CrunchUKs super duper awesome guide to being "pr0" at halo

Posted by crunchUK (5963 posts) -

- Call everyone else, including your teammates, a "faggot"

-ALWAYS, and i mean ALWAYS use the battle rifle. Even if it is the single worst possible weapon for the situation, using anything else will immediately not make you pro

-Attack bungie on their forums every time you lose a game

-blame lag, or the broken game

-If your teammate grabs the sniper, it is your duty to your team to betray him

-Teabag everything. Even your own bodies

-We all know that MLG is a halo deity. As a result, if you lick their little balls and pretend that your are "MLG" and that you are srs bisnis, they will magically reward you with halo skillz

- WHen you win, it was because the other team were "noobs"

-When you lose, it was because the other team were "noobs"

-Address imperfections in your playstyle by screaming and raving incoherently

-Commit suicide if you don't have a Battle Rifle

-Claim you are "just warming up"

-Make a "mom" joke. When it backfires, tell the other person to "shut up faggot"

-Be perpetually furious

-Have "MLG", "snipe", "4-shot", "XxX" and "iTz" all in one gamertag
 
And so on. Happy gamings!

#1 Edited by crunchUK (5963 posts) -

- Call everyone else, including your teammates, a "faggot"

-ALWAYS, and i mean ALWAYS use the battle rifle. Even if it is the single worst possible weapon for the situation, using anything else will immediately not make you pro

-Attack bungie on their forums every time you lose a game

-blame lag, or the broken game

-If your teammate grabs the sniper, it is your duty to your team to betray him

-Teabag everything. Even your own bodies

-We all know that MLG is a halo deity. As a result, if you lick their little balls and pretend that your are "MLG" and that you are srs bisnis, they will magically reward you with halo skillz

- WHen you win, it was because the other team were "noobs"

-When you lose, it was because the other team were "noobs"

-Address imperfections in your playstyle by screaming and raving incoherently

-Commit suicide if you don't have a Battle Rifle

-Claim you are "just warming up"

-Make a "mom" joke. When it backfires, tell the other person to "shut up faggot"

-Be perpetually furious

-Have "MLG", "snipe", "4-shot", "XxX" and "iTz" all in one gamertag
 
And so on. Happy gamings!

#2 Posted by Lies (3866 posts) -

-Use bumper jumper (for bonus points, post about it on forums and abbreviate it as "BJ" for massive confusion)

#3 Posted by Sparky_Buzzsaw (6107 posts) -

Hah!  Nice list, Crunch.

I'll also add:

-Immediately run off in the Warthog, even if one of your teammates states before the game that he's an excellent Warthog driver if someone else can do a decent job of gunning.  Bonus points if you drive straight into the enemy and the Warthog is destroyed.  Even more bonus points if you simply hop out of the Warthog in the midst of the enemy.
-Rockets in a room full of teammates are always welcome.
-No matter what kinds of tweaks and balances Bungie makes, they're always screwing you over instead of making it fair for everyone.

Moderator Online
#4 Posted by RHCPfan24 (8609 posts) -
@crunchUK said:
-Commit suicide if you don't have a Battle Rifle
My favorite. Very nice, Crunch.
#5 Posted by TheGreatGuero (9130 posts) -

Ohhhh.... so that's how you become great! Oh boy, Xbox Live here I come, you noobs! PREPAIR 2 B PWNED!!!1

#6 Posted by End_Boss (3220 posts) -

There is one feature of the "pro" player that is conspicuously absent from your list, Crunch.

  • Remember to hurl exceedingly racist slurs at every opportunity, whether your target is friend or foe.
#7 Posted by Pie (7059 posts) -

I wish........

#8 Edited by Hitchenson (4682 posts) -

Wow. You just bullet pointed all the different topics you'll ever see on Bungie.net. 

Have a win, good sir.

EDIT: This will most certainly get a sarcastic reply, but don't you think all the BR vs. AR stuff is sad as fuck? Different guns for different situations guys...
#9 Posted by crunchUK (5963 posts) -
@Hitchenson said:
" Wow. You just bullet pointed all the different topics you'll ever see on Bungie.net. 
Have a win, good sir.

