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#1 Edited by 34f3ecwdc3 (171 posts) -

My standards are amazingly high so I'm going to die alone. What are your standards and have you ever lowered your standards for the sake of not dying a virgin ? obviously I'm not saying that I'm a virgin, but with high standards, sometimes it happens to be solo for while. I don't believe I can change my standards, it's not like you can rewrite them on a paper and having some standards, it means self-respect. I know that things change when a bottle of vodka comes in the way.

And what is actually the difference between a more older woman and a young woman when it comes to relationships ? also vice-versa. I want answers from your experience. I talked to many kind of women and age has nothing to do with the expecting standards. I keep seeing how many people claim that it's better to be with someone older than you, because he/she got more tolerance, empathy, and all that set that you're supposed to learn while growing older. I know, it's a forum more about games, but gamers have a social life too. Don't you think that dating an older woman/man for a more serious relationship, it's a stupid stereotype ?

I want to point out something, since you the first poster reminded me of something. Maturity doesn't have anything to do with intelligence.

#2 Posted by Brodehouse (10428 posts) -

That older people are more mature is a stereotype that has basis in fact. Like most stereotypes. It is not a hard fast rule, it's just more likely than the exception.

#3 Posted by Video_Game_King (36567 posts) -

My standards have been "I'll enter a relationship if it helps me politically". Turns out to have worked quite well.

#4 Posted by dancinginfernal (481 posts) -

My standards have been "I'll enter a relationship if it helps me politically". Turns out to have worked quite well.

Well, you are a king. It's to be expected... right?

#5 Posted by JZ (2343 posts) -

Then play harvest moon and get a wife that way.

#6 Posted by Zero_ (2006 posts) -

I tell you my friend - I used to be like that. Not with "high" standards, but definitely very specific. Over the years, that perspective has changed thanks to learning new things (and yes, maturing). Don't think of it as lowering your standards, just changing them. You'll be happier in the long run, trust me.

#7 Posted by Vade (397 posts) -

Any billionaire should be fine.

#8 Posted by EarlessShrimp (1776 posts) -

I will only marry if my wife is made of solid gold, owns a country, and shits rainbows and happiness. Are my standards too high?

#9 Posted by Jadeskye (4392 posts) -

I will only marry if my wife is made of solid gold, owns a country, and shits rainbows and happiness. Are my standards too high?

Depends if she's good looking.

#10 Posted by Spoonman671 (4919 posts) -

Standards schmandards (yeah, schmandards). Be with who makes you happy.

#11 Edited by 34f3ecwdc3 (171 posts) -

@zero_: I am a fresh 20 years old person. My standards are not about being extremely good looking, since I ain't a model either, but I expect at least an open minded person, funny, trustful, and ultra intelligence it's not a must since I can handle things without taking control over someone. And guess what, I haven't found that in many older women nor in younger women. I grew up with these in my head and they will never change, but I know what you are talking about. The few crushes I had, were on women over 25 years old and they were already in love - bad luck. There's nothing superficial in my standards.

Rare qualities are my high standards.

No one makes me happy. Naturally, I can't be attracted to just anyone so that wouldn't make me happy at all if I'd date someone like that and live a lie.

#12 Posted by Tireyo (6712 posts) -

I could care less if I were to die a virgin, so my standards are nonexistent for a matter like this.

#13 Posted by HatKing (6360 posts) -

My standards have been "I'll enter a relationship if it helps me politically". Turns out to have worked quite well.

Don't they also have to be at least loosely related to you?

#14 Posted by Video_Game_King (36567 posts) -


Not at all. I wish you guys would stop applying your shitty conceptions of a monarchy onto my own.

#15 Posted by HatKing (6360 posts) -
#16 Edited by medacris (711 posts) -

If Scrubs has taught me anything, it is that people will dump other people for really insignificant reasons. Towards the end of the show's original run, J.D. was constantly single and miserable about it, but it wasn't because women didn't like him. On the contrary, they were drawn to him, but he dumped them right as things were getting serious, for the smallest, most fleeting of reasons, and he was actually called out on it as a result. Hard. By his best friends, of all people. And I've seen this happen in real life, too.

