Your most awkward moment.

@YOU_DIED said:

@RVonE said:

I'm sorry, but you don't get to unilaterally decide "what matters in this story". I'm very sorry for the experience this guy has had; I'm sure it was very shocking and that it truly was a shitty experience. That said, when he wrote the opening post of this thread the shitty situation had already transpired and yet he still chose to write that people randomly decide to become lesbian. While I'm sure some people do decide to have a sexual experience with someone of the same sex, I do not believe that people decide to become lesbian. Again, to be clear, mistakes were made by the parent in this story; this much is clear. Also, again, I'm sorry the guy had to suffer this terrible situation, but that does not justify the assertion that sexuality is a matter of choice; as if we could be homosexuals today, heterosexual tomorrow, and decide to be bi-curious the next day as if we were merely changing clothes. I'm sorry, but that's not how that works.

Not to get metaphysical here, but isn't everything you do a choice?

To fuck the girl is a choice, to want to fuck her is not.

@YOU_DIED: Perhaps. Depending on your metaphysics, it is certainly a difficult point of contention. However, there is, I think, a clear difference between doing and being. Doing (as in having sex with) a person of the same sex is of a different order than being homosexual, no?

@SethPhotopoulos: 'nailed' it.

So a few years back I broke up with the girl I'd been with since high school, at the time she was my only sexual partner I had. A few weeks after the break up my friends thought it was a good idea for me to get out there and be single. We end up at a bar one Friday night and it was pretty standard night at first. A couple of my friends girlfriends show up and hang out for a bit then left. So right now the only people left were single men that go through women quickly (one night stands or relationships that last a month or two) and after a few rounds they decided that I need to get laid to help forget about my ex and I was in a mental state where this seemed like a good idea. Which is always the first mistake when you've been drinking, when something seems to be a good idea I can guarantee that idea is 100% stupid.

My friends play wing man and while some contacts probably could have turned into actual relationships or goal was not to do that but to have sex. I guess during our scouting I caught the eye of a lady in her mid-late 30's, fairly attractive and after a few minutes of conversation it was very apparent of what she wanted. I was in cougar territory and if I had any experience or was not drunk I might off made it out unscathed but unfortunately I was both drunk and inexperienced. After a few more drinks and some flirting she invited me back to her place and like a lamb to the slaughter I followed along ready, willing, and able.

We get to her place and everything seems normal. By what she owned you would think she was a mildly successful business women, lawyer, or an occupation in that area as well as a women with needs and hasn't found a relationship yet due to being a workaholic. After a glass of wine we end up in her bedroom and things proceed as I was very use to. We then become "intimate" and I am having a good time as one should. So after a few minutes I start feeling her finger around my ass, now as someone who has not desired contact in that area before I never asked my only partner previous to this encounter to please me in such way. I found this odd but not painful so I did not worry about her doing this. She then told me to tell her when I was about to arrive and after a few moments I told her this and I felt pure ecstasy. This only lasted for a very very brief time as I realize I also defacated at the same time. In a moment of pure helplessness I quickly apologized and ran to the adjoining bathroom. I clean myself off as best I could and try to think of something to say, anything.

I walk out of the bathroom completely ashamed, embarrassed, and quite frankly any emotion besides joy. I look up and see this pretty women smearing my shit onto herself and asking me to come back to bed. Now if my brain was not already dying from utter fucked upness I might of said "I hate to shit and run, but..." and left or "I'm a wizard, and that's fucked up" or "Smell ya later". Instead I said nothing, quickly put on my pants and ran.

I found out later that she made me shit. She slowly put some string into my ass, and when I was arriving she pulled the string out which caused me to lose control.

Edit: Just fixed some typos

@RVonE: I do not, but the entire story is built up to his mother putting him in this random situation. You are picking out a single throw away line of his and making it bigger then I believe he intended. I agree with your statements, homosexuality is not random, but you are making an issue from an off hand comment from a post about awkward situations.

@RVonE said:

@Spoonman671: Yeah, you sure showed me! Solid argument! BOOSH!

I think you may very well be the most obnoxious person I've met on this site. Not saying a lot, since most people here are cool, but still dude. RELAX.

Mine would have to be a couple of years back, my mother called me and wanted me to come with her to a restaurant "to meet someone". Now for me this was code for "come meet my new boyfriend" and I figured why the fuck not, I get a free meal out of it and I don't really care about the poor soul my mother has somehow managed to lure in.

