Went to Five Guys for the First Time, Left with a Broken Brain

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Posted by StarvingGamer (8457 posts) -

Ok, sorry, I just need to get this out of my brain. Bear with me.

I've always been an In-N-Out guy, there was one two blocks from my high school which should be illegal, and was actually completely oblivious to the existence of Five Guys until I started coming to Giant Bomb. After moving to West LA earlier this Summer I finally found one of their locations in a nearby mall and today I decided I'd see what all the contentious bickering was about.

Transcending history and the world, a tale of Swords and Souls eternally retold

So I go there, I'm checking out the menu, and I'm thinking to myself "Awesome, look at all those toppings. I love toppings!" I go up to the guy and tell him it's my first time eating at Five Guys. He tells me the standard burgers come with 2 patties so I order a cheeseburger with everything plus green peppers and BBQ soss. Now if I was only hungry enough for a sandwich, everything would have ended hunky dory. That was not the case.

You see, as a lifelong frequenter of In-N-Out, I've become a devoted fan of fries served "animal style." For the uninitiated, animal style fries are fries served covered in cheese, grilled onions, and In-N-Out's secret sauce (namely Thousand Islands dressing). So you can imagine how intrigued I was as a topping lover, eating a joint that seemed to be all about the toppings, when under sides I see I can order my fries "Five Guys Style."

FRIES MOTHERFUCKER

In eager anticipation I asked the guy, "So what are 'Five Guys Style' fries?"

He looked at me, looked sideways at the menu, and said, "Well, for the 'Five Guys Style' fries we put salt on them."

I tried to force my brain to hear an ellipsis as I waited for him to regale me with the cornucopia of toppings my fries could bring me if I ordered the fabled "Five Guys Style" fries, but no more words came. That was it, nothing more, Full Stop.

Have you ever had a time when your brain was having so much trouble reconciling reality with common sense that you burst out in mad laughter? Well, I can tell you I barely kept my shit together as I completed my order, paid, then abandoned my fiance waiting for the food to find a place to change my daughter's diaper.

I mean, what the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK? They might as well start calling their fountain drinks "Five Guys Style" because they put them in a cup with ice. Are their burgers "Five Guys Style" because they're made with meat? FUCK. Putting salt on your food isn't a "style," it's cooking 101 ie "seasoning your goddam food so it doesn't taste like shit."

Look out fellas, you're all jockin' Five Guys's "Style"!

Anyways, the food was alright but I think I'm still an In-N-Out guy. Toppings are great, but not 2.5x the cost great. Thanks for reading, I needed to get that out of my system.

Oh, and I got the cajun fries instead.

#1 Edited by StarvingGamer (8457 posts) -

Ok, sorry, I just need to get this out of my brain. Bear with me.

I've always been an In-N-Out guy, there was one two blocks from my high school which should be illegal, and was actually completely oblivious to the existence of Five Guys until I started coming to Giant Bomb. After moving to West LA earlier this Summer I finally found one of their locations in a nearby mall and today I decided I'd see what all the contentious bickering was about.

Transcending history and the world, a tale of Swords and Souls eternally retold

So I go there, I'm checking out the menu, and I'm thinking to myself "Awesome, look at all those toppings. I love toppings!" I go up to the guy and tell him it's my first time eating at Five Guys. He tells me the standard burgers come with 2 patties so I order a cheeseburger with everything plus green peppers and BBQ soss. Now if I was only hungry enough for a sandwich, everything would have ended hunky dory. That was not the case.

You see, as a lifelong frequenter of In-N-Out, I've become a devoted fan of fries served "animal style." For the uninitiated, animal style fries are fries served covered in cheese, grilled onions, and In-N-Out's secret sauce (namely Thousand Islands dressing). So you can imagine how intrigued I was as a topping lover, eating a joint that seemed to be all about the toppings, when under sides I see I can order my fries "Five Guys Style."

FRIES MOTHERFUCKER

In eager anticipation I asked the guy, "So what are 'Five Guys Style' fries?"

