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M'aiq is a Khajiit
charcter that appears in the Elder Scrolls
series of games. He often leans on the fourth wall
providing humorous references and insight to certain decisions made in the design of the games.
M'aiq's Phrases in Morrowind
Most of what M'aiq says in Morrowind is utterly nonsensical, though he does tell the player how to find Boethiah's Shrine, as well as speak of the mudcrab merchant.
- Liches: You wish to become a lich? It's very easy, my friend. Simply find the heart of a lich, combine it with the tongue of a dragon, and cook it with the flesh of a well-ridden horse. This combination is certain to make you undead.
- Dragons: Dragons? Oh, they're everywhere! You must fly very high to see most of them, though. The ones nearer the ground are very hard to see, being invisible.
- Emperor Crabs: M'aiq sees lots of them in the ocean. M'aiq knows you'll see one too if you swim far enough.
- Horses: Horses... Oh, M'aiq loves horses! Especially with good cream sauce. and You would wish to ride upon a beast? There is a way... Go to one of the many silt-strider ports and pay your fee! You wish one for personal use? Bah! Walk if you must; run if you are chased!
- Corpses: Moving corpses? This sounds frightening to M'aiq. The undead are nothing to be toyed with.
- Multiplayer: M'aiq does not know this word. You wish others to help you in your quest? Coward! If you must, search for the Argonian Im-Leet, or perhaps the big Nord, Rolf the Uber. They will certainly wish to join you.
- Dwemer: There is no mystery. M'aiq knows all. The dwarves were here, and now they are not! They were very short folks... Or perhaps they were not. It all depends on your perspective. I'm sure they thought they were about the right height.
- Naked Liches: A horrible thing indeed. If you see one, let M'aiq know. M'aiq wants to make sure to look in the other direction.
- Nudity: Ahh... The beauty of the naked form. These Dunmer are rather prudish, are they not? Of course, there is an island you can reach filled with wonderful, naked, glistening bodies. It only appears when the moons are full, the rain falls, the seas run red, and it's M'aiq's birthday.
- Climbing: Climbing ropes that hang is too difficult. M'aiq prefers to climb the ones that are tied horizontally.
- Shrine of Boethiah: You seek the shrine that is no longer there? An interesting concept. Look to the seas to the West. There lies what was once the shrine. Take a deep breath and begin your search.
- Mudcrab Merchant: M'aiq has heard of this. They've got all the money. Mudcrabs taking over everything. They already run Pelagiad.
- Weresharks: I have only met one, but he was afraid of the water.
M'aiq's Phrases in Oblivion
M'aiq has much to say in Oblivion, with many of his phrases addressing common complaints with previous Elder Scrolls games, or poking fun at some of the design choices in the game.
- M'aiq knows much, tells some. M'aiq knows many things others do not. - This is what he says as a greeting when you enter conversation with him.
- M'aiq longs for a Colovian Fur Helm. Practical, yet stylish. M'aiq is very sad he does not have one. - A reference to the Colovian Fur Helm that M'aiq wore in Morrowind. The helm was often criticised for being terrible in design, and was one of the weakest pieces of armour available in the game.
- M'aiq wishes he had a stick made out of fishies to give to you. Sadly, he does not. - This is a reference to the "Fishy Stick" fad on the official forums.
- M'aiq believes the children are our future. But he doesn't want them ruining all of our fun. - A reference to the fact that the Elder Scrolls games never contain children, due to the fact that this would increase the age rating on the games.
- M'aiq thinks his people are beautiful. The Argonian people are beautiful as well. They look better than ever before. - A reference to the fact that the 'beast races' received major improvements in Oblivion, making them look much more human-like then the one's in Morrowind. There were a few complaints that this made them less 'beast-like', but evidentially, M'aiq feels it is an improvement.
- Some people wish to throw their weapons. That seems foolish to M'aiq. If you hold your weapon, you only need one. - Referring to the lack of throwing knives, darts, and stars in Oblivion.
- Some people want special bows that take too long to load and need special arrows called bolts. M'aiq thinks they are idiots. - Reference to the fact crossbows are not in Oblivion, despite being in Morrowind.