So don't have a "scale of hotness". Don't generalize types of women (or men, or whoever you're into). Just go in, test the waters, don't expect anything serious, and just let it develop on its own. A long-term relationship survives on your ability to look over a person's minor flaws, and accept them as the imperfect being they are.

#17 Posted by JasonR86 (9994 posts) -

My 'standards' have changed quite a bit as I've gotten older. Having been in quite a few relationships, the ones that were the most fun and had the most potential were the ones with the women I though were funny, smart, kind, and just fun to be around. As I've gotten older 'looks' have been much less important to me.

#18 Edited by joshwent (2635 posts) -

It's great to have a set of ideals for the people you want to associate yourself with, but I have to tell you honestly, this isn't how it works. Humans are not the sum of a checklist that may meet your preferences. And while it's good to know what type of person you'd probably get along with, a partner is most assuredly not the one who'll ace your test.

When you fall in love, it's for that person's merits, and their faults. It's their entirely as an individual, not how close they get to S-ranking your list.

#19 Posted by jArmAhead (354 posts) -

Don't bother with standards. Just wait for someone you really dig to come along, and then jump on that shit. If you go in looking for someone who meets your standards, you'll just trick yourself into thinking those things really matter. When your 13, you think you just want a hot lady with a nice butt and a tight stomach. When your 17, you think you want someone who understands your dilemmas. At the end of the day, there is no way to know who or what will make you happy until you experience it.

Most serious relationships I've been in just sorta happened. Not because I saw someone who fit my "ideals" for a partner, but because that person made me happier and happier as our relationship grew until it became more than a friendship. Many times, those people have traits I wouldn't have expected to find endearing, but did. Or which would have been obnoxious coming from others but for whatever reason their particular way of being the way they were just worked for me.

You can't look for someone open minded and expect to find them when you've got such a binary concept of the "right" person. You just need to enjoy yourself, meet people, and wait for one to click. You'll usually know when that happens, and rarely know why.

Older women vs younger women just depends on the person. I've never been with someone my own age or younger, and it's generally worked pretty well for me, but I'm not opposed to being with someone younger. I just tend to seek out people who are a little further in life than myself. I'm pretty sure all but two or three of my friends are older than me as well. Not because I seek out older people, but just because those are the people who I most often click with.

But maybe I'm not the best person to give advice to. Most of my serious relationships ended in them cheating on me, or me finding out I was the "other guy" or some other outrageous bullshit. But hey, I was happy while they lasted.

Find something else to occupy your time though duder. Don't seek out love or companionship. It cannot be forced. You said it yourself, you can't just be attracted to anyone. So just meet new people, make some friends, and see if anything goes anywhere. Beyond that, find something else to do to get your mind off of finding the right person.

#20 Edited by Zero_ (2006 posts) -

@CommanderGarrus: That's what I'm saying. It's not about "high" standards. You like me, were after a particular thing. Funny enough, a very similar thing it seems. I'm only 22 and without tooting my own horn, was getting a lot of female attention that I wasn't taking up because they just weren't up to scratch. Anyway, life through uni taught me 2 things relating to love/relationship etc. that may or may not help you if you really take it to heart:

1) If you understand yourself that well to come to that conclusion about your love life, then go do something about it. Not lower your standards, not even change your standards if you don't want to - but just meet more people. The more people you meet, the higher chance you'll meet someone within your ball park. If you aren't so sociable, change that to the best of your ability, because if you don't AND your standards are that precise, you WILL be alone forever. If you are sociable, then that's great: meet as many people as you can. And especially don't go thinking that your desired qualities are "rare" qualities - over the years (Man, I'm talking as if I'm some village elder here) I've learnt, there are so, so, so many people out there that there will be so many with qualities close to what you're thinking. Trust me.

2) Life's just about enjoying yourself. At least, that's my perspective. If you don't get any action now (sexually or emotionally), it's going to be even harder when you're older. Once you realise that, you have this ticking time bomb above your head. The last thing you want is regret on missing out on so much when you were younger.

