This is why I can't sleep at night.

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Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

Why, Quintet? Why? After


And especially

Why this, of ALL things!? For those of you who do not know what I'm talking about, then congratulations! The nightmares have yet to reach you. I am talking, of course, of Planet Laika, Quintet's last credited game. Oh, you'll understand why when you see the terror that is Planet Laika.

Now two things to warn you about before I begin this nightmare. First, because of the special situation this game occupies, updates may not be daily. It's not like Persona 3, where I have WAY too many screenshots and I don't have to worry about missing a day, or Belle's Quest, where I'm already done with the game. I only play this a couple hours a day, and a lot of that is spent trying to understand what is being said. Oh, that reminds me of the second warning: all of this is in Japanese. Now I will translate all the text to the best of my abilities, but given my skill with the language (proficient), expect my translations to be kinda loose. Hopefully, nothing drastic, but not a 1:1 literal translation. If any of you notice anything REALLY wrong, feel free to bitch at me in the comments.

Be grateful that I put this all behind a spoiler block. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Trust me, a plastic Oddjob is the least unsettling thing to be found in this game.
(The face...What is the face...Shit! Martian bastards!) Just in case you thought this made sense in Japanese. And this is the first line in the game.
(They took human faces, and then the martians died off...What a strange feeling.) なんか妙な感じ, indeed.
(Human faces brought about a calamity. That's the current theory.) Do I even need to caption these? My crappy translations are enough.
(It's you, Laika... I am October, serving as your current commanding officer.) Did somebody cross Sephiroth and Bane together into one unholy mess?
(There's a strange rumor floating around that some face-shaped monsters have appeared and hastened the end of the world.)
(You know this man, don't you, Laika?) Face-shaped monster, indeed.
(God has died, my light...) This is a recurring theme in the game. No, it never makes any damn sense.
(But how did that Galir__(I got no clue)___?) THE POWER OF THE PLAYSTATION!
(We can't go on Martian soil, according to Officer October.) So remind me: where are the humans here, again?
(Huh? My light? What's this "my light" business?) I'd have posted the explanation, but I don't remember it making a lot of sense. Is that any surprise?
I'd explain the joke, but the game just refers to him as Laika, anyway. I guess that's the joke?
(Chewbacca Nof? It's a prestigious name.) Indeed. (I have no clue what the ノフ is doing there.)
Oh, don't worry. It's SUPPOSED to look like that.
It gets worse.
(Mama...I was bad, Mama...Aaaa, no! That's not Mama! It's a lie!) A peek into Yukari Takeba's mind.
I'm pretty sure this isn't the worst of it.
It's like somebody put Giygas into video game form.
And at the center of it all is Chewbacca and his vapid stare.

Have you survived this? I doubt it.

#1 Posted by Mento (2512 posts) -

Definitely looks interesting, but then there might be a reason it's the only Quintet game that didn't get a localization (well, besides their mediocre Saturn output). You ever play Granstream Saga? That's pretty bizarre too. Heck, all of Quintet's games are bizarre in one way or another, but they seemed to go all out with their PS1 games. They were the Cavia of their day, really.

(Meanwhile, I'm setting up a far less interesting Screenshot LP for this month's TurboMento. I'm thinking of just getting the bald goon done and out of the way with. Can't avoid that knuckle dragger forever.)

#2 Edited by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

@mento said:

You ever play Granstream Saga?

Long ago, back in season 2, alongside Donkey Kong Country Returns. I don't remember it being this batshit crazy, though, even near the end, when magical children recited Buddhist lore (or whatever).

#3 Posted by Mento (2512 posts) -

@video_game_king: Well the plot was your general floating islands fantasy stuff, but everything around it was kind of weird. Like how you could find the strongest weapon in the game (by quite a significant leap, no less) by poking around a completely inconspicuous spot in one of the earliest dungeons, or how all the combat was this one-on-one fighter game nonsense where you magically had to call up your armor and weapon each time.

I just found out that it was published by THQ in the US, as was Quest 64. Now why couldn't those two have made the "THQ RIP" stream?

#4 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

@mento said:

Everything around it was kind of weird. Like how you could find the strongest weapon in the game (by quite a significant leap, no less) by poking around a completely inconspicuous spot in one of the earliest dungeons

I used the shit out of that exploit, turning most fights into "how fast you can press the button" bouts. It wasn't even a dungeon, if I remember correctly; it was just a corner in some guy's basement.

