200 things you learned from Just Cause 2.

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#1 Edited by AhmadMetallic (18955 posts) -

                                                  COMRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIDZZZZZZZZZZZ

 
  1. Everybody in Panau speaks english though their language and hand writing are quite odd. 
  2. The Panauan civilians are a bunch of easily-startled pussies who drop down on their knees with their hands over their heads before your bullet hits its target. 
  3. The country of Panau has the biggest number of helicopters in the world. And everyvbody, and i mean EVERYBODY, has their own helo.
  4. Soldiers sometimes call Rico a 'citizen' if they're not alarmed... what are they high ?
  5. In Panau, you can pull a person out of a million dollar sports car and they'd be wearing poor villager's clothes with a farmer's hat. 
  6. The police radio person is the exact same annoying motherfucker, he's on duty 24/7 and repeats the exact same 10 orders (example "OK, move in, we got him") all the time. 
  7. Panauan colonels like to go for a barbeque with their top 5 favorite gaurds, on rooftops, in the jungle and sometimes just around the bend. 
  8. EVERY kind of base or station on the whole island is controlled by a big silly-looking radio trailer with a funky antenna.  
  9. When you go to Panau, you go to look for an American who is a dangerous man with a price on his head and he's a dangerous man, he has a price on his head and you're looking for him. he's an american.
  10. Panauans FEAR to be caught by the Wire Ting.     
  11. The president of Panau just HAD to be called Panay, just like the 2 main evil characters in LOTR had to be called Sauron and Saruman, allowing you to be confused as fuck for the first few hours. Not to mention that Panay calls himself Papa Panay but for some reason people call him Baby Panay... what the fuck is wrong with you people.
  12. Panauan soldiers live and die for the Glory of Panau. they enjoy expressing that purpose out loud often.    

   
 


I'll update the list with what people post. 

Update

13. Guns are for pussies. Grapple hooks are for men. 
14. Parties in Panau occur in Blimps with Pimps.     
15.  Panuan miltary always like to tell they're "GoinG ouT onda Flenk!"  
16. A helicopter can fit into another helicopter (talking about the black market)     
17. fuck gravity   
18. The US Government equips their secret agents with infinite parachutes. 
19. The only way to hang off a ledge is with a grappling hook and not with your hands. 
20. A grappling hook and parachute are the best form of travel in the world. 
 21. Bolo Santosi is the leader of the revolutinary army known as the Reaperzzzzzzzzzzzz.     
 22. And she is looking for able bodied... comrades.     
 23. You are the Scorpio no? I hear you are very...skilled.   
 24. You can ramp off land and do pretty spectacular stunts in a boat. But as soon as your magical presence leaves the boat, the next time it hits the same land you ramped off of, it will explode instantly. 
25. Same goes for vehicles. 
26. Airplane rudders are for pussies. 
27. Even if the military sees you grapple through the air onto a porch of a building, if they can't actually see you when you're there, they forget where you are. 
28. You can control land vehicles from the roof of them. 
29. Every black box of every airplane will land in water. 
30. Taking a simple stroll by a propaganda trailer is illegal and you will be shot on sight.  
31. Elites are very, very touchy about personal space. Violate it and you might find yourself shot on sight.
32. Sometimes the military will randomly decide something is illegal and shoot you on sight. 
33. You can liberate places by destroying said places water supply and power generators. Because liberated people don't have time for petty things like clean and easy-to-access water.       
 34. Apparently Lost took place on Panau.
35. Sometimes Panau just gets totally devoid of life, even the capital.
36. Rico's a friggin flying squirrel. 
37. Someone just left all them perfectly good parts laying all around Panau.   
38. Them Panaun shotguns got range, son!     
39. You can jump off a building and glide forward by going into a freefall.     
40. The national Panauan radio station is a lying joke. 
41. The water in Panau allows you to stay underwater for a few minutes without drowning.
41. Even in a storm you can control a parachute normally with no problem. 
42. You can also parachute through a forest, with the parachute hitting leaves and branches, and sail perfectly without getting tangled. 
43. If you grapple someone to a vehicle, you can drag them pretty much forever. 
44. However, once they die, the wire somehow knows this and breaks after a few seconds. 
45. Shooting a front tire out of a pursuing vehicle will make it flip violently and then explode. 
46. A pistol costs almost as much as a small jet. 
47. Bullets react completely differently when impacting someone who is standing on the ground than when they are in the air. While on the ground, bullets may stagger an enemy, but if said enemy is in the air, the bullets will push them up into the sky. 
48. Rico likes what Bolo says, and likes the way she says it.     
 49. Sometimes flying over a military installation is illegal, and sometimes it's not. 
50. Even if you never respond to any radio messages while in an aircraft (doesn't matter the type of aircraft), military installations will not think you are hostile and SAM sites will remain inactive unless you pass really, really slowly over the base for ground troops to notice you. 
 
