Arkthemaniac

Arkthemaniac is the greatest bass player who ever lived.

My Feed
  • Jan. 8, 2009 - 6:15 p.m.
    Arkthemaniac just created a new forum post in the topic You gotta see this. Some bizarre performing . . . in the Off-Topic forum
    The vocal jazz group at my school is doing this song, whcih I guess is a jazz standard. It's Java Jive, from Manhattan Transfer. The soloist, named Tim Hauser, manages to make a vocal performance that includes elements of Bob Dylan, Randy Newman, and Bill Cosby. Also, the redheat is smokin.


  • Jan. 8, 2009 - 6 p.m.
    Arkthemaniac just commented on Dalai's Topic - Give me your worst Guitar Hero ideas!
    Dislike Rush, Tool, Fallout Boy, The Main Drag, Mahavishnu Orchestra (better fucking not . . .), whatever, a game from them would be better than Bach.

  • Jan. 8, 2009 - 5:56 p.m.
    Arkthemaniac just commented on Dalai's Topic - Give me your worst Guitar Hero ideas!
    And that is why Guitar Hero: Bach would be the worst Guitar Hero concept of all time.
    On a side note . . . Bach's song names are screwed up. Stuff like "I Don't Know When My Time Will Come." Weird

  • Jan. 8, 2009 - 5:51 p.m.
    Arkthemaniac just commented on Dalai's Topic - Give me your worst Guitar Hero ideas!
    I think it's safe to say that none of us are capable of any kind of discussion dealing with music on these forums, myself included.
    Quit bickering and accept that Bach cannot shred!

  • Jan. 8, 2009 - 5:32 p.m.
    Arkthemaniac just commented on Dalai's Topic - Give me your worst Guitar Hero ideas!
    HandsomeDead said: "Arkthemaniac said: "HandsomeDead said: "HandsomeDead said: "Guitar Hero: *Insert metal band*" Actually, this still, but also, based on my experiences with Guitar Hero and Rock Band so far, i'd have to pitch Guitar Hero: Rush, Guitar Hero: Tool, Guitar Hero: Dragonforce and Guitar Hero: Whatever band it is that does that 'NIGHTS FILLED WITH LONGER HOURS!' song." Guitar Hero: The Main Drag would be balls, but you take Rush and Tool back. TAKE EM BACK!" That song about the Trees really makes me depressed while playing it. It's just horrific. Rush fan or not, you can't like that ...

  • Jan. 8, 2009 - 5:21 p.m.
    Arkthemaniac just commented on Dalai's Topic - Give me your worst Guitar Hero ideas!
    HandsomeDead said: "HandsomeDead said: "Guitar Hero: *Insert metal band*" Actually, this still, but also, based on my experiences with Guitar Hero and Rock Band so far, i'd have to pitch Guitar Hero: Rush, Guitar Hero: Tool, Guitar Hero: Dragonforce and Guitar Hero: Whatever band it is that does that 'NIGHTS FILLED WITH LONGER HOURS!' song." Guitar Hero: The Main Drag would be balls, but you take Rush and Tool back. TAKE EM BACK!

  • Jan. 8, 2009 - 5:20 p.m.
    Arkthemaniac just commented on Get2sammyb's Topic - Sony Finally Do The "Fanboy" Breakdown To Educate Retailers
    Gizmo said: "HandsomeDead said: "Gizmo said: "That list is so full of bias bullshit." Word. Not to mention that the earlier models without HDMI have been discontinued. I picked up an Arcade model at Christmas and it has HDMI. But hey, all's fair in love and war." Dude, I got a fucking 2007 model and it has HDMI. There should be laws to stop companies making shit like this up." If it wasn't available in earlier models, like launch models, what they're saying is true. They are misleading, though, but that's legal.

  • Jan. 8, 2009 - 5:16 p.m.
    Arkthemaniac just commented on Dalai's Topic - Give me your worst Guitar Hero ideas!
    Guitar Hero: Bach.

