The screenshot ballad of Heartbreakin' Hisao Nakai. Episode 4: Takin' it to Harlem.

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Posted by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
Part the 一番目

← To Episode 3: Tears in the RainTo Episode 5: End of the Tropes→

And so we're back with the G-Man. How? Why? Who cares? Certainly not Hisao; he just wants to get this over with. In fact, he says as much to the Man's face. The G-Man's taken aback by Babyface's forwardness, but he takes it rather well. He only leaves Hisao with this before sending him on his way:

Prepare for unforeseen consequences.

Anyway, Hanako's route. What road do we take to get to Harlem? Pretty much the same as Lilly's. In fact, almost exactly the same as Lilly's. They're literally a choice apart, which I'll detail when we get to it. In the meantime, a couple of fun facts:

  • This is the only route in the game where Miki gets a speaking role. A little strange when you realize what little influence she has on the story (and how much more relevant she'd have been in Emi's route), but whatever. You take what you get.
  • So far, Hanako's route is the first one with three endings, at least in the "good/neutral/bad" sense. If I play my cards right, we'll only see the first two. Of course, I'm going to play them wrong. That's right: I am going for her bad ending first. I warn you now so you know why I feel like such a piece of shit later on. Anyway, let's take it to Harlem.
It's like she knows.
Step one on the road to Harlem: book it to the library.
"It's like there's more vomit each time I come back. How can she puke up so much of it and STILL be so drunk?"
How are you finding out about their night clubs just now?
"Makes me think of Emi."
.....How about we just skip right to the library?
But not without being an asshole to Hisao first!
Guess from who. And why.
Don't worry about Yuuko. She gets her revenge by putting them in spine-first.
Step two on the road to Harlem:
Gawk at her scars and make her feel extremely uncomfortable......Goddamn it.
Fine. Apologize to her. Just don't spend twelve pictures staring at her scars.
Don't you fucking do it.
*seething seething rage*
It was love at first sight.
And by "love", I of course mean "stress-induced fear".
"You cut her off at the stairs, you cut her off at the elevator, and I'll go in for the kill."
Yea, she "got this fit". Nothing else could have possibly happened.
"A few" meaning "enough times to draw a lifelike portrait of just her scars".
"Oh, you mean like a rabbit?" "What?" "....Nothing."
"You might want to cut that shit out."
"Because I don't think Hanako's having much fun. Shizune clearly is, but that's to be expected."
Take the hint.
Wrong hint, b-wait, didn't I already make this choice?
"Sorry for turning The Life of Pi into The Strife and Cry."
Normally, I'd add "by looking deep into their faces" or some such nonsense. Unfortunately, there's a good chance he'd actually do that.
Wait a minute, this IS the exact same scene. What the hell, game?
"There's nothing to worry about. I'm sure you'll get along well with him." [Naw, girl. You'd better ice this fool right here.]
Oh, fuck.
This kind of thing's easier when you don't talk to the victim.
Just in time. She almost ended this thread in the first update.
And let's add THAT one to the list...
"I'm sure Shizune and Misha will keep y-"
"Aw, shit."
"I don't understand. I thought I dodged her this time."
[Told her to ice that fool.]
"And that's when I notice Emi."
This time, he's added finger motions to the mix.

Maybe a weak way to end the first update, but whatever. It's funny in my head, alright?

#1 Posted by SgtSphynx (1812 posts) -

Ending with Rin's route? Not what I expected, but I won't complain.

#2 Posted by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -

Ending with Rin's route? Not what I expected, but I won't complain.

You do know what her nickname is, right?

#3 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
Part the 二番目

A preview of the thread to come:

Loading Video...
"I don't think Emi really did too much damage. I'll be fine." ("I was talking about how gloomy you've been this whole time, but sure. Let's go with that.")
Like why Hanako gets all the rabbit comparisons when she was the Mad Hatter.
I don't know. Did you see the last thread?
"What's tip number two?" "Heart medication look an awful lot like Skittles."
"To the beating Lilly and Shizune are about to give you?" "Wh-"
Turns out they were BOTH devils.
How bad was Emi that Hisao is now willing to risk another heart attack?
Things got awkward when he mentioned the shed scene. They would've been more awkward if Rin hadn't stopped him from mentioning the ending.
But not as awkward as this walk home.
Now remember what I said about Lilly and Hanako literally being a choice apart?
Well, this isn't the choice. Picking that other option leads to a dead Babyface, and NOBODY wants a dead Babyface.
See, THIS is the choice that separates the two. The outside world offers the bounty of the Sugartits, whereas the library shall set us on the road to Harlem.
Which one of you set Kenji off? I need to know who to thank.
"Turns out they're Braille."
I guess this means the rabbit comparisons are here to stay. Great.
Don't you fucking...
Two updates in, and he's already asking her out. This oughta go well.
He's even looking up dating tips! Hisao's going to be tonguing robots in no time flat!
Because what better way for her to get back to reading than concentrate on talking with somebody?
Not that she'll be able to get back to it any sooner.
"Are you half pirate?" ".....Huh?" "Well, I figured with the eye-patch and everything..."
Whatever gave you THAT idea?
You'd better hope I don't use this.
"Then I remember this is Akira we're talking about. I curtail my expectations accordingly." (OK, that is WAY too many Fragile Dreams references for one update.)
I'm more surprised by your vocabulary. Did you spend those hospital months just reading thesaurus after thesaurus?
And this scene plays out exactly the same as it does with Lilly. Now you know why I've been skipping through so much of this.
Well, except for Lilly rejecting Hisao's advances. That's all Hanako.
"Now I HAVE to worry about her."
The strong stench of soba will cover the smell.
"Then I see Hanako, and am reminded that the bathroom is the NEXT door. And that I probably shouldn't be walking the school halls with my penis exposed."
Story of my life.
I can clearly see why.
"Eh, we'll come up with a title for this scene later." - Four Leaf Studios, probably.
And when she looks like that, people are inspired to keep those questions to themselves. Most people, anyway.
You're not making my alcoholism jokes any easier, Hanako.
He says this out loud, and Hanako remains silent for twelve more updates.
That's going to change very soon.
God, not two updates in, and already, we're forgetting that Hanako exists.

Wait, which shoujo was Twilight, again?

#4 Posted by smcn (949 posts) -

After four days stuck in bed, this should be just the thing to lift my spirits.

#5 Posted by smcn (949 posts) -

@video_game_king said:

Wait, which shoujo was Twilight, again?

The general consensus (by which I mean the two results on deviantART that aren't "OC" pony versions of them) have Twilight as Shizune. This is probably the only one (maybe Pinkie Pie/Misha, given their "alternate personalities") that isn't just a skin-deep relation, as it alludes to their respective positions as leaders. Compare to Rarity = classy = Lilly, Fluttershy = shy (plus Peek-a-Bangs) = Hanako, and Applejack/Rainbow Dash = athletic = Emi; all of which are outwardly obvious comparisons.

You can see Rin is somewhat of a "left-over" in those two images--it seems her association is more dependent on which of AJ/RD the artist considers to fit Emi better. It's probably because none of the Mane Six are really cloudcuckoolanders (I'd consider Pinkie to just be toeing the line there, and she fits Misha better anyways), although any of them could be considered to have some kind of creative talent, especially Rarity. I do like RD as Emi in a character sense because she's all about going fast, but then again RD and Rin are each the unequivocal bests in their respective source material...

