I use to be a very succesful man in the city of Los Santos. Some very kind people gave me something about $200 000 000. So, I can buy anything I want: food, cars, cigarettes and a big fancy crib. I got my photo ^_^:

But later everything changed! Completely! It was started after latest update. Some rude guys take everything from me, ALL MY MONEY. Now I got nothing. I got no food, no clothes, no big apartment.

That's me today. That's my home under the bridge and my car, that I found on the street.

It is really hard to get a life like that. I'm collecting bottles, and rob some people to get a little bit of money, that I immediately waste on fuel, or food, of may be drugs, I don't know...

Rockstar, you are monsters. No one can live without millions of cash in Los Santos! Even my stupid some kind of rich friend got a, I think, house with walls and a roof. I don't know where this little... not so nice man GET A MONEY

You know what, I'm starting to use to it. I think. On fridays I'm hanging out with my friend from under another bridge. But most of them dead. No money, no food, so they are dead.

So I sell they bodies to someone and get a little bit of vodka. Alcohol give me a idea to leave the town, but my way wasn't long. My car overheated I think.

I think I'm gonna be dead, I got only $5.

ROCKSTAR PLZ GAVE BACK OUR MILLIONS!!!

What just happened

It is still real to @slowriderd dammit!

This is brilliant.

Why is this a question.

This is stupid on so many levels that it kinda works.

Welcome to the nouveau poor, street urchin.

Oh man, they better not have touched MY millions. I worked hard for those!!

this is brilliant

I LIKE THIS

Put this in the showcase, please

Selfies are truly the dumbest and greatest addition to that game.

Agreed. This was pretty great.

Best First Post of 2014.

This is basically just fan fiction, and those are locked pretty much immediately.

That said, I've never enjoyed any fanfic and I enjoyed this more than I expected.

I think you're looking a little too far into it. NO FUN ZONE

@thehumandove: I'm all for dumb stuff, but one has to earn one's place before one is entitled to spread dumb stuff.

It's far too common for users to create a profile, post one to five joke threads and then disappear forever.

I really love how much fun people like Danny and the WEAZL News people are having with this game. I wish I was as creative as them, even in GTA Online I just do the missions (granted, PS3 player so of course I don't have a mic).

hehe cute

Pish posh, funny is funny. I say bring on the creative first posts!

Also, do I really have to be the first person to say "that's million bucks" in this thread?

Your point being? If more people responded to such threads as you are here, why should these newcomers feel welcome enough to stick around for more than a few posts? I'd say that this is an amusing first post, myself.

From Penthouse to the Outhouse.

Maybe Rockstar should get in the insurance business. Gettin' robbed sucks!

Just do some race missions or something... I don't know.

I doubt there will be 10 better first posts this year.

Because if this is a showcase of what we can expect from a new user, I hope they don't stick around. I make some really stupid jokes around my close friends; I find those same jokes to be ill-suited for good first impressions, however.

If people had to set aside their idiotic Internet false enthusiasm, they'd admit that sonic_hedgehog wasn't actually "the best thing ever," and that this thread, while slightly amusing, isn't actually the "best first post of 2014."

The OP has made one post and has not gone out of his way to make a nuisance of himself. Comparing him with the likes of sonic_hedgehog at this point seems unnecessary.

Wow, I bet you'd tell your children that Santa doesn't exist, that life sucks, and that their dreams will never come true.

Stop being a jerk, dude.

This is pretty advanced.

And sonic_hedgehog was cool.

This made me laugh. I needed that. A+ post. Ignore anyone offended by the fact that you're having fun on the internet.

I, for one, thoroughly enjoyed this post.

Anyone else think the poor grammar makes this like a thousand times funnier?

Yeah, this is pretty brilliant.

lol. I came into this expecting something totally different. If GB had up/down votes (luckily they don't), I'd upvote this.

The poor grammar made me laugh more than I should have.

fantastic. funny!

I would love to know where to get a money. I'm sick of being broke. This is pretty great.

Also some of you people need to get the stick out of your ass.

This could be a PSA about the dangers of neck tattoos.

@random45: You should read my original post, Duder.