He looked at me, looked sideways at the menu, and said, "Well, for the 'Five Guys Style' fries we put salt on them."

I tried to force my brain to hear an ellipsis as I waited for him to regale me with the cornucopia of toppings my fries could bring me if I ordered the fabled "Five Guys Style" fries, but no more words came. That was it, nothing more, Full Stop.

Have you ever had a time when your brain was having so much trouble reconciling reality with common sense that you burst out in mad laughter? Well, I can tell you I barely kept my shit together as I completed my order, paid, then abandoned my fiance waiting for the food to find a place to change my daughter's diaper.

I mean, what the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK? They might as well start calling their fountain drinks "Five Guys Style" because they put them in a cup with ice. Are their burgers "Five Guys Style" because they're made with meat? FUCK. Putting salt on your food isn't a "style," it's cooking 101 ie "seasoning your goddam food so it doesn't taste like shit."

Look out fellas, you're all jockin' Five Guys's "Style"!

Anyways, the food was alright but I think I'm still an In-N-Out guy. Toppings are great, but not 2.5x the cost great. Thanks for reading, I needed to get that out of my system.

Oh, and I got the cajun fries instead.

#2 Posted by ds8k (414 posts) -

As someone that regularly visits Five Guys, I have never heard of "Five Guys Style."

#3 Posted by Hailinel (25201 posts) -

Five Guys Style fries?

???

#4 Posted by Nadril (541 posts) -

Sounds like you asked for a stupid thing so he gave you a stupid answer.

#5 Posted by Slay3r1583 (632 posts) -

Five Guys Style is code for shitty limp fries. Their burgers are pretty good but every time I've been to one the fries were crap.

#6 Posted by TheGreatGuero (9130 posts) -

Sir, you just made my night. I live in LA too so naturally I'm a fan of In-N-Out as well. I have heard rumblings of this Five Guys and it's journey westward. I cannot deny it, I have been intrigued. Until this very moment, that is. WESTWARD HO!!! TO IN-N-OUT, WE GO!

#7 Posted by BraveToaster (12588 posts) -

He probably had a hard time from laughing in your face as well. Then again, he's probably used to getting odd questions at work. I've had In-and-Out once and it just okay, maybe the one I went to was sorry.

#8 Edited by ThatFrood (3376 posts) -

I don't even understand what you're trying to say here. They have fries at five guys, yes, not "five guys style" fries. Arguing over fast food burger joints to appeal to some sort of local pride ranks pretty high on a list of things I have never undestood, and I really like burgers.

#9 Posted by McGhee (6094 posts) -

You should imagine that the Five Guy's guy was thinking, "they're just fries, you dumb fuck," because, well, that's exactly what he was thinking.

#10 Edited by Castiel (2702 posts) -

@StarvingGamer said:

I've always been an In-N-Out guy

Hmm something about this sentence sounds... yeah I'll just leave it at that.

#11 Posted by ImHungry (377 posts) -

To all the people bewildered over the Five Guys Style fries, I believe OP means that's actually on the menu.

Just did a quick check http://www.fiveguys.com/menu.aspx and it is apparently. If they really are just salted fries that is the dumbest thing ever.

#12 Posted by mlarrabee (3029 posts) -

If "Five Guys Style" is a jab at "Animal Style," I love it.

If not, it makes no sense.

#13 Posted by Ghostiet (5289 posts) -

I don't give a shit, they gave me the best burger I ever ate. ALL-IN DOUBLE BACON CHEESEBURGER ALL THE FUCKING WAY

#14 Posted by Hizang (8532 posts) -

They don't have them in the UK, in the UK all we got is McDonalds and Burger King as the big branded stores. This is all making me want to go out and get some burgers now.

#15 Edited by egg (1469 posts) -

Judging by the menu, being that there are only 2 choices for fries, Five Guys Style is just what they call the normal (i.e. not Cajun) fries.