EDIT: This will most certainly get a sarcastic reply, but don't you think all the BR vs. AR stuff is sad as fuck? Different guns for different situations guys...
"
Sad indeed, but also incredible you have weapon fanboys and factions within a game
#10 Posted by kmdrkul (3476 posts) -
@crunchUK said:
-Make a "mom" joke. When it backfires, tell the other person to "shut up faggot"
Brilliant. 
#11 Posted by keyhunter (3207 posts) -

It's impossible not to do all those things when playing Halo. Since it's either laggy, broken, or your team mates are a bunch of faggots.

#12 Posted by Pie (7059 posts) -
@keyhunter said:
" It's impossible not to do all those things when playing Halo. Since it's either laggy, broken, or your team mates are a bunch of faggots. "
Your oubviosly an expert halo gamer judgig from that list and what you just said
#13 Edited by MattyFTM (14351 posts) -

- When killed in Halo 3, claim that Halo 3 sucks and that Halo 2 is where the pr0s play.
- Never play Halo 2.

Moderator
#14 Posted by babblinmule (1262 posts) -
@MattyFTM said:
" claim that Halo 3 sucks and that Halo 2 is where the pr0s play. "

You cant go 5 minutes in mlg forums without running into someone who says something like that. Honestly, its just kinda silly these days.
#15 Posted by Vinchenzo (6192 posts) -

xXx@crunchUK said:

"Have "MLG", "snipe", "4-shot", "XxX" and "iTz" all in one gamertag "
ITzaMLGXxX4ShotSniperXxX     ...am I doing it right?
#16 Posted by Stang (4726 posts) -

I typically want to puke after reading your posts crunch, but this one made me laugh a bit. Good form, sir.

#17 Posted by Meptron (1073 posts) -

-when somebody kills you, say that i'ts because they are using "hax"

#18 Posted by crunchUK (5963 posts) -
@keyhunter said:
" It's impossible not to do all those things when playing Halo. Since it's either laggy, broken, or your team mates are a bunch of faggots. "
I hope this post is some elaborate joke
#19 Posted by MattyFTM (14351 posts) -
@Vinchenzo said:
" xXx@crunchUK said:
"Have "MLG", "snipe", "4-shot", "XxX" and "iTz" all in one gamertag "
ITzaMLGXxX4ShotSniperXxX     ...am I doing it right? "
A real pr0 would repeat XxX more often:

XxXXxXXxXiTzaXxXMLGXxX4shotXxXsniperXxXXxXXxX
Moderator
#20 Posted by crunchUK (5963 posts) -
@MattyFTM said:
" @Vinchenzo said:
" xXx@crunchUK said:
"Have "MLG", "snipe", "4-shot", "XxX" and "iTz" all in one gamertag "
ITzaMLGXxX4ShotSniperXxX     ...am I doing it right? "
A real pr0 would repeat XxX more often:XxXXxXXxXiTzaXxXMLGXxX4shotXxXsniperXxXXxXXxX "
ah but 15 character max, not that easy ;)
#21 Posted by Gahzoo (361 posts) -

-If there is a "power weapon" such as a rocket launcher always go for it or wait until it spawns.
-If you are killed by a "power weapon" whine and say how overpowered they are.
-If someone keeps killing you, call them a faggot and challenge them to a "1v1"

#22 Posted by MattyFTM (14351 posts) -
@crunchUK said:
" @MattyFTM said:
" @Vinchenzo said:
" xXx@crunchUK said:
"Have "MLG", "snipe", "4-shot", "XxX" and "iTz" all in one gamertag "
ITzaMLGXxX4ShotSniperXxX     ...am I doing it right? "
A real pr0 would repeat XxX more often:XxXXxXXxXiTzaXxXMLGXxX4shotXxXsniperXxXXxXXxX "
ah but 15 character max, not that easy ;) "
A real pr0 would use "hax" to get more characters.
Moderator
#23 Posted by Lies (3866 posts) -
@crunchUK said:
" @MattyFTM said:
" @Vinchenzo said:
" xXx@crunchUK said:
"Have "MLG", "snipe", "4-shot", "XxX" and "iTz" all in one gamertag "
ITzaMLGXxX4ShotSniperXxX     ...am I doing it right? "
A real pr0 would repeat XxX more often:XxXXxXXxXiTzaXxXMLGXxX4shotXxXsniperXxXXxXXxX "
ah but 15 character max, not that easy ;) "
Also got to fit 420 and 69 in there somewhere.

