas wet.

@rockyhorrorgerri said:

Well I am a girl and contrary to your idea, I would never hit on a married man. Though I have friends whom I know who would do just that. Why? Because they love it, the thrill I mean to find a guy who loves and is committed completely to someone and if a guy is to fall back into bed with them, they accomplished something the wife couldn't. It's a confidence factor.

Technically, I think it is unfair to say that he is committed if he is willing to fall onto a bed with a girl who does not understand the concept of love. Or a girl chooses to ignore it and/or wreck the life of another woman simply for the purpose of self gratification.

Its like a guy bragging about how many women he slept with, as if that is some quantifier as to how successful he is in relationships or something.

@Still_I_Cry said:

@rockyhorrorgerri said:

Well I am a girl and contrary to your idea, I would never hit on a married man. Though I have friends whom I know who would do just that. Why? Because they love it, the thrill I mean to find a guy who loves and is committed completely to someone and if a guy is to fall back into bed with them, they accomplished something the wife couldn't. It's a confidence factor.

Technically, I think it is unfair to say that he is committed if he is willing to fall onto a bed with a girl who does not understand the concept of love. Or a girl chooses to ignore it and/or wreck the life of another woman simply for the purpose of self gratification.

Its like a guy bragging about how many women he slept with, as if that is some quantifier as to how successful he is in relationships or something.

Yeah, commitment doesn't mean a whole lot these days. Any person who knowingly ruins other people's lives or brags about their sexual conquests sounds more insecure than confident. It's more of an accomplishment to get the strong, confident single guy to like you than the weak-minded asshole who got married for the wrong reasons.

The aforementioned friends sound like awful people.