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#1 Posted by Simplexity (1382 posts) -

We have all had them, so let's share the pain.

Mine would have to be a couple of years back, my mother called me and wanted me to come with her to a restaurant "to meet someone". Now for me this was code for "come meet my new boyfriend" and I figured why the fuck not, I get a free meal out of it and I don't really care about the poor soul my mother has somehow managed to lure in.

However this time there was a twist.... Oh boy was there a twist...

I show up and I am met with this rather butch woman, or girl I should say, she looked younger than me and it turned out that she was.

Apparently my mother had randomly decided to become a lesbian, and this was her new uhhh whatever you want to call it, she was 1 year younger than me and I was at the time 19 so she was legal (if that even counts in lesbian relationships, I am not really sure about the code when it comes to that shit).

Anyway, after that mind blowing revelation we walk to the table where we are met with her parents, and I learn that I was brought here to show the girls parents that my mother was a stand up person and not some random crazy lady. Needless to say it didn't work.

Through the entire meal I wanted to do nothing more than get out of there, no matter what the cost, if someone handed me a gun I would have shot myself right then and there just to put myself out of my torment. It thankfully eventually ended after some intense stare downs between me and the lesbian girl (I don't think she liked me very much, could never really figure out why). And I got out of there and that was the last I ever really saw of the butch lesbian girl and my mother.

Thank fuck for that.

If you can beat mine I will give you 10 bucks.

#2 Posted by emem (1968 posts) -

Damn, that's quite a story and I definitely can't top that.  
 
Actually I don't have that many awkward stories myself, but I remember one from 9-ish years ago, when I was waiting for my girlfriend (at the time) to pick me up at a bus station.  
 
So I was standing there, looking around, basically just chilling, when an old lady (at least 70) walked past me. She kept looking at me, turned around and said "ohh, you are a really tall fellow!" and I was like "uhh yeah?". While I was trying to figure out what exactly was going on she asked me "do you know why small people like me exist?" I just looked at her, wondering what was coming next. "Well, we exist so we can lick the butts of tall people like you" she continued. After she had said that she was looking at me waiting for some sort of an answer, but I must have had a really disgusted look on my face so she left. 
 
When I told my girlfriend that story a few minutes later she was even more grossed out than me... we figured that some people are just really weird, pervy, and kinda scary. But having said that, I'm sure there are people out there who wouldn't have a problem with grandmas licking their butts... it's just not my kinda thing.

#3 Posted by Alexandru (301 posts) -

Everytime I talk to a girl it's awkward for me.

#4 Posted by StrikeALight (1114 posts) -

Farting during my first sexual encounter.

#5 Posted by ShockD (2410 posts) -
@Alexandru said:

Everytime I talk to a girl it's awkward for me.

Isn't that normal for people with gynophobia?
#6 Posted by Galiant (2193 posts) -

@Simplexity said:

[...] randomly decided to become a lesbian [...]

Yeah, because that's how it works...how difficult do you think that was for your mother? You couldn't even act nice during one dinner. You're the best son/daughter ever!

The one thing I'm still ashamed of to this day is calling a little girl fat. I was ten or eleven years old, she was maybe one or two years younger than me. I haven't been able to muster up the courage to call her and apologize yet, fifteen years later...

#7 Posted by MikeGosot (3227 posts) -

Saying that it's okay for a guy to find a transexual beautiful... In my teenage years. I don't think what i said is wrong, but when you're a teenager, saying certain things will bring a shitstorm.

#8 Posted by Morrow (1829 posts) -

I'm a rather spontaneous and clumsy person, I have awkward moments all the time. My whole life is an awkward moment, lol.

#9 Edited by pyromagnestir (4327 posts) -

@Alexandru said:

Everytime I talk to a girl it's awkward for me.

I got you beat. Every time I talk to a human being it's awkward for me.

@emem said:

Damn, that's quite a story and I definitely can't top that. Actually I don't have that many awkward stories myself, but I remember one from 9-ish years ago, when I was waiting for my girlfriend (at the time) to pick me up at a bus station. So I was standing there, looking around, basically just chilling, when an old lady (at least 70) walked past me. She kept looking at me, turned around and said "ohh, you are a really tall fellow!" and I was like "uhh yeah?". While I was trying to figure out what exactly was going on she asked me "do you know why small people like me exist?" I just looked at her, wondering what was coming next. "Well, we exist so we can lick the butts of tall people like you" she continued. After she had said that she was looking at me waiting for some sort of an answer, but I must have had a really disgusted look on my face so she left. When I told my girlfriend that story a few minutes later she was even more grossed out than me... we figured that some people are just really weird, pervy, and kinda scary. But having said that, I'm sure there are people out there who wouldn't have a problem with grandmas licking their butts... it's just not my kinda thing.

