At least once or twice a week, a press release falls into my inbox that involuntarily forces me to make that comically confused puppy face. You know, the one where your head cocks to the side violently, your mouth twists into a kind of half-smirk, half-frown, and your brow furrows into an almost painful scrunch, all out of sheer, unadulterated bewilderment?

I had that reaction today when I read Majesco's press release announcement of Hulk Hogan's Main Event, a wrestling game of sorts created exclusively for Kinect. Panic Button LLC., the makers of such fine casual products as Attack of the Movies 3D, and Go Play Lumberjacks, is developing the title.

So what does a Kinect wrestling game entail? I... don't really know...

I've read this press release a half-dozen times now, and its description of a game in which players "train with mentor Hulk Hogan as they build their own wrestling personalities and learn the art of showmanship to win over the crowd" still doesn't quite compute. The release then goes on to describe learning more than "30 punishing combos" and how the Kinect sensor will track "players’ every move; the more dynamic the motion, the more high impact the wrestler’s performance is." It also mentions things like a dynamic wrestler creation mode and different weapons you can wield, but nowhere does it explain what any of this means.

Hulk Hogan, for his part, was no help at all.

“Listen up, people! You will feel the power of Hulkamania when you step into this game,” said Hulk Hogan. “Whether you are taking the damage or selling the pain, this game will let you unleash your inner wrestler as you hype up the crowd while putting the hurt on anyone that stands in your way!”

Ack! I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! How does any of this work? Will I be clotheslining at empty air? Am I going to be leg-dropping my coffee table? Should I go out and buy one of those old WWF Wrestling Buddies? Without images or video, and only this barely existent website for context, I'm grasping at straws here, people. I guess we'll find out more at E3? Probably?

As a final aside, this press release might contain my favorite useless, barely-contextual quote from a guy in a suit in a good long while.

Hulk Hogan’s longtime marketing agent, Darren Prince, CEO of Prince Marketing Group, said “When we started discussions with Majesco on the format of this game we knew it was a perfect fit for Hulk’s global brand.”

That's it. That's the entire quote. Cool story, bro?

At least once or twice a week, a press release falls into my inbox that involuntarily forces me to make that comically confused puppy face. You know, the one where your head cocks to the side violently, your mouth twists into a kind of half-smirk, half-frown, and your brow furrows into an almost painful scrunch, all out of sheer, unadulterated bewilderment?

I had that reaction today when I read Majesco's press release announcement of Hulk Hogan's Main Event, a wrestling game of sorts created exclusively for Kinect. Panic Button LLC., the makers of such fine casual products as Attack of the Movies 3D, and Go Play Lumberjacks, is developing the title.

So what does a Kinect wrestling game entail? I... don't really know...

I've read this press release a half-dozen times now, and its description of a game in which players "train with mentor Hulk Hogan as they build their own wrestling personalities and learn the art of showmanship to win over the crowd" still doesn't quite compute. The release then goes on to describe learning more than "30 punishing combos" and how the Kinect sensor will track "players’ every move; the more dynamic the motion, the more high impact the wrestler’s performance is." It also mentions things like a dynamic wrestler creation mode and different weapons you can wield, but nowhere does it explain what any of this means.

Hulk Hogan, for his part, was no help at all.

“Listen up, people! You will feel the power of Hulkamania when you step into this game,” said Hulk Hogan. “Whether you are taking the damage or selling the pain, this game will let you unleash your inner wrestler as you hype up the crowd while putting the hurt on anyone that stands in your way!”

Ack! I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! How does any of this work? Will I be clotheslining at empty air? Am I going to be leg-dropping my coffee table? Should I go out and buy one of those old WWF Wrestling Buddies? Without images or video, and only this barely existent website for context, I'm grasping at straws here, people. I guess we'll find out more at E3? Probably?

As a final aside, this press release might contain my favorite useless, barely-contextual quote from a guy in a suit in a good long while.

Hulk Hogan’s longtime marketing agent, Darren Prince, CEO of Prince Marketing Group, said “When we started discussions with Majesco on the format of this game we knew it was a perfect fit for Hulk’s global brand.”

That's it. That's the entire quote. Cool story, bro?

shirt ripping simulator i hope

Wow nice.

This just in: Wait, what?

Majesco is playing it hard.

...

yappie strap match time! 
 
  

I heard that the game ships with a 700 lb beanbag pack inso that you can relive the culminating moment of wrestling history when Hulk slammed Andre.   I'm in for two copies.

There is the killer app software for Kinect, I knew Microsoft would deliver.

Hulk Hogan with Kinect? Well, naturally.

Is the final boss an empty shell of yourself who you have to fight to keep from becoming a pathetic reality TV personality?

Fuck. 
 
 
 
Now I have to buy a Kinect.

how do I sell pain

This game could be life-changing

Without "Real American" it will be but a shell of what could have been.

Is the final boss an empty shell of yourself who you have to fight to keep from becoming a pathetic reality TV personality?

Without "Real American" it will be but a shell of what could have been.

Guess I'll be needing to buy a bunch of new shirts after playing this.

yappie strap match time! 
 
  

shirt ripping simulator i hope

Hogan is an icon I grew up watching and idolizing as a young man. Seeing him on The Hour with Strombo, a shell of his former self, depressed and ruined by his ex wife I felt for the dude. Glad to see Hogan is picking himself back up again in life, just like he did in the ring for so many years. Wrestling isn't the same now as it was back in the 80's.

Do you have to do the Atomic Leg Drop?

I think this game will destroy many living rooms. Hope they demo it at E3.

I will be strongly disappointed if there is no 'touching-your-daughter-inappropriately' mini-game.

I'll have my friends over for a royal rumble and fucking trash the place...

I really hope they include some yellow speedo's as a pre-order incentive...I can't seem to find them anywhere.

I have always thought "Man it would be cool to wave my arms around and take down the Macho Man" 

I hope they have a section of the game where Hogan teaches you to politic your way to the top of a company, then run it into the ground.

Will his burly man-daughter be dlc?

Is he going to flash his dick at us again in promos for this game?

"Hype up the crowd" eh? I'm betting there'll also be a minigame where you twirl your hand to cup your ear egging the crowd to cheer louder.

Gary Whitta needs a towel, you guys.

This sounds horrible.  About as bad as the sequel to Yogi Bear announced earlier today..

Majesco is mad crazy, yo.

@Hockeymask27 said:

yappie strap match time! 
 
  

This is the greatest thing I have ever heard.

Yappapi Strap match or no sell.

this is THE best thing to happen to kinect

pretty good news.  better than another yoga simulator or whatever.

A Hogan game from a crap game team? I just want fun games....

I can think of no one better to put in a bad Kinect game than Hogan.

Looking forward to the Quick Look.

Laugh if you must, but if this game lets you Hulk Up...
 
1) Mimic throwing someone off of you just before the three count 
2) Get up to one knee and shake your head in refusal as the CPU character punches you
3) Begin shaking violently as the computer continues to punch you 
4) Get on your feet and walk all crazy around the ring (still shaking) 
5) POINT YOUR FINGER AT THE OPPONENT 
6) Blocked punch/three punches/big boot/legdrop sequence 
 
...I'll buy a mo'fuckin Kinect.

What the H?

Totally still own one of those WWF Wrestling Buddies, but I have the Hulk Hogan one so it'd be awkward clotheslining Hulk Hogan as Hulk Hogan, brother.