I am a Koopa. Ask me anything.

  • 75 results
  • 1
  • 2
#1 Posted by Koopa (26 posts) -

Hello there. My name is Brian and I am a Koopa of the Mushroom Kingdom. I am currently employed by King Bowser, working in the Minion department. I started out as an intern, but they liked me so let me stay on after summer. Ask me anything.

#2 Posted by brukaoru (5079 posts) -

First question: Did you steal this idea from Batman, if so, how do you know Batman?

#3 Posted by LuckyWanderDude (929 posts) -

Why must you pull my leg?

#4 Posted by Koopa (26 posts) -
brukaoru said:
"First question: Did you steal this idea from Batman, if so, how do you know Batman?"
Yes I did. We met at Tesco and have been in close contact since.

LuckyWanderDude said:
"Why must you pull my leg?"
Because I can't reach your arms. We Koopas are quite small.
#5 Edited by brukaoru (5079 posts) -

Thanks for answering my question Brian! Now I have to ask, have you ever been stomped on by Mario? Does it hurt really bad? Do you have some sort of medication you take for back pain?

#6 Posted by Vaxadrin (2297 posts) -

Why is it that when a large crushing force is applied to you, the flesh part of your body disappears, leaving a perfectly intact shell which has no obligation to the laws of friction?

#7 Posted by Koopa (26 posts) -
brukaoru said:
"Thanks for answering my question Brian! Now I have to ask, have you ever been stomped on by Mario? Does it hurt really bad? Do you have some sort of medication you take for back pain?"
Good question. I haven't been stomped on by Mario, but I have been hit by that green guy, whatever his name is. I have to say, it isn't the most pleasant experience in the world. As you may see from playing the training games we put out, a stomp to the shell hits a nerve in our back which makes us crawl up. Its an automatic reaction, we really can't help it. It then basically paralyses you for about 20 seconds, a scary time I must say.
Luckily working for King Bowser does come with compensation when anything like this happens. Theres a very professional medical department at the office, and we can also get counceling.
#8 Posted by Giantkitty (808 posts) -

Is it true Boswer dresses up his henchmen like the princess before showing them his growth mushroom?

#9 Posted by Koopa (26 posts) -
Vaxadrin said:
"Why is it that when a large crushing force is applied to you, the flesh part of your body disappears, leaving a perfectly intact shell which has no obligation to the laws of friction?"
I've answered the first half of your question above. As for the friction part, we actually keep the bottom of our shells very greasy. Its mainly for reproduction, I won't go into detail.
#10 Posted by microwavedapple (160 posts) -

So, uh, do you "go" in your shell, or do you have specifically designed Koopa toilets?

#11 Posted by Bowser (2 posts) -
Giantkitty said:
"Is it true Boswer dresses up his henchmen like the princess before showing them his growth mushroom?"

Yes, that's true.
#12 Posted by Koopa (26 posts) -
Giantkitty said:
"Is it true Boswer dresses up his henchmen like the princess before showing them his growth mushroom?"
Thats reallly something that happens to Goombas more than Koopas. Bowser is into interracial stuff.
#13 Posted by Koopa (26 posts) -
Bowser said:
"Giantkitty said:
"Is it true Boswer dresses up his henchmen like the princess before showing them his growth mushroom?"

Yes, that's true."
Oh hey boss.
#14 Posted by HazBazz (1901 posts) -

What is it about koopas with red shells that makes them not fall off ledges?

#15 Posted by Bennyishere (1685 posts) -

Will you marry me?

#16 Posted by Suicrat (3764 posts) -

Brian, if that is your real name, how come your name isn't a take on Koopaness? Like Koops (Thousand Year Door) or Kooper, or something like that?

#17 Posted by samcotts (2258 posts) -

When did you learn to drive?

#18 Posted by BoG (5191 posts) -

Brian,  have you ever met Roy Koopa? He seemed like a pretty awesome guy. Also, how do you commute in the mushroom kingdom?

#19 Edited by Koopa (26 posts) -
microwavedapple said:
"So, uh, do you "go" in your shell, or do you have specifically designed Koopa toilets?"
Have you ever seen those Koopas just hanging around on top of the green pipes? What do you think they're doing there? They're there for a reason, my friend, they have to "go" somewhere.

We do however keep sick bags in our shells. When we get kicked we spin around like a motherbitch, and even the strongest of stomachs can fail on you.

HazBazz said:
"What is it about koopas with red shells that makes them not fall off ledges?"