  • Jan. 8, 2009 - 3:53 p.m.
    Arkthemaniac just commented on Yit's Topic - I just got my new GB hoodie in the mail.
    I plan on getting one.

  • Jan. 8, 2009 - 3:52 p.m.
    Arkthemaniac just commented on ArbitraryWater's Topic - The sad state of the N64
    POKEMON SNAP IS THE SHIT!!!!
    Also, I can answer you.
    "The sad state of the N64."
    It's been obseleted by two other machines. How tragic.

Loading...
About Me
I am a teenager who has been playing games since Doom and Mario 3, back when my feet didn't touch the ground when I sat in a chair. I like games that know what they are, and that are fun. Other than that, I hope to major in music at Columbia in Chicago.
My Blog See all
Added by Arkthemaniac on Jan. 4, 2009 | |

This post relates to: Wii

    So, yeah. Notice how on my first blog it said (P. 1)? That was there for a reason.
    In my first little delve into the Wii's library, I came across something that I haven't realized yet. It came from the arguments that ensued afterwards, which there were plenty. I was looking at the consoles library, wondering how if there's such a mass amount of games for the thing, so many gaming enthusiasts find the library to have no games, or no good games. It was here that I made a startling discovery, which stems from the way we brand games. You have platformers, adventure games, action adventure games, shooting games, puzzle games, sports games, racing games, RPGs, RTS's, Rhythm games, blah blah blah blah. There's a lot of genres out there, some of which I refuse to include in this page. I realzed that the function of these games is not exclusive to each genre, but that there are two groups. Here they are:
Traditional Games That We PlayA New, Unknown Function
 Platformers Sports
 Adventure Puzzle
 Action Adventure Racing
 Shooting  Rhythm
 RPG's Party Games
 RTS (depends on play style) "Games"

I give credit to LiquidPrince for helping me forn the second category, albeit against his will and with him completely oblivious. It's when he said that Warioware isn't a game, but a "game", or something. This new, unknown function of games is not at all new, but it has been unknown for a while just because there hasn't been a situation until now that has called for its classification. The best way to prove this new function is through a diagram, made in Microsoft Paint:

Behold, the Middle Game!
    This diagram displays the "Middle Game", as I call it. It's very simple, and I'm sure you've all done it. After beating Fallout 3, you may want to take it easy before playing through Gears of War, so you play a little Rock Band to cool off. That is the casual game's purpose to us; as a middle game. The issue is that you generally need fewer middle games than main, or "epic," games, because middle games have more staying power. In fact, a game can be both an "epic" game and a middle game. So, the Wii's problem? It has far too many middle games to count, and most of them suck ass.
    That said, there are games in this genre that are worthwhile. Things like WarioWare come to mind, as does Smash Bros. It's not all first party, though. Take a look at Boom Blox for an example. Up until now, though, the vast majority of these titles has been crap. That's changing, as companies like EA and Ubisoft are stepping up their efforts and finally delivering quality games for the casual gamer, and, as such, are giving good middle games for Wii owners to play. This is why people call the Wii a secondary gaming system.
    When taken in this light, the Wii's library becomes less of a lost cause and more of a late bloomer, because large companies have never had to invest a lot of time and money into their casual products, their middle games. It's happening now, though, and more news is shed on it every day. EA recently announced a new tennis IP for the Wii that will use Motion+. You know that they're investing a top team to make that happen. Ubisoft, on the other hand, has proven themselves with Shaun White by making it a completely different game specifically for Wii owners. They will continue into 2009 with releases like Tenchu and Red Steel 2, which will also use Motion+. A good game takes 2 years or more to make really good. People expected the Wii to be like the Dreamcast. It wasn't until 2007 that it started to take off that people realized that it had serious profit potential.

