The most wonderfully awful ODST review

#1 Edited by ApertureSilence (1156 posts) -

Shawn Elliot just tweeted this link. It's amazingly bad writing: 
 
http://e4g.info/1217/halo-3-odst-review.html

#2 Posted by Delta_Ass (3280 posts) -

Sounds like some guy in Eastern Europe reviewed it.

#3 Posted by iAmJohn (6120 posts) -

Wow.

#4 Posted by Breadfan (6590 posts) -
@Delta_Ass said:
" Sounds like some guy in Eastern Europe reviewed it. "

#5 Posted by ApertureSilence (1156 posts) -

That whole site, Everything For Gamers, is just a treasure trove of review hilarity.

#6 Posted by Dany (7887 posts) -

I hate to be cruel but is that just poor site translation or is american?
 
Other articles seems articulate....

#7 Edited by ApertureSilence (1156 posts) -
@Dany: The reviewer is Dardin Kay, the "Founder/CEO of E4G" 
 
Doesn't sound like he's foreign. 
 
On a similarly hilarious note, his twitter consists of nothing but spamming questions to @InsideGaming:  http://twitter.com/dkblackhawk
#8 Posted by papercut (3499 posts) -

I don't even know what that was 
but i didn't like it

#9 Posted by Kowbrainz (923 posts) -

No, I very much doubt it's a translation due to the English review slang being used; seems more like it's been written by a young highschooler who read a few reviews and decided to try doing them himself while borrowing the same terminology.

#10 Posted by labam89 (312 posts) -

I got halfway through the second paragraph before I had to look away.

#11 Posted by Hailinel (24824 posts) -

I just...I don't, huh?
 
Wow, that's some atrocious writing.  More power to him for giving it a shot, but wow.

#12 Posted by ADDTasty (109 posts) -

This honestly pisses me off. Apparently any jerk-off with a .com can get a review copy of a game?

#13 Posted by FCKSNAP (2299 posts) -
@ADDTasty said:
" This honestly pisses me off. Apparently any jerk-off with a .com can get a review copy of a game? "
As opposed to any jerk with a giantbomb account? I doubt that website is any popular in the first place. There are zero comments on anything.
#14 Edited by AndrewB (7617 posts) -

 "They might make a ton of money off of this game but if you own Halo 3 and all of the maps, why rebuy it? If you are a Halo fan I highly recommend this game."
 
Contradiction much? Unless somehow, you're a Halo fan who happened to skip Halo 3?

#15 Posted by Gorillawhat (1259 posts) -

Why the fuck would Bungie for Halo or Sony for Uncharted 2 send him an early review copy!???! Is he giving PR blow jobs??

#16 Posted by D3adend (39 posts) -

So, anyone want to make a drinking game out of their reviews?
 
Misuse of you're, your or there, their; take a drink.
Exclamation points, take a drink.
Worse use of semicolons than I am doing, take a drink.
If you laugh more than once per paragraph, take a drink.
Great typos such as "dual wielded", take a drink.

 They might make a ton of money off of this game but if you own Halo 3 and all of the maps, why rebuy it? If you are a Halo fan I highly recommend this game.

Quotes such as the above.
 
I... need to stop playing about now, as I am about to die I think.
#17 Posted by Bucketdeth (8012 posts) -

Wow thats really bad, it's like a speech I would write in grade 5.

#18 Posted by Asurastrike (2166 posts) -

" They might make a ton of money off of this game but if you own Halo 3 and all of the maps, why rebuy it? If you are a Halo fan I highly recommend this game."
 
Those two sentences are completely contradictory.

#19 Posted by Gamer_152 (14078 posts) -

I'm hoping this guy is a high school student who's just starting off in the reviewing world so I can just sit back here and say about how we all have to start somewhere. However, it seems a little unlikely a high school student was sent advance copies of Halo 3: ODST and Uncharted 2. I think we really do have just a genuinely terrible review here.

Moderator
#20 Posted by Bigandtasty (3203 posts) -

Microsoft X Studios? Looks like he took the logo a little too seriously.

#21 Posted by Andorski (5310 posts) -

Yup... that is some broken english right there.  It's true what N'Gai always says about game reviewers: "Too many gamers, not enough writers."