...uh, hum. That was quite a tangent. And I'm pretty sure yours was a rhetorical question. Play me out, Harlem.

#6 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
Part the 三番目

Normally, this would be where I post the route introduction video, like I have for the previous threads, but every last version I find manages to spoil her bad ending. Every. Last One. (No doubt you've searched for her video and spoiled the bad ending in the process. You brought it on yourself.) Hell, even a Shizune video that has nothing to do with Hanako manages to spoil it. That means we'll have to wait several weeks before I can post it. Consider the symbolism in that while I post a fitting replacement.

"It's right next to the janitor's closet?" "....Maybe I don't."
Yamaku's more into blunt threats.
They're not even playing chess; they're just sending the pawns to die and laughing about it.
Fuck you, Hisao. Fuck you.
Where was this side when she was fighting Shizune? The two of them could've really bonded over knife chess.
Kind of an odd thing to say when you won the previous game.
"Did you use our special tea leaves?" "You know I did." "Special leaves? Can I have some?"
Way to kill the mood.
"But blood makes Hanako queasy, so we're going to the Shanghai instead."
No particular reason. He just wants to fuck with them.
That's just the regular greeting.
"Why did Hanako swipe my glasses?"
He means Yuuko's too nervous to card any of them.
Smart money's on Miki. Shizune looked pretty cut up.
What did he say? Does it really matter?
As she slowly (and I DO mean slowly) jumbles into place.
"....Giovanni. Those are all the gym masters from Pokemon Red and Blue. I guess that means our drinks are free tonight." "*sigh* I'd better get the sawdust."
"Tell Shizune that I'm gonna make it." "Can do, Hicchan~!"
"Hey, Lilly! You've gotta se-"
Looks like Yuuko bailed him out.
My jokes being most of them.
Or maybe Yamaku just really likes festivals. That's always a possibility.
"You just invited Lilly to watch the fireworks. It's no big deal." "Exactly. It could've been worse."
"OH GOD, THAT BURNS!..........Aw, he-"
In case the Metal Gear Solid jokes felt out of place.
"The electrical shock causes me to leap out of my bed and onto the floor. You win this round, alarm clock."
Take a fucking guess.
What a weird way to describe an ordinary festival. Then again, I've said that about everything else at this school, haven't I?
"Shizune was deaf. She couldn't laugh in the first place."
[Silly mortal. Did you think death could kill something like me?]
She's filling in for Kenji, who has spent the past few days strumming it to the man.
"The smell all but confirms it, anyway."
He's talking about Mutou, who has taken to writing "love is a lie" repeatedly on the chalkboard.
OK, so Hanako's now rubbing off on Hisao. This is going to be the most awkward screenshot thread in the history of screenshot threads.
Or maybe it won't be. Hanako's existence is just that funny.
"Good luck with Hanako, Hicchan!" "Wow, I'm honored. Shizune really said that?" "........I......"
"You cheap WHORE."

This is the replacement:

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#7 Posted by SgtSphynx (1812 posts) -

I didn't spoil the bad ending for myself, I played through it already

#8 Posted by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -

I didn't spoil the bad ending for myself, I played through it already

To be fair, not everybody reading these threads have played the game, at least not entirely.

#9 Edited by EXTomar (5031 posts) -

Which one of the girls is more adorkable than the others? Is that Shizune? But that video did remind me of something:

Loading Video...

This of course has nothing to getting to Harlem unless she has a hidden unhealthy obsession with imaginary beings.

#10 Edited by smcn (949 posts) -

@extomar: Hanako's the only one who really qualifies as Adorkable.

@sgtsphynx: So did I, but I skipped all the text because I'm a baby. Not sure whether or not I'm looking forward to this thread.

#11 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -

@smcn said:

@extomar: Hanako's the only one who really qualifies as Adorkable.

In ways stranger than you could ever imagine. Either of you.

#12 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
Part the 四番目

So it turns out that in yesterday's update, I edited out a specific plot point that makes today's update feel rather abrupt. Allow me, then, to explain: Harlem usually has Sugartits do her shopping for her (as we established way back in Sugar Milk), but library business is going to occupy her for a while. So now she has to get Babyface to go instead. All up to speed? Let's get this shit started. (As soon as you tear your eyes away from Hanako Bowl at the bottom of this post.)

He means "physically close". As in "standing next to him"; not the other thing that I'm actively banishing from my mind.
"We're going to die."
"Everybody is going to die eventually......Just thought I'd let you know that."
The blindness? The booze? The brownies?...........The booty?
No surprise that Hanako's first order of business is to book it straight to the beer corner.
"I still have no idea what Hanako's cooking."
It's just outside a high school. That's just smart business planning.
Wait, what!? His thought processes go from "this place stocks funny items" to "this town is full of disabled students"?
And then straight to Hanako. Why do I feel like this is going to end with his opinion on lava lamps?
Just look at how elated she is.
And why Mixed Spice? Did they not stock the name brand stuff, or is Hanako unable to afford it? Wait, why is she buying boy's deodorant? I am so very, very confused.
"Put that Lilly girl in her bitch place."
Drinking alone? Man, Hanako really IS rubbing off on him.
"It reminds me of Emi."
She'd have run four laps while you watched from the bleachers.
Yes, that's exactly what the nurse meant when he told you to get more exercise. You are truly a shining paragon of physical fitness.
"I'm briefly attracted until her musk wafts its way into my nostrils. Now I'm madly in love with the girl."
I think she's just panting.
"Hanako wants to give me a whiff of her mixed spice."
("Neither do you.") "What?" "Nothing."
"Hanako, you've adjusted that one fork about thirty times, now. I think it's fine." "Right......fine.....But mayb-" "HANAKO!"
Just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?
They're gonna walk to class in wet, ricey clothes, aren't they?
Where he got the bread products, I have no goddamn clue.
So I guess we know how Lilly eats her food: paradoxically.
"Lilly? Are you...crying?" "No, it's fine....I ju.....BATHROOM! I have to go to the bathroom!" "Is she going to be fine, Hanako? Should I go help her?"
"When else am I going to enjoy the sky like this?"
"Fine. We'll go make sure Lilly isn't drowning herself in the toilet. You owe me, though."
Your light saber sounds suck, Misha.
("Yea, thanks for the advice. I mean, I've only been attending this place for three years, and you've barely been here for a week, but still, real nice to see you looking out for my well being. Dick.")
Oh my god, he's strung out of his mind.
"You ditch that Hanako girl and hook up with me!"
[You can have her. I don't like sloppy seconds.]
"Dick." "Bitch." "Asshole." "Twat." "EMO." "COW." "BIGOT!" "CABBAGE FARM!" "EUNUCH!" "CUCKOLD!" "SHUT THE FUCK UP, ALREADY!!!" "...Hanako?"
Hot three way shoulder action.
[You want to tell that Hanako girl to keep it down? Shouting in class. Honestly. Do you know how distracting that is?]
Damn, I almost forgot about this choice. So, what's it going to be?

Loading Video...

I guess this means Hanako's the most adorkable. Of course.

#13 Posted by smcn (949 posts) -

I guess this means Hanako's the most adorkable. Of course.

God damn it, you were right.

#14 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
Part the 五番目

So which choice did Babyface end up making?