    2007+2 Years for Development=2009

It's for reasons like that that I say that 2009 will be the year of the Wii. Even if Sony attaches a peripheral that allows you to have sex with your PS3, and eventually gets the title for reigning console that year, the Wii will undoubtedly have had a powerhouse year.
    2009 is shaping up to be the year when the Wii becomes what people wanted it to be in the first place. A little late, sure, but I never said it will be the best console ever. I said it's becoming underrated. The Wii is getting 1:1 motion technology, a storage solution, and a mass amount of "epic" games, shown here. (Warning: This link goes to the Gamespot forums. Gotta love Haziqonfire). Microsoft and Sony don't have much like that. Sure, they will have games released, but in terms of improvement in the games, the console, and everything related, the Wii is going to blow your faces away.
    That's about all I can say on the subject as of now. Some other time, I'll talk about some of the things I mentioned in the final paragraphs, as well as Nintendo's online status.



Added by Arkthemaniac on Jan. 1, 2009 | |

This post relates to: Wii

    Many people see broken promises in the Wii. When they were promised 1:1, they got waggle. When they were promised cutting edge, they got Gamecube+. When they were promised full online support, they got friend codes. People see the misstep after misstep on Nintendo's behalf, and they call the Wii "not a console", "a toy" or "a 250 dollar dust collector." Harsh words when spoken by some. I won't even try to deny that the current control system on Wii is more precise than a dual joystick pad, nor will I deny that the Wii's technical prowess is that of a gamecube with better lighting effects. I also won't deny that the online system on the Wii needs an overhaul. However, people's hate for the system may leave it as not only the most underrated console of the generation, but the most underrated console ever.
    Now, after you start typing your hateful comments calling me a "stupid moron" . . . pause22, I see you there . . . hear me out.
    The Wii was meant to be a revolution. It was called the Revolution. Was it? Well, a year in, people said that it not only wasn't a revolution, but it was a massive step back for games. With waggle lacking the exacting response of a button-press, and the IR cursor's tendency to jump about unless you are of appropriate distance being less relative than the joystick, it was easy to see why. Games like Smash Bros. and Mario Kart ended up being easier with a joypad to most of us, which we all saw is counterintuitive to the concept of a motion controller, which was making it easier to play. When you add on the relentless assault of subpar party games, including Carnival Games, Game Party and the dreaded barrage of Ubisoft shovelware, some of which were selling damn well, while other, more original games such as Zack and Wiki: Quest for Barbaros's Treasure were floundering on the sales boards, it's easy to see how the longtime gamer, the gaming enthusiast, the educated gamer, would be angry at the consumers of the Wii. It was ruining it for the good developers and the gamers who had followed the gaming world since they had to blow into the systems to get it to run a game, a game that they played with no joysticks.
    The gaming enthusiast looked at the "revolution" as a "clusterfuck" of "epic" "proportions." What they didn't see was that the revolution was underground. It was invisible, creeping up on us. Until now, that is.
    When you think of the standout games on the Xbox 360 or PS3, what do you think of? Well, on the 360, I think of games like Halo, Gears of War, Too Human, BWAHAHAHAHAHA . . . sorry, couldn't resist . . . Mass Effect, etc. On the PS3, I'd think of Uncharted, MGS4, Resistance, LittleBigPlanet. Notice something about those? Of all those games, only one isn't trying in some way to create a realistic vision of a world. By that, I mean all but LittleBigPlanet are keeping themselves more grounded in reality than fantasy. I mean, sorry to go back to a joke, but Too Human toom the world of Norse Mythology and made it into some kind of corporation! Of course, not all the games for the systems go for that, but most do, and almost all the notable ones do. The Wii? I think of Galaxy, Brawl, Metroid Prime 3, No More Heroes, de Blob, Zack and Wiki. Now, of those you have three that involve humans, and one that recreates them in a realistic manner, being Metroid Prime 3. Galaxy and Brawl are both much more focused on a cartoon-like element, but we should exclude those because they were already established. Of the three most notable titles that have made their full debut on Wii, one has humans, one has blobs, and one has animals that talk like humans. Even No More Heroes, which has humans, is so outrageously over the top that it can barely be called "grounded in reality."
    What am I getting at? It's simple; the Wii is not a competitor for the Xbox or the PS3. It is in a whole new league. Games on the HD consoles are considered fresh if they have crisper graphics. Look at Halo 3. It changed very little, but people played the shit out of it. Why? It looked nicer. I can't think of another reason. The Wii, or more specifically, the Wii in 2008, has proven itself to be about something different. Gone is the familiar. What we are stuck with is the visually radical, the aesthetically fresh. I don't even need to explain how important this game is to my argument. Also, have you noticed how the 360 and PS3 are referred to as the "HD consoles" much more than they are the "Traditional pad consoles"? It may be quicker, but there's something else to it.
    Visually, the Wii has refused the confines presented by the modern tech spec races, and has created some of the most aesthetically unique games of the generation.

