#1 Posted by lazyturtle (1227 posts) -
#2 Posted by Subject2Change (2965 posts) -

At this age probably not. In the future who knows. I am undecided on whether or not I want kids but i don't think it would be a total deal breaker in the future. At 24, yes it is a no go unless they are a older than me and the kid is still young (i.e. 1-2)

#3 Posted by lazyturtle (1227 posts) -

I was thinking about this today. I have 2 kids and I'm occasionally happily married (though just as frequently unhappily). I can't imagine being willing to deal with the shit that kids put you through when you don't have any real attachment to them. 
 
I've dated one chick who had a little kid, and it was a total PITA..though to be fair I was 20ish at the time and liked to party.

#4 Posted by Enigma777 (6047 posts) -

If she's hot, sure.

#5 Posted by Scrawnto (2413 posts) -
@Subject2Change said:
" At this age probably not. In the future who knows. I am undecided on whether or not I want kids but i don't think it would be a total deal breaker in the future. At 24, yes it is a no go unless they are a older than me and the kid is still young (i.e. 1-2) "
I pretty much agree with this, though I am pretty certain that I will want kids at some point. I'm 21 and jobless. That is not exactly good step-dad material. However, I had a step-dad, and my step-dad had a step-dad. Perhaps I am destined to become a step-dad myself one day.
#6 Posted by Subject2Change (2965 posts) -
@Scrawnto said:
" @Subject2Change said:
" At this age probably not. In the future who knows. I am undecided on whether or not I want kids but i don't think it would be a total deal breaker in the future. At 24, yes it is a no go unless they are a older than me and the kid is still young (i.e. 1-2) "
I pretty much agree with this, though I am pretty certain that I will want kids at some point. I'm 21 and jobless. That is not exactly good step-dad material. However, I had a step-dad, and my step-dad had a step-dad. Perhaps I am destined to become a step-dad myself one day. "
Not all relationships will lead to a marriage. I'd never think of it those terms. Sure it may happen, but you need to focus on if the person is someone you can be with and if they feel that you'd be a good fit in that role. Most people that have young kids aren't always looking for a replacement father/mother, but someone for THEM. If it leads down that path, sure they will want someone that can provide and be a good step-parent. However they want the focus on them at first, then on the kid/future.
#7 Edited by Bruce (5264 posts) -
@Enigma777:  
 
Oh please; so you'd be willing to deal with the children's biological father, raising the kids as your own, and all that bullshit just if the woman was hot? Grow up.
#8 Posted by Everyones_A_Critic (6270 posts) -

No, I don't really like kids. I'm 18 though so who knows what I'll want in the future.

#9 Edited by Warfare (1632 posts) -

I have dated someone with a kid. 

#10 Posted by RVonE (4479 posts) -

If love is involved, anything is possible.
#11 Posted by Enigma777 (6047 posts) -
@Bruce said:
" @Enigma777:   Oh please; so you'd be willing to deal with the children's biological father, raising the kids as your own, and all that bullshit just if the woman was hot? Grow up. "
Whoa whoa whoa, who said anything about raising kids?
#12 Posted by Bruce (5264 posts) -
@Enigma777:  
 
If you date someone who has kids of her own, what do you think your role is going to be with the children?
#13 Posted by Hot_Karl (3309 posts) -

That'd kinda freak me out if I started going out with a girl who has kids at this point in my life, but down the road and I find myself in love with said girl, anything can happen.

#14 Edited by Enigma777 (6047 posts) -
@Bruce: To be that dude that's dating their mother. They will hate me and pull pranks in a futile attempt to bring their parents back together.
#15 Posted by crusader8463 (14308 posts) -

Too many factors really, but I may. She would have to be something extremely special to make me saddle my life with young kids given that I'm only 24. Would also depend on the kids themselves and how many. I have next to no patience for kids, so they would have to be well behaved, or it would only be a matter of time until they hurt the relationship. 
 
Or are we talking grown up kids who have moved out? Seeing as how they would have to be around my age, it would make family get togethers rather awkward.

#16 Posted by shivermetimbers (717 posts) -

If the kids were all out of college with successful careers, then yes.

#17 Posted by Scrawnto (2413 posts) -
@Subject2Change: The question does say date/marry, which is why I addressed the marriage aspect. If I married their mom, by definition, I would be the step-dad.
And I know that a step-dad doesn't replace a father. Like I said, I had a step-dad. I lived with him for fourteen years. I also have a father. They had very different roles in my upbringing. 
 
