The Universe Must Remain in Equilibrium

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#1 Posted by ThatFrood (3375 posts) -

Episode 3 will never be released. At least not in the next 8-10 years. And if it does release, it won't be developed by Valve.
 
Why? It all became clear when I heard the announcement of DotA 2
It's simple. I never realized before... but it's just natural fucking law. Duke Nukem Forever is finally coming out, it will be released, it is a thing that is happening. After years of being stuck in Limbo, one of the most highly anticipated sequels to a beloved franchise is finally coming out. 

Therefore, it only stands to reason that another such sequel must enter Limbo to take its place.
 
The Universe can't handle both Duke Nukem Forever and Half Life 3. That is impossible. It would end us. To retain equilibrium, to maintain balance, Half Life 3 cannot release. The Universe knows this. Not only will we never see Half Life 3 release, we can't afford to let it release.
 
It's already clear. TF2 updates? L4D2? Portal 2? DEFENSE OF THE ANCIENTS? Soon, it will be announced that Valve has purchase the rights to Bejeweled, that legal disputes with Morgan Freeman are delaying release, screenshots will reassure that development is still underway, screenshots of Alyx dancing on a stripper pole... but nothing will ever come to pass. It cannot come to pass.
 
Why? 
Law of the Universe. Maintain equilibrium. There can be only one.
Quod Erat Demonstratum.

#2 Posted by JJWeatherman (14558 posts) -

You know what? Sure. I'll buy this. I, after all, wouldn't want to live in a world where a bunch of nerds can't endlessly speculate about some loch ness monster of a video game. What a sad world that would be. Here's to never-ending speculation!

#3 Posted by Driadon (2998 posts) -

In other words in 10 or so years Valve will go under, 343 studios will pick up Episode 3, console-ize it and then there will be a new shooter we must wait another decade for?

#4 Posted by BeachThunder (11950 posts) -
@Driadon said:
" In other words in 10 or so years Valve will go under, 343 studios will pick up Episode 3, console-ize it and then there will be a new shooter we must wait another decade for? "
:o I bet that the next shooter after episode 3 that will remain in limbo will be:
 
#5 Posted by ThatFrood (3375 posts) -
@Driadon said:
" In other words in 10 or so years Valve will go under, 343 studios will pick up Episode 3, console-ize it and then there will be a new shooter we must wait another decade for? "
Yes.
My guess? The release of Bioshock: Infinite turns out to be hugely successful, everyone anticipates the next Bioshock release, which is titled... Bioshock: Forever.
#6 Posted by Jimbo (9814 posts) -

Surely we just have to find some other game to take its place, then it can be released?  Hmmm....

#7 Posted by mylifeforAiur (3484 posts) -

No, damn it! It will come out, and it'll be the best game ever made........ And the world will explode :I

#8 Edited by ThatFrood (3375 posts) -
@Jimbo said:

" Surely we just have to find some other game to take its place, then it can be released?  Hmmm.... "

Sure, but what other release is as anticipated at the moment as Half Life 3? The game needs to be more anticipated than Half Life 3 for it to take its place in development hell. Again, my guess is it'll be "Bioshock: Forever"
 
Edit: The alternative is... of course...
>_>
<_<
#9 Posted by RsistncE (4496 posts) -

FUCK OFF MAN. 
 
I refuse to believe this nonsense. Half-Life 3 WILL come out before I turn 30. That's a long fucking time and goddamnit, I will KILL MYSELF IF VALVE DOESNT PUT IT OUT BEFORE THEN.

#10 Posted by Mmmslash (2168 posts) -

SHUT UP, YOU ARE BREAKING MY HEART

#11 Posted by wolf_blitzer85 (5256 posts) -

I think Episode 3 will just be this crazy amalgamation of all the franchises that will end in some crazy life changing event that will explain everything in the universe of Valve, so clearly the backstory (Portal 1 and 2, Left 4 Dead, Half Life 1 and 2, TF2) has to finish before the entirety of our existence is revealed to us in Episode 3. Valve knows we aren't ready for it yet, and they are merely protecting us from possible physical and mental damage these truths could cause us at such an early state.
 
That and Gabe Newell is probably an alien or something. Kinda makes sense to me.

#12 Posted by Jimbo (9814 posts) -
@ThatFrood: Oh muh guh, it's going to be whatever West & Zampella are working on isn't it?  The follow up to Modern Warfare which they will never be happy enough with to release, and will end up chasing for ten years in a spiral of depression and drink, before finally having to have the game rescued by a newly-independent Treyarch.
#13 Posted by Aleryn (704 posts) -

Hehehe, nice read.  And I can't think of better reasons for the vaporous state of Episode 3.