    That's all I can say for now. I'll talk more of my mind later.



Added by Arkthemaniac on Dec. 22, 2008 | |

This post relates to: What's the worst game you played in 2008?

Should have been called TOO MUCH SHIT FOR ONE DVD.


Added by Arkthemaniac on Dec. 19, 2008 | |
I start this with a video. If you don't watch the entire thing, which I recommend you do because It's awesome, at least start the video around 3:00. It's important.
  


    Talented band, huh? The drummer's name is Peter Erskine, one of the true greats. He's a legend. Also, he was at my school last year, and I had no idea. You see, my school has a very talented band program, but has an especially good jazz program. We've taken awards from places on a state and national scale, I think. I haven't been a part of it until just this year, even though I've wanted to be a part of it my entire high school life. If I had joined last year, I would have been able to meet a legend. I would have been able to meet history. Sadly, I did not. I see this as an incredible missed opportunity. Looking back, I see that I've had many.
    The latest I can remember is my exclusion from the band programs in my district at an early age. I've become a dedicated musician, but I feel it may be too late. Of course, I cannot take full responsibility for not joining the band program. My family has never been wealthy, and a cheap brass or woodwind instrument will set you back immeasurably when you look at it from that perspective. My family isn't necessarily about granting favors with those kinds of things, evidenced by me having no money saved for college. I see some of the things that the band students can accomplish, and it amazes me how far they've come. I like to think of myself as a decent musician at the very least, but I know I could have been so much better with more training under my belt.
    Music is a good anchor as well, which is something I could have used in my middle school days. I never felt dedicated to anything back then. My schoolwork suffered. I could feel my mind deteriorating. Many people don't acknowledge this as happening to them, but it does. Inability to form rational argument, short attention span. It all started to hit me like a wave around this time. The only thing I dedicated myself to was World of Warcraft, which I regret even more. Of all the time I put into that fucking game,  so much of it was completely wasted, if not all of it. I could have been doing schoolwork; I didn't. I could have been making music; I wasn't. I could have been improving myself, my surrounding, and the days of people around me; instead, I was selfish. I was apathetic. I was stupid.
    High school has been both a depressing venture as well as a rewarding one. Upon entering, I was a cocky moron who fancied himself superior to the rest due to some undeserved natural intelligence that should have been given to someone that worked harder. I lost friends and the respect of my peers and my teachers for my hotheadedness and cocky behavior in class. I look back on him and hate him. Throughout it all, I've never felt any sort of legitimate companionship with anyone. I've kept myself distant from my friends, from girls, from teachers. In fact, I could go on for a few more pages about my missed opportunities as far as women goes. I choose not to for my own sanity. I take some small amount of pride in the fact that I'm not as I was. At the same time, only I can be held accountable for him. I wish I could forget him, but I never will.
    I sometimes feel as though my life has been a missed opportunity. My life has been a collection of failures and disappointments, some larger than others. Despite putting me in a somewhat melancholy mood, I'm glad I've done things like this. Looking back and correcting myself has become my sole strength at this point in my life. Eventually, I can hope that it makes me into a good person. I'm not there yet. I'm still completely flawed, but I can say that I'm better off than I once was. I know that I have to grasp chances as they come, as should all of you. My life has become a lesson to me more than anything. I can only hope to help others with what I have learned from it. Of course, a video game forum may not be the place.
    Anyways, always respect those around you, and take a look at yourself from time to time to make sure you are who you feel you should be. If you don't you'll blink and find yourself in a hole. Thanks for reading, boring as it probably was.