#16 Posted by Kyelb22 (299 posts) -

Have only moved to CA a few years ago, I don't understand all of the hype about IN-N-OUT. I love my burgers with bacon, cheese, and BBQ sauce, so I find their burgers to be boring. And their fry's are ok, for the first 5 minutes, then they go limp and cold immediately. IMO, Five's Guys is a much better place to eat, and I'm ok with it being more expensive.

#17 Posted by DystopiaX (5351 posts) -

@Slay3r1583 said:

Five Guys Style is code for shitty limp fries. Their burgers are pretty good but every time I've been to one the fries were crap.

I like me some soggy ass fries. Love me some five guys.

#18 Posted by SuperJoe (896 posts) -

The Grill Em All food truck drives around Southern CA and offers Primate Fries, which is their take on In-N-Out's Animal Fries. Otherwise, I'm a fan of the fries at The Oinkster in Eagle Rock which offers a more affordable alternative, Piggy Fries. I can't vouch for either because I just like plain-ass fries.

#19 Posted by EarlessShrimp (1670 posts) -

You go to five guys for the burgers, but hot damn those fries are amazing looking. I don't know of an In-N-Out in my area though, so I'll just sit here salivating all over that picture.

#20 Posted by Terramagi (1159 posts) -

I went to Five Guys once.

I still have fries in that bag.

#21 Posted by Demoskinos (15097 posts) -

This is the best thing I've read all day.

#22 Posted by Akrid (1356 posts) -

It's just the default. They're "Five Guys Style" because they're fries from Five Guys, just as McD's cooks their fries in their own "style". That dude was just messing with you on the salt part.

#23 Posted by Phatmac (5726 posts) -

Fuck the fries man they still make a mean burger.

#24 Posted by DeathByWaffle (646 posts) -

Five Guys is great, and the fries are great.

#25 Posted by RTSlord (1201 posts) -

Oppa Five Guys Style?

#26 Posted by MideonNViscera (2257 posts) -

This thread gets my seal of approval.

#27 Posted by StarvingGamer (8457 posts) -

@ds8k: @Hailinel: @ThatFrood: It's on the menu at the one I went to. It literally says, "Five Guys Style."

@Nadril: @BraveToaster: @McGhee: Are you guys honestly trying to suggest that I should have assumed their signature style fries were completely devoid of any signature or style? Why even list it on your menu like that then? Maybe I've fallen into some sort of alternate dimension because in my experience, claiming to serve an item in a signature style indicates that there is something, anything about the way the food is prepared that sets it apart from similar menu items at other restaurants.

#28 Posted by Supersoaker (78 posts) -

Five Guys really just fills the void in my life and heart with all sorts of goodies. Never been to an In N Out, though. I plan to change this someday.

#29 Posted by qawsed (145 posts) -

smashburger yall

#30 Posted by jmood88 (396 posts) -

In-N-Out is extremely overrated. They make some ok burgers for pretty cheap but it's not the heaven on a bun that people act like it is. Five Guys makes good burgers but they're overpriced.

#31 Posted by BoG (5192 posts) -

I don't really like Five Guys. I actually like the fries, but I've never had a burger there that was truly satisfying.

In N Out is the greatest thing to ever happen to fast food burgers.

#32 Posted by MetalGearSunny (6999 posts) -

Salt on fries? Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa? That's insane! What an original style!

#33 Posted by Kerned (1170 posts) -

Here in Michigan we have neither In-and-Out nor Five Guys, but let me just say this: I have never met a fry I didn't like.

#34 Posted by NegativeCero (3024 posts) -

I haven't been to them very often so I haven't really noticed that. I think your reaction is completely warranted though. But now I really want a burger from them.

#35 Edited by Godlyawesomeguy (6400 posts) -

I'm pretty sure he was just fucking with you for thinking "Five Guys Style" was an actual thing that they do.

Then again, I've never been to Five Guys.

EDIT: Oh, there was a literal "Five Guys Style" on the menu? Well, shit, maybe the guy was just being a dick or telling a poorly executed joke.