I'm going with this one first because the flowchart I've been citing calls this choice "Fuck the council". I MUST.
That other time being tomorrow's update.
[SHE was going to spend the budget on cakes.]
"I....don't think we have any books on cupcakes."
"Nothing is fiction........Nothing is fiction. NOTHING IS FICTION!" And then he runs through the halls, yelling that at the top of his lungs.
Yea, I don't think Hanako needed to know about....that. Yuuko's getting a good laugh out of it, though, for what it's worth.
"I don't even know how it happened! I was just trying to zip up his fly for him, and then it just popped out."
("I've never seen a guy struggle so much with the alphabet.")
You know. For kids. The kinds of kids who visit a school for disabled students so they can study Yu-Gi-Oh.
You are so screwed.
Yea, that black eye and bruised heart would've been HILARIOUS with anybody else.
Congenital heart condition, extensive burn wounds, same thing, right?
There are better places to look for relationship advice, Babyface.
Notice how he didn't say anything about the actual design of the roller coasters. That's because a "Do not ride if you have a serious heart condition" warning sign makes ANY roller coaster potentially dangerous.
I thought we were past this.
Go for it. There's no way she'd react adversely, right?
"I can't name many people who bond over confusing statements and jabs at my genitals."
"There's no way I'll raise a kid on THIS budget!"
Hanako's not in much of a position to answer. That painting is still creeping the shit out of her.
"Why is he sweating so much? Should I ask him about it?.....Probably not."
Have nothing to do with this picture of a fucking bed.
He dies. End of thread.
"But it seems Flarnax and his merry band of mathematicians have beaten me here. AGAIN."
I don't think he's talking about Lilly. I think his mind is just leaping to the most random thing imaginable again.
"Or are you trying to get into her pants?"
"She knows where to get the primo shit?" "Seems we have the same reason."
"I keep telling Hanako not to take fashion tips from horror films, but she just won't listen to me."
Canon. This is canon. Fire the canon cannon to signal how canon this is.Canon. This is canon. Fire the canon cannon to signal how canon this is.
Sounds like a challenge.
Did you have to phrase it like THAT? You can't wash out shame, no matter how much I've tried.
"Last time I use a battery-operated alarm clock."
Oh, there's no joke for this screenshot. Sometimes, you just have to give credit where credit's due.
And sometimes, you have to open the eyes of the blind so you can show them the error of their ways.
Uh, Lilly? This is Hanako's route. We did your route first, remember? Your sister kept hitting on you and I ended with a strange Resident Evil joke?
And here we see Lilly performing what we call a "booty call".
"Hanako told me that you have trouble with the maths."
That's the exact opposite of breaking the rules.
Where the hell has Kenji been this route? Hisao mentioned him earlier in class, but so far, the Tropes have yet to emerge from hiding.
("His rhymes suck, Hanako.") ("I know, right?")
"The sound, anyway. The content of her voice puts me on edge. You just don't insult a man's rap ability like that. It isn't right."

I wanted to make a reference to the Tarot thread on that card trick screenshot, but reading over it now, it's startling how applicable the damn thing is to this thread.

#15 Posted by smcn (949 posts) -

"But it seems Flarnax and his merry band of mathematicians have beaten me here. AGAIN."

For some reason I decided to google Flarnax and found this, which appears to be a fanfiction nightmare amalgamation of Skyrim, Game of Thrones, and (of course) Twilight.

The Internet, man.

#16 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
Part the 六番目

In lieu of a proper update that actually advances things, let's take a step back, today.

Let's see what happens if Hisao tells Hanako she can eat a dick.
It puts undue stress on her bladder. Somehow.
And we get hot shoulder action, too? Why is Hisao even with Harlem in the first place?
"This finger's going places."
"Man, Shizune's really into erotic fan fiction. Erotic slasher fan fiction, from the looks of it."
Bet you wish that happened more often. By that, of course, I mean "at all".
"That's it? I was expecting a little more, Hicchan. Oh, is it hiding? Hey, there, little buddy. It's alright. Misha's going to be real gentle, I pr-" "I'd like it if you didn't talk down to my penis."
So......we ready for the bad ending?
"Shizune could still be with us." "Good point."
"I don't know if it's the medication or if it just knows better, just isn't happening."
"I mean, when you ignore what Shicchan said about the electrical outlets."
That's how you know it's working.
"Could you find some other time to ask me that? Like when I'm not inside you?"
She's only asking because she slept through the fireworks at the festival.
"And that smell, Hicchan." "Worse than yours." "........I'm just going to pretend I didn't hear that."
"She didn't react well when the teacher told her, 'You can't take justice into your own hands.' Those cuts were deep.....I think he still has to go to the nurse for them..."
I think the word you want is "sympathetic".
You say with the most judgmental goddamn look you can muster.
Remember when the school filled out those career surveys back in Emi's route? Misha put down her name.
"In fact, I don't think it's even a joke. You just looked in her general direction and started laughing."
Misha in a nutshell.
That's weird. I thought Shizune wasn't a lesbian.
Sometimes, it's hard to tell where Shizune ends and Misha begins.
"Most organizations don't have this much blood just lying around." [Don't blame me for what you two do when I'm not here.]
They'd just end up leaving again upon seeing Misha eat most of it.
Goddamn it. I discover the PERFECT nickname for Misha, and it's four routes in. And the next two don't even feature her. FUUUUUUUUUCK.

And then things converge back on the breakfast scene.

Meanwhile, out by the track...

#17 Edited by smcn (949 posts) -
@video_game_king said:

In lieu of a proper update that actually advances things, let's take a step back, today.


Of course somebody already has!

EDIT: I'm really having a time with this editor bug. Wasn't it supposed to be fixed a couple days ago?

EDIT2: Can't believe you remembered that buttfucking Nyx photoshop. Did I post it again in one of these threads or something?

#18 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -

@smcn said:

EDIT2: Can't believe you remembered that buttfucking Nyx photoshop. Did I post it again in one of these threads or something?

Nope. Came across it myself when I was Photoshopping a joke for far later in the feature. (I decided to scrap said joke when I realized it was a lot of pictures for very little pay-off.)

I have disarmed your mock insult. BOOM.

#19 Edited by smcn (949 posts) -

@video_game_king: Mock insult of myself, maybe. I generally assume everything I post dissipates into the ether, never to be seen again.

#20 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
Part the 七番目

We had a breakfast event with Sugartits a couple of days ago; I guess that last update had lunch with Parents and Night Misha; how about we wrap that up with some Harlem dinner?