However this time there was a twist.... Oh boy was there a twist...

I show up and I am met with Ryan Davis, or Ryan I should say, he looked younger than me and it turned out that he was.

Apparently my mother had randomly decided to fuck Ryan Davis, and this was her new uh uh uh uh uh whatever you want to call it, he was 1 year younger than me and I was at the time 19 so he was legal (if that even counts in Giant Bomb relationships, I am not really sure about the code when it comes to that shit).

Anyway, after that mind blowing revelation we walk to the table where we are met with his parents, and I learn that I was brought here to show the duders' parents that my mother was a stand up person and not some random crazy lady. Needless to say it didn't work.

Through the entire meal I wanted to do nothing more than get out of there, no matter what the cost, if someone handed me a gun I would have shot myself right then and there just to put myself out of my torment. It thankfully eventually ended after some intense stare downs between me and Ryan Davis (I don't think he liked me very much, could never really figure out why). And I got out of there and that was the last I ever really saw of the butch Ryan Davis boy and my mother.

I'm not even gonna try to beat the OP's story. Mom comes out at dinner with her teenage butch girlfriend? You win.

@Spoonman671 said:

@RVonE said:

@SSully said:

@RVonE said:

@TheHumanDove said:

@RVonE said:

@Galiant said:

@Simplexity said:

[...] randomly decided to become a lesbian [...]

Yeah, because that's how it works...how difficult do you think that was for your mother? You couldn't even act nice during one dinner. You're the best son/daughter ever!

The one thing I'm still ashamed of to this day is calling a little girl fat. I was ten or eleven years old, she was maybe one or two years younger than me. I haven't been able to muster up the courage to call her and apologize yet, fifteen years later...

Don't you just hate people who randomly decide to become lesbian? God, I can't stand those people!

Yeah, because having your mom come up to you and ask you for dinner, then being introduced to a girl that's younger than you as her girlfriend, and having to immediately meet HER parents all at the same time ISNT fucked up. Damn, how couldnt he be more open minded and tolerant? Oh wait, that all happened over a fucking dinner.

Oh you people.

Whatever your assessment of the situation, my issue is with the idea that people "randomly decide to become lesbian". Like @Galiant said, "that's totally how it works".

When you are put in that situation it doesn't really matter how or when your mother decided to out herself as a lesbian. To him, this came out of fucking no were and it seems pretty random. This isn't a matter of defending homosexuals. His mother threw him into a really shitty situation without any prior explanation. That is what matters in this story.

I'm sorry, but you don't get to unilaterally decide "what matters in this story". I'm very sorry for the experience this guy has had; I'm sure it was very shocking and that it truly was a shitty experience. That said, when he wrote the opening post of this thread the shitty situation had already transpired and yet he still chose to write that people randomly decide to become lesbian. While I'm sure some people do decide to have a sexual experience with someone of the same sex, I do not believe that people decide to become lesbian. Again, to be clear, mistakes were made by the parent in this story; this much is clear. Also, again, I'm sorry the guy had to suffer this terrible situation, but that does not justify the assertion that sexuality is a matter of choice; as if we could be homosexuals today, heterosexual tomorrow, and decide to be bi-curious the next day as if we were merely changing clothes. I'm sorry, but that's not how that works.

Holy shit, shut up.

I'll second this

@Jay_Ray: Dude...................................... I think we have a winner

The idea of slipping in a little homophobia and thinking everyone will be cool with it is disgusting. It doesn't matter what the point of the story was.

I once chipped my back tooth on the bathroom urinal.

My.ENTIRE.Life.

Really it was explaining to my mom that my friend shit on my brothers bed because he was drunjjj

@HaltIamReptar said:

The idea of slipping in a little homophobia and thinking everyone will be cool with it is disgusting. It doesn't matter what the point of the story was.

Yes. It's totally homophobia. That's totally what his story was about. It's definitely not about the circumstances. No, he hates gay people. You're entirely right.

