You VS 6000 Spiders!? Who will win?

The rules of this topic are quite friendly, your house is suddenly infested with 6000 of these big bastards and you are the only one. (Including your family if you know you could get their help.) In order to stop them from producing and taking over the entire town within 3 days.

You can get one free item from someone who feels bad enough about you to help you out enough just so they wouldn't have to go in, one free item but it has to not be something insane like a flamethrower.

You also can only use items you have in your house and escaped with and with whatever money is in your wallet.

The spiders are VERY poisonous and the city government will in fact blow up your house if you can't do this. With all your stuff inside and it cannot be insured so you will go homeless and no extirminator will help you and the ones who do want to help are only willing to do it for millions of dollars at least!

There is a counter to how many you kill so you know the exact amount at all times for whatever reason and the spiders are all over your possesions as well.

LET US BEGIN!

With me, I would grab up two of the heaviest common books I have and proceed to get all the water bottles I have. Afterwords I will grab a hammer and some clothing and my backpack and leave the house.

My brother would most likely help out in such a situation so I got an ally already. However the rest of my family would probably just abandon the house. I would not and I would be more pissed off than scared. My free item would hopefully be a scuba suit so that way none of the bastards land on me and due to it being Montana and all I believe that it would come from some former surfer guy who decided to retire up here. (Scuba suits are commonish... so it counts and Montana is the state where the poor old people of America go!)

I would dress up completely making sure everything was air tight except for a slit for my eyes and mouth. Hammer in hand and my brother decked out with a hammer he brought, we go in in a storm of frenzied girly screaming and rage killing spiders and destroying many of our things in the process. We would most likely clear the house in a couple days and as long as we have food and water from the fridge and with whatever we can find we would be able to do it... just with a shitton of girly man screaming happening 100% of the time.

The clean up would be a nightmare but I believe me and my family could do it... however, what would you do if your house was infested by 6000 spiders? Also yes... I had a nightmare last night where this happened. Imagining a shotgun did not help at all.

Eh, I could handle those fuckers easily.

I curl up in a ball and die. I'm scared shitless of spiders.

Ugh, versus threads...

I'd lose to a single spider, so I don't think this will be much of a fight.

I would ask for a protective clothing as an item. Is that allowed? Then i would try to kill the bastards with my feet or whatever.

dale gribbel at your service.

@ChadMasterFlash said:

I curl up in a ball and die. I'm scared shitless of spiders.

Yep.

Man, you guys are dicks. I would just like, chill with the spiders man. Maybe they just need to crash at my pad for a few days? Can't jump to conclusions, they could be cool dudes.

If Uncharted 3 has taught me anything--most notably during the multiplayer--it's that spiders win everytime.

@jking47 said:

Man, you guys are dicks. I would just like, chill with the spiders man. Maybe they just need to crash at my pad for a few days? Can't jump to conclusions, they could be cool dudes.

Highly poisonous spiders... 6000 of said spiders in your home... that is like Russian Roulette with all the chambers loaded.

I'd take a 9MM handgun with one bullet. Because fuck fighting those things.

I'd kill myself, like with zombies.
 
Gotta accept when you're toast, but no reason you should be alive when those 6000 tiny fangs puncture your skin.
Not to mention the poison, oh the horrible toxin that courses through your blood, making you feverish, exhausted or even paralyzed while still fully aware of those 6000 tiny fangs perforating your skin.
They might even web you up and save you as a snack during the game, and then those 6000 tiny fangs will pierce your skin slowly.
 
I can't sleep now, I scared myself, fuck.

I would rather end myself than face 6000 spiders.

All I need is some kind of suit that protects me from bites, it would have to be airtight and very resilient. Then I would proceed to happily destroy every single one of them with no other tools to aid me.

Run.

Like hell.

Trick question! I would train them into my own dark spider army and then take over the world.

My item would be a phone, i'd use it to call the exterminator.

@Zacagawea said:

Ugh, versus threads...

Yeah, is this Comic Vine?

@Gunslinger0130 said:

My item would be a phone, i'd use it to call the exterminator.

If you read the rules, no one will help you, and if they could they would charge you a good million or millions in bucks you would have to spend for your entire life.

@Irvandus said:

Trick question! I would train them into my own dark spider army and then take over the world.

You could be a jerk and leave the doors open and let the spiders out... cause an enviromental disaster!