Added by Arkthemaniac on Dec. 15, 2008 | |
It just hit me.
Giant Bomb is slowly becoming a site made up of dicks. Now, sure, people on Giant Bomb should be able to make dick-like comments at one another in the spirit of good fun, as well as keeping people in a seat of humility. It wasn't until recently, however, that this process has made us into . . . GIANT DICKS.

I know, I'm scared as well.

You see, many people here have gotten comfortable with the dishing out of the dickness, but they can't take it, much like the large black man in prison. This is unfortunate, because Giant Bomb had such a good start. Over time, you can see the positivity just drain from the attitude of the posters, leaving in its wake pointless, unconstructed bickering. And then there's people that always argue with EVERYTHING. Like me, but that's beside the point. I have the right to do it because I recognize I'm doing it. Bitch, no?

So, in short, I'd ask all of you to follow these guides to a stronger bomb:
  1. Put people in line when they are acting like a dick.
  2. Don't put so many people that are acting like dicks in line that you become an arrogant dick yourself.
  3. CHILL THE FUCK OUT!
  4. Respect one another's tastes from the beginning of the thread. It seems like it's always 100 posts in, when people don't have anything left to say, after they've completely made the other person feel like shit, that they say: WELL IT IS UR OPINON. Of course it is. Little quicker, fellas.
  5. Don't be a fanboy. EVER. If you are, you are already part-dick.
  6. Don't jump on a bandwagon for the sake of fitting in. If you're gonna neg Levio, make sure it's justified (i.e. he's talking about Soulja Boy).
  7. Don't be a troll. The mods don't like it.
  8. If you say "First.", prepare to be throttled.
  9. Always look at the other person's view, if only to tell them how much it sucks. At least you looked.
  10. Have unconditional respect for Jeff, Brad's voice and Luchadeer. The mods . . . they have to earn it
Follow these rules, and we can help circumvent the dick epidemic, or "epidemdick", if you will, and help make Giant Bomb super totally awesome.



My Lists
Arkthemaniac has not created any lists yet.
Top Contributions

MadWorld
205 Points

Eric Nofsinger
25 Points

Todd Keller
20 Points

Museum Madness
13 Points

Renegade Kid
2 Points

Gyrostarr
2 Points

Olympic Soccer
2 Points

My Reviews See all
Reviewed by Arkthemaniac
Aug. 7, 2008
Oblivion is one of the biggest disappointments in years.