- Feet are for walking. Hands are for hitting. Or shaking. Or waving. Sometimes for clapping. - A reference to various complaints about limits on the range of uses for limbs available to the average adventurer, including the inability to kick.
- M'aiq prefers to adventure alone. Others just get in the way. And they talk, talk, talk. - A reference to the discussion about Oblivion being a multiplayer game, and limits on NPC assistance. Multiplayer is one of M'aiq's recurring topics.
- People always enjoy a good fable. M'aiq has yet to find one, though. Perhaps one day. - A thinly veiled jab at the Fable games, which were considered by many to be derivative of the Elder Scrolls series.
- So much easier to get around these days. Not like the old days. Too much walking. Of course, nothing stops M'aiq from walking when he wants. - M'aiq expresses his view's on the new fast-travel system introduced in Oblivion, and offers alternatives for those who don't agree with it- simply ignore it.
- M'aiq is glad he has a compass. Makes it easy to find things. Much better than wandering around like a fool. - A reference to the complaints that Oblivion's compass (with a marker directing the player to the quest objective) made the game too easy, or took away from exploration.
- Why would one want to swing a staff? A mace hurts more. Or a sword. Can't shoot a fireball from a sword, though. - A reference to the fact that staves were blunt weapons in Morrowind, whereas in Oblivion they are used to fire projectiles.
- I do not wish to fight on horseback. It is a good way to ruin a perfectly good horse... which is, to say, a perfectly good dinner. - A reference to the fact that mounted combat was not including in Oblivion, despite large fan demand for such a feature. "A perfectly good dinner" is a reference to one of M'aiq's lines from Morrowind, where he states that he likes horses "especially with good cream sauce", which is itself a reference to fan complaints about the lack of horses in Morrowind.
- Levitation is for fools. Why would we want to levitate? Once you are up high, there is nowhere to go but down. - Yet another feature Morrowind had that Oblivion does not is levitation. Due to the way Town's and Cities' are loaded in Oblivion, levitation would cause significant problems with users, for example, flying over walls where there is simply nothing loaded on the other side (Areas are only loaded when a door is passed).
- It is good the people wear clothing. M'aiq wears clothing. Who would want to see M'aiq naked? Sick, sick people. Very sad. - A reference to the numerous 'nude' mods which appeared for both Morrowind and Oblivion. These mods garnered a lot of negative attention for Oblivion, pushing the game up a rank in the age-o-meter.
- I don't know why one would want to destroy a building. It takes time to make it. Much time. - A reference to the fact that Oblivion features no destructible environments.
- I have seen dragons. Perhaps you will see a dragon. I won't say where I saw one. Perhaps I did not. - Dragons never appear in Elder Scrolls games, despite popular demand and a lore which would easily support dragons. The exception is Akatosh, which is what M'aiq may be referencing.
- Werewolves? Where? Wolves? Men that are wolves? Many wolves. Everywhere. Many men. That is enough for M'aiq. - Another widely expected feature was were-creatures since werewolves made an appearance in Morrowind's expansion "bloodmoon". Because of development time related issues they did not include them in Oblivion, and they have not made an appearance in the expansion packs either.
M'aiq's Phrases in Skyrim
M'aiq makes a return in the fifth Elder Scrolls game. Since the game takes place 200 years after the events on Oblivion, it is implied that the M'aiq you meet in Skyrim is a descendant of the original M'aiq.
- M'aiq's father was also called M'aiq. As was M'aiq's father's father. At least, thats what he said. - Explaining how Skyrim has a M'aiq the Liar character despite taking place 200 years after the previous game.
- M'aiq saw a mudcrab the other day. Horrible creatures. - A reference to the infamous piece of NPC chatter that would play often in Oblivion.
- M'aiq loves the people of Skyrim. Many interesting things they say to each other. - Poking fun at the NPC chatter you often hear in Elder Scrolls games.
- M'aiq has heard the people in Skyrim are better-looking than the ones in Cyrodiil. He has no opinion on the matter. All people are beautiful to him. - Referencing the better looking NPC character models of Skyrim.