As far as dating goes, I don't think I would avoid dating a girl just because she had a kid, but she would have to be pretty great otherwise. It would also depend somewhat on the circumstances by which she ended up with a kid. As an ubervirgin that hasn't even held a girl's hand in a romantic way, I'd feel a bit odd if I were dating a woman who had been married, decided to conceive a child, and subsequently was divorced. That's some heavy shit that I couldn't begin to relate to.

P.S. I hope you understand that the destiny bit was a joke.
#18 Posted by Subject2Change (2965 posts) -
@Scrawnto said:
" @Subject2Change: The question does say date/marry, which is why I addressed the marriage aspect. If I married their mom, by definition, I would be the step-dad.And I know that a step-dad doesn't replace a father. Like I said, I had a step-dad. I lived with him for fourteen years. I also have a father. They had very different roles in my upbringing.  As far as dating goes, I don't think I would avoid dating a girl just because she had a kid, but she would have to be pretty great otherwise. It would also depend somewhat on the circumstances by which she ended up with a kid. As an ubervirgin that hasn't even held a girl's hand in a romantic way, I'd feel a bit odd if I were dating a woman who had been married, decided to conceive a child, and subsequently was divorced. That's some heavy shit that I couldn't begin to relate to.P.S. I hope you understand that the destiny bit was a joke. "
Haha I did. Unfortunately or fortunately out there are going to be more experienced and less experienced people that you are in a relationship at every point, you are best to not think about it otherwise it will drive you mad. Mainly the more experienced. Everyone has their own personal beliefs and backgrounds which include sexual history. But hey if they have a kid, at least it means they put out. And I get the step-father bit, however some single parents aren't looking for someone to help raise their kid; more or less someone to be with THEM and the kid is more or less a non-factor in the relationship.
#19 Posted by captain_clayman (3300 posts) -

if she was THE ONE and there could be nobody else, then fine.  however you have to deal with a lot of crap.  dealing with the real dad, being a stepdad, dealing with family.  ugh.  she'd have to be REALLY worth it.

#20 Posted by PillClinton (3284 posts) -

B.  some definite 'sues would arise, but it'd be a'ight. 

#21 Posted by NTM (7033 posts) -

I want kids, but I don't want to be with someone that already have them. I also wouldn't be big on adoption either.
#22 Edited by ryanwho (12082 posts) -

Only if they were between 7 and about 11. Right after the memememe phase and before the memememe resurgence of puberty. Don't have a huge "my seed must pass on" urge flowing through my veins. Kind of seems like if you're so selfish you can't rise above that you're probably going to be a shitty overbearing parent to begin with.

#23 Posted by Mcfart (1425 posts) -
@ryanwho said:
" Only if they were between 7 and about 11. Right after the memememe phase and before the memememe resurgence of puberty. Don't have a huge "my seed must pass on" urge flowing through my veins. Kind of seems like if you're so selfish you can't rise above that you're probably going to be a shitty overbearing parent to begin with. "
It's usually not the "i want them to be my kids" but that there's usually an asshole biological father involved, as well as possibley hostile children, and all that crap.
 
I'm young, but I'd definitely prefer her to be childless. There's many fish in the sea, so I ain't gonna be saddled.
#24 Posted by SomeJerk (2968 posts) -

Dating gals with kids before has always been a little uncomfortable because you sort of put the kid in that weird situation but what can you do. Best case is that the kid is old enough to be able to understand the whole "mommy and daddy are no longer together, this is mommys new partner" speech. In both cases I've dated women with children (20somethings) they have both had emotional luggage, been unable to let go of their past (understandable), and both eventually reunited with their babbysdaddys (happy endings at least so um I can't really complain I guess.
 
Do love kids though. Got five sisters, I'm an uncle to at least 16, lost count, until I find that perfect amazing someone (and this time doesn't turn out to have major psychological issues) I'll get some of my own, I don't mind other peoples kids, be they strangers or dates.

#25 Posted by Bloodgraiv3 (2712 posts) -

Depends on the person. 
#26 Posted by iam3green (14388 posts) -

maybe, i don't know. if it was a girl i liked then maybe.

#27 Posted by cnlmullen (900 posts) -

Not unless they are a really, really, *really* special person. 

#28 Posted by Hourai (2795 posts) -

Probably not. The only way I would do that is if I'm divorced and have kid(s) of my own. But hey, who knows. I've never been put in that position before, so I might go for it if I love the person enough. 

