You Do Not Enjoy Playing Pokemon

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Posted by mrburger (97 posts) -

You love playing Pokemon, but you hate playing Pokemon. You hate starting out on new Routes knowing there will be tall grass, dead ends, and trainer battles. You hate surfing. You hate long, winding, random-encounter-filled deviations from the main Route that should have cool items in them, like Rare Candy, PP Up, Max Revive, etc., but that instead only have items that the game seems to think are cool, like Ether, X Speed, Heal Ball, etc. You hate running back to the pokemon center every ten minutes because you refuse to use too many potions on any one outing.

You hate catching a Level 6 something and then finding out that there are Level 9 ones in the same grass. You hate raising a pokemon that you know from the outset you're eventually going to have to replace. You hate that your pokemon hurt themselves in confusion disproportionately more often than do your opponent's.

You hate that you can't have Arceus. You hate when a sweet pokemon looks silly from behind. You hate that you only ever land critical hits when you least need them. You hate that you always have to figure out where everything is whenever you get to a new town; and you hate having to figure out which houses or buildings have nobody of any importance in them; and you hate that it always feels too soon for another gym.

You hate having to grind before pretty much any major progress-related event. You hate how fleeting it is to have all your pokemon be higher level than everybody else's in the game. You hate having to grind when all the wild pokemon near town are like 5 levels below your pokemon. You hate that the pokemon you need to grind most always has the Type that is the worst to have to grind in that area. You hate when random encounters suddenly start happening every three steps. You hate how random encounters always occur right as you're about to make it out of the grass. You hate being unable to run from a wild pokemon until after it has paralyzed/poisoned/put your guy to sleep.

You hate waiting for it to finish saying, "Wild [...] appeared!, Go [...]!, [...]'s Intimidate cut [...]'s attack!, [...]'s Anticipate made it shudder, It started to hail!" etc. You hate waiting for it to finish healing your pokemon. You hate waiting for it to let you Press Start to Begin. You hate waiting for it to finish saving (unless it's "saving a lot of data," then you feel accomplished).

You hate caves. You hate getting through a huge span of the game and then receiving the Item Finder. You hate that you can never bring yourself to actually use any of your rare candies. You hate having to waste precious move slots on mandatory HM crap. You hate that your [Type]-type pokemon only learns a good [Type]-type move every twenty levels. You hate how slow even the running shoes feel after awhile. You hate that after several hours you can't remember why you even play this stupid game.

But dear player, you must suffer to earn your contentment. The game--not your rival, not Team Whatever, not the superhuman effort needed to fill your pokedex--the game itself is the game's true antagonist. To play it is to oppose it. To complete it is to defeat it. And to discuss it with other players is, my friend, alas, to commiserate.

#1 Posted by mrburger (97 posts) -

You love playing Pokemon, but you hate playing Pokemon. You hate starting out on new Routes knowing there will be tall grass, dead ends, and trainer battles. You hate surfing. You hate long, winding, random-encounter-filled deviations from the main Route that should have cool items in them, like Rare Candy, PP Up, Max Revive, etc., but that instead only have items that the game seems to think are cool, like Ether, X Speed, Heal Ball, etc. You hate running back to the pokemon center every ten minutes because you refuse to use too many potions on any one outing.

You hate catching a Level 6 something and then finding out that there are Level 9 ones in the same grass. You hate raising a pokemon that you know from the outset you're eventually going to have to replace. You hate that your pokemon hurt themselves in confusion disproportionately more often than do your opponent's.

You hate that you can't have Arceus. You hate when a sweet pokemon looks silly from behind. You hate that you only ever land critical hits when you least need them. You hate that you always have to figure out where everything is whenever you get to a new town; and you hate having to figure out which houses or buildings have nobody of any importance in them; and you hate that it always feels too soon for another gym.

You hate having to grind before pretty much any major progress-related event. You hate how fleeting it is to have all your pokemon be higher level than everybody else's in the game. You hate having to grind when all the wild pokemon near town are like 5 levels below your pokemon. You hate that the pokemon you need to grind most always has the Type that is the worst to have to grind in that area. You hate when random encounters suddenly start happening every three steps. You hate how random encounters always occur right as you're about to make it out of the grass. You hate being unable to run from a wild pokemon until after it has paralyzed/poisoned/put your guy to sleep.

You hate waiting for it to finish saying, "Wild [...] appeared!, Go [...]!, [...]'s Intimidate cut [...]'s attack!, [...]'s Anticipate made it shudder, It started to hail!" etc. You hate waiting for it to finish healing your pokemon. You hate waiting for it to let you Press Start to Begin. You hate waiting for it to finish saving (unless it's "saving a lot of data," then you feel accomplished).