- Something strange happens to Khajiit when they arrive in Skyrim. - Referencing the redesigned Khajiit in Skyrim.
- Nords are so serious about beards. So many beards. M'aiq thinks they wish they had glorious manes like Khajiit. - A refence to how characters in Skyrim can have facial hair.
- M'aiq does not understand what is so impressive about shouting. M'aiq can shout whenever he wants. - A reference to the Dragon Shout mechanic in Skyrim.
- Dragons were never gone. They were just invisible and very very quiet. - Referencing how M'aiq in previous games would explain the lack of dragons.
- M'aiq is very practical. He has no need for Mysticism. - A reference to the removal of the Mysticism magic skill, its spells having been moved into other skills.
- M'aiq carries two weapons, to be safe. What if one breaks? That would be most unlucky. - A reference to the new ability to dual wield weapons. Also referring to how weapons no longer degrade.
- Don't try blocking if you have two weapons. You will only get confused. Much better to hit twice anyway. - A reference to how you are unable to block when dual weilding weapons.
- Too much magic can be dangerous. M'aiq once had two spells and burned his sweetroll. - A reference to how you are able to wield two spells at once and are able to combine the two for more powerful effects.
- What does this mean, to combine magic? Magic plus magic is still magic. - Same as above
- It does not matter to M'aiq how strong or smart one is. It only matters what one can do. - A reference to the overhauled leveling system in Skyrim.
- Why do soldiers bother with target practice? One learns best by hitting real people. - Referencing how you level up combat skills by using them in combat.
- Nord's armor has lots of fur. This sometimes makes M'aiq nervous. - Referencing the use of fur featured in many of the armor designs.
- How does anyone know there was a city of Winterhold? M'aiq did not see it with his eyes. Did you? - A reference to the fact that unlike in Oblivion, you can't immediately fast travel to the major cities at the start.
- M'aiq can travel fast across the land. Some lazy types take carriages. It is all the same to M'aiq. - A reference to the carriages that allow you to quickly travel between the major cities, even ones you haven't discovered.
- Once M'aiq got into trouble in Riften, and fled to Windhelm. It is good that nobody there cared. - A refence to how crimes committed in a hold in Skyrim are not recognized in the other holds.
- Much snow in Skyrim. Enough snow. M'aiq does not want it anymore. - Referencing the colder climate of the province of Skyrim compared to the rest of Tamriel.
- Snow falls. Why worry where it goes? M'aiq thinks the snowflakes are pretty. - Referencing how the snow fall in Skyrim may not always behave realistically.
- M'aiq is always in search of calipers, yet he finds none. Where could they have gone? - A reference to the lack of calipers in Skyrim, which was a common vendor trash item in Oblivion. Also one of M'aiq AI routines in Oblivion was searching for calipers.
- Some say Alduin is Akatosh, some say M'aiq is a liar. Don't believe any of these things. - A reference to speculation that Alduin may actually be Akatosh.
- M'aiq knows why Falmer are blind. It has nothing to do with the Dwemer disappearing. Really. - A refernce to the appearance of the Falmer (Snow Elves) in the game and the fact that they became blind by being forced to eat toxic fungi by the Dwemer.
- M'aiq once walked to High Hrothgar. So many steps, he lost count. - A reference to the 7,000 steps to High Hrothgar. There are in fact exactly 7,000 steps.
- M'aiq does not remember his childhood. Perhaps he never had one. - Referencing how previous games in the series didn't have children in them.
- M'aiq was soul trapped once. Not very pleasant. You should think about that once in a while. - A reference to the soul trap mechanic and alludes to one of the game's sidequests.
- The people of Skyrim are more open-minded about certain things than people in other places. - Referencing how same-sex marriage is possible in the game.
- M'aiq hears many stories of war... yet few of them are true. - A reference to the current popularity of modern military shooters.
- Some like taking friends on adventures. M'aiq thinks being alone is better. Less arguing about splitting treasure. - Another reference to the fact that the Elder Scrolls games are purely single-player experiences.
- Werebears? Where? Bears? Men that are bears? - A reference to M'aiq's line in Oblivion about werewolves, who now appear in Skyrim.