"Well, the first time that hasn't ended with daddy issues. But there WERE those tea parties with know what? Forget I said anything."
I think I've seen that on Pornhub.
Personally, I'd have gone with "goth".
"The bruises on her face tell me that she has indeed tripped several times on her way to this room."
I can think of a million different ways this comparison will bite Hisao in the ass.
"Somehow, Misha's is better."
"You know what Lilly's titties remind me of? Her blindness."
She then passes out cold, learning the hard way that she drank from Hanako's cup.
("Just wish you wouldn't drink from the pot.")
Interests like reading and very awkward silences.
But not for a couple more acts.
"Always?" "What did I just say!? What did I JUST say!?"
In the most awkward, stilted manner possible.
"I'm going to have such a headache tomorrow morning. Hanako, you really should consider using less 'cream'."
"I mean, I could stand to be a little more tired, but I've got a pretty good buzz going."
("You, too, huh? And here I thought I'd just enjoy a cup of tea.")
He says, never having won a game of Risk in his life.
"Where do you think you're going? I told you that an army can't stop me." "........I......I, uh....."
Lilly seemed to like it. She's kind of a jerk like that.
Yea, THAT'S going to make her feel less nervous.
"...........Hanako?........Hanak-" "Yea, we're friends, or whatever." ("I KNEW the tea was too strong for her.")
"I've been studying my chess game, Hisao. I will raid your castle and slaughter every citizen within its walls."
"I am going to salt the goddamn Earth."
When did Hanako and Shizune switch places? I'd like to be prepared for any potential squid accidents.
It's been a while.
"I asked you how your day was. Are you saying it was like a baby?.....You're alright."
"And then I remember what happened the last time Kenji and Lilly mixed. So instead, I tell him I spent all night on the toilet."
.....Was Kenji having sex with Misha?
"So you've figured out that I'm part snake. Wonderful."
It's amazing how little I have to modify this image to make it applicable to any Internet discussion ever.
Hisaossin's Creed: Brotherhood.......PHOTOSHOP AWAY!
"I hope you've learned why having sex with your cousin in the back of my uncle's hatchback is never a good idea."
Apparently, he takes pride in his horrible, horrible mistakes. Apparently.
"Social contact? Man, fuck that. There's a toilet stall with my name on it."
You'd be surprised. Lilly has some rather...."informed" opinions about the lizard people. Hanako's alcoholism probably doesn't help.
Now who's being naive?
Makes her initial decision to attend class in the first place an odd one indeed.
What better note to end this update on than "Hanako's an animal"? Pretty much any other note.

Loading Video...

#21 Edited by smcn (949 posts) -

We had a breakfast event with Sugartits a couple of days ago; I guess that last update had lunch with Parents and Night Misha; how about we wrap that up with some Harlem dinner?

Hisaossin's Creed: Brotherhood.......PHOTOSHOP AWAY!

I'm too lazy, but it's fine because rule fifty is a thing.

Close enough. (source: SaBeR2T on deviantART)

#22 Posted by SgtSphynx (1812 posts) -

There are two scenes in Hanako's route that I am especially not looking forward to. I'm sure you can pick out at least one of them.

#23 Posted by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -


Oh, you mean when Babyface takes a long whiff of Hanako's hair? Yea, that is a particularly uncomfortable moment.

#24 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
Part the 八番目
You know what you must do.

(Well, you will soon enough.)

Because most people are huge assholes with no respect for personal boundaries..........Sounds less like a joke and more like a fact, now that I read it over.
Step one in Hanako's plan to conquer the globe: leave class a little early each day. It's a convoluted plan, to say the least.
I bet you're not saying that when you see the nurse.
Times like what? I seem to have missed that part.
"How so?" "Well, how can two prim and proper girls like you have access to so many illegal substances?"
She still thinks men pee out their butts.
Hopefully, without the "parent talking down to a child" tone in this screenshot.
Why do I feel like we're going to catch sight of Lilly raping a mannequin at some point?
She thinks he means "for classes"; he actually means "Storage Wars".
"I still haven't fully recovered from their last fight."
I think the easier explanation is that they're rival gang leaders. As always.
I don't remember harlequin romance having so many secret societies.
50 Shades of Kenji. You know you want it.
Oh dear god, I can only imagine what THAT must've been like. "No, Daddy, just listen. It's funny because the moose h-" "You have already disappointed me, son."
"Horton Hears a Who, Hop on Pop, Pet the Kitty....I'm gonna pet the HELL out of that kitty."
"Hanako, enjoying herself? WHAT SORCERY IS THIS!?"
"How so? It's a non-fiction book."
........This one can be left unphotoshopped.
So something like this:
I take it.
("So you're going to make things awkward, huh? Fine. Two can play that game.")
She plays it well.
R-oh, no. There's sad music playing. This can't possibly be any good.
Go ahead. I think we're all as comfortable as we're going to be for this one.
Somehow, her drawings of the incident survived well enough. *awkward laughter*
("Interrupting my reading so you could talk down to me.") "What was that?"
And how it makes him look like a wrinkled tomato. Somehow.
"I think 'tragic house fire' has me beat, though. Just.....damn...."
Now seems like a good time to kiss her, right? I mean, if Hisao's time with Emi taught him anything.
Not because he's uncomfortable with telling her something that personal; just because he's not a fan of cliches.
He looks like a fucking psychopath.
"Have you checked your mail?" "Huh? Why?" ".........Just a feeling."
I'm kind of hoping the next Act begins with that damn letter.
"Thankfully, my time at Yamaku has introduced me to much more forgiving smells."
Probably a different burn, though.
Sorry, guys. Looks like I'm gonna have to end on the saddest note possible.

I did it! I avoided the obvious Persona joke!

#25 Edited by SgtSphynx (1812 posts) -

(Well, you will soon enough.)

She thinks he means "for classes"; he actually means "Storage Wars".

I did it! I avoided the obvious Persona joke!

And instead went with Storage Wars.

#26 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
Part the 九番目

It has come to my attention that I falsely alerted you to sex scenes in yesterday's update. Turns out past me was a real prick and wanted to see me suffer. Rest assured that won't happen again. When next you see that exact same GIF, it WILL be on.

As for the Storage Wars problems, let it be known that I have no control over what TV shows these characters watch. If I did, I'd make sure Hanako kicked her Drinky Crow binge.

She's not even playing chess. She's just that out of it.
"It's getting a little exhausting, constantly reminding her that you can't just use your knight to knock over the King on the first turn."
"How's my Aussie accent, Deb?"
"Shrimp on the barbie!"
"I think your Jersey accent could use a little more work." "Aw, piss."
"Rin finding out about me and Hanako? That, I can understand. Sort of. But Rin telling Emi? And the entire track team? That's crossing a line!"
("Oh, shit. Did he hear us?") ("There's no time. Let's book it to the Shanghai. He won't find us there.")
Or maybe he will. At least Hanako's taking it well.
("What the fuck is this girl trying to ask me?")
"Have you ever tried saying no to Shizune?" "..........." "Then you understand how hard it is."
That explains what happened in the Lilly thread: she just thought Shizune was there.
"That sumbitch looked at me cross ways! I'm not letting her leave the parking lot in one piece!"
Clearly, this isn't the first parking lot fight she's had to deal with.
"Yea, it was a little....worrying when Hanako punched that wall out of nowhere."
This annoys Lilly to no end.
"I....uh....bathroom! I have to bathroom! (Dontletherseeyoucrydontletherseeyoucry....)"
Oh, nevermind. It's just Hanako's birthday. For a second, there, I thought we were in for something sad and depressing.
Don't open that Pandora's box, Babyface. No good can come of it.
Fuck the Photoshop. I now expect an entire MMD music video dedicated to Hanako. IT BETTER BE CUTE.
"How many times has Lilly heard Hanako sing 'Jersey Girls' in a Jersey accent? That look on her face says 'too many.'"
Her ringtone? An actual phone ringing. That's not even the default ringtone. This girl has a dedication to being uncreative.
You might want to specify that you're talking about Lilly and not Hanako.
Hisao's exit strategy: fake narcolepsy.
The cloying darkness.
"Let's just say I know my way around a fire hydrant."
"I keep telling you that Yamaku isn't equipped to handle radiation poisoning."
"Hey, there, Hanako. Guess who's walking you home tonight?" "Aw, piss."
("I thought that was the idea.")
You've fallen asleep in front of her and helped her buy weed. Girl must be madly in love with you.
"Well, if SHE's not going to it eat..."
"What do you mean?" "Well, you just fell asleep in front of me for no discernible reason, and it's not like we ordered the same drinks."
The moral of this......screenshot? Do NOT underestimate Harlem.
Look at that! He's learning!
But Hanako's still far ahead of him. This is despite her always leaving class early.
........This better be the last time I see this screenshot.
("Did......did he just say there's something wrong with me?")
"I can smell her breath from right here."
And so we begin the next day with tongue the track, for some reason.
And so we finally meet Shalashaska.

