At least once or twice a week, a press release falls into my inbox that involuntarily forces me to make that comically confused puppy face. You know, the one where your head cocks to the side violently, your mouth twists into a kind of half-smirk, half-frown, and your brow furrows into an almost painful scrunch, all out of sheer, unadulterated bewilderment?
I had that reaction today when I read Majesco's press release announcement of Hulk Hogan's Main Event, a wrestling game of sorts created exclusively for Kinect. Panic Button LLC., the makers of such fine casual products as Attack of the Movies 3D, and Go Play Lumberjacks, is developing the title.
So what does a Kinect wrestling game entail? I... don't really know...
I've read this press release a half-dozen times now, and its description of a game in which players "train with mentor Hulk Hogan as they build their own wrestling personalities and learn the art of showmanship to win over the crowd" still doesn't quite compute. The release then goes on to describe learning more than "30 punishing combos" and how the Kinect sensor will track "players’ every move; the more dynamic the motion, the more high impact the wrestler’s performance is." It also mentions things like a dynamic wrestler creation mode and different weapons you can wield, but nowhere does it explain what any of this means.
Hulk Hogan, for his part, was no help at all.== TEASER ==
“Listen up, people! You will feel the power of Hulkamania when you step into this game,” said Hulk Hogan. “Whether you are taking the damage or selling the pain, this game will let you unleash your inner wrestler as you hype up the crowd while putting the hurt on anyone that stands in your way!”
Ack! I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! How does any of this work? Will I be clotheslining at empty air? Am I going to be leg-dropping my coffee table? Should I go out and buy one of those old WWF Wrestling Buddies? Without images or video, and only this barely existent website for context, I'm grasping at straws here, people. I guess we'll find out more at E3? Probably?
As a final aside, this press release might contain my favorite useless, barely-contextual quote from a guy in a suit in a good long while.
Hulk Hogan’s longtime marketing agent, Darren Prince, CEO of Prince Marketing Group, said “When we started discussions with Majesco on the format of this game we knew it was a perfect fit for Hulk’s global brand.”
That's it. That's the entire quote. Cool story, bro?