Anyway, take that how you will. I'm just some internet stranger - so there's no obligation to heed my advice. But you're still young, and close to my age - I would've loved to learn that advice when I was younger. I didn't even have sex or have a girlfriend till I was 21 and it could've been much worse if I didn't learn those 2 things.

#21 Edited by Miyuki (179 posts) -

Well, speaking as someone who knows women (because I am one!) I think there is some truth to that stereotype. I dated plenty of younger guys, and for the most part that worked well. They couldn't find girls their age who weren't superficial and silly, and I wasn't necessarily interested in dating someone older who might patronize me.

Having said that, I married a guy older than me (by 6 years) which I never thought I would do... but the truth is that when the right person comes along age doesn't matter. Standards are a good thing too, though you may find that yours change over time as you get older. Hang in there, do the things you love, be true to yourself. That's what really matters. Awesome women will appreciate that you are being yourself!

#22 Edited by Daiphyer (1417 posts) -

#23 Edited by Missacre (568 posts) -

Oh this thread is just genius. Just wildly entertaining.

#24 Posted by Hitchenson (4708 posts) -

@missacre said:

Oh this thread is just genius. Just wildly entertaining.

#25 Edited by Popogeejo (620 posts) -

The genepool thanks you for not contributing further.

#26 Edited by mlarrabee (3185 posts) -

Just to be safe, double-check your opinion of yourself. Most persons with high standards for a partner have too high opinions of themselves, and that has lead them to mistakenly believe that it takes an extraordinary person to compliment them.

#27 Edited by 34f3ecwdc3 (171 posts) -

I am actually a girl not a guy. I am friendly and I tried a few times to be sociable but it didn't clicked for me in reality, because I live in a small city for the moment and I don't have many options. I felt for those women (on the internet) because they have what I was seeking. With women it's harder for me, because I direct myself to more intelligent women but they are mature and don't have the patience to give me a chance at least. If there would be someone immature and young like me, of course I'd be glad about that. I haven't met many men, but the younger ones I knew, were a sort of a bullshit with swag, not to mention the girls my age. Also, it happened for me, to find more sense of humor in the women/girls I've met than boys and men, although it was supposed to be the opposite. I always befriended with many types of people. I even got in some lame fights with some of them and in time, we became buddies. I met some people in the most awkward ways that I never thought about it and I never believed that I would befriend with them. I had stupid, funny, intelligent, arrogant, ugly as a fuck, good looking buddies, creative, whatever, you name it. Also, from rockers, to gamers and winneysuckers. I am always the neutral person with universal opinions in the club, I don't say no to new experiences and I don't limit myself to one type when it comes to relationships. I have no big problems with my personality, I welcome advices and thanks for that guys, but the real stuff is something else and here's what I learned in the mean time.

1. Because I am very friendly, you know how many people loves to be chased, to get all that attention ? they think that if I come to them, then I'm a fool who is willing to follow them, although many times, I want to befriend only to learn more about their personality. They mistake my kindness with foolishness.

2. As an intuitive person, I am right like 90% most of the time about people, but I will be selective if I want a closer friendship, as anyone one does without exception. You can't have a best friend who stabs you with a big smile on his face. I always rushed things when trying to know some people, because I didn't realized until someone told me that, not everyone can be intuitive as me so I learned to take things more slowly. But I'm still a freakin' impatience person.

3. It's related to number 2 somehow but here's the thing. As an impatience person, I have to be more careful with some women, because they are more protective, they went through awful fails in life, and they learned their lesson which that drives me crazy, like I am trying to pet a fish without squizing it. It requires lots of time but I can manage with that too.

4. I am also a crazy person, sometimes off the limits and I tend to scare many people or they don't want to complicate with someone like me, which for me, "complication" it's a funny word. Many limit themselves and they don't give me a chance before they try to even know what's behind this crazy mask (it was not created consciously), and I wonder, how do they know what kind of a person I am when they know so little about me ? that's one of the biggest problems. They think they could read me, they underestimate me because I am not a very serious person and I give the impression that I'm always the "head in the clouds" type. It's not all about me after all.