Loading Video...

Apparently, this is what I got when I searched out MMD Katawa Shoujo videos.

Loading Video...

There are people making Final Fantasy Tactics music videos, but nothing with Shizune dancing her little heart out. This is despite such models existing somewhere. What's the world coming to?

#27 Posted by smcn (949 posts) -

Fuck the Photoshop. I now expect an entire MMD music video dedicated to Hanako.

On it.


Oh, uh... deletes HanakoBacterialContamination.pmm

#28 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
Part the 十番目

Is this the first update where Hanako doesn't show up even once? I think it might be. Well, Shalashaska will have to do.

First picture, and I'm already being undermined. Isn't life grand?
"Man, it's a real bloodbath down there. I think I saw somebody's ear fly into a nearby tree branch."
Her very clearly different art style says that ain't happening.
"......My name's Miki nice to meet you."
Not that Emi is one of them.
"Wouldn't think she's capable of breaking a guy's arm, would you?"
"Miki? You said that to ME." "Yea, I know."
Keep in mind that this happens in Hanako's route.
"Are you saying we should hang out more?"
"She's like my old computer: just shuts down whenever I so much as think about doing something with her." "I'm not so sure Hanako's social anxiety is something you should be joking about." "Look, I said I couldn't put it in a nice way. What more do you want from me?"
"I'd just prefer to go to class one day and not feel like I'm going to die."
How do you think she lost her hand? (Hell if I know. There's no Miki route to speak of, and she's not too keen on filling Hisao in.)
OK, so Miki's clearly a historical revisionist.
"She had to squint to see it. I don't think denying it will do me much good."
"I don't need another handless tomboy telling the school about my medical problems. Hope you don't take it the wrong way."
Wait, is Hanako cute or is Hisao's penis? I am so very confused.
This is so very, very worrying.
VERY VERY worrying. Have you learned NOTHING from Emi's route?
Certainly explains why she joined track.
I am compelled to agree.
("I think I liked him better when he was staring at my hand.")
"Nonsense! Who says you CAN'T cook frozen pizza in a waffle iron?"
Why can't we be with Miki again?
Maybe her awkward similes have something to do with it.
"Like me?" "Exactly, like y-aw, hell."
Now if only we could get on a FUCKING MIKI ROUTE ALREADY.
"My body is no more, but I have become like a god."
"Dancing upon the wind, I can see all within the mortal realm. I think I've spotted the perfect gift for Hanako."
What sandals? I see no sandals. All I see are LIES.
Getting better acquainted.
"I thought she and I were......were...."
Nevermind. Hanako doesn't have a boyfriend; just psychological issues.
How many times has Hisao been awkward in this one update? I feel like it's the right amount.
I thought I told you that you're not missing out on much.
OK, now you're just fucking with her.
That city? Harlem.
"Finally! I can end it all! Come, Death! Wrap me in your sweet embrace!"
The hot dog stands, the homeless people, the pungent smell of urine...
And that's where our update ends: with Hisao festering in sadness, fighting in vain to hold back the tears. Good night, everybody!

Meanwhile, on DeviantArt...

#29 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
Part the 十一番目

Takin' it to Harlem, Part the 十一番目: Just like Parts the 十二番目 and 十三番目 in Sugar Milk, but with a surprise twist ending.

Hanako at karaoke? Hanakaraoke? Oh, I fucking wish I could have been there for THAT.
Actually, I think she does it for the open bar.
I guess buying her a mirror is out of the question, then.
I know this is referring to the housefire, but I like to imagine this is referring to every birthday she's ever had, too. Like every year, her caretakes would actually steal her things on her birthday, just to teach her a lesson. And then forget to tell her the lesson.
When Hanako says, "Imma fuck you up", she MEANS it.
"Hisao, I don't think these will make good birthday presents."
You're lucky she's blind and can't know that you chose that food based off her color.
"How could I forget? Hanako likes meringues, not pies." ".....I guess that makes sense, too."
"See, Hisao? Still blind."
"...............Hisao? Are you still there?..........I can hear you breathing. Is something wrong?...........Hisao?"
".............Hisao?...........You know, if there's something wrong, you can always tell me."
Yea, THAT'LL make things more comfortable for him.
"With the job market the way it is, it's hard to plan for much of anything. Plus I keep getting sent back in time. That can't possibly help."
Oh, right. Remember Hanako? God, even in her own route, people keep forgetting about her.
"There's an old man feeding bread to some pigeons, some guy in a stupid promotional outfit, a strange road block, a pillar of smoke and flame in th....maybe we should enter one of these shops soon."
You know, when she wasn't running out of the room, bursting into tears.
"...........That's exactly what you got her, isn't it?" "Will a couple of 5000 yen notes do the job?" "*sigh* At least tell me there's a birthday card in there somewhere."
"Unfortunately, it worked."
It will stare in unending judgment, though. Cold, unfeeling, unspeaking judgment.
At Emi's house, for some unknown reason.
"What are you talking about? I don't remember being here before." "Oh, that's right. I'm with Hanako, now."
The same drink that Shizune got Misha way back. Think about what that means for this particular friendship.
That ass up, girlfriend. (God, I've always wanted to say that.)
"She's just so well-mannered and understanding and sociable and attractive. And then there's Hanako."
REALLY taking after Hanako, aren't you?
In the Hanako route? Get out of here!
Not that he figured that out himself. He barely got past that E before Lilly mercifully cut him off.
Just to reiterate: Iwanako never gets a portrait, but Miki and Beardsly over here have a wide range of them.
"I settle on the one whose eyes don't follow me across the room."
By that, I mean he picks the one that looks like Lilly. (Alternate joke: The message he intends to send Hanako? "Lilly is always watching you sleep.")
Not that either of them know what her room looks like.
Perfect for Hanako!
"Pilfered it off a soldier myself during the War."
$200? For a fucking doll? There'd better be cocaine jammed up its rectum at those prices.
I'm sure she'd love it.
Any reason Lilly's going medieval on us so suddenly?.......She found the coke, didn't she?
Look at that: somebody remembered that she exists.
"Must. Kill. Mutou."
I only understood about half those words, and from the looks of it, Hanako did, too.
Oh, shit. I just remembered what scene this is. It's.....not going to be pretty.

And on that note, I'm going to go take care of this cold sweat I've suddenly broken out into.

#30 Posted by SgtSphynx (1812 posts) -
Now if only we could get on a FUCKING MIKI ROUTE ALREADY.

If only.

Oh, shit. I just remembered what scene this is. It's.....not going to be pretty.

Yep, scene one of two that I am not looking forward to.

#31 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
Part the 十二番目

The update of a billion awkward pauses.