#14 Posted by mrhankey (695 posts) -

BEST THREAD ON GIANTBOMB RIGHT NOW!

#15 Posted by JJWeatherman (14558 posts) -
@ThatFrood said:
" @Driadon said:
" In other words in 10 or so years Valve will go under, 343 studios will pick up Episode 3, console-ize it and then there will be a new shooter we must wait another decade for? "
Yes. My guess? The release of Bioshock: Infinite turns out to be hugely successful, everyone anticipates the next Bioshock release, which is titled... Bioshock: Forever: Episode 3. "
Fixed
#16 Edited by ThatFrood (3375 posts) -
@Jimbo said:

" @ThatFrood: Oh muh guh, it's going to be whatever West & Zampella are working on isn't it?  The follow up to Modern Warfare which they will never be happy enough with to release, and will end up chasing for ten years in a spiral of depression and drink, before finally having to have the game rescued by a newly-independent Treyarch. "

Modern Warforever: Episode 3
#17 Posted by ch3burashka (5083 posts) -

Oh, my, GOD. It's all clear now. 
 
Why couldn't have the universe picked Madden, or Call of Duty?

#18 Posted by MannyMAR (455 posts) -

I can totally see a world ending polar shift, then a black hole, followed by FFVIII's 'Time Compression' going down if the trinity of GT5, DNF & HLF3 get a simultaneous release date *cough* 12/21/2012 *cough.* 

#19 Posted by Evilsbane (4619 posts) -

This can't happen to Half Life its my FAVORITE game series, that would be like if Mario games stopped coming out TAKE YOUR MADDNESS ELSEWHERE ILL HAVE NONE OF IT!! 
 
 
NONE OF IT!!!!

#20 Posted by Animasta (14692 posts) -

or they could just be, I dunno, creating a new engine for half life 3 and that takes a long time?

Online
#21 Edited by ThatFrood (3375 posts) -
@Laketown said:

" or they could just be, I dunno, creating a new engine for half life 3 and that takes a long time? "

of course they are... of course they're making a new engine. 

And then when that engine is done? Oh no... suddenly they need to make another engine.
And when that engine is finished? Oh no, it's outdated again... they need to make another.
And another.
And another.
AND ANOTHER.
#22 Posted by KillyDarko (1888 posts) -

HL 3 MUST come out@mylifeforAiur said:

" No, damn it! It will come out, and it'll be the best game ever made........ And the world will explode :I "
As long as it only explodes after we're all through with the campaign, right...? :D
I which Valve stopped doing L4D stuff and just got on with HL3 already...!
#23 Edited by Driadon (2998 posts) -
@JJWeatherman said:

" @ThatFrood said:

" @Driadon said:
" In other words in 10 or so years Valve will go under, 343 studios will pick up Episode 3, console-ize it and then there will be a new shooter we must wait another decade for? "
Yes. My guess? The release of Bioshock: Infinite turns out to be hugely successful, everyone anticipates the next Bioshock release, which is titled... Bioshock: Forever: Episode 3. "
Fixed "
Oh god, then that game would take 3 decades! That's more decades than I see rainbows! Whoa! What does this mean!
#24 Posted by Driadon (2998 posts) -
@BeachThunder said:
" @Driadon said:
" In other words in 10 or so years Valve will go under, 343 studios will pick up Episode 3, console-ize it and then there will be a new shooter we must wait another decade for? "
:o I bet that the next shooter after episode 3 that will remain in limbo will be:
 
"
Oh god I hope not :( 
I love me some Borderlands oh so very much and  want an improved sequel, dammit!
#25 Posted by mylifeforAiur (3484 posts) -
@KillyDarko said:
" HL 3 MUST come out@mylifeforAiur said:
" No, damn it! It will come out, and it'll be the best game ever made........ And the world will explode :I "
As long as it only explodes after we're all through with the campaign, right...? :DI which Valve stopped doing L4D stuff and just got on with HL3 already...! "
Damn straight! I miss Barney ;(
#26 Posted by Animasta (14692 posts) -
@ThatFrood said:
" @Laketown said:

" or they could just be, I dunno, creating a new engine for half life 3 and that takes a long time? "

of course they are... of course they're making a new engine. 

And then when that engine is done? Oh no... suddenly they need to make another engine.
And when that engine is finished? Oh no, it's outdated again... they need to make another.
And another. And another. AND ANOTHER. "
but 3d Realms never even created their own engine, they just kept using others.
Online
#27 Posted by jorbear (2517 posts) -

You've shown me the light. 
I hate the light...

#28 Edited by ThatFrood (3375 posts) -
@Laketown said:

" @ThatFrood said:

" @Laketown said:

" or they could just be, I dunno, creating a new engine for half life 3 and that takes a long time? "

of course they are... of course they're making a new engine. 