When you sign up for the job you have to take a drug test. Those who pass are given a red shell, if you fail you're green. Now those with green shells are basically always stoned, and don't really pay attention to where they're going. King Bowser is quite open to drug use in the company, but he makes the risks very clear. Its a dangerous job, you need a clear head to do it right.
#20 Posted by Koopa (26 posts) -
Bennyishere said:
"Will you marry me?"
If you look anything like your avatar, I'll be honest and say I'll consider it. Though if samcotts really is the guy in his avatar, I'd rather marry him. We get Starman Broadband Interenet in the Mushroom Kingdom, and I was a big fan of On The Spot. Rich Gallup is a natural presenter.

Suicrat said:
"Brian, if that is your real name, how come your name isn't a take on Koopaness? Like Koops (Thousand Year Door) or Kooper, or something like that?"
Those are stage names, for the celebrities that appear in the games. Kooper used to be a good friend of mine, before he backstabbed us all and joined Mario. His real name is Chris.

samcotts said:
"When did you learn to drive?"
The legal driving age in the Mushroom Kingdom is 18, bit I learned about a year before that. My uncle ownes Moo Moo Farm, and he used to teach me there. Then a year later I got myself on the roads.

BoG said:
"Brian,  have you ever met Roy Koopa? He seemed like a pretty awesome guy. Also, how do you commute in the mushroom kingdom?"
Well Roy and the other Koopa Kids are basically Royalty, I haven't had the pleasure of meeting them in person. Roy is to the Mushroom Kingdom what Prince Harry is to Earth.
Not all the Koopa Kids stayed at home with King Bowser though. Wendy O Koopa really went off the rails a few years ago. Got addicted to Starmen and Mushrooms, rumours circulated that she had resorted to prostitution. Its a sad story, but the media blew it out of proportion and forced her to move away. Shame, apparently she was a nice girl in her teenage years.


#21 Posted by ItalyCanadian9 (1673 posts) -

Will i be the next Micheal Phelps?

#22 Posted by Koopa (26 posts) -
ItalyCanadian9 said:
"Will i be the next Micheal Phelps?"
Can you swim?
#23 Posted by Ben_H (3366 posts) -

If a tree falls in a forest and nobody is there to hear it, does it make a sound?

Oh, and what's the top speed you've achieved after being kicked? 

#24 Posted by brukaoru (5079 posts) -
Koopa said:
"Luckily working for King Bowser does come with compensation when anything like this happens. Theres a very professional medical department at the office, and we can also get counceling."
Wow, I didn't think Bowser was so generous... I thought he was always a mean guy who liked to bully his minions around without giving them any health care packages! You've made me rethink how I feel about Bowser now...
#25 Posted by BoG (5191 posts) -
Koopa said:
"Bennyishere said:
"Will you marry me?"
If you look anything like your avatar, I'll be honest and say I'll consider it. Though if samcotts really is the guy in his avatar, I'd rather marry him. We get Starman Broadband Interenet in the Mushroom Kingdom, and I was a big fan of On The Spot. Rich Gallup is a natural presenter."
This makes me think of another question. Koopa sexuality, what is it like? Your name is Brian, a male name, and you would consider marrying another man. Are most Koopas like you, or are you an exception?
#26 Posted by Giantkitty (808 posts) -

How does your head go back in your shell when it's so big?

#27 Posted by ItalyCanadian9 (1673 posts) -
Koopa said:
"ItalyCanadian9 said:
"Will i be the next Micheal Phelps?"
Can you swim?"
a little.
#28 Posted by Shawn (3825 posts) -

With that kind of jaw, it would seem like you could pack quite a bite, why don't you?

#29 Posted by BoG (5191 posts) -

Koopa, please do not leave us hanging here. These matters are to be addressed immediately.

#30 Posted by Koopa (26 posts) -
Ben_H said:
"If a tree falls in a forest and nobody is there to hear it, does it make a sound?
No. It will make waves in the air, but sound is defined as the message recieved by the brain when they pick up these vibrations. Though to be honest the chances of a tree falling in a forest and not one living creature being around at the time is slim and none.