@Jay_Ray said:

So a few years back I broke up with the girl I'd been with since high school, at the time she was my only sexual partner I had. A few weeks after the break up my friends thought it was a good idea for my to get out there and be single. We end up at a bar one Friday night and it was pretty standard night at first. A couple of my friends girlfriends show up and hang out for a bit then left. So right now the only people left were single men that go through women quickly (one night stands or relationships that last a month or two) and after a few rounds they decided that I need to get laid to help forget about my ex and I was in a mental state where this seemed like a good idea. Which is always the first mistake when you've been drinking, when something seems to be a good idea I can guarantee that idea is 100% stupid.

My friends play wing man and while some contacts probably could have turned into actual relationships or goal was not to do that but to have sex. I guess during our scouting I caught the eye of a lady in her mid-late 30's, fairly attractive and after a few minutes of conversation it was very apparent of what she wanted. I was in cougar territory and if I had any experience or was not drunk I might off made it out unscathed but unfortunately I was both drunk and inexperienced. After a few more drinks and some flirting she invited me back to he place and like a lamb to the slaughter I followed along ready, willing, and able.

We get to her place and everything seems normal. By what she owned you would think she was a mildly successful business women or lawyer or an occupation in that area as well as a women with needs and hasn't found a relationship yet due to being a workaholic. After a glass of wine we end up in her bedroom and things proceed as I was very use to. We then become "intimate" and I am having a good time as one should. so after a few I start feeling her finger around my ass, now as someone who has not desired contact in that area before I never asked my only partner previous to this encounter to please me in such way. I found this odd but not painful so I did not worry about her doing this. She then told me to tell her when I was about to arrive and after a few moments I told her this and I felt pure ecstasy. This only lasted for a very very brief time as I realize I also defacated at the same time. In a moment of pure helplessness I quickly apologized and ran to the adjoining bathroom. I clean myself off as best I could and try and think of some to say, anything.

I walk out of the bathroom completely ashamed, embarrassed, and quite frankly any emotion besides joy. I look up and see this pretty women smearing my shit onto herself and asking me to come back to bed. Now if my brain was not already dying from utter fucked upness I might of said "I hate to shit and run, but..." and left or "I'm a wizard, and that's fucked up" or "Smell ya later". Instead I said nothing, quickly put on my pants and ran.

I found out later that she made me shit. She slowly put some string into my ass, and when I was arriving she pulled the string out which caused me to lose control.

....Dawg......

@TheHumanDove said:

@HaltIamReptar said:

The idea of slipping in a little homophobia and thinking everyone will be cool with it is disgusting. It doesn't matter what the point of the story was.

Yes. It's totally homophobia. That's totally what his story was about. It's definitely not about the circumstances. No, he hates gay people. You're entirely right.

Dude, I looooooove overly reading into shitty phrasing and determining the worth of a person with it, it's the best

My most awkward moments? The time my mom caught me flipping through Dad's porno mags. Also when my dad tried to set me up with his friend's daughter and I called her "auntie“ right as her dad introduced her.

I am undergoing an awkward moment right now, I replied to a comment on an amazon user review but the person who replied was not the original reviewer, but I assumed it was, so I ended up making a completely different and much longer comment than I should have.

I edited my comment immediately afterwards, but I worry the email notification will show the original full comment. I feel pretty shitty about it for some reason.

this is why I dislike email notifications. I think it should just say that someone replied, with a link to the page (which is provided anyway) it shouldn't show the full comment.

Giant Bomb does the same thing however. When you quote someone, the PM notification shows your original post.

edit: I don't see how OP was insinuating that homosexuality is a choice. "randomly decided to become a lesbian" was comedic figure of speech. Besides, what his mom does is not reflective of all homosexuals.

@HaltIamReptar said:

The idea of slipping in a little homophobia and thinking everyone will be cool with it is disgusting. It doesn't matter what the point of the story was.

Oh wait, now we have a tie for most obnoxious person. You gotta fight to be the best! What else you got?

@RVonE said:

@YOU_DIED: Perhaps. Depending on your metaphysics, it is certainly a difficult point of contention. However, there is, I think, a clear difference between doing and being. Doing (as in having sex with) a person of the same sex is of a different order than being homosexual, no?

@SethPhotopoulos: 'nailed' it.

Well said, that's a valid point. The difference between doing and thinking I guess. Am I a bank robber if I think about robbing a bank?

@YOU_DIED said:

@RVonE said:

@YOU_DIED: Perhaps. Depending on your metaphysics, it is certainly a difficult point of contention. However, there is, I think, a clear difference between doing and being. Doing (as in having sex with) a person of the same sex is of a different order than being homosexual, no?