#5 Posted by ZagZagovich (759 posts) -

Oh, man. This looks so crazy. I want to this to be translated to play myself.

#6 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

Oh, man. This looks so crazy. I want to this to be translated to play myself.

Do you?

#7 Posted by Ravenlight (8040 posts) -

Okay so it really is about spacedogs. Apropos title, game.

#8 Edited by Chibithor (574 posts) -

I get that there are humans (or faces at least) and martians but what are the main characters supposed to be? Are they the martians? Are their faces the monsters?

#9 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -


They're dogs. Laika refers to the actual dog Laika, the first organism to be shot into the deep vacuum of space.

I have yet to see a human anywhere in the game.

#10 Posted by ZagZagovich (759 posts) -


For sure, man. A bizzare space mystery based around the mars face and Russian space dogs? Where do I sign? Also I'm pretty sure by your captions that humans are all dead from the end of the world they brought and the dogs are the evolved civilization of dogs that sees humans as a boogeyman. But I know nothing about the game besides the images you posted. I'd love to know more though.

#11 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

I must chronicle this madness. I must.

You mean things weren't bad already?
("There are monsters within the heart.") "And outside it, too. Generally, monsters all over the goddamn place in this game."
I'm not even sure what this is supposed to be. Is it a fat guy? A bear? Star Fox completely strung out of its mind?
(We're leaving the rocket, so no matter what happens, don't head off for Mama.)
(It's awfully quiet. Those face monsters aren't made up, right?) Yea, those helmets COMPLETELY cut the tension in this game.
(Crap, a sandstorm's coming!) A very pixel-y sandstorm.
(Chewbacca, are you speaking with The Planet again?) That's as close to an explanation as I've seen (or can remember) for this purple gas.
(Haven't you always wanted to be a good boy?) Your mother is a purple Mars gas, Chewbacca. This is your life.
They come to feast.
(What you heard now? Vladmir's and Sergei's voices. What's that, again (?)?) "Don't listen to a thing they say. You can trust your old buddy Yolanda, right?"
(Hm! I could see him. The glittering treasure; it's my treasure.) "I don't want any of you other mind monsters getting your hands on my shiny shiny!" (Also, given where I am in the game now, I think this is a hint for a gameplay mechanic.)
(It's finally Christmas, it's lonely in here.) Somehow, these statements are related.
And so the mind monsters leave Laika's body (to die).
(Hyo hyo, you're not alone, Chewbacca.) "You always have your floating rat demon friend."
(You've been affected, and will slowly change. You'll change into other people, hyo hyo!) He's not lying. That seems to be the main gameplay mechanic in Planet Laika. Wikipedia says it's "multiple personality disorder", but even I think that's being generous.
(You can see into your heart with this; peek, if you will.) He's referring to those eyes at the bottom.
Even in the void of space, Laika smells like a dog's ass.
(This planet is cruel, in so many ways. You will challenge this evil.) "You will lose horribly, because holy shit, this fucking game."
(It's love, aaaaa, I.. No, I'm filled with this feeling...) HOW DOES LOVE APPLY TO ANY OF THIS!?
(It's definitely the sandstorm's fault. It's like the sand got in my head.) Yep, sand in your head causes stuff like this.

#12 Posted by Slag (4273 posts) -

Illusion of Gaia! That game was alright. Little kid me never got past that final boss, something that still bugs me to this day.

Man, I still have the t-shirt that came with the game. Only game I can ever remember that came with one packed in. I don't remember how they stuffed it in that SNES box.

#13 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

@slag said:

Man, I still have the t-shirt that came with the game. Only game I can ever remember that came with one packed in. I don't remember how they stuffed it in that SNES box.

Given that Earthbound came packed with an entire strategy guide, I have to imagine games back then came in ludicrously huge boxes.

#14 Posted by Slag (4273 posts) -

@slag said:

Man, I still have the t-shirt that came with the game. Only game I can ever remember that came with one packed in. I don't remember how they stuffed it in that SNES box.

Given that Earthbound came packed with an entire strategy guide, I have to imagine games back then came in ludicrously huge boxes.

I never did get Earthbound. I do recall it having a larger box as well as being ten dollars more expensive than most new releases. The original Final Fantasy also had a strategy guide packed in. It was basically just a thick manual, I think it was likely the same for Earthbound.

I can say Illusion of Gaia's box was normal as I still have mine. I wish I could remember how it was packed. The T-Shirt is pretty small though and very light weight material, I definitely can't wear it now.