One of my friends made an account named xXxMLGPR0420Xx and we went and harassed people in the MLG playlist for good times.
#24 Posted by crunchUK (5963 posts) -
@Lies said:
" @crunchUK said:
" @MattyFTM said:
" @Vinchenzo said:
" xXx@crunchUK said:
"Have "MLG", "snipe", "4-shot", "XxX" and "iTz" all in one gamertag "
ITzaMLGXxX4ShotSniperXxX     ...am I doing it right? "
A real pr0 would repeat XxX more often:XxXXxXXxXiTzaXxXMLGXxX4shotXxXsniperXxXXxXXxX "
ah but 15 character max, not that easy ;) "
Also got to fit 420 and 69 in there somewhere.One of my friends made an account named xXxMLGPR0420Xx and we went and harassed people in the MLG playlist for good times. "
HAha me and my friend went into the MLG playlist and just spouted random callouts whenever. Really got on a select few people's tits
#25 Posted by Meptron (1073 posts) -

XXXXxXxX_1337n05c0p1ngh34d5h0t5n1p3r420_XxXxXXXX

#26 Posted by crunchUK (5963 posts) -

Too many characters. As you can see making a pr0 gameertag requires mad skillz

#27 Edited by Hitchenson (4682 posts) -

xXxBRn0scOp3xXx - Bang on the character limit. I r haz Recon nao?


EDIT: I'd have an MLG gamerpic, and dedicate my bio to Strongside and other 'pro' Halo gamers?
#28 Posted by crunchUK (5963 posts) -

u r nut idenifiteid as a mlg pr0 gaemr tho

#29 Edited by brycstyles (1 posts) -

Your gamertag should also include a lower case I before it, something like "iFourShot." Either that or throw in something like "iZ Clutch" or "iZ Sick". Something retarded and cliche.

Also, the second your team falls behind by a few kills, IMMEDIATELY flip out and blame all of your teammates. It couldn't possibly be YOUR fault too.

#30 Posted by TheGreatGuero (9130 posts) -

I follow ur advise n guess wat? I BANNED FORM XXBOX LIVE!!!11  they are dum & r gelus of my MAD UBER PWNING SK1LLZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!1111111 MLG 4 LIFE NOW BABIE!!!1111111111111

add me!!1 my gt is xXxMLgSNIPEURFAGGYFACExXx
o wait THEY BANNE D ME!!! DID U LISTEN TO WAT I SAY!!!!!!! I AM BANNE D FORM XBOX LIVE!!!!!!!!!11111 GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!111u cant add me bcuz im to l337 MLG PRO NOW WAT! SAY SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!1 I DARE U!!!

#31 Posted by MattyFTM (14351 posts) -
@crunchUK said:
" Too many characters. As you can see making a pr0 gameertag requires mad skillz "
HAXXXXXXX
Moderator
#32 Posted by crunchUK (5963 posts) -
@crunchUK said:
" @keyhunter said:
" It's impossible not to do all those things when playing Halo. Since it's either laggy, broken, or your team mates are a bunch of faggots. "
I hope this post is some elaborate joke "
Just realized, keyhunter IS A PRO :O lets have a look shall we?




- Call everyone else, including your teammates, a "faggot"

-blame lag, or the broken game



Well done keyhunter, well done
#33 Posted by RandomHero666 (3181 posts) -

How to be a pr0 in haloz: Be exactly like FuzzyLongcat

#34 Edited by End_Boss (3220 posts) -

Always include one of the following terms in your name:

  • Ghost.
  • Killa'.
  • One-Shot.
  • Shotty.
  • Sniper.
#35 Posted by Pie (7059 posts) -

I just used crunch's guide to beat him in a 1vs1

This edit will also create new pages on Giant Bomb for:

Beware, you are proposing to add brand new pages to the wiki along with your edits. Make sure this is what you intended. This will likely increase the time it takes for your changes to go live.

Comment and Save

Until you earn 1000 points all your submissions need to be vetted by other Giant Bomb users. This process takes no more than a few hours and we'll send you an email once approved.