You hate caves. You hate getting through a huge span of the game and then receiving the Item Finder. You hate that you can never bring yourself to actually use any of your rare candies. You hate having to waste precious move slots on mandatory HM crap. You hate that your [Type]-type pokemon only learns a good [Type]-type move every twenty levels. You hate how slow even the running shoes feel after awhile. You hate that after several hours you can't remember why you even play this stupid game.

But dear player, you must suffer to earn your contentment. The game--not your rival, not Team Whatever, not the superhuman effort needed to fill your pokedex--the game itself is the game's true antagonist. To play it is to oppose it. To complete it is to defeat it. And to discuss it with other players is, my friend, alas, to commiserate.

#2 Posted by Video_Game_King (34573 posts) -

You assume a lot about my, Mr. Microsoft Paint Monologue.

#3 Posted by ArbitraryWater (10987 posts) -

You're right. I do not enjoy playing Pokemon, but for very few of the reasons you stated!

#4 Edited by mrburger (97 posts) -

It's Burger.

You are a stronger man than I. Or woman. "ArbitaryWater" is hard to guess. Point being the strength, though.

#5 Posted by Video_Game_King (34573 posts) -

@mrburger said:

It's Burger.

I don't speak German.

#6 Posted by Galiant (2163 posts) -

I dislike that the games haven't changed much over the years. Yes, there are plenty of smaller additions that actually make the games more enjoyable to play - but it still feels like you're playing the same old game with a new coat of paint, and that's just not enough for me anymore.

That's how I feel about it, at least.

#7 Posted by Pazy (2553 posts) -

I cant understand where your coming from. In every Pokemon game ive played (Blue, Diamond and Black) ive always chosen the water pokemon then steamrolled the entire game using a single move without regard for type. My other slots are usually 1 legendery and then 4 HM slaves that I dont use in battle. It makes the Pokemon games great games for sitting on buses.

#8 Edited by Hunter5024 (5163 posts) -

You need to use more repels dawg.

@Pazy said:

I cant understand where your coming from. In every Pokemon game ive played (Blue, Diamond and Black) ive always chosen the water pokemon then steamrolled the entire game using a single move without regard for type. My other slots are usually 1 legendery and then 4 HM slaves that I dont use in battle. It makes the Pokemon games great games for sitting on buses.

Using one pokemon can get you through the game but it kind of ruins it. I tried forcing myself to use 6 and it made the game a lot more rewarding.

#9 Posted by DarkShaper (1296 posts) -

I could explain how almost every point you make is a stupid generalization but a post this full of dumb shit would just be a waste of time to think about that much. In that case I will keep it short, every point you made either doesn't bother me or is something I actually enjoy.  

#10 Posted by Boboblaw (256 posts) -

Nah son, I still love Pokemon games.

#11 Posted by Gringus (64 posts) -

Awesome mspaint art!!

#12 Posted by MikeGosot (3227 posts) -

Nah, i liked Pokémon. Some of the reasons you mentioned were a problem, but then, i just took a break. No reason playing what i don't enjoy, right?

#13 Posted by ArbitraryWater (10987 posts) -

@mrburger said:

It's Burger.

You are a stronger man than I. Or woman. "ArbitaryWater" is hard to guess. Point being the strength, though.

There are like 5 openly female users on these forums (actually, 4 now that TurboToaster has left). The statistical probability of me being female is pretty null, all things considered.

And really, it's not the JRPG bullshit that prevents me from enjoying Pokemon. It's the fact that it's the same JRPG bullshit that the series has had for the last 17 years.

#14 Posted by Video_Game_King (34573 posts) -

@ArbitraryWater:

Six, actually. Off the top of my head, there's Pepsiman, PixelPrinny, TaliciaDragonSong, Sparklykiss, Grimhild, and Morrow. I don't like that I actively know this. Passive is fine.

#15 Posted by mrburger (97 posts) -

@DarkShaper said:

I could explain how almost every point you make is a stupid generalization but a post this full of dumb shit would just be a waste of time to think about that much. In that case I will keep it short, every point you made either doesn't bother me or is something I actually enjoy.

Thanks man. I appreciate the feedback.

#16 Posted by drac96 (654 posts) -

I have and always will love Pokemon.

I do hate the god damn caves though.

#17 Posted by mrburger (97 posts) -

By the way, I wrote this a year or two ago. I've since switched to using Repels.

