#1 Posted by Serker (520 posts) -

Because he was a fungi.

heard that today, thought i should share.

#2 Posted by MattyFTM (14348 posts) -
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes? Still no idea.
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#3 Posted by Wolverine (4280 posts) -
Serker said:
"Because he was a fungi.heard that today, thought i should share."
I heard that before. That is a really really old joke. xD
#4 Posted by FlipperDesert (2082 posts) -
#5 Posted by RetroIce4 (4392 posts) -

The last time I laughed at that, I fell off my dinosaur. (Step Brothers)
*I actually did chuckle a little.*

#6 Posted by BiggerBomb (6944 posts) -

This joke usually offends people, so if you are easily offended....well, don't read it:

"Why does Hellen Keller need two hands to masturbate?"



































"One to finger herself and one to moan."

/sigh

If I was religious, I'd be on my way to confession right now. =/

#7 Posted by SinGulaR (2261 posts) -

Why aren't ants in church?

Because they are insects.

#8 Posted by Canberra (1065 posts) -




#9 Posted by mr_korean (610 posts) -

How do you punish Helen Keller?!!??!??!?!








Stick doorknobs on walls.
I lol'd

#10 Posted by Canberra (1065 posts) -
mr_korean said:
"How do you punish Helen Keller?!!??!??!?!Stick doorknobs on walls.I lol'd"

ok I need to get this straight is the Helen Keller the deaf-blind American author? is this Hellen Keller?


#11 Posted by Sparky_Buzzsaw (6101 posts) -

Two cannibals are eating a clown.  One says, "Hey, does this taste funny to you?"

How do you get 30 lepers inside a Volkswagen?  A blender.
How do you get them out?  Chips.

What does a leper say to a prostitute?  Keep the tip.

What do you call a leper in a jacuzzi?  Porridge.

Why did the leper go back into the shower?  To get his Head and Shoulders.

What's big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill you?  A pool table!

Moderator Online
#12 Posted by Scooper (7882 posts) -
Sparky_Buzzsaw said:
What does a leper say to a prostitute?  Keep the tip.
That's a funny joke hhaha. I shall tell it as if my own.
#13 Posted by Maxszy (2064 posts) -

What do you call a cow with no legs?


Ground beef!

#14 Edited by Travis (212 posts) -

Did you know Helen Keller has a swingset in her backyard when she was a child?



Neither did she.
#15 Posted by HazBazz (1901 posts) -

How do you stop a clown from smiling?

Hit it with an axe

#16 Posted by Grady (163 posts) -

How do you make a baby crawl in circles? 

Nail its hand to the floor

#17 Posted by deathfury (531 posts) -

Why did the dead man call 50 Cent?





Because he couldn't find his skull!

#18 Posted by Osaladin (2515 posts) -

What did the fish say when it walked into a wall?
Nothing, fish can't walk.


What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.

#19 Posted by ishotmrburns (279 posts) -

Why does Michael Jackson like to lose foot races to little boys?

He likes to come in a little behind.

#20 Posted by Osaladin (2515 posts) -
ishotmrburns said:
"Why does Michael Jackson like to lose foot races to little boys?He likes to come in a little behind."

Hahahahahaha, that was one was great.
#21 Posted by dr_nefarious (1614 posts) -
I actually thought snoop dog's joke was pretty funny. Knock Knock. Who's there? A mothafuckin N**** with a mothafuckin gun. LMAO.
#22 Posted by Vinchenzo (6192 posts) -

Hey is your Dad a baker? 'Cause your buns are fine!

#23 Posted by ishotmrburns (279 posts) -
dr_nefarious said:
"I actually thought snoop dog's joke was pretty funny. Knock Knock. Who's there? A mothafuckin N**** with a mothafuckin gun. LMAO.
"
What's brown and rhymes with snoop?

Dr. Dre.
#24 Posted by Ishoturface (421 posts) -

kinda old man ....heard that ages ago

#25 Posted by dr_nefarious (1614 posts) -
ishotmrburns said:
"dr_nefarious said:
"I actually thought snoop dog's joke was pretty funny. Knock Knock. Who's there? A mothafuckin N**** with a mothafuckin gun. LMAO.
"
What's brown and rhymes with snoop?Dr. Dre."
ahahaha! that's great!
#26 Edited by existentnighthawk (79 posts) -
OFFENSIVE MATERIAL FOLLOWS BE WARNDE OOPS I SPELLED WARNED WRONG BUT I DO NOT HAVE A BACKSPACE SO I WILL JUST HAVE TO SAY THAT I MADE A TYPO AND MOVE ON WITH THE OFFENSIVE JOKES ARE YOU READY OKAY LETS GO GO GO :


Eat a prune! Start a movement!

I like my coffee how I like my neighborhood - White.

The Teacher said to little Johnny, "use harassment in a sentence."
Little Johnny said, " Her mouth said no, but her ass meant yes."

A man and a little girl were walking in the woods
The Girl says, "Mister - these woods are scary"
"Yeah" he says "It's too bad I will be going back alone!"

Managed to get my car insurance reduced by $400 this morning.
I changed my occupation to 'pedophile'.
Apparently driving around slowly and being on the lookout for children is just what they're looking for in a customer.

i have been sweating like.....
Stephen Hawking with the runs
Michael Jackson on a bouncy castle
Hitler at a Bar Mitzvah
a Scouser watching Crimewatch
a necrophiliac in a mortuary
a Priest Watching CBBC
a Necrophiliac at a funeral
a Jew in 1940
a black worker in a recession
a rhino in a power shower
an emo in a knife factory
Holly and Jessica at a caretaker's house
Peter Sutcliffe in a red light district
a fat bird on E
Wayne Rooney in an old folks home
a doctor on his way to Glasgow Airport
an Austrian girl in her dad's basement
Madeline McCann in Portugal
Muhammad Ali in a buckaroo competition
a paedo in a peter pan production
a paedo during WWII who's just found out he's going to be looking after some evacuees
a RBS employee sticking some paper through a shredder
Michael Jackson in a nursery
Joseph Fritzl at a family reunion
a blind poof in a sausage factory
Chris Brown on an assault charge
a naked boy with a catholic priest
ian huntly at a man u game
a black man on a rape charge in 1933


#27 Posted by End_Boss (3220 posts) -

Best knock-knock joke ever.

  

#28 Posted by Serker (520 posts) -

thought this was dead

#29 Posted by MattyFTM (14348 posts) -
Serker said:
"thought this was dead"
It was, but someone performed CPR.
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#30 Posted by Gamer_152 (14054 posts) -

Two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and asks "do you know how to drive this thing?".

Moderator
#31 Posted by Redsand26 (125 posts) -

Okay okay, I've got a few.


Q)  What to you get when you cross a parrot and a centipede?
A)  A walkie talkie

Q)  Whats the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A)  A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

Q)  Whats the difference between a thousand dead babies and a corvette?
A)  I dont have a corvette sitting in my garage.


#32 Posted by Civraz (392 posts) -

A man crashed his very expensice car into a telephone pole. Needless to say, he found out how the Mercedes-Benz.
A butcher decided against opening a shop on the 12th floor of an apartment building because the steaks would be too high.
A Buddist went up to a hot dog vendor and said, "Make me one with everything"

#33 Posted by Maxszy (2064 posts) -
Redsand26 said:
"Q)  Whats the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A)  A porcupine has the pricks on the outside."
Hahahaha. That one's good.
#34 Posted by Arkthemaniac (6535 posts) -
MattyFTM said:
"What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes? Still no idea. "
Ahhahaha, great one. Excellent play on words.