 
51. Panau has the technology to make insanely strong blimps and cables, technology to make said blimps and cables invulnerable to all types of damage, and technology to make it so even while wearing almost no-clothing a mile in the air over the ocean, you feel just fine. 
52. Instead of using that technology to move humanity forward, they use it to make a brothel. Ah humanity.
53. Sometimes surfing on a car is illegal and sometimes it's not. 
54. The Panau Military is trained so that when a strange vehicle with no driver coasts to a stop next to a propaganda trailer and C4 is visible on the sides and roof of the vehicle, they promptly ignore it. 
55. The military seems incapable of telling the difference between that super Mercenary called "Scorpion" and a random guy (who looks exactly like him) flying around with a parachute and grappling hook.
56. You can aim a rocket launcher at a soldier or civilian and they will not care. 
57. The Panau Military doesn't care if you're loaded with an SMG, Grenade Launcher, Machinegun, C4 and grenades, and walking around a gas station. They just think you're concerned for your personal safety. 
58. You can plant C4 with a soldier watching you, as long as you "Stealth Plant" it by setting it softly on the target. Because even though it looks exactly like an explosive, it's probably not that important. 
59. Some people in the world can survive multiple rockets to the face and stay in perfect fighting condition. 
60. Surfing on the roof of a car will cause a driver to freak out and start speeding.
61. Hundred-year-old Japanese soldiers, who still think WWII is going on, have modern technology. 
62. If Rico keeps doing jobs and pleasing Bolo, he will find her to be very pleasing as well.     
 63. Upside down vehicles spontaneously combust. 
64. 1.64 KM seems like an impossibly long trip in a car, but a quick stroll using a grappling hook and parachute. 
65. The proper response after ramming your motorcycle into an oncoming car and flipping thru the air while your unmanned cycle crashes into a gas station and causes a huge explosion and you almost die but don't and finally stand up is... "Sheesh."   
  66. Nuking the biggest oil field in the world doesn't actually cause as big of an explosion as you'd think. Just a lot of sparks. 
  67. Tropical island paradises also contain Himalayan snow capped peaks and flying gay nightclubs and this is all possible as long the people sound like they're from Singapore. 
68. Even if you shoot a well armed general with a rocket, it still takes bullets to his face to kill him. 
69. Tanks can ski. 
70.For Rico,boats can be used as a one-trip to the nearest highway,because boats can fly throu foliage and trees. 
71.Every time Rico enters a vehicle,he packs 10 kgs of C4 in it,so that when the vehicle is disposed,he can blow it up to increase his ego. 
72.Rico's parachute will NEVER get soaked,even in a storm. 
73.Sometimes aircraft will only lift off at the exact end of the strip. 
74.Anybody can voice-act. 
 75. The soldiers of Panau haven't learned the words "grappling hook," calling them "wire things" instead. 
 76. The laws of physics are entirely optional. 
77. Collecting crates causes as much civic unrest as toppling statues, destroying water towers or assassinating a colonel.  
 78. 100 year old Japanese Soldiers can still totally fuck you up. 
79. Car Ferrys have doors that will open, but not close. 
80. There is no vetting process for Panuan Boat drivers, that is why you sometimes see them driving onto shore and killling themselves.  
81. A fighter jet is not powerful enough to lift a SUV, believe me.  
82. The usage of bubble based weapondry is grounds for you to be shot  on sight on panau.  
83. It literally takes about 1 second to jump into, and steal a passenger jet.
84. Cars drive just fine after driving off of a 1000-foot cliff, hitting 30 trees, and rolling the car about 50 times.
85. The only genre of music that exists in Panau is techno.  
 86. Some people are just too bad-ass for cover systems.  
87. The best way to take off in your newly bought jet is to hit some small object on your makeshift runway, get flipped upsidedown and ram the roof of the jet into the ground until it either explodes or you go flying off a mountain in a trail of black smoke.  
 88. Helicopters can hover forever while you hang under them, but if you let go they magically start spinning out of control and explode .  
 89. In Panau, if you free fall from really high in the sky, you can grapple onto the ground when you're 10 feet away from it and land successfully without taking any damage. While if you fall from a 50 meter bridge into the ocean, you die.     
90. When you have to hijack a limo for the Reapers, the passenger is attached to his door and when killed, will cause the door to go flying off.      
91.  Rico's talks funny 
92. You can travel around the island with grapple hook  a parachute  
93.   Weakening the military by killing generals and blowing up bases actually means helicopters are quicker to scramble on your position. 
94.   Baby Panay comes back from the dead JUST to talk on the radio to make announcements AFTER you kill him. 
95.    The bigger the engine on your car, the more likely you are to just spin wildly instead of going straight.  
96.   When a militay boat crashes into you it's your fault. 
97.   You can move straight through spinning helicopter blades without getting hurt. 
98.   Stupidity and awesomeness are not always mutually exclusive. 
99.   The keypad that calls for backup forces lures you into pressing it several times thinking its some sort of base-controlling console 
100.    Just driving a military truck makes the military think "There are hostiles in the area!" if you drive by them. 
101.   Anything important ever is colored red and has a white star on it.
#2 Posted by sodiumCyclops (2644 posts) -