And guys, I'm not trying to push everybody's buttons, I'm sorry. I forget my place. Back when I wrote this, it was just a creative exercise (I'm an aspiring writer, laugh all you want), and I just wanted to practice focusing on things I hated about a thing I loved. I'm in year five of a serious relationship, (again, laughter) so it's useful to do this type of thing, for me; it's like good, ah, psychological practice, kind of. Do you follow? Sometimes you feel like you hate a thing you love, and it's confusing, and it's good to talk it out (and draw pictures). It's also good to do it about Pokemon and not about your significant other. The post never asserts whether or not Pokemon is a good game, btw, or a bad game. I know it doesn't because I'm its author and I know my own personal stance on Pokemon's objective quality is: complicated.

#18 Posted by Deusx (1879 posts) -

Actually, I love it... but I can understand people hating the repetition involved in those games.

#19 Posted by Sooty (8077 posts) -

Somehow the combat in Pokemon is still more interesting than Skyrim. That is real bad.

#20 Posted by AlisterCat (5396 posts) -

No... I pretty much love it.

#21 Edited by clstirens (846 posts) -

@mrburger: I'm shocked at this awful reaction, it's like you disturbed everyone's sacred cow or something...

Your post explains pretty much exactly my frustrations in pokemon anymore. I loved the first 4 of them that I played, but anymore it's just _mostly_ the same old shit. Everything you wrote is exactly the problem.

#22 Posted by ajamafalous (11590 posts) -

I love Pokemon but every thing you said is true.

#23 Posted by pyromagnestir (3940 posts) -

I enjoyed playing Pokemon Blue very much back in the day.

Also Pokemon Snap. Fuck now I want to play Pokemon Snap.

#24 Posted by Red (5991 posts) -

Yeah, you're right. Pokemon needs to fix these problems.

And status conditions are the worst thing in any RPG. Every enemy seems to be capable of inflicting them, but they're completely undependable and useless whenever the player tries to use them. And they don't work on bosses.

Does anyone actively enjoy using status conditions?

#25 Posted by supermonkey122 (778 posts) -

Yes I do.

#26 Posted by Doctorchimp (4063 posts) -

They just need to come out with a game that has fights taking place on a 6 x 6 x 6 grid and I'm back in it.

#27 Posted by DarkShaper (1296 posts) -
@Red said: 

Does anyone actively enjoy using status conditions?

Status conditions are so much fun to use in the Pokemon games if you know what you are doing especially against other people. 
#28 Edited by Rabid619 (1077 posts) -

I was about to argue because I'm playing Pokemon literally as I'm typing this...

...but then I realized I'm banging my head against a wall trying to beat one trainer who is in tall grass, which is making me run back to the Pokemon center every 10 minutes. Hm.

Edit: Finally down to the last one! One on one now let's do this! "...it's not very effective." D:

#29 Posted by Hizang (8534 posts) -

Everything you just said makes me want to play a Pokemon game.

#30 Posted by SexyToad (2739 posts) -

I agree with some of those things, but not all. Soo that means I must destroy them. Lucario use Aura Blast on reasons I do not agree with such as finding lower lvl Pokemon in grass when there is higher lvls of the same Pokemon in the same area!... Critical Hit!

#31 Posted by Landon (4115 posts) -

@Sooty said:

Somehow the combat in Pokemon is still more interesting than Skyrim. That is real bad.

Bullshit. I'd rather swing away in Skyrim than rapidly tap the 'A' button in Pokemon because my cursor is defaulted to my strongest attack that I just spam over and over again.

#32 Posted by bartok (2371 posts) -

Every game that has and will ever be made will have a few things it you will hate.   There is no perfect game and many of the problems you described in Pokemon are just  minor annoyances because the series is still going strong. 

#33 Posted by TehFlan (1944 posts) -

I feel like I never need to grind in Pokemon games, and I always use a team of 6 Pokemon, often making a point of imposing challenges on myself.

#34 Posted by DaemonBlack (342 posts) -

@Sooty: Those two things could not be any more different so that comment makes absolutely no sense.

I found this pretty enjoyable. Just replace "you hate" with "you're annoyed by" and I would agree with most things you said.

However, I do actively HATE how they still lock certain pokemon to only being obtained by special events, older generations, or trading. Put them all on the same damn cartridge for christs sake.

#35 Posted by Video_Game_King (34573 posts) -

@Sooty said:

Somehow the combat in Pokemon is still more interesting than Skyrim. That is real bad.

You could really stand to read my next blog.

#36 Posted by Hunter5024 (5163 posts) -

@Video_Game_King said:

Six, actually. Off the top of my head, there's Pepsiman, PixelPrinny, TaliciaDragonSong, Sparklykiss, Grimhild, and Morrow. I don't like that I actively know this. Passive is fine.

Pepsiman is a girl? What a misleading name! Also I believe Animasta is a lady as well... though she did have an Erica picture for a while soo...