@SethPhotopoulos: 'nailed' it.

Well said, that's a valid point. The difference between doing and thinking I guess. Am I a bank robber if I think about robbing a bank?

Wether or not you are gay is not dependent on what you do. If you are attracted to men or women you are attracted to men or women. Gay is not a thing you do it's just what you are.

@YOU_DIED said:

@RVonE said:

@YOU_DIED: Perhaps. Depending on your metaphysics, it is certainly a difficult point of contention. However, there is, I think, a clear difference between doing and being. Doing (as in having sex with) a person of the same sex is of a different order than being homosexual, no?

@SethPhotopoulos: 'nailed' it.

Well said, that's a valid point. The difference between doing and thinking I guess. Am I a bank robber if I think about robbing a bank?

And now we get into Minority Report territory. If I think about killing someone, does that make me a murderer? If yes, who does that matter to?

I have a feeling that not many who have weighed in to the debate are homosexual, so we haven't really gotten a clear perspective on the choice/not-choice debate, being all at a distance from it. All I know is that my gay friends have all said that it is not something that they chose, it is something they eventually realised and found greater comfort with themselves in. So to suggest that it is a choice (although we don't necessarily know the full intent behind the OP's remark) is to be somewhat short-sighted on an issue which is quite probably psychological and physiological.

As to my most awkward moment, that's a tough one to recall. Nothing will top that sex-shitting story, though.

@Iodine said:

@Jay_Ray said:

So a few years back I broke up with the girl I'd been with since high school, at the time she was my only sexual partner I had. A few weeks after the break up my friends thought it was a good idea for my to get out there and be single. We end up at a bar one Friday night and it was pretty standard night at first. A couple of my friends girlfriends show up and hang out for a bit then left. So right now the only people left were single men that go through women quickly (one night stands or relationships that last a month or two) and after a few rounds they decided that I need to get laid to help forget about my ex and I was in a mental state where this seemed like a good idea. Which is always the first mistake when you've been drinking, when something seems to be a good idea I can guarantee that idea is 100% stupid.

My friends play wing man and while some contacts probably could have turned into actual relationships or goal was not to do that but to have sex. I guess during our scouting I caught the eye of a lady in her mid-late 30's, fairly attractive and after a few minutes of conversation it was very apparent of what she wanted. I was in cougar territory and if I had any experience or was not drunk I might off made it out unscathed but unfortunately I was both drunk and inexperienced. After a few more drinks and some flirting she invited me back to he place and like a lamb to the slaughter I followed along ready, willing, and able.

We get to her place and everything seems normal. By what she owned you would think she was a mildly successful business women or lawyer or an occupation in that area as well as a women with needs and hasn't found a relationship yet due to being a workaholic. After a glass of wine we end up in her bedroom and things proceed as I was very use to. We then become "intimate" and I am having a good time as one should. so after a few I start feeling her finger around my ass, now as someone who has not desired contact in that area before I never asked my only partner previous to this encounter to please me in such way. I found this odd but not painful so I did not worry about her doing this. She then told me to tell her when I was about to arrive and after a few moments I told her this and I felt pure ecstasy. This only lasted for a very very brief time as I realize I also defacated at the same time. In a moment of pure helplessness I quickly apologized and ran to the adjoining bathroom. I clean myself off as best I could and try and think of some to say, anything.

I walk out of the bathroom completely ashamed, embarrassed, and quite frankly any emotion besides joy. I look up and see this pretty women smearing my shit onto herself and asking me to come back to bed. Now if my brain was not already dying from utter fucked upness I might of said "I hate to shit and run, but..." and left or "I'm a wizard, and that's fucked up" or "Smell ya later". Instead I said nothing, quickly put on my pants and ran.

I found out later that she made me shit. She slowly put some string into my ass, and when I was arriving she pulled the string out which caused me to lose control.

....Dawg......

o.o

@Jay_Ray said:

So a few years back I broke up with the girl I'd been with since high school, at the time she was my only sexual partner I had. A few weeks after the break up my friends thought it was a good idea for me to get out there and be single. We end up at a bar one Friday night and it was pretty standard night at first. A couple of my friends girlfriends show up and hang out for a bit then left. So right now the only people left were single men that go through women quickly (one night stands or relationships that last a month or two) and after a few rounds they decided that I need to get laid to help forget about my ex and I was in a mental state where this seemed like a good idea. Which is always the first mistake when you've been drinking, when something seems to be a good idea I can guarantee that idea is 100% stupid.