Ben_H said:
Oh, and what's the top speed you've achieved after being kicked? "
Hard to tell, what with the spinning and general queesieness. If I had to estimate I'd say around 20 miles per hour. That green guy, whatever his name is, has got quite a kick.
There were plans to incorperate speed-kicking into our version of the olympics, but, you know, health and safety.
#31 Posted by Koopa (26 posts) -
BoG said:
"Koopa said:
"Bennyishere said:
"Will you marry me?"
If you look anything like your avatar, I'll be honest and say I'll consider it. Though if samcotts really is the guy in his avatar, I'd rather marry him. We get Starman Broadband Interenet in the Mushroom Kingdom, and I was a big fan of On The Spot. Rich Gallup is a natural presenter."
This makes me think of another question. Koopa sexuality, what is it like? Your name is Brian, a male name, and you would consider marrying another man. Are most Koopas like you, or are you an exception?"
Well I would marry him, but not out of love. I'd be more of a trophy husband. "Hey, check it out, I'm married to Rich Gallup" "Dude no way let me buy you a steak."
Let me assure you, I'm all about the Poon Tang.

Giantkitty
said:
"How does your head go back in your shell when it's so big?"
I'd like to not be reminded of my abnormally large head. I've had it all my life and was bullied at Koopa school. It was a very traumatic childhood and you bringing it up doesn't help my self esteem.

ItalyCanadian9 said:
"Koopa said:
"ItalyCanadian9 said:
"Will i be the next Micheal Phelps?"
Can you swim?"
a little."
well if you want it enough you can do anything. or you'll be let down by your obvious mediocrity. I dunno. How am I supposed to know about swimming anyway, I can't swim to save my life. Literally.

BoG said:
"Koopa, please do not leave us hanging here. These matters are to be addressed immediately."
Sorry, my favorite show on Shroom TV was on. Late Night With Monty Mole. He has some great guests.
#32 Posted by drsalvador (108 posts) -
#33 Posted by Koopa (26 posts) -
Shawn said:
"With that kind of jaw, it would seem like you could pack quite a bite, why don't you?"
We do. Have you never wondered why Mario dies as soon as he touches us? Its because we give him a bite to the face. In the old NES games, they couldn't animate something so incredible. But if you look carefully in the later games you'll see us take a chop at him. I won't explain how we hurt him when he touches us from behind, I'll leave that up to your imagination.

drsalvador said:
"

whats your favourite terminator film?

"
The one where they're in that bus that can't go below 50mph. I think its Terminator 2, but I could be wrong.
#34 Posted by Koopa (26 posts) -
brukaoru said:
"Koopa said:
"Luckily working for King Bowser does come with compensation when anything like this happens. Theres a very professional medical department at the office, and we can also get counceling."
Wow, I didn't think Bowser was so generous... I thought he was always a mean guy who liked to bully his minions around without giving them any health care packages! You've made me rethink how I feel about Bowser now..."
Well in the training games we put out, he has to act like a badass. If people were to know his real side, nobody would be scared of him, ending the reign of terror that he holds over you puny humans. His words, not mine.
#35 Posted by GalvanizedNails (552 posts) -

koopa, is there currently some kind of gang-war going on between goombas and your species, or do you guys all get along? Im sure you Koopas could pack some serious firepower in your shells.

#36 Posted by DualReaver (3882 posts) -

why koopa bowser like guy who shoot jump mushroom plumber baskets green peach orgy?

#37 Posted by Koopa (26 posts) -
GalvanizedNails said:
"koopa, is there currently some kind of gang-war going on between goombas and your species, or do you guys all get along? Im sure you Koopas could pack some serious firepower in your shells."
To be honest, the Koopa-Goomba relationship is very rocky at the moment. I wouldn't call it Gang War... more like... imagine how Harmonix and Red Octane employees would act if they were to meet in the street. Its that kind of tension. Obviously with us Koopas and Goombas, rocking guitar battles don't break out, but we can dream.
#38 Posted by GalvanizedNails (552 posts) -
Koopa said:
"GalvanizedNails said:
"koopa, is there currently some kind of gang-war going on between goombas and your species, or do you guys all get along? Im sure you Koopas could pack some serious firepower in your shells."
To be honest, the Koopa-Goomba relationship is very rocky at the moment. I wouldn't call it Gang War... more like... imagine how Harmonix and Red Octane employees would act if they were to meet in the street. Its that kind of tension. Obviously with us Koopas and Goombas, rocking guitar battles don't break out, but we can dream."

can you guys even play music games? do you even have thumbs? Then you guys would total beat goombas in a guitar duel since they dont even have arms
#39 Posted by Shawn (3825 posts) -

Hey koopa, are there any super hot female koopa's? If so, do you have any numbers?

