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Beer Pong - Now In Your Pocket

Dave falls for a clever marketing trap and reports on a game you shouldn't care about. Also, some jokes.

By Dave Snider  |  April 9, 2009

Woah, I feel like I'm IN THE BAR.
Woah, I feel like I'm IN THE BAR.
Reporting on iPhone game releases is a slipperly slope. Outside of the fact that the vast majority of them are downright horrible I always feel like a sucker for falling into someone's clever marketing trap about an obvious novelty. Still, I couldn't help but do a double-take when I came across Beer Pong - BPONG 2009 Edition this morning. Here are a couple of the brilliant lines from the marketing material they released today along with some of my snide (wink) remarks. 

"Get ready to get your balls wet!"
... And your money stolen for a ridiculous iPhone experience that will only impress dudes who like to man-hug each other after touchdowns.

"The only Beer Pong game on the App store officially licensed by BPONG.COM, the official governing body of the sport"
Dude, there is an official governing body for beer pong? Also, there are competing games in this space? WTF?

"Prepare your ego as both the male and female AIs will verbally assault you with a barrage of voice-over trash talking zingers!"
I hear the female AI later throws up in your bed and makes you listen to Morrissey bootlegs the next morning. True story.

The game was made by Publisher X, who sounds like a secret mini-boss from one of the Mega-Man games. Maybe I'm being too harsh on the concept but I can't see the fun in playing beer pong out of your pocket on a bus. Isn't the whole thing pointless without the beer? Then again, I'm so removed from my college days I may just be a bitter old man that can't have fun on my iPhone. Can any of you youngsters dig on this?

And yes. I still feel like a sucker for writing about this. I'll make penance with more stories about russian-made strategy games to clean off the filth.



Filed under: Beer
31 Comments
Jeff staff is online on April 9, 2009 at 8:55 a.m.
Is it bad that I don't actually understand how beer pong is played?
Rinkalicouson April 9, 2009 at 8:58 a.m.
I think the basic gist is you get drunk and throw ping pong balls at beer cups
snide staff on April 9, 2009 at 9 a.m.
Coonce is all about the beer pong. In fact, I know he will be slightly bummed I made fun of his treasured sport.
MattBodega moderator on April 9, 2009 at 9 a.m.
Drinking Alcohol is not a game.
Warihayon April 9, 2009 at 9:02 a.m.
As long as you know it involves drinking beer and getting drunk, you know everything you need to know.
lukegibon April 9, 2009 at 9:04 a.m.
woooo beer pong
FlipperDeserton April 9, 2009 at 9:11 a.m.
That's not even beer in those cups! Look at it! It's coffee.

Anyway, no, I care not for drinking or drinking games, but I'm also hardly the average kid my age.
erinfizzon April 9, 2009 at 9:11 a.m.
But what is the game play like? How does it compare to Pong Toss on the Wii??  :)


Nemopersonon April 9, 2009 at 9:16 a.m.
Woo indeed.
iAmJohnon April 9, 2009 at 9:22 a.m.
Beer Pong is entertaining, I guess, but I still don't understand the whole "HEY GUYS LET'S MAKE DRINKING INTO A GAME TO MAKE DRINKING FUN!!!" culture.  Do you idiots not understand that drinking is fun?!
coonce staff on April 9, 2009 at 9:27 a.m.
@snide

i already purchased this. twice. then i man-hugged a stranger sitting next to me at the bar.
coonce staff on April 9, 2009 at 9:28 a.m.
....and technically, this isn't beer pong. this is actually beirut. beer pong is played with paddles and is completely different.
Sin4profiton April 9, 2009 at 9:43 a.m.
I play a version of Beer Pong called "Neutre" where ya drink a lot and...prettymuch...don't play beer pong at all. So far, i think i'm winning.
Sephiroth9997on April 9, 2009 at 9:56 a.m.

More beer less pong.

OmegaPirateon April 9, 2009 at 9:57 a.m.
The best way to play beer pong is naked imho

That way you can get REALLY personal with your zingers

You hairy lady you
TooWalruson April 9, 2009 at 9:58 a.m.
Surprisingly, beer pong isn't much fun without beer.
MattyFTM moderator on April 9, 2009 at 9:59 a.m.
This is officially the stupidest thing ever.
Meatsimon April 9, 2009 at 9:59 a.m.
Everyone forgets the rules of beer pong because they get wasted right after they learn the rules.
ValkyrieGoddesson April 9, 2009 at 10 a.m.
Wow. If i was a drinker i would so play Beer Pong.
I just use to get plastered and play pool with a bunch of friends and the pool hall was next to a strip joint.... Man i could tell you some funny stories.....
_Phara0h_on April 9, 2009 at 10:14 a.m.
This is Dutch beer pong.
 

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