#15 Edited by Mento (2512 posts) -

Illusion of Gaia didn't need to be packed in with its strategy guide, since they put that whole thing in the back of the manual instead. I don't recall my copy having a T-shirt, but then mine happened to be called Illusion of Time so perhaps there were a few more differences.

I love all six of the Quintet SNES games it turns out. Even ActRaiser 2, as much of a disappointment it was after the first. Soul Blazer is even (indirectly) the basis for Dark Chronicle: my favorite game.

#16 Edited by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

Words fail to describe this game.

(Aaaaa, what is it.) I don't know, man. I don't know.
(Uhuhuhuhuhuhuhu...) The least insane thing yet.
(Hm, a criminal?...Your mother should have gotten the death penalty.) "For what?" "You know damn well, you monster."
Might as well go the Kingdom Hearts route in this crazy world.
I'd say it gets worse, but you know it does.
(You mustn't open the box. An evil magic is sealed within...Understand, April....Please.) I think this is the first voice sample in the game, and it's warning us of evil in a world that clearly bathes in the shit.
Not above a bad transition, I see.
(Chewbacca! Understand when I tell you! You're not playing with that rocket!) And Chewbacca just takes it all in stride.
Well, until this part. Then come the panic attacks.
(Oh, a space captain, hehehe. Did you mess up again?) Given what I've seen, it makes perfect sense that a career as a space captain would be considered a punishment.
Translation not needed.
Now we know why Anakin didn't like them.
Wrong direction.
He's got the right idea. I'd be cowering in fear, too.
(Yes, yes, I gave you Sand Sympathy (?). A fitting name.) More like "a name that's really hard to translate without it sounding dumb".
(It's Christmas Eve today. Christmas on Mars...) Because that's how calendars work.

#17 Edited by Chibithor (574 posts) -

The more I see the less I understand, I thought reading the Wikipedia article would bring some clarity but no. I'm lost. I trust that future updates will explain everything

#18 Edited by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

I trust that future updates will explain everything

I don't. I'm running into bloated alien children for barely explained reasons.

#19 Edited by Slag (4273 posts) -

@video_game_king: @mento:

This was the shirt. Thing was super comfortable. According to Wikipedia, the T-shirt was pack in only in the States.

#20 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

Perhaps I haven't made something clear in this entire feature. This is the first Japanese video game I've played where I've made an actual attempt to read the Japanese text rather than just mash my way through it. This game took my Japanese virginity. CAN YOU POSSIBLY COMPREHEND HOW THAT FEELS!?

(I can't see it. But it's so simple for a psycho.) Everything's easy for Psycho.
(What type...are you? A psycho, maybe?) Was there ever any doubt?
Fun fact: even when the eyes change, all the other eyes are still watching you.
(You will come before the mirror.) So sayeth the floating rat thing.
(You'll change into another person using the evil you've gathered. Your own self will be blocked and you won't be yourself, hyohyohyo.) Yea, makes sense that the black arts would be invovled in this game.
"Remember this? Yea, I bet you do."
(Chewbacca, your heart is colder than you once thought.) On Christmas? I never saw it coming.
This is the first character he transforms into: a redheaded dog thing named Earnest.
(Hyo, there are still far too many things you don't know.) I thought that was already the case.
What's that over there? Did reality just crap the bed?
(Hm. That blasted face monster has appeared!) No. There's no way that thing is a face monster. It's a monster, but certainly no face monster.
(The Face likes to eat your possibilities.) LIKE YOU COULD MAKE IT MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE.
(Get your timing just right and press the Heart Button (O), hyo hyo.) Last time I pushed a Heart Button, I got five years in prison.
This is the battle system. It's essentially a strange game of Pong.
"Did you forget me?"
(Got Crow Dream.) I honestly have no idea what this is saying. Then again, I could say the same for anything in this game.
(Hey, what are you looking at?) That woman's face in the back?
This is what I get for looking at her.

What DID I get for looking at her? Find out tomorrow in this horrible mistake!

#21 Edited by Canteu (2821 posts) -

Images of Terranigma, the greatest of the Soul Blazer Saga, yet you do not talk about said Saga?

We can't be friends anymore king, unless you rectify this issue in a timely, well written blog about said titles.

Or die?

(talking about another game by said developer totally doesn't count!)

#22 Edited by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -


To be fair, listening to the Terranigma soundtrack has given me some pretty big nostalgia attacks, so I could tackle these games sometime in the near future. Just not now; I'm playing way too many games to make that a reality.