One more thing, everything it's written randomly here. I never told myself while growing up, that I must have these standards and always stick to them, they can't simply be changed. I can't force myself to get horny at someone's command because that person it's sweet to me. If there's someone who is not physical attractive, I will still be curious about his/her personality and maybe in time, something might happen. The mental connection it's stronger anyways. All the real crushes I had now on those women, they are already in love with someone else, so if I'd wanted to jump on any of those ships, I'd jump directly in the water. Only one thing changed about my standards. Before, I used to dream about models from Victoria's Secret, now I find them boring.

#28 Posted by Daiphyer (1417 posts) -

I am actually a girl not a guy.

Well, shit. Now this whole thing makes a hell of a lot more sense.

#29 Posted by falserelic (5721 posts) -

I just don't want to be like my uncle. He fucked alot of women and even brought me to their home. I still remember when he was cheating on his girlfriend with other women. Even though I knew and seen them I didn't tell his girlfriend at the time, but now his life became a shit hole. He's got 5 kids with his now ex-girlfriend. She went on got married and had more kids by another guy. Now my uncle is stuck paying child support that he can't afford.

Anyway as for my standards for women I can't really say. I had women approach me in the past, and now since I've lost alot of weight (went from 330 to 208 pounds) I have more women want to talk to me, but I still kinda have the same mindset when I was obese. Where I'm anti-social and usually just laid-back. Even then I still got to resolve something I did in the past before I start dating. It was a fucking retarded decision that I did when I was younger.

#30 Edited by chrismafuchris (1154 posts) -

I'll date any person who is capacitated and does not hate me.

#31 Posted by GreggD (4581 posts) -


#33 Posted by GnaTSoL (841 posts) -

Lowering standards is such a wide spread thing going around and people cover it up like it's not true. I think the issue is keeping things in check and going with 'highly-desirable' woman, so lots of dudes and dudeetes just give up and end up with strange pairings the way I see it. Not just less attractive pairs but people that seem to not fit their personality and way of being.

Concerning myself, I guess I do have high standards. Nothing against fat-chicks, but I just don't see myself with one. But like-wise, I don't make grandiose illusions past what I believe I'm capable of...... 'WOOING.'

Sometimes I see some women who look like they've got it all going and even if they show interest, I wouldn't attempt a serious relationship with them. A self-confidence issue, but I also tell myself I'm avoiding certain heartache.

Though, generally not a good idea to ever think you not good enough....... but certain girls man...... lol

#34 Edited by Floope (205 posts) -

You're a tool.

#35 Edited by Colourful_Hippie (4761 posts) -

I keep seeing how many people claim that it's better to be with someone older than you, because he/she got more tolerance, empathy, and all that set that you're supposed to learn while growing older. I know, it's a forum more about games, but gamers have a social life too. Don't you think that dating an older woman/man for a more serious relationship, it's a stupid stereotype ?

I want to point out something, since you the first poster reminded me of something. Maturity doesn't have anything to do with intelligence.

You're right about that but like brodehouse said, it's more of a stereotype that kinda based from fact. You can definitely run into people who are more mature and are also at your age or younger but you're more likely to run into an older person who fits all those descriptors than you would with someone who is younger.

I do agree though that maturity doesn't equate to intelligence because I've run into many people who don't know how to properly use their newfound intellect for things other than inflating their ego when talking to people

#36 Edited by gokaired (581 posts) -

My Standards are these, she can't drink more or swear more than me, other than that extremely low. I live in London, I'll either find both or one or the other so i'm screwed.

When I comes to older women...28 usually reality hit's them and are just satisfied to have a man with a Job, usually the younger the worst but it's not fair to judge'em all, I know. But some of the things i hear girls want of us is laughable and when they do the dirty on her she wants to say "why?". Some of that is the our fault though, we keep letting women believe in those high standards.

#37 Posted by Ravenlight (8057 posts) -

Heteronormative bullshit. What about nontraditional relationships? Down with the patriarchy!