    Let's get right down to it: in a slew of Xbox games, one game stood above all, even above Halo. That game was The Elder Scrolls 3: Morrowind. It is a staple in modern gaming, creating the best game world yet to be seen. You could spend hours upon hours playing this game, but the odds are that you wouldn't see everything it had to offer. It is, to put it simply, a masterpiece, and easily one of the best games yet created. It's because of this that Oblivion is such a massive disappointment. While the game leaves a terrific first impression upon you, digging any deeper than that and you will find a game that is at times magnificent, frustrating, and even broken.
    It begins similarly to Morrowind: you are a prisoner, who is set free by the emperor, although your freedom is just a by-product of the emperor's actions. As the story unravels, you find yourself hunting down members of a daedric cult known as the Mythic Dawn to help avert a catastrophe the likes of which the land of Cyrodill has never seen.
    While the main quest is engaging, it is ultimately very short compared to Morrowind's epic journey, although is presented in a good way. In fact, the quests in general are superior in Oblivion, giving you more variety than Morrowind. You're rarely just grinding out the same kinds of quests, which makes the game more fun and engaging. The combat is also improved for Oblivion, as is the class balance. Mages are actually playable in Oblivion. Along with that, the graphics are terrific. The world looks great for the most part, and everything just has a good layer of polish over it.
    These are the very things that create that deceptive first impression. The first thing that really catches your attention is how mutilated the voice acting is. The voice actors on hand are generally either subpar or slightly above passable (except for Patrick Stewart, who provides some of the best voice acting I've ever heard), but the issue is that for the entire game, there's no more than 20 voice actors. Oftentimes, a voice actor will be engaged in a conversation with himself, and when they talk in unison...oh lord, it's bad.
    The voice acting issues are passable. They're annoying, but they are in no sense damning. Where the true damning comes from is the world itself. While I called Morrowind the best game world yet to be created, Cyrodill wouldn't make the top 10. This is simply because the world is too similar to our own. Morrowind was a world populated by strange creatures that we've never seen before, like Nix-hounds and Guar. Oblivion has only the classic fantasy fare: goblins, liches, the works. Because of this, Oblivion has a distinct lack of personality and uniqueness. Because of that, exploring is a damn chore, whereas in Morrowind, it was like walking on Mars.
    Even that isn't the worst part, though. A simple fantasy game can still pull it off, even if slightly inferior to its predecessor. The final nail in the coffin comes from the leveling system. It's broken, but I'll explain why it's the final factor. As you level, the environment levels around you. This means that at level one, you will find rabbits in Grapetree Meadow, but at level thirty, you will find ogres. It's very hard to keep up, and unless you spec out your character perfectly, it takes forever to fight these things. But let's say that it didn't take forever. Let's say that you could kill them with a little skill, and they died in a few hits or so. This aspect of the game would still be completely FUCKED, and here's why: It takes any feelings of epic adventure of a living world out of the game. You're so aware that you're playing a game because of this small fact. In Morrowind, if you walk into the wrong cave, you get roasted by a Flame Atronach. Oblivion, there's no fear of that. Because of that, there's no danger. Because of that, there's no point.
    Oblivion could have been great, but the development team lost their balls midway through development. To be fair, the game is not a complete shithouse, but it's so inferior to Morrowind that there's seemingly no reason to play it. Oblivion will be forgotten, yet Morrowind will be remembered. Let's just hope Bethesda has learned from their mistakes.



Reviewed by Arkthemaniac
July 29, 2008
Dementium is shockingly scary for a DS game, but has its issues.


    Horror games don't work well on hand-held gaming systems. This is a fact that people have accepted since the dawn of time. A scary game has to be atmospheric and engrossing to be scary, which is something that a hand-held can't dish out. Hand-held systems are for Pokemon and Tetris...right? Wrong. Dementium: The Ward successfully shatters the myth of horror games being exclusive to consoles, gives a great control setup as well as a buggy save system to make a game anyone looking for a good fright should check out.
    The story in Dementium is vague. The game opens with your character being rushed into a dilapidated hospital as a young, ghastly-looking girl watches. After this, you are given free range to continue with the game, starting with only a flashlight and a notepad, used for taking notes on puzzles. As you progress, you find a 9mm pistol, a shotgun, a machine gun, and an electric buzz saw, as well as others. Your goal is simple: get the hell out. Oh yeah, and find out what the hell is going on with that little girl, if you must.
    The control setup is good and easy to work with. The top screen shows you the action, while the bottom screen is where you see your life, change weapons, access your notepad and map, as well as adjust the control. To move, you use the D-pad. If you're a lefty, you can use the button pad instead. The right trigger uses your weapon. To aim and look, you move the stylus around the bottom screen, which keeps your hand out of the action up top. Everything works well, and when you fully nail the control, you can switch weapons seamlessly. That is unless, of course, you aren't panicking.
    As far as scariness goes, Dementium exceeds in miles. While you may be able to see some enemies coming, some can surprise you, but almost all of them will give you a scare, particularly the flying heads. Yeah, there's flying heads. The graphics add to this, running at a smooth frame rate, with very detailed environments. This game really wowed me as to the capacity of the DS platform. The sound is good and haunting for the most part with the exception of the buzz saw, which pierces even the toughest eardrums.
    The save system, however, is not so great. It works so that it autosaves every time you enter a new room. If you turn it off and on again, you'll pick up where you left off. If you die, however, you start back at the beginning of the chapter, which can be very frustrating, especially when the hard boss is at the end of a chapter. This takes frustrating to a new level when you fight the last boss.
    Even so, Dementium provides a great gameplay experience for shooter fans, horror fans, and most in between. If you can get over the frustrating save system, there's a great game to be had here, and any DS owner would do themselves well to give it a shot.