Oh man. Did I get super drunk, dress up like a 70 year old lady, and ask to lick tall peoples butts at the bus stop again? Sorry bout that dude.

#10 Posted by Bane122 (801 posts) -

Once meant to tell a friend I was playing FFXI with that I was going to take a shit and then get a piece of cake but accidentally told my entire Linkshell instead.

#11 Posted by habster3 (3600 posts) -

Well, I'd say my life's fairly awkward, but there's no way I could ever top the OP's moment.

Anyway, here's my contribution to the thread: During my sophomore year, my dad decided to buy some condoms and he told me to put one in my wallet so I can "stay safe." Now, none of this really made sense because I wasn't getting anything close to that at the time (still not getting any now), but I digress. Anyway, I went to school later and one of my friends was really surprised to hear that I had a Learner's Permit; therefore, I handed him the wallet to let him see. Unsurprisingly, he held it in such a manner that the condom was visible to all the girls sitting on the other side of the hallway. When I saw him begin to hold the wallet that way, I immediately tried to stop him; unfortunately, it was too late... Yep, fairly awkward.

#12 Edited by Godlyawesomeguy (6399 posts) -

@StrikeALight said:

Farting during my first sexual encounter.

Yikes.

@Bane122 said:

Once meant to tell a friend I was playing FFXI with that I was going to take a shit and then get a piece of cake but accidentally told my entire Linkshell instead.

Man, I can't believe you told people you were playing FFXI! How embarrassing that must have been.

#13 Posted by Amakakeruhiruyunohirameki (63 posts) -

When I fart in-front of my boss while talking to my boss in a conference room.

#14 Posted by pyromagnestir (4327 posts) -

@StrikeALight said:

Farting during my first sexual encounter.

You're not alone.

#15 Posted by Colourful_Hippie (4420 posts) -

@pyromagnestir: That immediately came to mind when I read that comment.

#16 Posted by StrikeALight (1114 posts) -

@pyromagnestir said:

@StrikeALight said:

Farting during my first sexual encounter.

You're not alone.

Wow, I'm in good company then.

#17 Posted by A_Talking_Donkey (262 posts) -

I can one up everyone that farted during sex. One time I was having intercourse and I had to pee really badly, but I didn't want to say I had to pee because that would kill the mood so I try to subtly hint that I need to go freshen up but she kept holding me really tightly and I peed in her vagina. I then awkwardly whispered in her ear "Sorry, I just peed in your vagina.", and she pushed me away, left my house, and told me never to pay her for sex again.

#18 Posted by mowcrosoft (56 posts) -

@A_Talking_Donkey: @A_Talking_Donkey: Lol, you win; that was awesome.

I have had so many awkward moments it's hard to really pinpoint a "most awkward moment". One of the more awkward moments happened to me a few years ago when I was 17 though, I was hanging out with this girl a bit at the time. She really liked doing drugs, and i'm pretty straight edge as far as that goes; Willing to smoke pot the odd time but that's about it. So anyways, she wanted me to do ecstasy with her and I guess she meant to text me, "can I take your MDMA virginity tonight?" but instead she texted "can I take your mdam virginity tonight?" So I just assumed she spelled "damn" wrong and wanted to be my first, I was curious as to how she knew I was a virgin though, as it's not something I tend to share with people; but I texted back something like, "you sure are upfront about things, but yeah I guess I'm up for it." It took a couple more texts until I realized what she REALLY meant; and man I remember sweating so intensely when I realized I was expected to do E with her. So anyways, I awkwardly told her about how I misinterpreted her question, and I think she put the pieces together; needless to say, I didn't lose my virginity that night.

#19 Posted by emem (1968 posts) -
@pyromagnestir said: 

Oh man. Did I get super drunk, dress up like a 70 year old lady, and ask to lick tall peoples butts at the bus stop again? Sorry bout that dude.