I don't think Misha's handwriting is going to be of any help for what comes up. Just a feeling.
Never mind, it's just Hanako. And shoulder touches, too. But mostly Hanako.
"That's because Hanako doesn't brandish a knife while we're playing chess......anymore."
"Why is he working with those girls? I mean, one or two of them, I can understand, but all three at once? How does a man survive such an assault on the nose?"
Don't you fucking do it, Misha.
I was with you until the "calm down" part. Still dealing with those emotions.
That's going to change pretty fucking fast.
"Not even close." "Is this really the place to talk about that? I mean, she's sitting right there." "Oh, yea. I almost forgot."
She's referring to the music. It.....isn't good.
Was Misha going to punch the answer out of Hanako? I'd expect that kind of thing out of Shizune, but MISHA?
[STOP BEING SO GODDAMN DEPRESSED ALREADY.] ".......Shicchan wishes you feel better soon, Hanako."
It makes all of us feel worse.
("Now, of all times? Can't he just leave me alone?")
And look at how many friends she has.
.............................Uh.......W......what's Rin doing at a time like this?
Well, this is a complete trainwreck.
Man, Misha's kind of sucked throughout this update, hasn't she?
Not that she's alone in her suck.
("Not him, too.")
Neither Photobombs nor shoulder touches can make this scene any less tense.
Like, literally shaking. It's........painful.
"Oh~ oh~ oh~! What should I do~?"
What did I say? What did I JUST say?!
I know you're trying, Shizune, but it just isn't working.
"The 'judgmental glare' thing, not the 'comforting somebody when they're not feeling well' thing. I'm pretty sure I've got her beat on that other one."
So we've changed from Caged Heart to Painful History. That's.....better?
Lucky bastard.
You MIGHT want to remember this.
"Plus I don't think you give somebody a lollipop after they've witnessed a severe emotional breakdown." "Still new to the school, I see."
I do. I think we've seen enough of Hanako for one update. In fact, why don't we end things here?

And so ends the most uncomfortable goddamn update imaginable. For now.

#32 Posted by SgtSphynx (1812 posts) -

That fucking scene, man.

#33 Posted by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -

That fucking scene, man.

Fucking scenes come later. Hanako doesn't put out that easily, unlike other flower girls.

#34 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
Part the 十三番目

A summary of yesterday's update for those of you who (understandably) missed out:

That's because they've spent all their time GLARING AT MISHA.
Is Mutou trying to sell drugs to Babyface? After what happened yesterday? I can't tell if that's the best or worst idea in the world.
"To keep monsters like almost all my classmates from planning the downfall of human civilization?"
I'd ask Mutou if he remembers what I said about using your own supply, but really, we know the answer.
You mean you had the option to make this school look like Aperture High, and you chose against it!? The hell's wrong with you!?
Keep in mind that he's been working here a while. And that this is part of his "Yamaku puts real effort into your education" speech.
"I was for a while, but after being sucked into a time vortex, I'm not really feeling it." ".....Yes."
You've made a lot of progress in those five months. You have advanced from Fish Face to Babyface. Be proud of that.
"After a while, you just stop caring. At all."
All the other students have to keep their heads up. And on everybody else's exams. It's a strange system, to say the least.
Shizune/Hanako?...............................I'd ship it.
A giant splash of text? Oh, shit. This can't end well.
What would a good opportunity even look like? "This tea is delicious, Hanako. Oh, that reminds me: what was your family like before they all died horribly in a housefire?"
I'm more startled by the fact that he's using Lilly's ringtone. Is Japan not particularly creative with their cell phones?
Even through the phone, you can see her eyes darting every which way.
That bad news is about her going away to Scotland. Man, the pacing between these routes sure is weird. Hanako barely makes it out of July, but Lilly gets through to August and Shizune pushes it to September. Maybe Rin will get a Christmas event? Who the hell knows?
"Would you mind explaining to me why you looted Hanako's belongings after what happened today?"
"Wait a second, why was everybody kung fu fighting?" "I told you, I'm having trouble remembering it."
It's because she knows Shizune can't.
You know, that seems like a PRETTY BIG DETAIL to keep from somebody. Just saying.
Lilly, this is no time for jokes about her overhearing sex.
"We both know this is a difficult situa.....actually, I think she farted."
Something that only happens in three of these routes, now that I think about it. In fact, I'm starting to think she's never had an aunt. Lilly just made her up to haul ass away from Babyface.
"Plus I'm not sure that's the best way to move on from what's happened today." "*dejected Lilly kicks the karaoke set back under her bed*"
"Hold the stomach pump."
"You didn't ask the doctors to take it in?" "...........No........I didn't........."
Dying? Death? Things are finally looking up.
OK, so maybe I was off-base on the Solid Snake comparison. Raiden seems a bit closer.
Smells it, too.
"Uh, Lilly? She's crying." "Oh.....OH.....sorry about...."
What's weirder: the psychopathic look with which he greets her, or awkwardly hiding it as soon as she opens her eyes?
"I decide to hold it in, for her sake. It may be hard, but I' see.....*THUD*"
Hisao's reaction to Lilly:
I can only imagine what she's feeling.
"Do you even HEAR the music? Does it SOUND like 'going away' music?" "..........What music?"
("Why did he say it like that at the end?......Oh, god, is he hitting on me?")
That blood slowly dripping out of Hanako's hands says otherwise.
"......................I'd love it."
She's white.

#35 Posted by SgtSphynx (1812 posts) -
#36 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
Part the 十四番目

In today's update, we finally find out what Hanako smells like.

Now why does THIS feel familiar?
What I'm saying is I hope Babyface fucks Sugartits in the sports shed.
"So Hanako's recovering from a severe panic attack, and you're worried about my acne?"
We've established that Hanako's alive. No need for this gritty crime drama filter....yet.
Not that this stops him from doing so. Ever.
It's only now that he notices he's lost 10% of all the blood in his body.
"No you fucking don't."
OK, how did Misha find out that I've been "talking" with Hisao?
Not that I'm a good listener.
"Well, that explains the limp." "Actually, that was Shicchan."
He could do it himself, but he's still pissed at her for being so hard on Hanako.
Which is enough to make Shizune angrier, which is enough to make Hisao chuckle more, which is...
"Yea, that sounds nice...........Why do I feel like I'm forgetting something?"
"Oh, yea, that. Where am I going to find two cute girls?"
Misha then books it to the roof to cry off that cold rejection.
"I'll leave you to your mistakes." "And I'll leave you to yours."
Fucking asshole never keeps that promise.
Hey, YOU want to make a severe emotional breakdown funny? Be my fucking guest.
I don't think smiles are much better.
Oh, you KNOW I'm going to find out what expression that is.
Should I keep a count on how many times Hisao has buried his nose into a girl's shampooed hair?
("My hair is not a hanky.")
"So.......I didn't know Harlem smelled like bananas." "..........What?"
Oh, like I'M supposed to have a clue?
Aroused by the scent of cheap shampoo?.........A man can hope, can't he?
"I slowly realize that I only have so many fingers to spare."
Now why does THIS feel familiar?...............Don't expect a follow-up picture. I don't want to spoil anything.
Maybe you shouldn't have cut your English class to set it up.
I'm not sure you guys understand this....but Hanako's cute. In all timelines, too.
"Give me a second! Just have to put my legs on!"
She's been spending too much time with Kenji. 'Nuff said.
Normally, she'd just drink straight from the whiskey bottle, but with Hisao here...
Can't you let a girl enjoy her birthday party?
"It also explains the bleach and the mop just off in the corner."
Nice of the game to censor Hanako's raging alcoholism from us.
"I don't want to chase a naked Hanako through the school grounds, again."
Good thing, too. Hanako's only leaving you two a little.
I can only imagine what THAT must've been like. "Son, when I saw you crying over that exceedingly dull joke you told me, I realized that you're a man, and it's time I taught you to drink like one."
Let's make this a birthday to remember.............You know what I mean.