My friends play wing man and while some contacts probably could have turned into actual relationships or goal was not to do that but to have sex. I guess during our scouting I caught the eye of a lady in her mid-late 30's, fairly attractive and after a few minutes of conversation it was very apparent of what she wanted. I was in cougar territory and if I had any experience or was not drunk I might off made it out unscathed but unfortunately I was both drunk and inexperienced. After a few more drinks and some flirting she invited me back to her place and like a lamb to the slaughter I followed along ready, willing, and able.

We get to her place and everything seems normal. By what she owned you would think she was a mildly successful business women, lawyer, or an occupation in that area as well as a women with needs and hasn't found a relationship yet due to being a workaholic. After a glass of wine we end up in her bedroom and things proceed as I was very use to. We then become "intimate" and I am having a good time as one should. So after a few minutes I start feeling her finger around my ass, now as someone who has not desired contact in that area before I never asked my only partner previous to this encounter to please me in such way. I found this odd but not painful so I did not worry about her doing this. She then told me to tell her when I was about to arrive and after a few moments I told her this and I felt pure ecstasy. This only lasted for a very very brief time as I realize I also defacated at the same time. In a moment of pure helplessness I quickly apologized and ran to the adjoining bathroom. I clean myself off as best I could and try to think of something to say, anything.

I walk out of the bathroom completely ashamed, embarrassed, and quite frankly any emotion besides joy. I look up and see this pretty women smearing my shit onto herself and asking me to come back to bed. Now if my brain was not already dying from utter fucked upness I might of said "I hate to shit and run, but..." and left or "I'm a wizard, and that's fucked up" or "Smell ya later". Instead I said nothing, quickly put on my pants and ran.

I found out later that she made me shit. She slowly put some string into my ass, and when I was arriving she pulled the string out which caused me to lose control.

Edit: Just fixed some typos

o_O dude...

@StrikeALight said:

Farting during my first sexual encounter.

I farted when i was getting a BJ .

@krazy_kyle said:

I got my foreskin caught in the white netting of my swimming trunks when I was about 5 or 6 and because I was swimming in the sea, the saltwater made it FUCKING STING!!! I then had to tell my mum obviously because I was in agony and it started swelling so it got tighter and tighter and I couldn't pull it out. I couldn't get it free and I refused to let my mum, aunt or granny help me out so I got my uncle to cut the netting off and I was in so much pain I didn't give a shit about my uncle seeing my knob I just wanted it removed.

10 bucks please, but change it to pounds sterling first, thanks.

Had the exact same thing happen, except it was swimclass. So no parents around, only my 22 year old female gym teacher to cut the pants up and fix the situation. Good thing I was like, 8, and didn't give as much of a shit. Still pretty awkward though. If anything remotely similar had went down during the teenage years....

Once during a high school soccer game, I had a perfect chance to score. Not sure what the score was at, but our team wasn't doing too well all around so getting a goal would have at least helped morale.

I drew my foot backwards and swung it with all my might, missed the ball entirely, flipped halfway around and landed with my back on the ball. That sure made the teamspirit go up....

I hate gymclass.

Children are completely innocent and it caused my most embarrassing moment to date. I had dropped my wife off for a doctor's appointment so I took my two children to the Subway nearby. Grabbed our sandwiches and sat at a table near the cash register.

We were enjoying our meals when a large black man was ordering his food. My daughter who was about 6 at the time proudly points at the man and loudly declares so everybody could hear, "Dad, look! Its a big brown man!"

I didn't know how to respond. Honestly, it probably was the first black man she ever saw in real life somehow so I could understand her excitement but I just stared at her, stunned. The man was kind enough and replied to her, "Thank you little girl. Some people would call me black."

It thankfully ended there and thankfully she has yet to do anything else.

@Jay_Ray: What. The. Motherfucking. Fuck.

@Teaspoon83 said:

Children are completely innocent and it caused my most embarrassing moment to date. I had dropped my wife off for a doctor's appointment so I took my two children to the Subway nearby. Grabbed our sandwiches and sat at a table near the cash register.