#29 Posted by lazyturtle (1227 posts) -

Wow...I'm impressed with how many people would be ok with it. I wonder how many of you have spent much time around kids..:) 

#30 Posted by FourWude (2261 posts) -
@Bruce said:
" @Enigma777:   Oh please; so you'd be willing to deal with the children's biological father, raising the kids as your own, and all that bullshit just if the woman was hot? Grow up. "
Oh please... Let me reintroduce you two. Brucie meet Love. Love meet Bruce.
#31 Edited by Jeust (10334 posts) -

B. If I'd love her, that wouldn't be an issue. 

#32 Posted by oliver (123 posts) -

im 24 and getting on abit so yeah if i likee her

#33 Posted by oatz (1103 posts) -

No way Jose.

#34 Edited by Fajita_Jim (1463 posts) -

Being 34 and long since divorced, I am actually propositioned quite a bit by women with children. However, it's obviously desperation on their part most of the time. They just want someone to share the load.
 
Women my age are use to how men reacted in their teens and twenties, where they could lead them around by the nose with their sexuality. At my age, sexuality is just another part of your personality, not the domineering part of it (as a man, that is. Women hit their sexual peak in their 30's so it's kind of a role reversal). They aren't used to men taking no interest in them.
 
Not all women with kids looking for a date are like that,  but a good many of them are. It's a minefield. With babies.

#35 Posted by TaliciaDragonsong (8698 posts) -

B.

#36 Posted by Yummylee (20571 posts) -

Hell naw. I can barely look after myself, let alone a family.

#37 Posted by brocool (701 posts) -

Definitely not.  There would be issues with the kid later on and their bum biological father. It seems like way too much baggage.

#38 Posted by Gunner612 (4338 posts) -

maybe in about 10 years or so. Im too young to deal with that.

#39 Posted by skrutop (3615 posts) -

I'm 33, so I've hit that point where single women my age are likely to have small children.  So, were I still single, then I'd have to consider dating moms.  However, I got married last year so it's not an issue.

#40 Posted by DeShawn2ks (1043 posts) -

I have dated a few women that had a kid or kids. I don't see anything wrong with it.

#41 Posted by BeachThunder (11264 posts) -

Either C or D. Also, I think you raise a fair point about not having any emotional attachment to other people's kids.

Online
#42 Posted by Marcsman (2876 posts) -

Date maybe if she was super hot and cool. 
Marriage is out of the question. 
I ain't sharing my toys.

#43 Posted by DeShawn2ks (1043 posts) -

If the girl is real cool and you are clicking but she has a messed up baby daddy oh well. If he has a problem with it he is going to have to deal. Can't really avoid the crazy ex kids are not. No way to avoid a crazy ex if they have one. If this is a worry for you don't date, or learn to fight. I myself haven't had to deal with crazy ex's because they were all cool and moved on. My friends though have gotten into fights that I have got pulled into with crazy ex's. One of my friends to this day still has a females crazy ex which he doesn't date anymore that still tries to fight him whenever he sees him. This is sad because my friend and this girl haven't dated in 6yrs and don't even talk anymore unless they see each other out and about. Oh yeah and this girl didn't have any kids so if crazy ex is a fear I am sorry there is no way to really avoid it if you plan on dating unless you are lucky. Crazy comes in all shapes, sizes, social classes, kids or no kids.

#44 Posted by FesteringNeon (2153 posts) -

I dated a girl in college that had a little girl. I can't count how many times i'd wondered what it would be like if we still dated. Nothing wrong with the girls i've met and have had relationships with since.. but this one would have been my exception to my otherwise dislike for "baggage". She was hot, and really nice. I just wasn't up to the commitment and still have/had alot of growing up to do!

#45 Posted by eqaddictedfool (104 posts) -

really depends on her and the kids. If they are good kids i have no problems with kids if however that are not well behaved it would reflect badly on the parental unit.
#46 Posted by d_breeze (223 posts) -

I wouldn't mind it at all, I love kids. Regardless of being young right now people in my family tend to get married and have kids young so I'd feel fine about it, just no marriage too soon because I'd want to graduate college and get a job first. Besides, if he already has kids then I probably wouldn't have to think so much about having any later =P

#47 Posted by TheHBK (5407 posts) -

Depends on the girl and the kid.  multiple kids?  Hell no.  One kid might fly.  And I really have to like them.  A girl would be easier to deal with than a boy, at least in my opinion.  Also depends on the age of the kid.  If we are getting past 8 years old, we have a problem.