It's "Worried". Her expression is "Worried".

#37 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
Part the 十五番目
Loading Video...
"Is he going to have another heart attack? Man, what a buzzkill."
Raiden, what are YOU doing here? You're a few updates behind. And when did you get OctoCamo?
In Lilly's thread, he pestered her about her blindness; in Emi's thread, he sucked up her sweat; but now, in Hanako's thread, Hisao spends way too much time looking at people. What strange progress we've made.
Hanako's height+Hanako's breasts=androgyny. Happy birthday, Harlem!
"That was quick. Are you sure she's drunk, Hisao?" "Give it time. I'm getting there."
What he's leaving out is that Akira brought two extra bottles, knowing what would happen.
"The less vomit I have to mop up, the better."
Quite the family resemblance.
You heard it, folks. He said it; not me.
"Well, you do when I can make out what you're saying." "Shaddup. I'm.....I'm fine. Lookat dis shit!"
"Hanako bashes her head against Lilly's mattress and plummets to the floor, spilling wine across every fabric in the room. She really proved her point."
"Oh, that reminds me: I got you a cake, Hanako. I hope you like it."
Apparently, this warrants happy music. Apparently.
Harlem Ikezawa: Master of the Backhanded Compliment. (And the backhand, but that's another story.)
Remember that chess set Hisao bought her? Turns out it doubles as a mouse trap for intellectual mice.
"Somebody remind me why this warrants happy music."
I spent the next twelve minutes imagining Hanako speaking like a blaxploitation film. She called Hisao a "jive turkey".
This was my reaction. It was THAT amazing.
Yea, that sums up her character pretty well.
She'd put a bottle to his neck if any of them were empty.
"I'll say, Sugartits."
Hanako's just now remembering that damn cake.
"Apparently, Hisao loves my tits." ".......Well, I think they're gorgeous." "........OK......."
She means a penis.
I'm not sure how well that's going to work when she doesn't remember a thing about tonight.
NOW who's in denial?
"...I usually don't d...drink thi....*thud*...."
"I don't feel a pulse. Akira, call 911. Hisao, start doing chest compressions."
We're all smiling.
"No errant penises, no knives in my shoulder, just good friends and good booze."
This isn't the first time Hanako's puked her guts out for more booze.
I think this the only time I've ever wanted Akira hitting on Lilly.
"Hey, Lilly. Lilly. Lilly. Lilly. Lilly......When did you get so tiny?"
Hanako takes some real pride in her daily exercise regimen. Not because she cares about her health; just because she wants to get drunker faster.
"Fuggin' ice queen. Whazza matter with ya? Can't you let a gi-*PUKE*"

Guess what I got Hanako for her birthday? That's right: a stupid video....that I can't seem to embed. Wonderful.

#38 Posted by SgtSphynx (1812 posts) -

I think this the only time I've ever wanted Akira hitting on Lilly.

Still not sure what the expression on Akira's face is supposed to be.

#39 Posted by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
#40 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
Part the 十六番目

I'm just now getting confirmation on this: Hanako is still totally goddamn plastered.

God, that girl can fucking BELCH. (Which, apparently, gets Akira in the mood. Have fun sleeping tonight!)
I've decided against it. I think the results speak for themselves.
"Datta girl. Your sister....she's been hitting on me, girl. Did I tellya that, girl?"
I have absolutely no clue what Lilly's reasoning is.
"I'm just helping you to your room, Hanako. I don't know what you want us to do with this doll, but I'm not doing it."
"I keep telling you, I'm not going to have sex with you." "Come oooooon. It.....ll be fine. Dontchu wanna comfort m-" "NO, HANAKO!"
What is she talking ab-
Oh. I get it. I just don't know if Hanako's going to be safe, too.
She'd open it herself, but she's not good with locks when she's drunk.
As you can very clearly see.
"D-*hurls huge chunks everywhere*" "......Is that a yes?"
So it's like that hug with Lilly, but with a brief chance at sex?.....Sure. Why not.
"Reminds me of Misha."
"...REALLY wrong."
Oh, dear god. She forgot where she is.
"Well, at least she smells better."
"Wh....what's Lilly? Ish she one of thozhe he-shemalej?" "You know, she might be."
It's almost like she's under the influence of something.
Drunk shoulder touches. I like it.
"Are you shpeaking in Britishsh now? much didJUU drink, Hishaho?"
She is a smart drunk.
"Like convince Akira to get something non-alcoholic."
"So....wanna get it on?"
I guess it's time to break out the Misha heads.
"Thanks for that, AKIRA."
"You DID make sure she was on her back, right?" ".......Could you give me a second?"
"A second's all I need." (And all the time this is up for.)
"I rejected Akira's advances, didn't I?" "Fair point."
Damn it, Babyface, you're in Harlem, now. It isn't happening.
Oh. That. Well, that's.....I'm kind of wishing you DID ask Lilly out.
Several minutes after the actual party ended, for some reason.
("Why does that not surprise me?")
He's got a point. I imagine it would be much harder to get with Hanako if he still had to deal with Iwanako. The names alone would be a nightmare.
Pretty much what I've been doing for the past couple of screenshots.
Man, even in her own thread, Hanako's only a minor character.
Don't do it, Hisao. You've been down that road before, and it only leads to heart attacks.
"Well, throwing up on either of us, anyway. I feel like Akira's better equipped to handle vomit stench than either Lilly or I are."
The X makes it sound cool.


#41 Posted by Asky314159 (76 posts) -

Everyone in this thread is totally plastered too.

#42 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
Part the 十七番目

I love how the moment you guys saw Hanako's raging alcoholism, you decided to check out. Fortunately, we won't be seeing drunken Hanako today. Hangover Harlem, yes, but no drunkenness.

"How do you even tell time with something like this? I guess it works like a sundial, but I sti-" "Hisao, I think you're looking at my tea set."
This isn't relevant to anything; he just thought this would be an interesting factoid to share.
Who are they, exactly?........WHO ARE THEY!?
"No wonder Hanako cuts class so much."
We already know why you had sex with Misha. It's not that hard to figure out.
Haru-he, you judgmental prick.
Because if there's one character in this game who's known for blurting out information at inopportune times, it's Hanako Ikezawa.
"That's it? An Alka-Seltzer and a fifth of vodka?"
Would it surprise anyone?
"Wait, it was vertical. That.....changes things."
That's certainly better than her Australian.
I'd still ship it.
[Ah didne see ye in class yesterday. Whaur ye bin, lassie? There's sae much I've wanted tae teel ye.]
Because this is Shizune we're talking about?
['main 'en, lassie, shaur th' deets wi' me. I've jist got tae ken.]
"Well, Hanako, it was fun while it lasted. Want to share one last drink together? I know you've got some."
"CAN DO, HICCHAN~!" "*groan*"
[Givin' me th' braw shoolder, 'en? Braw. That's th' lest time Ah acknowledge yer existence.]
"It's like you weren't even here, Hicchan~!" "*louder groan*"
Well, he WAS in contact with Misha yesterday, so he's technically not lying.
[Snitches get stitches. Snitches get stitches.]
Or maybe she's taken a liking to psychological torture. A girl's gotta broaden her horizons.
Anything to take your mind off the sound of Misha.
("He's reading my dialogue, isn't he?")
"It's Hanako Ikezawa. Could you not slur the two together?"
He has to be referring to that bench, because otherwise, this makes no goddamn sense.
Plus he'd look pretty dorky in all the specially drawn scenes.
So does that mean Iwanako and Misha are related?......I've.....That's quite the disturbing thought.
This is his way of saying he's going to fuck with her.
"I think I might have found the right words in one of your thesauruses, but you were always oddly protective of them. I'm still working off those bruises."
Nobody tell her he spent the last couple of days piss drunk.
I love how the game said her handwriting is pink, but the letter appears in dull blue text.
Despite pink text very clearly being an option. Continuity, folks!
Well, enough of that shit. Back to the story.
So Hanako, Yuuko, and Misha all sound very similar, with Misha herself sounding similar to Akira. You know what that means:
Man, Yuuko hits HARD.
"I mean, we all make mistakes every now and then. Like dating me."
"We had to have sex in two different rooms. And then he'd yell at me for cheating on him. It was....confusing, to say the least."
Not because he's an asshole; he just never learned how to write.
"Otherwise, I'd be in those pants faster than you can say 'anti-depressant'."
"Probably....probably shouldn't have said that last part.......You still wanna try?"