We were enjoying our meals when a large black man was ordering his food. My daughter who was about 6 at the time proudly points at the man and loudly declares so everybody could hear, "Dad, look! Its a big brown man!"

I didn't know how to respond. Honestly, it probably was the first black man she ever saw in real life somehow so I could understand her excitement but I just stared at her, stunned. The man was kind enough and replied to her, "Thank you little girl. Some people would call me black."

It thankfully ended there and thankfully she has yet to do anything else.

That guy has a sense of humor on him.

@jay_ray What. The. Hell.

Alright to clarify the whole "randomly deciding to be a lesbian thing" that people are so hung up about for some reason.

For 99.9% of the population I would agree that being gay is not a choice at all, and I could not give less of a fuck whether you are straight, gay or whatever else there is.

However, my mother cannot, I repeat, cannot be a lesbian it is just not possible. The equivalent would be if Hugh Hefner suddenly proclaimed that he was gay.

Because I have witnessed first hand my mother mercilessly devour men who were dumb enough to come in the general vicinity of her for about 17 years, it is simply not possible that she is a lesbian, if I had to guess the parents are probably loaded (they looked like it) and she saw an opportunity to leech of them for a while.

So there.

@SethPhotopoulos said:

@YOU_DIED said:

@RVonE said:

@YOU_DIED: Perhaps. Depending on your metaphysics, it is certainly a difficult point of contention. However, there is, I think, a clear difference between doing and being. Doing (as in having sex with) a person of the same sex is of a different order than being homosexual, no?

@SethPhotopoulos: 'nailed' it.

Well said, that's a valid point. The difference between doing and thinking I guess. Am I a bank robber if I think about robbing a bank?

Wether or not you are gay is not dependent on what you do. If you are attracted to men or women you are attracted to men or women. Gay is not a thing you do it's just what you are.

I take issue with this. You're going so hard to fight the good fight in your mind you aren't even making sense anymore. Merely being attracted to or thinking about the idea of having sex with the same sex doesn't automatically make you gay. However, I'm pretty sure actually having sexual encounters with someone of the same sex, does make you somewhat gay.

@SSully said:

@RVonE: I do not, but the entire story is built up to his mother putting him in this random situation. You are picking out a single throw away line of his and making it bigger then I believe he intended. I agree with your statements, homosexuality is not random, but you are making an issue from an off hand comment from a post about awkward situations.

Well, sure, that's fair. I just think we should put more care in the words we use to express ourselves.

Knew this thread would turn to shit eventually.

@StrikeALight: I see what you did there.

One of my many awkward moments was when I had a return flight after a work trip. A combination of a long week, a lack of sleep and a small number of drinks put me into a semi-undead state. I got up to use the bathroom and the in-use light was either busted or I didn't notice it.

So a poor old lady who was "in the seated position" and I both learned that airplane bathroom locks aren't all that locky...

@StrikeALight said:

Farting during my first sexual encounter.

Nice.

@Azteris said:

@SethPhotopoulos said:

@YOU_DIED said:

@RVonE said:

@YOU_DIED: Perhaps. Depending on your metaphysics, it is certainly a difficult point of contention. However, there is, I think, a clear difference between doing and being. Doing (as in having sex with) a person of the same sex is of a different order than being homosexual, no?

@SethPhotopoulos: 'nailed' it.

Well said, that's a valid point. The difference between doing and thinking I guess. Am I a bank robber if I think about robbing a bank?

Wether or not you are gay is not dependent on what you do. If you are attracted to men or women you are attracted to men or women. Gay is not a thing you do it's just what you are.

I take issue with this. You're going so hard to fight the good fight in your mind you aren't even making sense anymore. Merely being attracted to or thinking about the idea of having sex with the same sex doesn't automatically make you gay. However, I'm pretty sure actually having sexual encounters with someone of the same sex, does make you somewhat gay.

Yeah. You do gay things because you are gay not the other way around. How does this not make sense? I didn't say thinking about having sex with people of the same sex makes you a homosexual just that if you find yourself turned on by the idea of having sex with the same sex you probably have some homosexual tendencies at least.

Every moment is awkward in the life of CL60.

I remember making a cancer joke in class and finding out that my several people in my teacher's family had died of cancer.