13. Guns are for pussies. Grapple hooks are for men.

#3 Posted by sodiumCyclops (2644 posts) -

14. Parties in Panau occur in Blimps with Pimps.

#4 Posted by SeriouslyNow (8534 posts) -

15.  Panuan miltary always like to tell they're "GoinG ouT onda Flenk!"

#5 Posted by NekuSakuraba (7240 posts) -

A helicopter can fit into another helicopter (talking about the black market)

#6 Posted by sodiumCyclops (2644 posts) -
@SeriouslyNow said:
" 15.  Panuan miltary always like to tell they're "GoinG ouT onda Flenk!" "
bahahahahahhaahahaaa
#7 Posted by raiz265 (2234 posts) -

17. fuck gravity 
 
?

#8 Edited by NinjaHunter (972 posts) -

18. The US Government equips their secret agents with infinite parachutes. 
19. The only way to hang off a ledge is with a grappling hook and not with your hands.

#9 Edited by Shirogane (3563 posts) -

20. A grappling hook and parachute are the best form of travel in the world. 
 21. Bolo Santosi is the leader of the revolutinaries known as the Reapers.
#10 Posted by Ghostiet (5228 posts) -
@Shirogane said:
" 21. Bolo Santosi is the leader of the revolutinaries known as the Reapers. "
22. And she is looking for able bodied... comrades.
#11 Posted by NekuSakuraba (7240 posts) -
@Ghostiet said:
" @Shirogane said:
" 21. Bolo Santosi is the leader of the revolutinaries known as the Reapers. "
22. And she is looking for able bodied... comrades. "
23. You are the Scorpio no? I hear you are very...skilled.
#12 Posted by Capum15 (4827 posts) -

24. You can ramp off land and do pretty spectacular stunts in a boat. But as soon as your magical presence leaves the boat, the next time it hits the same land you ramped off of, it will explode instantly.
25. Same goes for vehicles.
26. Airplane rudders are for pussies.
27. Even if the military sees you grapple through the air onto a porch of a building, if they can't actually see you when you're there, they forget where you are.
28. You can control land vehicles from the roof of them.
29. Every black box of every airplane will land in water.
30. Taking a simple stroll by a propaganda trailer is illegal and you will be shot on sight. 
31. Elites are very, very touchy about personal space. Violate it and you might find yourself shot on sight.
32. Sometimes the military will randomly decide something is illegal and shoot you on sight.
33. You can liberate places by destroying said places water supply and power generators. Because liberated people don't have time for petty things like clean and easy-to-access water.
 

#13 Edited by corgorav (220 posts) -

2X. Apparently Lost took place on Panau.
2X. Sometimes Panau just gets totally devoid of life, even the capital.
2X. Rico's a friggin flying squirrel.
2X. Someone just left all them perfectly good parts laying all around Panau.  
2X. Revolvers are friggin awesome, man!
2X. Them Panaun shotguns got range, son!

#14 Posted by natetodamax (19177 posts) -

40. You can jump off a building and glide forward by going into a freefall.

#15 Posted by Capum15 (4827 posts) -

41. Even in a storm you can control a parachute normally with no problem.
42. You can also parachute through a forest, with the parachute hitting leaves and branches, and sail perfectly without getting tangled.
43. If you grapple someone to a vehicle, you can drag them pretty much forever.
44. However, once they die, the wire somehow knows this and breaks after a few seconds.
45. Shooting a front tire out of a pursuing vehicle will make it flip violently and then explode.
46. A pistol costs almost as much as a small jet.
47. Bullets react completely differently when impacting someone who is standing on the ground than when they are in the air. While on the ground, bullets may stagger an enemy, but if said enemy is in the air, the bullets will push them up into the sky.
48. Rico likes what Bolo says, and likes the way she says it.