The real question is whether or not I could find some way to be fully protected from the spider bites. I think a beekeeper's suit would be too thin, so I guess I would need a full plate suit of armor. At that point, I'd just run through the freaking house, stamping on every single bug I see. I guess I'm afraid of spiders, but if they can't hurt me, I'm A-OK with them.

Everyday I fight for survival against every single spider in the world. You telling me that number has been reduced to 6000? Easy.

I am the spiders.

I, for one, welcome our new spider overlords.

Spiders win by default because if I see 6,000 spiders I'm calling it a wrap and running out the front door yelling, "ah, hell nah".

I would rather suck erect cock than go up against even like 10 tarantulas

I'd slam my head into my oven until it ended. Scared of spiders or not, 6,000 of them is horrifying to think about in one place.

I've got 3 days? Tent that shit and gas 'em. Problem solved.

I love spiders (when they aren't sneak-biting me at night... *scratches hand*), but I may start making a flamethrower if I'm dealing with a horde 6,000 strong. Not because they're spiders, but because I fucking hate swarms of things. Even a swarm of puppies would put my neck hairs on end.

I'd blend in with the spiders, I would become one of them, crawling around on my hands and legs all day, building huge webs out of yarn, I'd fit right in. Then eventually I would rise up in the ranks and I'D BECOME THE SPIDER KING, I would have all the hottest spider babes.

Sorry man, if 6000 spiders were in my house then it's their house now. They win. Keep it. I don't want it anymore. This thread made me think of the movie Arachnophobia.

So, spider-bite proof suit as the one item and get to fucking squishing. 6000 kill steak--what do I get?

Without a spider-proof suit you're kind of fucked.

Well Im too much of a hippy when it comes to insects so Ill do what I always do with insects.  Ill pick each one up and place it gently outside

@Vigil said:

I'd blend in with the spiders, I would become one of them, crawling around on my hands and legs all day, building huge webs out of yarn, I'd fit right in. Then eventually I would rise up in the ranks and I'D BECOME THE SPIDER KING, I would have all the hottest spider babes.

You'd better hope that it's not a species where the women routinely eat their mates.

I'd take my important stuff and let them bomb that place, i wouldn't want to live in there even after they're all gone.

Or you know, you could make people pay to go into it as a some kinda haunted house type thing, except much more horrifying.

@Hailinel said:

@Vigil said:

I'd blend in with the spiders, I would become one of them, crawling around on my hands and legs all day, building huge webs out of yarn, I'd fit right in. Then eventually I would rise up in the ranks and I'D BECOME THE SPIDER KING, I would have all the hottest spider babes.

You'd better hope that it's not a species where the women routinely eat their mates.

..........Well great, you ruined my whole plan, now I really am fucked in this hypothetical situation. I guess I could try to hide under my bed.....spiders have poor vision...they probably wouldn't see me.

They can have the house. I am not dealing with that.

6000?

fuck that. blow it up.

this thread reminds me i want a pet tarantula ^_^

@xobballox said:

So, spider-bite proof suit as the one item and get to fucking squishing. 6000 kill steak--what do I get?

Without a spider-proof suit you're kind of fucked.

Even with a spider-proof suit I'd be too squeamish to even go near there.

@EVO said:

@xobballox said:

So, spider-bite proof suit as the one item and get to fucking squishing. 6000 kill steak--what do I get?

Without a spider-proof suit you're kind of fucked.

Even with a spider-proof suit I'd be too squeamish to even go near there.

I fucking despise spiders but with a 100% proven spider-proof suit on and 6000 of those ass holes I would go on a power trip and start yelling one liners at the spiders as they feel the unstoppable power of my boot.

I'd get chlorine tablets from my neighbor with a pool. Seal the windows, and door somehow. Put the tablet in a nebulizer. come back in 2 days and they'll all be dead.

I'd just open the door and let them out to kill the town. Easy. Then my house doesn't have to be blown up.

I win, everyone else loses. Perfect.

I would have the government blow up my house with my stuff in it. I wonder how many of my saved games Steam has saved on the cloud?

Why 6000? I bet a dozen would be enough.

Dual Wield Hand Held Vacuum Cleaners while wearing leather so I can't get bit. Easiest versus of my life.

This isn't even a fight. If I even saw that many spiders at once, I'd just keel over and die.

Easy. Do it Kurt Russel style in The Thing: Flamethrower to the FACE !

Set the house on fire. The town is saved.