#23 Posted by Canteu (2821 posts) -

@video_game_king: Alright, as long as you know I disdain your choice to not play Terranigma instead.

Ouch, my nostalgia bone!

#24 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -


I think I tried searching out the Japanese script for it online, but couldn't turn up anything. That's really about it.

#25 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

So I just took a shitload of screenshots for this game last night, and one of those hallucinatory monsters shows up quite prominently. In a few days, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

A fucking Game Over. That's what I got yesterday.
(Damn, I don't feel good. I feel like I'm gonna throw up...*puke noises*) Just what I want to see in my video games: more vomiting space dogs.
(I came here for a face washing. You know, before I go to bed.) The important thing to take away from this is that the horse faced creature is apparently a woman. Because gender applies to things like this.
(Uuuu, yes, yes, I....uuuuuu) The voices finally rebel against thee, Chewbacca.
(Damn it! You again?) We met be-
(Who are you? Did you come from Earth?) OH DEAR FUCK!
(Charlie, you've woke up, you've woke up.) I clicked a random part of the environment, and suddenly this message popped up along with the most sinister goddamn music imaginable.
These things just spin around like crazy forever and ever and ever.
(It's the Brick Road. The red house.) I'd make a joke about the Lollipop Guild, but I think we met them a couple of screenshots ago.
(The door, it won't open.) "Perhaps the fresh meat will help us, O brother."
(It's a MYSTERY.) If ever I needed a screenshot to summarize this game.
(I hate the mirror. I don't want to see it.) In this game, I can understand that all too well.
(You don't think it's innocent, do you?) I have no idea why I chose what amounts to the "yes" option.
(When the mirror turns orange, you can hear an evil woman's laughing voice.)
(The man's rotting thing is a rotting pie, hahahaha. It shines. Oooh, smelly. You're just as smelly!) Accompanied by the most horrifying laughter.
He knows. He knows all.
"It matters not who you are...Death awaits you."
Introducing....I honestly have no clue. At first, I wanted to say Yolanda, but where she very clearly comes much later. I'm also tempted to call this thing Sergei, but I'm certain that's Chewbacca's older brother.
Oh....hey there, floating eyeball thing.
(Strange....I can hear words....within me...) How can you even use the word "strange" in this game? What counts as strange?

For those who would like to simulate this experience for themselves:

#26 Posted by Chibithor (574 posts) -

At the very least I think it might be reaching the max weirdness that it can. I mean, if nothing makes any sense, you can't really be surprised when something nonsensical comes up, right? Leave it to Planet Laika to prove me wrong I guess, but I think on some level the worst it can do now is keep having those face close-ups.

#27 Edited by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

At the very least I think it might be reaching the max weirdness that it can.

You are so laughably, horribly wrong. It's gonna get MUCH worse than close-ups. Which reminds me:

Update time!

(In a single grain of sand, you can see the world...In a single wildflower, you can see the heavens...) In a single dog, you can see all of Hell.
(A verse from an old poem...I feel the prophetic depths...Even so, this poem...) So is this Nyx all over again? That would certainly explain this feeling that I'm about to die.
Surprisingly NOT a game over.
Oh boy! Another battle. (There are remarkably few in the game, so I might as well capture all of them.)
Just in case you forgot what the battle system was like.
Just in case you forgot what this fucker looked like. (And judging by a walkthrough I found, his name is apparently Spacer. Not that I remember that ever coming up, but it's helpful to know.)
Space Channel 5 with dogs.
(Ah, Laika. It's you, Laika.) So less dog Bane and more dog Sephiroth?
(Ah, pets have come back to life...Ah, I remembered pi.) And now you know the Japanese word for pi. Not that it makes sense here, but the more you know.
So Mars is like France, except you always feel like you're going to die a horrible death?
(That's right! You're a dog! We hate dogs.) "Makes our presence in this game massively confusing."
It's like an iPod commercial, but far worse.
The worst parts of the 1970s rolled up into one horrible image.
(There is no fighting here, no despair, none of the curtains you come out of. That's the situation.) It all made sense up until the "curtains" part.
(It is a thing.) Why are they here, again?
(You want a lullaby?) The hissing of a million spiders, almost in unison.
"I just can't take it anymore. Alien chihuahua fetuses, spinning comic relief things, shapeshifting eyeball battles....Worst Christmas ever..."
I'm pretty sure that Hitler speeches are echoing in the background of this particular screenshot. No, I don't know why. I never know why.
What's that red dog thing in the upper right?