@Red said:

Yeah, you're right. Pokemon needs to fix these problems.

And status conditions are the worst thing in any RPG. Every enemy seems to be capable of inflicting them, but they're completely undependable and useless whenever the player tries to use them. And they don't work on bosses.

Does anyone actively enjoy using status conditions?

They're the worst! Except specifically in Pokemon, where everything you said isn't true. Burning a pokemon with a high attack stat is a perfectly valid strategy. In the battle system I'm building I'm trying to find a substitute for status ailments, considering using debuffs in a more crucial role but that's creating a whole set of other problems.

#37 Posted by Dethfish (3590 posts) -

You don't know me. Shut up.

#38 Edited by mandude (2667 posts) -

You know me pretty well. Good work.

#39 Posted by mrpandaman (836 posts) -

I actually agree with all of those, god I hated going through tall grass and not being able to escape, and the HMs, What the hell is wrong with the Pokemon world? Why aren't there flashlights??? Or can't I just have Charmander walk with me using his taillight... heh. It's like Doom 3, can't we just ducktape the flashlight to the gun? or to something else?

But I don't hate playing it. It just makes me think that the humans who inhabit the Pokemon world are really lucky to be alive, because they're pretty dumb. I'm waiting for the day that the Rise of the Planet of the Pokemon comes.

Also I was one of those people that only trained 2 or 3 pokemon and never cared about weaknesses, because I would catch the pokemon I thought were cool and eventually be over-leveled for each gym leader.

@Doctorchimp said:

They just need to come out with a game that has fights taking place on a 6 x 6 x 6 grid and I'm back in it.

No... what they need to make is a 3D OPEN WORLD POKEMON game with combat similar to SUPER SMASH BROS. That I all I want from Pokemon if it ever comes to consoles. Or you could just have your Pokemon Tactics.

#40 Posted by mrpandaman (836 posts) -

@Dethfish said:

You don't know me. Shut up.

@mandude said:

You know me pretty well. Good work.

lol

#41 Posted by coakroach (2478 posts) -

I like this, I like it a lot.

#42 Posted by dudeglove (7241 posts) -

You're a fucking hero for writing this.

#43 Posted by Tim_the_Corsair (3065 posts) -
@DarkShaper
I could explain how almost every point you make is a stupid generalization but a post this full of dumb shit would just be a waste of time to think about that much. In that case I will keep it short, every point you made either doesn't bother me or is something I actually enjoy.  
How's that sense of humour working out for you?

Anyway,I haven't played one to completion since Yellow (new Pokemon after that were utter balls!

Funny write up and great art
#44 Posted by NTM (7029 posts) -

No, I just don't really like Pokemon in general. It's the one Nintendo product that I think suits children more so than adults. That's mainly because it was something I watched when I was younger and I grew out of.

#45 Posted by TheDudeOfGaming (6077 posts) -

@mrburger said:

You love playing Pokemon, but You hate playing Pokemon.

Sufficient.

#46 Posted by Devil240Z (3049 posts) -

I only played Blue. But I probably put a year+ into that game. Back then I was a pokemon master. I never played a pokemon game after that. sometimes I wish I could go back and hang out with my 13 year old self. Just to find out what makes him tick. I wish I could love a game today as much as he loved pokemon back then.

#47 Posted by Petiew (1278 posts) -

I don't level every single pokemon that I catch, I just wait until I find an interesting pokemon or one of a good type before adding it to my team. Works much better than dividing my experience up between spearows, sentrets, caterpies, etc that I won't use again in the main story.

#48 Posted by MegaLombax (381 posts) -

Nah man, the points that you pointed out were not true for me. Even if it was a creative exercise as you claim, it shouldnt have been written in a generalized manner unless you have solid proof to say its true for almost everyone. I for one loved the level grinding.

#49 Posted by UltorOscariot (164 posts) -

I used to love those games. But there was a clear decreasing marginal enjoyment after each generation when it became clear Nintendo had no creative ambition for that series since the first game.

#50 Edited by cmblasko (1001 posts) -

@mrburger: You've nothing to apologize for, I got that the post was meant to be lighthearted almost immediately. You point out some very real and, in some cases, glaring issues with the design aspects of Pokemon and, on a larger scale, traditional RPGs. I still enjoy playing them every now and then but you can only Surf through so many oceans before it becomes an arduous process.

@mrpandaman said:

No... what they need to make is a 3D OPEN WORLD POKEMON game with combat similar to SUPER SMASH BROS. That I all I want from Pokemon if it ever comes to consoles. Or you could just have your Pokemon Tactics.

How would this work? Smash Bros. combat is restricted to a 2D plane. Pokemon Tactics is an incredible idea.

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