Oddly enough that would probably have made the whole thing way less creepy.
#20 Posted by Demoskinos (15019 posts) -
@A_Talking_Donkey

I can one up everyone that farted during sex. One time I was having intercourse and I had to pee really badly, but I didn't want to say I had to pee because that would kill the mood so I try to subtly hint that I need to go freshen up but she kept holding me really tightly and I peed in her vagina. I then awkwardly whispered in her ear "Sorry, I just peed in your vagina.", and she pushed me away, left my house, and told me never to pay her for sex again.

Oh Jesus Christ. That wins hands down. Im dead from laughing.
#21 Posted by amir90 (2171 posts) -

damn, i cant beat that.

I attended an audition for Idol, and was made fun off.

6 months later, I am on the biggest channel in the country as part of the commercial for Idol, and last but not least about 25% of the whole country saw the audition.
"If you cannot laugh at your self"... :P
Was fun being a D celebrity for a couple of days.

#22 Posted by bunnymud (717 posts) -

Sister walking in during sex

GF coming over when she was supposed to be at work while I had a female friend over...WE WERE DOING NOTHING!!

#23 Posted by Ghost_Cat (1459 posts) -

Not saving new phone numbers with names on the same day, so when a conversation to get a blowjob from a new girl you like turns out to be going to your new gay friend, and no one realizes this until the last minute in physical encounter, it can get pretty fucking awkward.

#24 Posted by krazy_kyle (715 posts) -

I got my foreskin caught in the white netting of my swimming trunks when I was about 5 or 6 and because I was swimming in the sea, the saltwater made it FUCKING STING!!! I then had to tell my mum obviously because I was in agony and it started swelling so it got tighter and tighter and I couldn't pull it out. I couldn't get it free and I refused to let my mum, aunt or granny help me out so I got my uncle to cut the netting off and I was in so much pain I didn't give a shit about my uncle seeing my knob I just wanted it removed.

10 bucks please, but change it to pounds sterling first, thanks.

#25 Posted by Godlyawesomeguy (6399 posts) -

@mowcrosoft: Damn dude. As a current seventeen year old in the same position, I couldn't even begin to calculate my disappointment if that were to happen to me.

#26 Posted by Tim_the_Corsair (3065 posts) -

Had a girl fall asleep while I was going down on her, that would be up there for me.

Never had any success with her in the bedroom, regardless of what I tried. Majorly frustrating for both of us, we didn't last too long

#27 Posted by Aegon (5706 posts) -

@amir90 said:

damn, i cant beat that. I attended an audition for Idol, and was made fun off. 6 months later, I am on the biggest channel in the country as part of the commercial for Idol, and last but not least about 25% of the whole country saw the audition. "If you cannot laugh at your self"... :P Was fun being a D celebrity for a couple of days.

Show us the audition.

#28 Posted by TheHumanDove (2523 posts) -

@Simplexity said:

We have all had them, so let's share the pain.

Mine would have to be a couple of years back, my mother called me and wanted me to come with her to a restaurant "to meet someone". Now for me this was code for "come meet my new boyfriend" and I figured why the fuck not, I get a free meal out of it and I don't really care about the poor soul my mother has somehow managed to lure in.

However this time there was a twist.... Oh boy was there a twist...

I show up and I am met with this rather butch woman, or girl I should say, she looked younger than me and it turned out that she was.

Apparently my mother had randomly decided to become a lesbian, and this was her new uhhh whatever you want to call it, she was 1 year younger than me and I was at the time 19 so she was legal (if that even counts in lesbian relationships, I am not really sure about the code when it comes to that shit).

Anyway, after that mind blowing revelation we walk to the table where we are met with her parents, and I learn that I was brought here to show the girls parents that my mother was a stand up person and not some random crazy lady. Needless to say it didn't work.

Through the entire meal I wanted to do nothing more than get out of there, no matter what the cost, if someone handed me a gun I would have shot myself right then and there just to put myself out of my torment. It thankfully eventually ended after some intense stare downs between me and the lesbian girl (I don't think she liked me very much, could never really figure out why). And I got out of there and that was the last I ever really saw of the butch lesbian girl and my mother.

Thank fuck for that.

If you can beat mine I will give you 10 bucks.

Sweet christ

#29 Posted by RVonE (4664 posts) -

@Galiant said:

@Simplexity said:

[...] randomly decided to become a lesbian [...]