Also, I should get around to translating and captioning the latest batch of screenshots I took. After all, they were what I was talking about with the "so much worse" part.

#28 Edited by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

An update on where I am in the game itself (as opposed to this thread, because that would be redundant): I'm maybe 4 hours in, and the battles are finally starting to come into play. Instead of that, though, "enjoy" the following:

What's Chidori doing here?
(Are you a friend, too? Are you with them?) It's best not to speak with the bloated corpse dog child. I think you know why.
(I'm Veronica. And you?) There was a friendly but naive King, who played a very nasty game...
(I really hate those guys. Smoky...They oughta die. No doubt you think that, too.) HOW DID YOU KNOW!?
(Don't look at him.) It's hard not to. The hell is he supposed to be, anyway?
(What'll ya drink? Eh?) Nope, still not clear.
(Oy! You little snot! Are you strong? Come over here. (?)) Let us zoom in on this madness.
(Venusians? There are Venusians here, too?) Because why not? (Initially, I read that as "Gold Martians", because you stop questioning this game after a while.)
(Well, not HERE. They're a power that comes from space.) The translation is awkward, but I can't imagine these words not looking crazy. I just can't.
I can't tell if this is old-timey racist or just terrifying.
I think that sign in the back is Russian for "dollar rate"? Keep in mind that my specialty is Japanese.
In case you thought my Resident Evil joke was out of line earlier.
(Were they tempted by Mountain?) Why hello there, also floating monster thing.
(Did you come from Earth?) The darkness knows all.
(Your friends were also possessed by the evil of the planet.) Just in case you were going to point to a part of this screenshot that isn't terrifying. (Oh, and bonus: the kanji in "possessed" isn't in common use, explaining why I had such a hard time looking this up on
(Do you know the story of the Black Knight?) I don't think Zelgius wants any part of this horror show.
(The Black Knight, who will guide this world into destruction and bring about the end...Is that it?) I should point out that they're most likely referring to one of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse. All the dialogue suggests that it's supposed to be Death, but he was the Pale Rider. Famine's sporting black. The more you know, I guess.
Now in picture form!
(I can only say that they're not bad people. Is there still hope?) Of course there isn't. Just look at this. Look at this and point to anything even remotely resembling "hope".
(Oh, right! Your friends are suffering!) Of course they are.

#29 Edited by pyromagnestir (4305 posts) -

I want to see if you actually do a month+ worth of updates in one post.

#30 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

@pyromagnestir Aw hell no.

(Be careful. Over there, lost memories come back to life.) Oh boy. Can't wait to see THAT.
(That's heresy. We didn't come here to take human faces. Same as you.) Right. "お前たちもそうだろう".
Believe me, there's a good reason why I'm not telling you what Chewbacca is looking at. (Actually, I can't remember, but I don't think I'd want to, either.)
(It's dance time.) The terrified flailings of a thousand children desperately clinging to life.
(No, I don't know anything. That's right, nothing.) Neither do I.
(I don't know...Superstitions are good if they're superstitions.) So sayeth The Face.
(The Black Knight...Judgment...Quite the Apocalypse, isn't it? It's a pale horse that will bring about the end.) Wait, so Jesus exists in this world? That Christmas thing is religiously coded? Oh clearly non-existent god.
(Look at the pale horse. The rider's name is called Death.) It is the only name this world knows.
(Mama was always worried.) That explains the first installment.
Is this Mama? I'd believe anything now.
Nope. It's....what the hell is this?....Is it wearing a thong on its head?
Did I mention that her face twitches like crazy throughout this scene?
(People? No, not really people. Well, you should go help your friends right away. You won't be able to return to Earth otherwise.) There are no people in this world. Only monsters.
(Who? Did someone call me?) The voices call out for her, too.
(What's all this then?) You tell me....I can't describe a single thing in this game.
(What's so scary?) Everything, April. Everything.
(It's that world, ahhh, everybody's speaking strangely, like they're all robots.) It probably doesn't mean what you think it means. And did I mention he's revving up an imaginary Harley motorcycle throughout this entire scene?
(This is the Valley of Memories. Oxygen Stone was mined here...) What's the freezing point of oxygen and why aren't they dead?
It looks very Disney/FF7 until...

Stay tuned for yet more tumor-inducing madness.