#16 Posted by AhmadMetallic (18955 posts) -
@Capum15: you are hilarious.
#17 Edited by Capum15 (4827 posts) -
@Ahmad_Metallic: Thanks :P
 
I put a few of these on a same topic over at Gamespot. A few of them are from other people and have been tweaked a little (at this point I'm not sure which, but I'd say 3-4 of them aren't mine). The "illegal and shot on sight" ones I thought of because they tend to happen to me, and because someone else said "Getting hit by a car is illegal and you will be shot."
 
Alrighty, Edit:
49. Sometimes flying over a military installation is illegal, and sometimes it's not.
50. Even if you never respond to any radio messages while in an aircraft (doesn't matter the type of aircraft), military installations will not think you are hostile and SAM sites will remain inactive unless you pass really, really slowly over the base for ground troops to notice you.
51. Panau has the technology to make insanely strong blimps and cables, technology to make said blimps and cables invulnerable to all types of damage, and technology to make it so even while wearing almost no-clothing a mile in the air over the ocean, you feel just fine.
52. Instead of using that technology to move humanity forward, they use it to make a brothel. Ah humanity.
53. Sometimes surfing on a car is illegal and sometimes it's not.
54. The Panau Military is trained so that when a strange vehicle with no driver coasts to a stop next to a propaganda trailer and C4 is visible on the sides and roof of the vehicle, they promptly ignore it.
55. The military seems incapable of telling the difference between that super Mercenary called "Scorpion" and a random guy (who looks exactly like him) flying around with a parachute and grappling hook.
56. You can aim a rocket launcher at a soldier or civilian and they will not care.
57. The Panau Military doesn't care if you're loaded with an SMG, Grenade Launcher, Machinegun, C4 and grenades, and walking around a gas station. They just think you're concerned for your personal safety.
58. You can plant C4 with a soldier watching you, as long as you "Stealth Plant" it by setting it softly on the target. Because even though it looks exactly like an explosive, it's probably not that important.
59. Some people in the world can survive multiple rockets to the face and stay in perfect fighting condition.
60. Surfing on the roof of a car will cause a driver to freak out and start speeding.
61. Hundred-year-old Japanese soldiers, who still think WWII is going on, have modern technology.
62. If Rico keeps doing jobs and pleasing Bolo, he will find her to be very pleasing as well.
#18 Posted by StickNutzman (25 posts) -

63. Upside down vehicles spontaneously combust. 
64. 1.64 KM seems like an impossibly long trip in a car, but a quick stroll using a grappling hook and parachute. 
65. The proper response after ramming your motorcycle into an oncoming car and flipping thru the air while your unmanned cycle crashes into a gas station and causes a huge explosion and you almost die but don't and finally stand up is... "Sheesh." 
#19 Posted by Shirogane (3563 posts) -

66. Nuking the biggest oil field in the world doesn't actually cause as big of an explosion as you'd think. Just a lot of sparks.

#20 Posted by SeriouslyNow (8534 posts) -

67. Tropical island paradises also contain Himalayan snow capped peaks and flying gay nightclubs and this is all possible as long the people sound like they're from Singapore.
68. Even if you shoot a well armed general with a rocket, it still takes bullets to his face to kill him.
69. Tanks can ski.

#21 Posted by FirePrince (1763 posts) -

70.For Rico,boats can be used as a one-trip to the nearest highway,because boats can fly throu foliage and trees. 
71.Every time Rico enters a vehicle,he packs 10 kgs of C4 in it,so that when the vehicle is disposed,he can blow it up to increase his ego. 
72.Rico's parachute will NEVER get soaked,even in a storm. 
73.Sometimes aircraft will only lift off at the exact end of the strip. 
74.Anybody can voice-act.
#22 Posted by n11n12 (101 posts) -

 75. The soldiers of Panau haven't learned the words "grappling hook," calling them "wire things" instead.
 76. The laws of physics are entirely optional.
77. Collecting crates causes as much civic unrest as toppling statues, destroying water towers or assassinating a colonel.