#22 Posted by natetodamax (19207 posts) -

I'm sad that you can't duel wielded in ODST

#23 Posted by Jeust (10652 posts) -

The review isn't all that bad. 
 
And i think he articulates his review for a younger audience, especially since many studies say that's where most of the gamer audience is. 
 
Don't bash the guy... at least he's more honest than most reviewer out there. 

#24 Posted by Karmum (11519 posts) -

It's awfully short, but it's not that bad of a review. Certain statements like this, however, make me feel better when I have to review games for a website:
 

 The new music in Halo 3: ODST is great. Just like in Halo 3, another great soundtrack will be made. 


 
I'm probably just sounding like an asshole, but that review has a couple of weird moments like that.

#25 Edited by Inquisitor (235 posts) -

A bit of spell check here and there and it would be acceptable, but like this? Looks like a kindergartener wrote it.
#26 Posted by Andorski (5310 posts) -

Aside from issues concerning grammar (misuse of commas, mispelled words, run-on sentences, etc.) he has this habit of narrating his own review.  "Now down the business, here's the review."  "Now time to get down to the game play, this has really changed since the previous game Halo 3."
 
The worst part of the review though is actually the review's content.  The guy is writing about the game rather than writing about his experience.  His opinions don't delve into how the game made him react.  His review consist a series of "Fact 1.  I like Fact 1.  Fact 2.  I dislike Fact 2."  If he added more praise in his review, I would have mistook it for a badly worded press release from the publisher.

#27 Posted by D3adend (39 posts) -
@Inquisitor said:
" A bit of spell check here and there and it would be acceptable, but like this? Looks like a kindergartener wrote it. "
Spell/grammar check won't help it much.  Whole sentences make no sense, the style is horrible.  It does look like a kindergartner wrote it.
#28 Posted by Laticsfan (596 posts) -

I only read the first sentence, since it took me ages just to read that. I presume the rest carries on in the same way

#29 Posted by Kohe321 (3529 posts) -

Wow....

#30 Posted by iAmJohn (6120 posts) -
@Jeust said:
" The review isn't all that bad.  And i think he articulates his review for a younger audience, especially since many studies say that's where most of the gamer audience is.  Don't bash the guy... at least he's more honest than most reviewer out there.  "
What in the world are you talking about?  How is he possibly "articulating for a younger audience" when his review is nigh illegible?  How is he any more honest than any other reviewer out there when the fact that many parts of the review are written in a speculative context make it seems as if he wrote the review before playing the game?
#31 Posted by Jeust (10652 posts) -
@iAmJohn: I agree... i actually thought that it was another reviewer of e4g. Sorry :)
#32 Edited by Lowbrow (840 posts) -

I couldn't even get past the second paragraph. Holy God.
 
English better not be this guys first language. If he's from a non - english speaking country, then I totally understand, but that review has the grammar and sentence structure akin to a 2nd grader held back twice.

#33 Posted by Inquisitor (235 posts) -
@D3adend said:
" @Inquisitor said:
" A bit of spell check here and there and it would be acceptable, but like this? Looks like a kindergartener wrote it. "
Spell/grammar check won't help it much.  Whole sentences make no sense, the style is horrible.  It does look like a kindergartner wrote it. "

Oh well, grass roots journalism i guess :/ 
 
But the funniest thing is that we just gave this abysmal review hits with pointing out how terrible it is.
#34 Posted by BulletStorm (487 posts) -

I thought it was Shawn Elliot being sarcastic; acting like the dick-sucking Halo fan but... I guess this is a legitimate try at a review? 

#35 Posted by brooksee (234 posts) -

Major lulz. I had to stop a third of the way through because I couldn't, for the life of me, get through a single sentence.

#36 Posted by AjayRaz (12428 posts) -

i really wish i didn't just read that 

Online
#37 Posted by Shadow (4980 posts) -

That's what happens when you write a review after not playing the game while you're tired and drunk.
#38 Posted by Otacon (2209 posts) -
@ADDTasty said:
" This honestly pisses me off. Apparently any jerk-off with a .com can get a review copy of a game? "
I own a .com now and i don't get review copies, perhaps I'm not a jerk-off, or perhaps it's the fact the site's been up for three weeks today...

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