Yeah, because that's how it works...how difficult do you think that was for your mother? You couldn't even act nice during one dinner. You're the best son/daughter ever!

The one thing I'm still ashamed of to this day is calling a little girl fat. I was ten or eleven years old, she was maybe one or two years younger than me. I haven't been able to muster up the courage to call her and apologize yet, fifteen years later...

Don't you just hate people who randomly decide to become lesbian? God, I can't stand those people!

#30 Posted by Chop (1999 posts) -

Well, the old "Sibling walks on me pleasuring myself" is up there.

Either that or the time a girl sat on my lap and I got a boner. I wasn't nearly smooth enough to roll with it and...yeah. Screw puberty.

#31 Posted by wewantsthering (1578 posts) -

I cannot top that, but when a guy asked me out when I was working at an Apple store a couple years ago it was really awkward because I'm a straight dude. It was mostly awkward because I wasn't expecting that at all and I had no idea what to say. lol I think I just said "Sorry no thanks." He just kind of awkwardly walked away. Haha.

#32 Posted by TheHumanDove (2523 posts) -

@RVonE said:

@Galiant said:

@Simplexity said:

[...] randomly decided to become a lesbian [...]

Yeah, because that's how it works...how difficult do you think that was for your mother? You couldn't even act nice during one dinner. You're the best son/daughter ever!

The one thing I'm still ashamed of to this day is calling a little girl fat. I was ten or eleven years old, she was maybe one or two years younger than me. I haven't been able to muster up the courage to call her and apologize yet, fifteen years later...

Don't you just hate people who randomly decide to become lesbian? God, I can't stand those people!

Yeah, because having your mom come up to you and ask you for dinner, then being introduced to a girl that's younger than you as her girlfriend, and having to immediately meet HER parents all at the same time ISNT fucked up. Damn, how couldnt he be more open minded and tolerant? Oh wait, that all happened over a fucking dinner.

Oh you people.

#33 Posted by RVonE (4664 posts) -

@TheHumanDove said:

@RVonE said:

@Galiant said:

@Simplexity said:

[...] randomly decided to become a lesbian [...]

Yeah, because that's how it works...how difficult do you think that was for your mother? You couldn't even act nice during one dinner. You're the best son/daughter ever!

The one thing I'm still ashamed of to this day is calling a little girl fat. I was ten or eleven years old, she was maybe one or two years younger than me. I haven't been able to muster up the courage to call her and apologize yet, fifteen years later...

Don't you just hate people who randomly decide to become lesbian? God, I can't stand those people!

Yeah, because having your mom come up to you and ask you for dinner, then being introduced to a girl that's younger than you as her girlfriend, and having to immediately meet HER parents all at the same time ISNT fucked up. Damn, how couldnt he be more open minded and tolerant? Oh wait, that all happened over a fucking dinner.

Oh you people.

Whatever your assessment of the situation, my issue is with the idea that people "randomly decide to become lesbian". Like said, "that's totally how it works".

#34 Posted by amir90 (2171 posts) -

@Aegon: I rather not.

It's also in a foreign language.

Give me a couple of days to think about it.

#35 Posted by NegativeCero (3014 posts) -

I can't really think of anything right now. I guess people having sex on the floor next to me while I was trying to sleep after a long alcohol-fueled night. Or maybe having to deal with two friends who dated the same girl, who ended up cheating on both of them and destroying their friendship in the process. I'm seeing a pattern of awkward things happening to me indirectly.

#36 Posted by SSully (4235 posts) -

@mowcrosoft: You can't be "pretty straight edge" and then say you smoke pot every so often. That's like saying you have been sober for 5 years, but like to get drunk every so often.

#37 Posted by SSully (4235 posts) -

@RVonE said:

@TheHumanDove said:

@RVonE said:

@Galiant said:

@Simplexity said:

[...] randomly decided to become a lesbian [...]

Yeah, because that's how it works...how difficult do you think that was for your mother? You couldn't even act nice during one dinner. You're the best son/daughter ever!

The one thing I'm still ashamed of to this day is calling a little girl fat. I was ten or eleven years old, she was maybe one or two years younger than me. I haven't been able to muster up the courage to call her and apologize yet, fifteen years later...

Don't you just hate people who randomly decide to become lesbian? God, I can't stand those people!

