kezmer's Hydlide Special (Nintendo Entertainment System) review

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My Memories

This is my retro review of Hydlide,
 
Ahh the memories of this game. As a 32 year old male, I grew up with the NES.  For you younger folks, you do not realize how horrible it was to have so few games to play.  This is the reason a steaming pile of Dog feces as Hydlide Exists.  I had just finished my first RPG ever Dragon Warrior and I was just itching for more.  I saved up my 5 dollar allowance for 11 weeks and bought this game.  To this day I wish I had that money back.
 
Gameplay:  You don't really hit a button to attack you just run into creatures and the game figures out how many hits until you die. You can hit a button to put up your shield, but there is really no reason to do this because you still somehow take damage.  The first slime will probably kill you 50 times before you figure out how you are supposed to play this game.  There is a magic system also but it seems to use up the whole bar by casting just a couple spells.
 
Graphics: Really for an old NES game they aren't the worst, but you won't have time to ever look at them because you will have slime's killing you left and right for hours. (if you can play that long)
 
Save: ahh the worst part, when you die, (AND YOU WILL) the game gives you a ridiculous 16 digit password. It probably takes at least 5 minutes to input this password if you get far enough to actually want to save your progress. 
 
Music: HORRIBLE. There might be 4 music tracks that loop forever and will haunt you in your sleep. Like a bad Cialis commercial this music may cause one of the following to occur. Vomiting, Diarrhea, Sweating, Psoriasis, Gout, Skin Rash, Depression,  Nausea,  Ejaculation problems, If you experience any of these symptoms, PLEASE remove this cartridge from your NES and take it outside and lay it on the ground and smash the living shit  out of it with a sledgehammer.  
 
In closing I would like to say that over 20 years later I am still haunted in my dreams by this horrible NES game. I am so haunted that I feel I must write a review of a game that I hate so much. Sadly I still have my copy of this game at home. It reminds me everyday of that wasted Saturday afternoon taking a bus to my local Venture and making the worst  purchase in my life. 
 

                                               

Hydlide
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