Super Mario Bros 3-Dark Land Theme
Ah, Mario! You have left a really big impression to every gamer in the world. Whether you were cleaning the sewers from Koopas to traveling to the Mushroom Kingdom, you are forever remembered as the greatest hero to have ever graced the gaming world.
It's a-me- the DEVIL!
But, to you fellow g1s out there, you might be asking: if Mario is such a hero, why would he be a villain? Well, yes he is a hero! But if you have played Donkey Kong Jr, you would understand.
Before I elaborate on why Mario is such a villain, here is a short scoop of what he is (I'm sure you know of this already, but what the heck!)
Mario is definitely the most recognizable character not only to gamers, but everyone else. I mean, I have never met a person in my life that has not even heard of Mario and played his games. Although, he was not originally named Mario, in fact, Shigeru Miyamoto first christened him with the name Jumpman or Mr. Video Game in Japan on his debut which was known as Donkey Kong. Upon the process of localizing the game of Donkey Kong to the United States, Minoru Arakawa, the founder of Nintendo was confronted by the landlord of their warehouse named Mario Segale to pay their rent. Afterwards, Mario was convinced by the Nintendo employees regarding the rent payment, and that is how the name Mario was changed. In the game of Donkey Kong, Mario's profession was originally a carpenter before he became a plumber, because the designers wanted to make Mario look like a hard working man. However, upon observation of Mario's appearance, he looked more like a plumber, and his profession was changed as well along with his other famous game the Mario Bros arcade.
Okay, now that I got that settled, what can I say about Mario? Well, he is definitely a good guy. Or is he? I mean, he can be even scarier than Bowser for all I care. I mean deep within the that Italian plumber lies another side of him that most people would overlook. That side's name is: Satan!
So, here are my reasons why Mario is one hell of a villain to fear:
Please note that I have not played every Mario game. The last game I played was Super Mario 64.
1. His drug addiction.
Mario is entirely dependent on mushrooms and the flower in order to traverse the levels. He becomes even stronger due to the leaf from Super Mario Bros 3. I mean, sure the leaf has some special powers, but the way I see it, it just gives Mario even more balls than he had when he was a regular Mario. Now that I think about it, would it be because of Mario's addiction to mushrooms be the reason why the infamous Poison Mushroom from Super Mario Bros 2 was made? And if you have seen the previous Hard News, you would notice what are the repercussions that have happened to Mario (and Luigi of course). Just watch and enjoy (especially to those who missed out on Hard News)
Remember kiddies, don't do drugs while playing Nintendo or you would end up like them!
2. His womanizing
"Thou shalt not commit adultery!"
This is a pretty common subject that I have heard from some Nintendo gamers, about Mario being one Don Juan. Well, we do have Pauline from Donkey Kong, Princess Toadstool from Super Mario Bros and of course, there was Daisy from Super Mario Land on the Game Boy. I wondered why Super Mario Land was pretty different than it's predecessors. Well, the theory goes like this:
Mario was kinda frustrated by the fact that he has been traveling all over the Mushroom Kingdom from one world to the next just to rescue the Princess only to have this screen:
I really really hate you, Toad!
And if you do make it to the end of the game, you would get this screen:
That's it? No poontang? See you in Super Smash Bros, biatch!
And because of this, he grew insane of the fact that he wasted his efforts with saving Princess Toadstool so he had to go to a different world where he heard tales of a beautiful Princess named Daisy. Hoping to try out his luck, Mario would leave Toadstool, his brother, and heck even that annoying Toad and the entire Mushroom Kingdom. I mean, all that trouble just to get a second girl? That is can be evil, depending on how you look at it. In my case, I would not cheat on a girl, but rather date two girls simultaneously. Mwahahaha! (God, I am such a douchebag!)
3. He is a master of disguise?
For one villain, this can be a pretty interesting yet cliche skill, and when I mean by the word disguise, I do not mean the racoon suit or something like that. I mean, Mario started out as a carpenter on Donkey Kong, on DKJr, he became a slave driver (maybe for a circus), he became a plumber in most of the other Mario games, a referee in Punch-Out, and now a Doctor? Damn, I would say that would be an astounding feat, but why would in the heck would Mario do so many jobs. And I forgot to mention that he even changed his name to Cookie at one game. At first I would assume that he was poor and need all the coins to live. But judging by his physique, it does not really show a lot. One possible explanation to this would be that he is trying to escape from the law or something for some crimes that he may have committed like the next reason:
4. He is a harbinger of war in the world of Nintendo
This video speaks for itself. *sigh*
5. Mario ruined "fair play" in the world of racing!
The main objective in a racing game is to make sure that you make it to first place after finishing a few laps, right? Well, Mario observed this and thought
of ruining it by adding weapons to a certain course to handicap his opponents just for the sake of winning. And the only way for the other characters to stand a chance is to do the same things he does.
6. Mario=Animal Cruelty
Mario is famous as an antagonist on Donkey Kong Jr, where he not only captures Donkey Kong in a cage, he also wants to make sure that his son, Junior does not save him. He does this by forcefully commanding animals to do it for him. The question is: Why did he do it? I mean, he got Pauline back, didn't he or what? Well, here is another theory why Mario is acting this way:
Think about this: Donkey Kong was Mario's pet gorilla, right? Well it was said that Donkey Kong was acting like this due to mistreatment of his owner, which is a justified reason why DK is like that, I mean pet's are supposed to get all the love and attention they need from their masters. And in order to exact revenge, he abducted his girlfriend, Pauline and together they went into building after building. After Mario was able to rescue Pauline, you would think that Mario would come to realize the error of his ways towards Donkey Kong, right? Wrong, instead, he had to incarcerate the gorilla into a cage and take a whip to torture Donkey Kong some more for what he did to him.
To sum it all up, Mario just hates animals. He would practically make PETA scream with rage for what he does. (It's just my opinion)
And what's worse, he even uses his so-called friend Yoshi to assist him by riding on his back and as cannon fodder in case he gets attacked. He is such an asshole!
7. He is a money-grubber
He collects coins to increase his strength. I do not recall him spending money, except in Super Mario RPG perhaps, but other than that game, he just collects coins. What does he do with them after that? Just look at them? Whenever I look at Mr. Krabs from Spongebob Squarepants, I can't help but think of Mario since both of them have an obsession with money.
8. He is trusted by the entire community!
Mario is without a doubt a very famous character who represented Nintendo. He is loved by all, whether it be children or adults whenever they play his games. But little do they know that Mario, is in fact a devil in a suit of a plumber. Think about this scenario: for a wholesome character, he endorses so many evil deeds. Like making kids believe that mushrooms are good for you, encouraging wars, adultery, greed and all that. He should be the subject of controversy, not other games like Grand Theft Auto and Modern Warfare 2 because unless the gamers have strong minds like the entire g1 community and the Screwattack staff, Mario may tempt you to do some really dangerous stuff like incite wars over drugs, deception and much much more . People had faith in this character, hoping due to his kind look on his face, he would have at least tell us how to live our lives in peace. But noooo! Instead, he enforces a lot of sin into the world and that is why our world is as it is today. Damn you, Mario! You are the most evil of them all! DAMN YOU!
In conclusion, Mario may look like a good guy, but deep down he has some really evil intent to those who have played his games. So my only advice is to exercise caution when playing his awesome games or else he might brainwash you to become a terrorist or something!
Thank you so much for reading! If you have any other stuff about Mario that I have not mentioned in this review or any suggestions about who should I review next, please leave a comment.
This is nemesis274....signing out!