Also pointing at the really hairy kid in class when we were talking about testosterone during year 9 science.

Not stopping a goal being kicked from the other side of the field by the other goalie.

Edit: Cancer ain't even remotely funny.

@SethPhotopoulos said:

@Azteris said:

@SethPhotopoulos said:

@YOU_DIED said:

@RVonE said:

@YOU_DIED: Perhaps. Depending on your metaphysics, it is certainly a difficult point of contention. However, there is, I think, a clear difference between doing and being. Doing (as in having sex with) a person of the same sex is of a different order than being homosexual, no?

@SethPhotopoulos: 'nailed' it.

Well said, that's a valid point. The difference between doing and thinking I guess. Am I a bank robber if I think about robbing a bank?

Wether or not you are gay is not dependent on what you do. If you are attracted to men or women you are attracted to men or women. Gay is not a thing you do it's just what you are.

I take issue with this. You're going so hard to fight the good fight in your mind you aren't even making sense anymore. Merely being attracted to or thinking about the idea of having sex with the same sex doesn't automatically make you gay. However, I'm pretty sure actually having sexual encounters with someone of the same sex, does make you somewhat gay.

Yeah. You do gay things because you are gay not the other way around. How does this not make sense? I didn't say thinking about having sex with people of the same sex makes you a homosexual just that if you find yourself turned on by the idea of having sex with the same sex you probably have some homosexual tendencies at least.

I think you are talking in surface level terms while @Azteris is on about thoughts and motivations. Anyways, we are getting off topic so maybe we should drop it.

@Jay_Ray said:

So a few years back I broke up with the girl I'd been with since high school, at the time she was my only sexual partner I had. A few weeks after the break up my friends thought it was a good idea for me to get out there and be single. We end up at a bar one Friday night and it was pretty standard night at first. A couple of my friends girlfriends show up and hang out for a bit then left. So right now the only people left were single men that go through women quickly (one night stands or relationships that last a month or two) and after a few rounds they decided that I need to get laid to help forget about my ex and I was in a mental state where this seemed like a good idea. Which is always the first mistake when you've been drinking, when something seems to be a good idea I can guarantee that idea is 100% stupid.

My friends play wing man and while some contacts probably could have turned into actual relationships or goal was not to do that but to have sex. I guess during our scouting I caught the eye of a lady in her mid-late 30's, fairly attractive and after a few minutes of conversation it was very apparent of what she wanted. I was in cougar territory and if I had any experience or was not drunk I might off made it out unscathed but unfortunately I was both drunk and inexperienced. After a few more drinks and some flirting she invited me back to her place and like a lamb to the slaughter I followed along ready, willing, and able.

We get to her place and everything seems normal. By what she owned you would think she was a mildly successful business women, lawyer, or an occupation in that area as well as a women with needs and hasn't found a relationship yet due to being a workaholic. After a glass of wine we end up in her bedroom and things proceed as I was very use to. We then become "intimate" and I am having a good time as one should. So after a few minutes I start feeling her finger around my ass, now as someone who has not desired contact in that area before I never asked my only partner previous to this encounter to please me in such way. I found this odd but not painful so I did not worry about her doing this. She then told me to tell her when I was about to arrive and after a few moments I told her this and I felt pure ecstasy. This only lasted for a very very brief time as I realize I also defacated at the same time. In a moment of pure helplessness I quickly apologized and ran to the adjoining bathroom. I clean myself off as best I could and try to think of something to say, anything.

I walk out of the bathroom completely ashamed, embarrassed, and quite frankly any emotion besides joy. I look up and see this pretty women smearing my shit onto herself and asking me to come back to bed. Now if my brain was not already dying from utter fucked upness I might of said "I hate to shit and run, but..." and left or "I'm a wizard, and that's fucked up" or "Smell ya later". Instead I said nothing, quickly put on my pants and ran.

I found out later that she made me shit. She slowly put some string into my ass, and when I was arriving she pulled the string out which caused me to lose control.

Edit: Just fixed some typos

Wow. See, this is why I generally avoid meeting women at bars. You never know what you're going to get into, and quite frankly, fuck that. Still, that's hilarious. Sorry it had to happen to you though >_>

@Shaka999 said:

Wow. See, this is why I generally avoid meeting women at bars. You never know what you're going to get into, and quite frankly, fuck that. Still, that's hilarious. Sorry it had to happen to you though >_>

Yeah, shit happens... (pa-dum tish)

Anyway, if you can guess, I don't pick up random people any more.