#31 Posted by pyromagnestir (4305 posts) -


#32 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

We shall see that at which dogs howl in the dark, and that at which cats prick up their ears after midnight.

There are no monsters that give birth to themselves. This thing is supra-monster.
And his response is a dur face for the ages.
Is this the monster or April? Does it matter?
Oh shit. Chewbacca's transformed into a bad JRPG character!
Oh god. This thing has a presence!
(Chloe...I see...the Captain said...)"I don't quite understand what he said. He may have been swallowing his own tongue."
(Laika...Laika!) It's too late, April. It's far too late.
"What's with the colors in this game?"
He/she knows.
(Chloe. Do you think you and I are similar?) Yes and no?
(There's nobody like me.) Clearly.
Let that image be burned into your mind.
(Good person...I don't know any...) Gee, you don't say?
It ascends to the bell tower to ring of the end.
(It's finally Christmas, but a certain somebody's making me wander around this place.) Yolanda's defining character trait: asshole.
Just in case the mood wasn't clear already.
Much better.
('s you...) Says a very audible female voice for who knows what reason.
(Cute little April...I'm so happy....that you're this April...) "Just walk....a little closer..."

#33 Edited by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

I'd say that nothing about the town in today's update makes sense, but really, has anything in this game?

(I don't have any friends.) Let this depressing statement preface the town that follows.
(I wonder what it is...It's certainly proof that someone was here.) She's talking about that yellow fart cloud on the wall.
(There's a rumor that it appears within the mirror at night, but I have yet to see it.) Which summons this yellow fart filter.
(What's wrong? Looking at the gave me goosebumps...) She is the voice of sanity in a world long lost.
(I'm OK with anything, but what's this "shee-shee" supposed to mean?) Hell if I know. Maybe it's the town's special speech problem?
I spent far too much time just wandering around town and speaking to random NPCs before Yolanda just locked up and the game decided to advance the story.
Any art majors want to pick apart the symbolism here?
(Mmmhmm. Just like Mom.) Which means it can't possibly be good.
(Noon! Don't hide from us...) Maybe I should just give you the Google Translated ending to this: Are you are you are you know! (I thought it said "We know what you are!", but that translation looks iffy, so I wanted to make sure.)
(Mama wouldn't die to that type of thing.) I hate how right Ryoji will be much later in my other, better received thread.
(Shut it! You're not Mama!)
(Mama's calling!)
(Hmhm, can you hear it, hmhm!) "Their is simply glorious..."
(Lately, we've considered that the things we call Martians are not white ant-like creatures.) When learning languages, context is a highly important factor. That's why the game provides absolutely none for this line.
Why do these ice statues look like living beings?
Anybody mind translating the Russian in this game? I'm out of my league on this one.
(Mama, stop...Please...Mama...) I'd make a joke, but we're getting an explanation for this exchange tomorrow.
I don't think I captured it well, but this mirror has an eerie red glow about it, and so much as approaching it summons huge red claws that drag Chewbacca into the void.
What objects can you name that are the color red?

#34 Posted by Slag (4273 posts) -

@video_game_king: So you were saying you wanted someone to post here so you could post your next installment?

(I didn't know about about the dbl post lock limit till you mentioned it)

This game looks like it was whack. That last image might have been the perfect stopping point anyway.... That's Chucky-esque creepiness goin' on there.

#35 Edited by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

SERIOUSLY!? This is back!? Well, given what else I'm doing, it makes some sense. That's the only time I'll say that about Planet Laika. And here's the introduction I prepared in advance:

If I remember correctly, the horror show relents somewhat after this entry. Let us celebrate.

(Don't look at me with those eyes, Mama! They're scary!) "Or that face. Or that filter. Or anything, really. Just don't look at me."
And you doubted me about the claws. Probably. It's been a long time, alright?
(Mama! Stop!) Hopefully, this screenshot conveys a sense of the shaky cam effect that's being (ab)used throughout.
After all this time, Windows Movie Maker effects seem almost comforting.
I couldn't capture it too well, but there were a TON of other images just flashing like crazy during this particular scene. This is but one of them.
Do I even need to comment?
"Merry Christmas! Here's your father's severed head, courtesy of Satan Claus."
(I) did not need to capture any more.
(Hahahahahaha, I'm sick, too, sicksicksicksicksicksicksicksicksick, ahahahahaha...) For the discerning gamer who thought Earthbound was too balanced.
(Everyone is sick!) "And that is why they must burn!"
Earnest is back, and he's ready to fuck up some Mama.
"Now is our chance for an All-Out Insanity."
(, Chloe...)
(It's burning.) CHLOE DESERVES THIS. (Look in the fire. That's Chloe.)
(What's that blue thing?) Hell if I know. Emulation error?
I didn't even notice those eyes when I was taking this picture. DEAR FUCK.
This is the first decently challenging fight in the game. There's also some dialogue floating throughout the scene, but hell if I could tell you what it was saying; I was too focused on this thing.
"You thought fire could kill me? YOU THOUGHT FIRE COULD KILL ME!?"
That's about my response.
It gets slightly weirder from here.