#39 Posted by TooWalrus (13302 posts) -

#40 Edited by Damian (1521 posts) -

This isn't so much relationship advice as it is growing up advice, but I can relate to your self-perception to a good extent, and just want to give you a heads up that you will end up being proven wrong about a lot of things you hold true, especially about yourself. Those are the hardest truths to come to grips with. And anyone who is down for dealing with you through that struggle is worth the effort in kind.

Finding someone who jives with you for the long haul isn't easy. But even when you find that (there is more than just one out there for everyone, for the record) it only gets harder because not only is being in a lifelong partnership excruciatingly hard work even without children or inlaws, but the knowledge of just how long the road was to find such a partner worthy of your trust only compounds the pressure on the current relationship.

So I'm gonna jump in with the camp that says just take it in stride and put yourself out there. Take heartache with a grain of salt and learn from past mistakes. But give new people a chance, especially when you can relate to being prejudged yourself.

#41 Posted by Lysergica33 (570 posts) -

I have high standards when it comes to the company I keep, but that goes for my friends too. I'm not really interested in surface level friendships, never have been. This, by extension, ends up applying to the women in my life too. I have had drunken moments of weakness, sure, but for the most part I tend to be single as I'm pretty happy by myself unless someone comes along who is really capable of taking me to higher places. I don't need a woman just to feel happy or good about myself or my existence and thus the relationships I do have always tend to be totally life changing. I like it that way.

#42 Posted by HellknightLeon (489 posts) -

Mostly just want to F*** Brad... not in a gay way... butt in a man way. This is bro shit.... not gay shit.

#43 Edited by HatKing (6360 posts) -

This makes me uncomfortable to read, probably because I know people like you. I've dated people like you. The 'know exactly what they want' type. It's weird how we idolize people who're open and aware of themselves, but in reality how unappealing that disposition actually is. Maybe because it's so unfamiliar to most of us. I mean, who really knows what they want? For most people the reality of dating is one of those 'I know what I don't want/know it when I see it' type situations. Or maybe we just like a sense of mystery. Not having it all spelled out before we're holding hands. Or even meet. I mean, what is a relationship if not a series of interpersonal discoveries? Or maybe it's because you come off like a selfish, cynical jerk. Even when we fit the description of people who say "I have high standards" we realize that we're little more than a checklist to that person. Good thing I managed to impress this person so I could land that first date. Hopefully none of those "standards" are a part of a person that changes with time - though most things are. Dating is less fun when you feel like you're running a constant gambit of disapproval because, "well, she likes that I'm well dressed, and I only have so many ties." People shouldn't feel the constant need to impress. Being able to feel comfortable, relaxed in front of a person is infinitely more important. If the person I'm dating feels like she can wear that three-sizes-too-big hoodie in front of me, because she likes the way it fits and she knows I am more concerned with that comfort, then that is a healthy relationship. That's hard to achieve when that checklist is floating in the back of her mind.

Moral: Be less concerned with your standards. Quit feeling sorry for yourself. And try meeting somebody that defies what you believe a good person makes.

#45 Posted by Rick_Fingers (525 posts) -

Would this be a bad time for a Bloodhound Gang quote?

Also, if I had maintained my "standards" in the way the OP seems to be (i.e. a set of arbitrary rules based more around your own hang ups and self perception), I never would have dated my wife - in fact she went against several of my "rules"

Sorry if this is harsh, but you need to be more focused on finding a real person that clicks and making that work, not someone that ticks some boxes you made up without any real prior experience of how this stuff actually works.