#23 Edited by Mikemcn (6959 posts) -

78. 100 year old Japanese Soldiers can still totally fuck you up. 
79. Car Ferrys have doors that will open, but not close. 
80. There is no vetting process for Panuan Boat drivers, that is why you sometimes see them driving onto shore and killling themselves.  
81. A fighter jet is not powerful enough to lift a SUV, believe me.  
82. The usage of bubble based weapondry is grounds for you to be shot
 on sight on panau.

#24 Posted by xXShnookXx (26 posts) -

83. It literally takes about 1 second to jump into, and steal a passenger jet.
84. Cars drive just fine after driving off of a 1000-foot cliff, hitting 30 trees, and rolling the car about 50 times.
85. The only genre of music that exists in Panau is techno.

#25 Posted by ProfessorEss (7285 posts) -

86. Some people are just too bad-ass for cover systems.

#26 Posted by Arkkazeal (109 posts) -

87. The best way to take off in your newly bought jet is to hit some small object on your makeshift runway, get flipped upsidedown and ram the roof of the jet into the ground until it either explodes or you go flying off a mountain in a trail of black smoke.
#27 Edited by signposts (1 posts) -

88. Helicopters can hover forever while you hang under them, but if you let go they magically start spinning out of control and explode .
#28 Posted by AhmadMetallic (18955 posts) -
@signposts said:
" 88. Helicopters can hover forever while you hang under them, but if you let go they magically start spinning out of control and explode . "
Great first post :) welcome to the forums. 
 
List updated! sorry for the delay.
#29 Posted by AhmadMetallic (18955 posts) -

89. In Panau, if you free fall from really high in the sky, you can grapple onto the ground when you're 10 feet away from it and land successfully without taking any damage. While if you fall from a 50 meter bridge into the ocean, you die.

#30 Posted by xMP44x (2193 posts) -

90. When you have to hijack a limo for the Reapers, the passenger is attached to his door and when killed, will cause the door to go flying off.
 
I know, it's nothing great.

#31 Posted by csma (9 posts) -

70. Rico's talks funny 
71. You can travel around the island with grapple hook  a parachute 
 
 
 
 
Just Cause 2 

#32 Posted by HandsomeDead (11863 posts) -

91. Weakening the military by killing generals and blowing up bases actually means helicopters are quicker to scramble on your position.

#33 Posted by AhmadMetallic (18955 posts) -

man reading those again was pretty hilarious .. JUST CAUSE 2 FOR PRESIDENT 

#34 Posted by tdr2009 (6 posts) -

92. Baby Panay comes back from the dead JUST to talk on the radio to make announcements AFTER you kill him.

#35 Posted by Mikemcn (6959 posts) -

93. The bigger the engine on your car, the more likely you are to just spin wildly instead of going straight. 

#36 Posted by FritzDude (2256 posts) -

94. When a militay boat crashes into you it's your fault.

#37 Posted by PrivateIronTFU (3874 posts) -

94: You can move straight through spinning helicopter blades without getting hurt.

#38 Posted by BaneFireLord (2913 posts) -

91. Stupidity and awesomeness are not always mutually exclusive.

#39 Posted by AhmadMetallic (18955 posts) -

97. The keypad that calls for backup forces lures you into pressing it several times thinking its some sort of base-controlling console

#40 Posted by tdr2009 (6 posts) -

95. Just driving a military truck makes the military think "There are hostiles in the area!" if you drive by them.

#41 Edited by Azteck (7449 posts) -

96. Anything important ever is colored red and has a white star on it.

#42 Posted by jjacobsson (53 posts) -

This is my favorite part of the Internet.

#43 Edited by tdr2009 (6 posts) -

Is this going to be updated anytime soon?

#44 Posted by AhmadMetallic (18955 posts) -
@tdr2009 said:
" Is this going to be updated anytime soon? "
done. thanks for the reminder 
 
 
continue from 102 !
#45 Posted by tdr2009 (6 posts) -
@Ahmad_Metallic: oh thank you! now i need to read the list again, to see what's new :)
#46 Edited by tdr2009 (6 posts) -

102. They tell Rico he is the best. (from Reapezzz scene)

#47 Posted by ShockD (2393 posts) -

Rico's grappling hook is made out of the strongest material in the universe and can pull tanks, jets and ships.

#48 Posted by bioblood22 (420 posts) -

Laughed out loud reading this, good job people.

#49 Posted by 1marcelfilms (1 posts) -

A plane can pull a tank but if you control the plane you will crash

#50 Posted by ABritishNerd (318 posts) -

102. Chaos is a more precious commodity than water.

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