@Jay_Ray: Wow... I bet taking a dump and jizzing at the same time is frickin' awesome though, so you'll always have that.

And everybody who insinuates homophobia of any sort from OP's post is an idiot and should go fall in a woodchipper. Kneejerk reactions and making mountains out of molehills that aren't there is stifling intelligent society.

@Simplexity said:

Mine would have to be a couple of years back, my mother called me and wanted me to come with her to a restaurant "to meet someone". Now for me this was code for "come meet my new boyfriend" and I figured why the fuck not, I get a free meal out of it and I don't really care about the poor soul my mother has somehow managed to lure in.

However this time there was a twist.... Oh boy was there a twist...

I show up and I am met with this rather butch woman, or girl I should say, she looked younger than me and it turned out that she was.

Apparently my mother had randomly decided to become a lesbian, and this was her new uhhh whatever you want to call it, she was 1 year younger than me and I was at the time 19 so she was legal (if that even counts in lesbian relationships, I am not really sure about the code when it comes to that shit).

Anyway, after that mind blowing revelation we walk to the table where we are met with her parents, and I learn that I was brought here to show the girls parents that my mother was a stand up person and not some random crazy lady. Needless to say it didn't work.

Through the entire meal I wanted to do nothing more than get out of there, no matter what the cost, if someone handed me a gun I would have shot myself right then and there just to put myself out of my torment. It thankfully eventually ended after some intense stare downs between me and the lesbian girl (I don't think she liked me very much, could never really figure out why). And I got out of there and that was the last I ever really saw of the butch lesbian girl and my mother.

Thank fuck for that.

If you can beat mine I will give you 10 bucks.

You should've preemptively one-upped her and showed up with an elderly gay gentleman.

@HaltIamReptar: Grow up.

EDIT: Just thought of one.

A couple years back, a girl I don't really talk to anymore had dragged me and another one of her friends to some house party, saying that she only wanted to stay for a little while to wish someone a happy birthday, and that we would move on afterwards. No more than thirty minutes, she said. I said that wasn't a problem, and I waited. After about an hour and a half I was pretty fucking pissed. With the exception of her and her friend, I didn't know anyone else there, and they were all crusty/shifty as fuck. I looked over to see her surrounded by douchebags lap and sitting on one's lap, cock teasing like a stripper during happy hour (the reason for which I do not know: she NEVER went through with anything intimate ever. Before I continue, I should also note that she was just a friend and that I was not interested in her whatsoever).

I didn't feel like interrupting the pseudo-orgy and getting punched in the face by one of the meatheads, so I decided to express my frustration to one of my best friends via text. This friend also happened to be the cockteaser's (I'll call her that for the remainder of this story) cousin; I was introduced to her by him. I forget exactly what I had said in that text, but it was something along the lines of "I'm fucking tired of watching X dry hump assfucks, we were supposed to be at the other party forty-five minutes ago, she's being a selfish bitch," ect. ect.

How the following events transpired is still beyond my understanding.

After waiting about five minutes, I noticed cockteaser approaching me. Thinking that she was finally done at the doucher table, I smiled and stood up from the couch I was sitting on. As she got closer, though, I noticed her expression; it was a combination of confusion and surprise. I was about to ask her what the problem was when suddenly:

"Did you send me this text?"

FUCKING CHRIST. Somehow, instead of sending it to my friend, I sent it to her phone. I can only guess that my subconscious, unable to handle the amount of frustration and contempt flowing through my capillaries, somehow got the idea that since my friend and cockteaser were cousins, their phone numbers were interchangeable. I forget the half assed explanation/apology I came up with, but I ended up leaving with her friend (she wasn't having much fun either) and going to the other party, which cockteaser never showed up to.

Needless to say, our friendship was never quite the same after that. Her cousin (and everyone else I tell this story to) thinks its fucking hilarious, though.

EDIT#2: Fixed some typos.

I don't know how someone can poop and cum at the same time. Doesn't the male human body prevent that from happening, like, your butt sphincter clamps up (along with multiple other muscles) when you ejaculate? I tried imagining that nightmare scenario, but can't seem to do it.

Someone please confirm this phenomenon. I am most curious.