Yeah, because having your mom come up to you and ask you for dinner, then being introduced to a girl that's younger than you as her girlfriend, and having to immediately meet HER parents all at the same time ISNT fucked up. Damn, how couldnt he be more open minded and tolerant? Oh wait, that all happened over a fucking dinner.

Oh you people.

Whatever your assessment of the situation, my issue is with the idea that people "randomly decide to become lesbian". Like said, "that's totally how it works".

When you are put in that situation it doesn't really matter how or when your mother decided to out herself as a lesbian. To him, this came out of fucking no were and it seems pretty random. This isn't a matter of defending homosexuals. His mother threw him into a really shitty situation without any prior explanation. That is what matters in this story.

#38 Posted by RE_Player1 (7563 posts) -

I snuck over my girlfriend's house in high school when no one else was home. We both pretended to be sick to stay home that day. After fooling around with her we got too cocky and I decided to stay well after I should have left to ensure no one caught us. I was making some lunch in my boxers and under shirt and her mom and dad walk in the house. They see me in the kitchen along with their half naked daughter walking up the stairs. I still get a pit in my stomach thinking about that moment.

#39 Posted by buzz_killington (3532 posts) -

My mom walked in to me jerking off once, to call me over for lunch. Two minutes later I was sat at the kitchen table eating. Just me and her. Pretending like nothing had happened.

Also I was about to have sex with this girl late at night at a park. It was dark, and I was really nervous because we were doing it in public and everything. So not only I mustered a half-soft boner, I also tried putting the condom on the wrong way, and I struggled with it so much that it snapped. So she just gave me a pitiful blowjob.

#40 Posted by RVonE (4664 posts) -

@SSully said:

@RVonE said:

@TheHumanDove said:

@RVonE said:

@Galiant said:

@Simplexity said:

[...] randomly decided to become a lesbian [...]

Yeah, because that's how it works...how difficult do you think that was for your mother? You couldn't even act nice during one dinner. You're the best son/daughter ever!

The one thing I'm still ashamed of to this day is calling a little girl fat. I was ten or eleven years old, she was maybe one or two years younger than me. I haven't been able to muster up the courage to call her and apologize yet, fifteen years later...

Don't you just hate people who randomly decide to become lesbian? God, I can't stand those people!

Yeah, because having your mom come up to you and ask you for dinner, then being introduced to a girl that's younger than you as her girlfriend, and having to immediately meet HER parents all at the same time ISNT fucked up. Damn, how couldnt he be more open minded and tolerant? Oh wait, that all happened over a fucking dinner.

Oh you people.

Whatever your assessment of the situation, my issue is with the idea that people "randomly decide to become lesbian". Like said, "that's totally how it works".

When you are put in that situation it doesn't really matter how or when your mother decided to out herself as a lesbian. To him, this came out of fucking no were and it seems pretty random. This isn't a matter of defending homosexuals. His mother threw him into a really shitty situation without any prior explanation. That is what matters in this story.

I'm sorry, but you don't get to unilaterally decide "what matters in this story". I'm very sorry for the experience this guy has had; I'm sure it was very shocking and that it truly was a shitty experience. That said, when he wrote the opening post of this thread the shitty situation had already transpired and yet he still chose to write that people randomly decide to become lesbian. While I'm sure some people do decide to have a sexual experience with someone of the same sex, I do not believe that people decide to become lesbian. Again, to be clear, mistakes were made by the parent in this story; this much is clear. Also, again, I'm sorry the guy had to suffer this terrible situation, but that does not justify the assertion that sexuality is a matter of choice; as if we could be homosexuals today, heterosexual tomorrow, and decide to be bi-curious the next day as if we were merely changing clothes. I'm sorry, but that's not how that works.

#41 Posted by Spoonman671 (4701 posts) -
@RVonE said:

@SSully said:

@RVonE said:

@TheHumanDove said:

@RVonE said:

@Galiant said:

@Simplexity said:

[...] randomly decided to become a lesbian [...]

Yeah, because that's how it works...how difficult do you think that was for your mother? You couldn't even act nice during one dinner. You're the best son/daughter ever!

The one thing I'm still ashamed of to this day is calling a little girl fat. I was ten or eleven years old, she was maybe one or two years younger than me. I haven't been able to muster up the courage to call her and apologize yet, fifteen years later...