#36 Posted by MikkaQ (10329 posts) -

Who cares about the fries when the burgers are so damn good. Also you get fries in quantity. I ordered like 5 small fries to feed my production crew after some burgers, I was given a massive takeout bag that took a 5 of us a while to go through before we even saw the actual cups for the french fries. Hell we were full before we could realistically take a cup of our own out and eat some. That's gotta mean something.

Online
#37 Posted by Ramone (2976 posts) -

I wish we had ridiculous fast food chains in the UK.

#38 Posted by algertman (852 posts) -

I like that no matter what size fries I order they give me 10 lbs. of them.

#39 Posted by GetEveryone (4458 posts) -

@Hizang said:

They don't have them in the UK, in the UK all we got is McDonalds and Burger King as the big branded stores. This is all making me want to go out and get some burgers now.

Edinburgh (can't speak for anywhere else) also has the holy trinity of Wannaburger (which is considerably more shit than it used to be), Homemade Burger Co and Gourmet Burger.

If you're looking for a real burger, not some flimsy, fast-food shit, hit up one of those (I'm assuming they have restaurants elsewhere in the UK).

#40 Posted by Oscar__Explosion (2395 posts) -

I don't understand how everybody isn't as confused as the OP is on this issue. The menu itself says "Five Guys Style" which makes it sound like they do more that just put salt but it turns out they don't. Why the fuck would you call that your "style" when it's just the standard way of making fries?

Online
#41 Posted by Godlyawesomeguy (6400 posts) -

@Ramone said:

I wish we had ridiculous fast food chains in the UK.

Well, you should and you shouldn't. You should because when you're eating at a place such as Five Guys, it is God's gift to mankind at the time of actually consuming it. After eating five burgers, however, you are pretty sure death in imminent.

#42 Posted by Laiv162560asse (487 posts) -

As a non-Yank, the following is my only other source of info about Five Guys. He seemed pretty happy with things.

#43 Edited by jakob187 (21729 posts) -

Five Guys sucks. I don't understand how people like them.

Personally, the best burgers I've ever had came from three local locations: Kitok's, Dave's Burger Barn, and Kim's Burgers & Shakes. Then again, people keep telling me to check out Double R, and I've yet to do so. Might have to make that trip this week.

I would also like to point out that Kitok's serves Oriental Fries. As far as I know, Kitok's is kind of the one place in the country that does them.

#44 Posted by StarvingGamer (8457 posts) -

@Spoonman671: Have you ever, ever, EVER, eaten at a restaurant that listed a menu item as a signature style item when the way the food was prepared was completely standard?

Ever?

#45 Posted by ZombiePie (5731 posts) -

I have both, but I don't go to the Five Guys because my sister's ex-boyfriend works there...also I find it really weird that their default option for onions are grilled onions and not raw onions. 

Moderator
#46 Posted by StarvingGamer (8457 posts) -

@ZombiePie: Well, a lot of people don't abhor raw onions, but I don't think I've ever heard someone object to grilled onions specifically.

#47 Posted by ZombiePie (5731 posts) -

The default version of onions on a burger should be raw and you can get grilled if you special order them.Also when I want onions I want them raw, that's just my philosophy.

Moderator
#48 Posted by Nightriff (5240 posts) -

5 Guys is the best burger period, but it is expensive

In-N-Out is the best burger for the price, great burger and easy on the wallet

But when it comes to it I would pick 5 Guys any day over In-N-Out, expensive or not 5 Guys is the best burger I have ever had

#49 Posted by EXTomar (4916 posts) -

I haven't had a fast food hamburger in years. In fact the last time I went to one was a Five Guys and only because it was a trip and a special treat where it would be rude to turn it down.

#50 Posted by Ravenlight (8040 posts) -

You need to get In-N-Out fries Animal Style because they're so bad on their own. Five Guys fries, on the other hand, are robust enough to only need a sprinkle of salt before they're perfect.

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