#46 Posted by 34f3ecwdc3 (171 posts) -

@hatking: I think you jumped some stuff written by me, I said that there's nothing superficial in my standards, or it's my fault that I haven't written in more details what that means, and trust me, you haven't dated people like me as much as you think. I actually doubt that you dated at least one person like me, because you would have been in an asylum by now... now seriously, if you think from one thread you could figured out what kind of person I am, well, I mentioned about the type you are in the fourth point, but it wouldn't be great to actually believe this now because I would contradict myself, so take it easy with taking conclusions so fast. In the two decades of my life, this is the first time when I start to talk about myself like this in the public, because I don't talk about myself a lot, I did it a few times with some people whom I can count them on one hand and it was quite useless. In reality, not even an inch of the things I say here, you'd hear from someone like me, I am confident enough and here I'm the bastard anonymous. Standards for me, are the qualities I need in order to maintain a serious relationship. If that person doesn't have the rare qualities, then I can't be myself around him or her, whatever it will be in the future. That means a high standard for me, I met so many superficial people that they would criticize anything that's different from them. How can you say this is a bad thing, to have these standards, when they are the things that makes you feel comfortable around that person ? if you have an another definition to what stands for standards, that's another story. Do you feel comfortable around absolutely everyone and you could sleep, and create a connection with just anyone who is available ? Someone who has low standards, will sleep with many dumb women as possible. By doing that, it means lack of self-respect but it's understandable since it's in our nature to fuck anything like a bunny. . I wouldn't have standards from the very beginning if I'd feel sorry for my ass, I joked about the dying thing.

@jazgalaxy I know what I want from a woman and a man. I never wanted a saint, having someone's innocence as my sin, it's getting old and mainstream. I am not interested in virtues, and perfection in my own eyes, it is build on imperfect roots. I am selfish now because I talk this way but you don't mention nowhere how are the others, and what happens if you land a helping hand to many of them, they become too greedy in anything (we don't talk about material things now) there's a difference from what I'm doing here and them and you should know where to put the "disgusting" insult. Trust me, if you want to give me some constructive criticize, selfish and disgusting are not the right words. Haven't occurred through your head now, that if I'd lost all my hopes and I decided to become an ignorant, this thread wouldn't exist in the first place because I'd say "fuck them, I will treat everyone bad because they deserve it" and I'd give myself too much importance, act like a victim, and all that fucking stuff that can actually make you vomit your liver ? don't you think that, through this, I might see some useful advices that I haven't thought about, since I am still young (not using it as an excuse, but that's the truth) ? and this means, I'm looking forward for new ways.

#47 Edited by pyromagnestir (4376 posts) -

Here I am just trying to be less afraid of people so that I might some day have the opportunity to actually date someone, anyone, and getting super stressed about it in the process.


Hey @wrighteous86 here I found another thread for that podcast of yours!

#48 Edited by PenguinDust (12730 posts) -

These guys seem happy enough.

Seems to me having standards is overrated.

#49 Posted by RazielCuts (3053 posts) -
#50 Edited by Whitestripes09 (490 posts) -

I feel that as a 19 year old with no real girl friend to speak of in the entirety my life and tired of being alone all the time, I think it's time to mature up.

As a kid in high school I would say that I had pretty high standards of someone who I wanted to date. They had to be physically attractive, like the stuff I liked, chase me, and I basically always saw myself above people because of how stupid the way they acted. After high school ended I had the realization that I was pretty stupid for thinking that and not to mention I was kind of beaten with the ugly stick so who was I kidding with trying to get girls to "chase" me. I had conflicting thoughts on the social life I had with my high school friends and turned basically into a hermit. Solitary seemed like the best option at the time because there was a lot of drama going on within the group friends I had, not to mention that I felt like I was never going to get into a relationship and thus the whole forever alone mentality I had going into college.

Fast forward to now and things are slightly better. I reignited a friendship with someone that I knew since kindergarten and his group of friends took me in, so I'm happy that I have at least some group of people to rely on and socialize with who don't have any drama with each other. I bonded with my parents more and even met a handful of girls who I befriended, my friends question my sexuality a lot because of this....

As of now, I feel that sex isn't really something I desire a lot. Yeah, I still have urges and I can still appreciate a woman whose very attractive, but I think in reality that I just want someone to enjoy life with. I don't think I would really want to meet someone who likes everything I like and had the same personality as me. I would rather just find someone who I can share happiness with, even though that sounds cheesy... My problem now is putting my foot back out into society and actually talking to people instead of feeling a ton of anxiety about it.