And then when that engine is done? Oh no... suddenly they need to make another engine.
And when that engine is finished? Oh no, it's outdated again... they need to make another.
And another. And another. AND ANOTHER. "
but 3d Realms never even created their own engine, they just kept using others. "
If they're developing the engine themselves then... wouldn't that mean it'd take valve... even more time?
#29 Edited by onarum (2092 posts) -

I kinda chuckled imagining the OP when he got this epiphany.  

He's just sitting there reading the news, then his eyes glance over the DotA2 announcement, he instantly stands up, staring blankly at the wall, then this mild smirk start springing in his mouth:
 
-"I get it"
*looks down for a second*
-"I FINALLY GET IT "
*Manic evil laugh*
 
Then he drags a whiteboard in and starts scribbling his crazy theories.

#30 Posted by ThatFrood (3375 posts) -
@onarum: This is pretty much exactly what happened. The only thing you left out was I was sitting in my university physics class and just walked up to the chalkboard.
#31 Posted by AndrewB (7621 posts) -

Gran Turismo 5 is the new Duke Nukem, so NULL.

#32 Posted by Pinworm45 (4088 posts) -

  

#33 Posted by Venatio (4491 posts) -

Equilibrium you say? Great movie

I don't really care about Episode 3, just wanted to mention the movie
#34 Posted by MooseyMcMan (11037 posts) -

Even if Half Life Episode 3 does come out, there will always be games like Shenmue III and Two Human (see what I did there?) that will probably never come out. 

Moderator
#35 Posted by BeachThunder (11950 posts) -
@MooseyMcMan said:
"Two Human (see what I did there?)"
Now they have to make that, since that would be an awesome sequel name :o
#36 Posted by Evilsbane (4619 posts) -
@BeachThunder said:
" @MooseyMcMan said:
"Two Human (see what I did there?)"
Now they have to make that, since that would be an awesome sequel name :o "
Agreed, that can't NOT be done right?
#37 Posted by thehexeditor (1404 posts) -

This theory has me grinning like mad; I love it.

#38 Posted by stringbacon (87 posts) -
@BeachThunder said:
" @MooseyMcMan said:
"Two Human (see what I did there?)"
Now they have to make that, since that would be an awesome sequel name :o "
Take it one step further for perfection.
2 Human
  
#39 Posted by Goly (843 posts) -

The truth just in front of me but I was too blind too see it. Thank you great prophet of videoludism.

#40 Posted by Necrotoxin (141 posts) -

Quick someone stop Duke from going Gold! That way Half Life may live!

#41 Posted by Mikemcn (6988 posts) -

HERETIC! YOUR WORDS ARE POISON, BEGONE YE DEVIL!

#42 Posted by ThatFrood (3375 posts) -
@Venatio: 
Not gonna lie, that is my favorite Christian Bale movie.
#43 Posted by villainy (558 posts) -

Wait... I read through this thread and now I'm more even confused than usual. Are we talking about Half-Life 2: Episode 3, Half-Life 3, or even perhaps some unannounced Half-Life: Episode 3? What happened to Half-Life: Episode 1 and  Half-Life: Episode 2? Now I'm eagerly anticipating more information on 5 different Valve games and hoping that Dota 2 comes with early access to beta/demo versions of all of them!! 
 
Valve knows gamers way too well..

#44 Posted by HaltIamReptar (2029 posts) -

The way that this can all be resolved is if HL2:Ep3 is renamed to Half Life 2: Episode 2: Part 3

#45 Posted by SeriouslyNow (8534 posts) -

YESITSTREWVAVLWILNEBRMAYKHLFLYKTRI

#46 Posted by Korwin (2866 posts) -
@SeriouslyNow said:
"

YESITSTREWVAVLWILNEBRMAYKHLFLYKTRI

"
Yes it's true, Valve will never make Half-Life Three?
#47 Posted by SeriouslyNow (8534 posts) -
@Korwin said:
" @SeriouslyNow said:
"

YESITSTREWVAVLWILNEBRMAYKHLFLYKTRI

"
Yes it's true, Valve will never make Half-Life Three? "
You can read that?  LOL
#48 Edited by Korwin (2866 posts) -
@SeriouslyNow: It took a minute for me to translate the second half :P
#49 Posted by AlfredCapone (164 posts) -

I dont believe your tom foolery

#50 Posted by Gamer_152 (14078 posts) -
@ThatFrood said:
"After years of being stuck in Limbo, one of the most highly anticipated sequels to a beloved franchise is finally coming out. 

Therefore, it only stands to reason that another such sequel must enter Limbo to take its place. "
So you're saying Valve are making a Half-Life/Limbo crossover game?
Moderator

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