Don't you just hate people who randomly decide to become lesbian? God, I can't stand those people!

Yeah, because having your mom come up to you and ask you for dinner, then being introduced to a girl that's younger than you as her girlfriend, and having to immediately meet HER parents all at the same time ISNT fucked up. Damn, how couldnt he be more open minded and tolerant? Oh wait, that all happened over a fucking dinner.

Oh you people.

Whatever your assessment of the situation, my issue is with the idea that people "randomly decide to become lesbian". Like @Galiant said, "that's totally how it works".

When you are put in that situation it doesn't really matter how or when your mother decided to out herself as a lesbian. To him, this came out of fucking no were and it seems pretty random. This isn't a matter of defending homosexuals. His mother threw him into a really shitty situation without any prior explanation. That is what matters in this story.

I'm sorry, but you don't get to unilaterally decide "what matters in this story". I'm very sorry for the experience this guy has had; I'm sure it was very shocking and that it truly was a shitty experience. That said, when he wrote the opening post of this thread the shitty situation had already transpired and yet he still chose to write that people randomly decide to become lesbian. While I'm sure some people do decide to have a sexual experience with someone of the same sex, I do not believe that people decide to become lesbian. Again, to be clear, mistakes were made by the parent in this story; this much is clear. Also, again, I'm sorry the guy had to suffer this terrible situation, but that does not justify the assertion that sexuality is a matter of choice; as if we could be homosexuals today, heterosexual tomorrow, and decide to be bi-curious the next day as if we were merely changing clothes. I'm sorry, but that's not how that works.

Holy shit, shut up.
#42 Posted by Aegon (5706 posts) -

@msavo said:

I snuck over my girlfriend's house in high school when no one else was home. We both pretended to be sick to stay home that day. After fooling around with her we got too cocky and I decided to stay well after I should have left to ensure no one caught us. I was making some lunch in my boxers and under shirt and her mom and dad walk in the house. They see me in the kitchen along with their half naked daughter walking up the stairs. I still get a pit in my stomach thinking about that moment.

Eating their food and fucking their daughter. That is one huge punch in the gut.

#43 Posted by RVonE (4664 posts) -

@Spoonman671: Yeah, you sure showed me! Solid argument! BOOSH!

#44 Posted by DecalGuy77 (7 posts) -

I read GB fourms ALOT. But I dont know if ive ever posted here. But I will tell you guys something akward that happened to me last Monday.

I meet a girl on facebook on wednesday (10/17/2012) took her to the movies Friday, and Saturday I hit it. Well Monday comes around and im talking to her on the phone about our sexual encounter on Saturday and she says, " Ive been having sex since I was 15 (shes 22 now) , how many time do you think I have gotten off total since then?." I said, " I dont know once every 3 times?." she said, "Nope 4 times total and you was the 4th." of course I felt real good about myself then especially since I went maybe 3 minutes. Then I heard a laugh in the background. I was like, "whos that?." she said, "my mom and dad." I said, " wtf, am I on speakerphone?." she said, "Yes I tell my mom and dad everything and mom wants to ask you a question." I was thinking O shit wtf this woman want. so I said, "Yea?." her mom was like, "Ive been married for 24 years and havent gotten off in about 15 would you mind doing me a favor?." I was so red in the face I told her i had to go that I would text her in a few. She said ok as she hung up laughing, I texted her, "wtf was that about?" she texted back, "Yea my familys weird."

Yesterday we quit talking if that makes any sence.

#45 Posted by Tim_the_Corsair (3065 posts) -
@DecalGuy77

I read GB fourms ALOT. But I dont know if ive ever posted here. But I will tell you guys something akward that happened to me last Monday.

I meet a girl on facebook on wednesday (10/17/2012) took her to the movies Friday, and Saturday I hit it. Well Monday comes around and im talking to her on the phone about our sexual encounter on Saturday and she says, " Ive been having sex since I was 15 (shes 22 now) , how many time do you think I have gotten off total since then?." I said, " I dont know once every 3 times?." she said, "Nope 4 times total and you was the 4th." of course I felt real good about myself then especially since I went maybe 3 minutes. Then I heard a laugh in the background. I was like, "whos that?." she said, "my mom and dad." I said, " wtf, am I on speakerphone?." she said, "Yes I tell my mom and dad everything and mom wants to ask you a question." I was thinking O shit wtf this woman want. so I said, "Yea?." her mom was like, "Ive been married for 24 years and havent gotten off in about 15 would you mind doing me a favor?." I was so red in the face I told her i had to go that I would text her in a few. She said ok as she hung up laughing, I texted her, "wtf was that about?" she texted back, "Yea my familys weird."