Perhaps now, I can kill the beast once and for all.

#36 Posted by Slag (4273 posts) -

What are those things? They look like the Whos from Whoville from the Grinch who Stole Christmas.

#37 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

It's been so long; I can't even remember what's going on. That's probably a good thing.

Welcome to the 1970s....again.
(Thank you for helping me...It's the first time...somebody has helped me...) We put her out of her misery. Ours still continues.
(Earnest...I'm sure that's what you're called....I know about other people...) The transition between these screenshots sure is...something.
(And about the Phoenix...You and I...we're the same...We have no bodies...) That's about it, though.
Why hello there, testicle dog monster.
(Laika, glad to see you. Chloe's safe.) SON OF A BITCH! And for a brief second, I thought he was saying that she was no more. Foolish, foolish me.
What the...?
I'm still not entirely sure what this giant bug thing was doing wandering around town, but alright.
This isn't a hallucination; it's something that actually happens within the game's reality.
(What was that thing? Perhaps the Black Knight...) "Or maybe it's this coffee mug. Or this leather handbag. ANYTHING could be the Black Knight!"
After this, the battles pick up in frequency (but only for a bit), so I'll stop taking screenshots of every single one of them.
It gets weirder.
(It's treasure...hehehe....My treasure...) Turns out he's talking about a white stone among all the blue.
(Chewbacca, your Christmas present is a big rocket. The biggest in town!) That's about the only purpose this room serves in the entire game.
(Received Beijing.) Nope, still weirder things coming up.
(It's god god god, it's a monologue.) OK, how can the concept of a god even exist in this universe?
(How about I guide you around my store? Ah, I'm Fey of Ryan House.) Not the Ryan you're thinking of.
(But I like the name Vanity Face. It's a dream.) As opposed to Plastic Surgery Hell Hole.
(Hurry up. Smear it on him while he's sleeping.)
(Be careful around her. That hypnotism...It's a false knowledge...She's quite the witch.) This could apply to any character in the game, guys included.

#38 Posted by Slag (4273 posts) -

Is this some sort of RPG? I can't even tell what's going on

#39 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

@slag said:

Is this some sort of RPG? I can't even tell what's going on

And you think I do? Keep in mind I wrote a blog about this, and I still don't know what it fucking is.

#40 Posted by TheHT (11155 posts) -

...this looks amazing.

#41 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

Before we get into any of this, let me say that a crash erased some other screenshots I took before the ones that follow. Such gems included Fey and Veronica being the same person, a zoomy face shot of April, and Chewbacca collecting December (as in "we are not kidding, the actual month December".) You can watch some of it here.

OK, maybe you were right about that hypnotism jive, Fey.
(Enter into the entrance...the pure white entrance...Ah, it's all pure pretty...) Man, this game really loves abusing ellipses, doesn't it?
In case you doubted me.
(And you are? Veronica, huh? Tonight, you're Veronica.) Tomorrow, you're fucked.
(That woman has a greedy soul. She has an insatiable desire to take anything and everything.) Then your use of the word カタマリ is quite apt.
(Fey wants to become a beautiful avatar, is that it?) Planet Laika Sentence Structure: take a regular sentence and change one word so that absolutely nothing about it makes sense anymore.
(I don't want to go back....It's pure darkness...) Planet Laika: the hit Broadway play.
(Various circumstances are floating before my eyes, things I can only see. Things teach me various things.) It's like Finnegans Wake: The Overdose.
(I forgot, but today's the day Noon's mother died.) "Dog guy's mother's got a knife. About to end some poor bastard's life. Oh dear god, what an awful wife. It's a merry fuckin' Christmas."
Metal Gear Laika?
Nope. Failure as a result of a cutscene.
Good to know that I'm n-wait, what's that thing on the wall?
Do not try to comprehend this. There is no hope.
Or this.
(Hey, tell me, God handing down a verdict, is that Judgment?) "I pulled you out of your body for THIS?"
(Is God here?) WHAT DO YOU THINK!?
(It's warm...This is the secret power...) The power for your hair to grow white for no real reason?
The laughter of children taunts poor Chewbacca.
(It's a prayer, it's God, Mr. Little's God.) Superman?
I think this is one of the few (maybe only) times the game goes FF7 on us and decides to shift the perspective dynamically.