So why was Shizune speaking in a Scottish brogue?......I don't remember.

#43 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
Part the 十八番目

Happy twentieth, Hanako! I got you a Metal Gear Solid blog. And the contents of this update.

A candy that tastes like smog and regret.
"♪Do do do do doooooo yoooooooouuuuu in the buuuuuutt♪."
That outfit being one of them. (Please tell me Akira doesn't use that line.)
"I mean, honestly. THAT shirt with THOSE shoes? What was she thinking?"
"Have you tried asking Akira?" "♪All uuuuuuuuup in that buuuuuuuutt....♪" "Yea, that WAS a stupid thing to ask."
Nothing suspicious about THAT, right?
Again, we see the Satou family resemblance. Hanako's tuning it out, at this point.
"Where Hanako fits into this, I don't know."
Chug it down.
"Where's that smooth jazz coming from?"
"Seeing my former girlfriend violently convulse before my eyes is simply amusing. Hanako, you gotta see this!"
Given what he's been through, it's only logical not to expect something logical.
Yea, THAT'S what people are looking at. Not the city girl with the burn wounds, or the Scottish princess with a finger up her ass, or the androgynous fucker who owns that finger, but the perfectly generic high schooler.
"She's talking about alcohol, right?" "I honestly can't tell anymore."
Hanako very clearly keeping an eye on them.
It's a total sausage fest for men beyond their prime.
Hanako proceeds to slap a credit card down and wrap her lips around the tap.
"I'll take the drink that isn't a pun."
One glass in, and Akira's already shitfaced. Friggin' lightweight.
"Yo, Shorties. Mind leaving a lady to her business?"
For Lilly.
Yea, that sure is.....something.
"Hisao, it's fine. We can play the game like it is." "Of course......I really should double ch-" "HISAO!"
There is no escape.
("Mabye some light conversation will lighten the m-")
A real ladies' man.
"I have no idea what he's trying to communicate."
I'm more curious about her genitalia........There was no right way for that to come out, was there?
The Jack Skellington technique. I'm all too familiar with it.
She's gonna fuck that ball up.
You're damn right it does.
I take it she did not fuck the ball up.
I'm trying to come up with a joke here, but every time I do, I imagine a six year old Hanako doing all the things current day Hanako does. It's so goddamn adorable. Such cuteness overwhelms me.
"...they wouldn't buy food that week." "For you? Or for anybody at all?"
That frown can't possibly mean anything good.
For Hisao, of course. For us, it's quite good.
But not for Lilly. Life is ambiguous like that.
You mean there was an orphanage Shizune and an orphanage Miki and an orphanage Haru-he? I demand yet another spin-off.
"I realized that I had a special power nobody else possessed. Even now, I don't entirely understand it." "........What was that? I kinda spaced out there."

So what did you guys get her?

#44 Edited by smcn (949 posts) -

#45 Edited by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
Part the 十九番目

You know how Yamaku is super accommodating to all their students' medical needs? Unfortunately, that's not the reality in Japan.

I thought that was just the positive note this update needed to start on.

So she's very clearly uncomfortable with the situation. What a way to start an update!
Not that you've told her much about your past other than "some girl gave me a heart attack".
"So how old were you when you first came to Yamaku?" "Twenty four."
("Yea, I'm WAY more comfortable now.")
("Wait a minute, that wasn't the point I wanted to make. Just what the hell did he think that conversation was about?")
Doesn't feel so good the other way around, does it?
Take the hint. And the typo, while you're at it.
For example:
"Like, literally drag them away. I had no idea you could get so drunk on orange juice."
As always, hooray for heartwarming moments.
"I mean, I still.......I......lo...." "Hisao? Are you OK?"
"You know what Hanako enjoying herself reminds me of? Hanako's painful childhood experiences."
The grey text is telling me I had a joke for this, but that damn typo is making me forget. THIS IS WHY SPELLING IS IMPORTANT, PEOPLE.
Take a fucking guess why.
Who told Hanako about the Shoulder Touch Drinking Game?
"Because I wouldn't. You could die in a bus crash, you know." ".........I'll keep that in mind."
"H...Hisao? I'm over here." "Don't remind me."
In this thread? He probably does.
You do realize how time works, right? Time zones don't erase time itself.
Oh, right. Remember Hanako?
Apparently not.
"Oh, you mean Kenji?" "........Why not."
That's the third effing shoulder touch this update. This had better pay off.
"Why did I touch Hanako's shoulder? That's only going to make things more difficult with the gate."
"I was thinki-" "It's too early to go back to the club." "........How about YOU decide?"
I think this is the first choice in the game without any accompanying dialogue on the bottom. How will Babyface handle it?
With the infinitely more interesting option, of course!
The only remotely dark thing in this screenshot is standing right in front of you.
I'd ask why you didn't think to take her to the Shanghai, but I think we all know why. (Errant rhymes.)
"Hey, Hanako! Think fast! *shoves her into traffic*"
What this screenshot doesn't convey is Hanako's icy, hate-filled glare.
Not that Hanako's any different. *cough* Habitual drinker *cough hack*
Well, enough of that plot point. Time to reunite with minor characters.
Don't you fucking test me.
("It looks like a cherry resting on a veiny coin purse.")
"Wait, we're talking about the shop, right?" "........" ".....Let's just go in, already."
A day in the life of Hisao Nakai.
When you're as old as Shopkeep, the only real fun left is in killing young love.
Guess who's not surviving this update?

#46 Posted by smcn (949 posts) -

Seriously, what's with that Shopkeeper portrait? It's even more distracting and out of place than a disembodied voice would be.

#47 Posted by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -


You mean it would've been less distracting for you if Babyface heard this when he was out shopping with Lilly?

#48 Posted by SgtSphynx (1812 posts) -

With the infinitely more interesting option, of course!

Thank God, though you'll undoubtedly figure out some way to bring about the worst ending.

#49 Posted by smcn (949 posts) -

@video_game_king said:
With the infinitely more interesting option, of course!

Thank God, though you'll undoubtedly figure out some way to bring about the worst ending.

He's got a flowchart, man. You better believe it.

#50 Posted by SgtSphynx (1812 posts) -

@smcn: I used the flowchart as well. I don't remember being able to get the worst ending after picking that option, but that doesn't mean much all things considered.

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