#40 Posted by Keyser_Soze (1186 posts) -

Has Bowser ever had sex with Princess Peach?

#41 Posted by Bowser (2 posts) -
Keyser_Soze said:
"Has Bowser ever had sex with Princess Peach?"

In every room of the castle.
#42 Posted by Pezjulo (224 posts) -

Why does the toast always land face down, splattering my floor with jelly?

#43 Posted by Sweep (8869 posts) -

Where do baby Koopas come from?

While we're on the subject, where do baby humans come from? Did i miss something...?

Moderator
#44 Posted by drsalvador (108 posts) -

do you enjoy the show zero punctuation?

#45 Posted by Koopa (26 posts) -
GalvanizedNails said:
"Koopa said:
"GalvanizedNails said:
"koopa, is there currently some kind of gang-war going on between goombas and your species, or do you guys all get along? Im sure you Koopas could pack some serious firepower in your shells."
To be honest, the Koopa-Goomba relationship is very rocky at the moment. I wouldn't call it Gang War... more like... imagine how Harmonix and Red Octane employees would act if they were to meet in the street. Its that kind of tension. Obviously with us Koopas and Goombas, rocking guitar battles don't break out, but we can dream."

can you guys even play music games? do you even have thumbs? Then you guys would total beat goombas in a guitar duel since they dont even have arms"
We tend not to play guitar games, for that very reason... or any games that require hands at all. So basically all we can play is Dance Dance Revolution. And even then the Boos are at a disadvantage.

Shawn said:
"Hey koopa, are there any super hot female koopa's? If so, do you have any numbers?"

Need I say more?

Pezjulo said:
"Why does the toast always land face down, splattering my floor with jelly?"
I don't know. But did you know cats always land feet first? So I was wondering, what happens if you tape a slice of buttered toast to a cat's back then throw it out a window?

Sweep said:
"Where do baby Koopas come from?
When a Mommy Koopa and a Daddy Koopa love each other very much, they give each other a special hug...

drsalvador said:
"do you enjoy the show zero punctuation?"
Yes, its hillarious. I didn't like the Brawl review though, my brother Dave was in it, he was an assist trophy. I wrote an email to Mr Croshaw, and was featured in the Mailbag Showdown episode. 20 points if you can guess which email was mine.




#46 Posted by brukaoru (5079 posts) -
Koopa said:
"brukaoru said:
"Wow, I didn't think Bowser was so generous... I thought he was always a mean guy who liked to bully his minions around without giving them any health care packages! You've made me rethink how I feel about Bowser now..."
Well in the training games we put out, he has to act like a badass. If people were to know his real side, nobody would be scared of him, ending the reign of terror that he holds over you puny humans. His words, not mine."
Will he be angry you put out his secret? :O
#47 Posted by ItalyCanadian9 (1673 posts) -

Will i die a Virgin?

#48 Edited by Koopa (26 posts) -
brukaoru said:
"Koopa said:
"brukaoru said:
"Wow, I didn't think Bowser was so generous... I thought he was always a mean guy who liked to bully his minions around without giving them any health care packages! You've made me rethink how I feel about Bowser now..."
Well in the training games we put out, he has to act like a badass. If people were to know his real side, nobody would be scared of him, ending the reign of terror that he holds over you puny humans. His words, not mine."
Will he be angry you put out his secret? :O"
nobody in the Mushroom Kingdom reads Giant Bomb but me. Its actually illegal to access this site, no joke. They took the name of the site too literally. I'm breaking several laws just typing this stuff.
So considering none of you puny humans (his words not mine) can get to Bowser, I think he'll be cool with this.

ItalyCanadian9
said:
"Will i die a Virgin?"
If you keep fantacising over mememolly, yes. Get out there in the world, go to a club, get really drunk and have a one night stand. You should see Koopa Klubs, they are insane.
#49 Posted by brukaoru (5079 posts) -

Alright Brian, that's cool. Don't want you to have to feel Bowser's wrath!

#50 Posted by drsalvador (108 posts) -

did you happen to see the purepwnage spoof of zero punctuation?

This edit will also create new pages on Giant Bomb for:

Beware, you are proposing to add brand new pages to the wiki along with your edits. Make sure this is what you intended. This will likely increase the time it takes for your changes to go live.

Comment and Save

Until you earn 1000 points all your submissions need to be vetted by other Giant Bomb users. This process takes no more than a few hours and we'll send you an email once approved.