#42 Posted by Slag (4273 posts) -
#43 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

@slag said:

Then all hope is lost.

There was hope? THERE WAS HOPE!?

#44 Edited by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

In today's episode, we "find" "God". Because that's something that exists in this universe.

It's worse than frostbite.
(Darkman, why didn't you come when I called you before?) Because prayers go unheeded in this universe.
(Eventually I will face my limits. This planet will become a Kingdom of Misery.)
(Hey, you might be a fighting person,) As shown when Chewbacca....I'm not too sure.
Oh, he wanted us to get our ass kicked by Smokey. Did I mention that this isn't really avoidable or important to the plot?
This is what happens when Smokey bludgeons you to death.
Daisy, Daisy...
(3 and 1, which do you like better?)........What?
(I'll become smart! I'll even remember pi.) What's the symbolism behind pi here, again? Why does it keep coming up?
I guess this is appropriate. After all, Planet Laika DOES make me feel like I lost my parents in a house fire.
Philemon, why?
I think the only foreshadowing the game gives for this event is a conversation with Old Frostbite a bit earlier.
(God? Is God here?) You know the answer, Yolanda.
Back to Oxygen Town to fight some brain creatures.
(This is a magic mirror. You can't use this mirror during a sandstorm.) You know, as opposed to the other mirrors that simply transform you into completely different people.
(God is called Tall Boy.) I don't remember reading that in the Bible.
(Look. It's Tall Boy.) Planet Laika: where God is Giygas's giant purple cock.
Point to one part of this screenshot that tells me I'm going to live through it.
"Yes. Fight. You shall please your god."

#45 Edited by pyromagnestir (4305 posts) -

@video_game_king said:

@slag said:

Then all hope is lost.

There was hope? THERE WAS HOPE!?

That you'll ever finish posting all these screenshot blogs?

No. No there wasn't.

edit: that sounds meaner than I intended, but you know what I mean. I'm referring to all the double posts, not that I want you to stop.

#46 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

Why, yes, it DOES get worse.

(Stop such useless things. You're a criminal by birth. You shall become one with me.) "We could always use more criminals in our face tower."
(Weren't you already alone, frightened pup?) I'm not even sure what I'm looking at.
Still not sure.
I wanted to capture just the fight, but unfortunately got about half a sentence jammed in there, too.
If you thought the CGI in Toy Story was horrifying...
(The Christmas present I got, it was a pair of red socks.) Those are his dying thoughts.
Have fun sleeping tonight.
(What was that? Earnest...Yolanda...Can you hear my voice?) Oh, fuck. They KNOW each other?
A peek into a stalker's mind.
(Oh! Fire! A sea of fire!) "It commands me."
(Then what. Should. We. Do. Now.) Why. Is. Her. Voice. Punctuated. So. Strangely?
(Together, with an Indian looking person...) You mean the guy who stole our soul earlier?
Wait, why is his tail outside his space suit?
You know you have a good game on your hands when your characters spend their time in it cuddled in fear.
"Fuck it. This game's too much, even for me."
Oh, right. Remember April?
(I...will die...) She has resigned herself to her fate.
The strangest iPod commercial I've yet to see.
OK, so we've got Japanese, Russian, and HEBREW to deal with? It's all too much, Laika!

#47 Posted by Slag (4273 posts) -

Are these all cutscenes? or is this gameplay?

I'm so confused.

#48 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -


Cutscene, mostly. The game's essentially bumbling in and out of increasingly terrifying cutscenes, some sine wave fights thrown in for the hell of it. Just one of the reasons Planet Laika is so, so awful.

#49 Posted by Slag (4273 posts) -


Cutscene, mostly. The game's essentially bumbling in and out of increasingly terrifying cutscenes, some sine wave fights thrown in for the hell of it. Just one of the reasons Planet Laika is so, so awful.

like laughably awful or tediously awful?

That's how unintelligble this is all is to me.

#50 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -


"Psychologically scarring" awful.

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