Yesterday we quit talking if that makes any sence.

Absolutely nothing of what you just wrote makes sense
#46 Posted by j0lter (248 posts) -

@DecalGuy77: Welcome to the world of cougars.

#47 Posted by DecalGuy77 (7 posts) -

@j0lter: yea i just thought it was crazy that she lets her mom and DAD know everything about her sex life and I was on freaking speaker phone!!!

#48 Posted by Turtlebird95 (2497 posts) -
@emem said:
Damn, that's quite a story and I definitely can't top that.   Actually I don't have that many awkward stories myself, but I remember one from 9-ish years ago, when I was waiting for my girlfriend (at the time) to pick me up at a bus station.   So I was standing there, looking around, basically just chilling, when an old lady (at least 70) walked past me. She kept looking at me, turned around and said "ohh, you are a really tall fellow!" and I was like "uhh yeah?". While I was trying to figure out what exactly was going on she asked me "do you know why small people like me exist?" I just looked at her, wondering what was coming next. "Well, we exist so we can lick the butts of tall people like you" she continued. After she had said that she was looking at me waiting for some sort of an answer, but I must have had a really disgusted look on my face so she left.  When I told my girlfriend that story a few minutes later she was even more grossed out than me... we figured that some people are just really weird, pervy, and kinda scary. But having said that, I'm sure there are people out there who wouldn't have a problem with grandmas licking their butts... it's just not my kinda thing.
A few weeks ago my friend and his girlfriend saw three old ladies walk into a sex shop. Curious, they followed them in and one of the old ladies asked for a "Jackrabbit Dildo."
#49 Posted by Coafi (1490 posts) -

@Simplexity said:

We have all had them, so let's share the pain.

Mine would have to be a couple of years back, my mother called me and wanted me to come with her to a restaurant "to meet someone". Now for me this was code for "come meet my new boyfriend" and I figured why the fuck not, I get a free meal out of it and I don't really care about the poor soul my mother has somehow managed to lure in.

However this time there was a twist.... Oh boy was there a twist...

I show up and I am met with this rather butch woman, or girl I should say, she looked younger than me and it turned out that she was.

Apparently my mother had randomly decided to become a lesbian, and this was her new uhhh whatever you want to call it, she was 1 year younger than me and I was at the time 19 so she was legal (if that even counts in lesbian relationships, I am not really sure about the code when it comes to that shit).

Anyway, after that mind blowing revelation we walk to the table where we are met with her parents, and I learn that I was brought here to show the girls parents that my mother was a stand up person and not some random crazy lady. Needless to say it didn't work.

Through the entire meal I wanted to do nothing more than get out of there, no matter what the cost, if someone handed me a gun I would have shot myself right then and there just to put myself out of my torment. It thankfully eventually ended after some intense stare downs between me and the lesbian girl (I don't think she liked me very much, could never really figure out why). And I got out of there and that was the last I ever really saw of the butch lesbian girl and my mother.

Thank fuck for that.

If you can beat mine I will give you 10 bucks.

This sounds exactly like an episode of Louie.

#50 Posted by YOU_DIED (703 posts) -

@RVonE said:

I'm sorry, but you don't get to unilaterally decide "what matters in this story". I'm very sorry for the experience this guy has had; I'm sure it was very shocking and that it truly was a shitty experience. That said, when he wrote the opening post of this thread the shitty situation had already transpired and yet he still chose to write that people randomly decide to become lesbian. While I'm sure some people do decide to have a sexual experience with someone of the same sex, I do not believe that people decide to become lesbian. Again, to be clear, mistakes were made by the parent in this story; this much is clear. Also, again, I'm sorry the guy had to suffer this terrible situation, but that does not justify the assertion that sexuality is a matter of choice; as if we could be homosexuals today, heterosexual tomorrow, and decide to be bi-curious the next day as if we were merely changing clothes. I'm sorry, but that's not how that works.

Not to get metaphysical here, but isn't everything you do a choice?