Reviewed by Arkthemaniac
July 29, 2008
GTA4 is proof that realism isn't always the way to go.


    Let me start by saying that I've put in at least 200 hours cumulatively into all of the Playstation 2 Grand Theft Auto games. I loved and cherished them. They played well, had good humor and made you feel like the world's greatest badass at times. Grand Theft Auto 4, with a budget of $100 million and a development time of over four years ultimately proves that Grand Theft Auto relied on more than just the city to play in. How you play in that city matters even more, and this is where GTA4 falls short of it predecessors.
    GTA4 has a much longer story than the other games in the series, and it's more unique as well. You control Nico Bellic, a Serbian war veteran who is escaping from his past. He comes to Liberty City in hopes of finding the vivid American Dream that his brother Roman has been so willing to tell him about. When he arrives, he finds nothing of the sort, and instead becomes wrapped up into a life of violence much like the one he was trying to escape. Nico is a good main character, and his obvious humanity truly affects you in certain ways. The storyline is pretty good, but the dialogue is questionable and feels very out of place, which is where I believe GTA4 suffers the worst.
    When you buy GTA4, you are buying a completely schizophrenic game. What I mean by this is that the different parts of the game do not mix: it feels as though you are playing two separate games, constantly conflicting between gritty realism and goofy arcadeishness. This can easily be displayed through a simple run through an even that will happen to you often in GTA4. You are driving a car running away from the cops. When you go to take a turn, you spin out and end up facing the other way. When the cop car hits you head on, you fly out of the windshield. You then get up, take a few rounds in the chest, and eventually succumb to a couple shotgun blasts. Let me break it down. When you spin out while driving, that was an attempt at realism. In the other games, the driving was much more arcade-like. However, you die after getting shot at least 4 times and flying through a windshield into a nice bed of pavement, officially making your character a flattened piece of swiss cheese. It takes a lot to kill you, just like in a more arcade-style game. These shifts in gameplay can really throw you off. Then there's the dialogue, as I mentioned above. Characters look real and act as real as they can in a video game, but the things they say are so absurd sometimes that you won't know what to think. You could say that this is a play on how big-city dwellers are all crazy, but I say that GTA4 is a victim of the times, stuck in the age of realism when it just wants to goof off.
    The missions are better than common GTA fare. Sure, they're still mostly escort quests, but there's some gems thrown in, such as one where you have to find a person by talking to them on their cell phone. Your cell phone is used for many things in this game, be it to receive text messages or get missions. However, the text messages stuck out like a sore thumb at me as an example of somewhat questionable writing. Text messages in real life often involve shortening things like "hahahahahahaaaaa" to "lol" or "I'll see you some other time" to "cya". However, the inhabitants of Liberty City are all both completely literate and thumb gymnasts given by the messages they send you. Some are so long and winded that it's maddening, especially when they take the time to say meaningless things, such as "and sh**". This is a small detail to some, but it becomes aggravating when the game is trying to be realistic but doesn't bother to go beyond the city.
    Speaking of the city, despite some glitches here and there it's easily one of the best game worlds to date, despite showing an utter lack of creativity, but that's OK, because that's their choice. Everything feels fairly alive and bustling most of the time, even though the pedestrians don't have a lick of street smarts. It really is a great playground of destruction, and I think it's the limit. I don't really want to see a city in a game get any bigger than this, just more interactive. Any bigger and driving will be a chore, just like in real life. Speaking of real life, I could go on and talk about all the useless crap that you can do in the game but there's not really a point. If I want to watch TV, I'll watch TV. If I want to watch Kat Williams, I'll put in a freaking DVD. Lemme shoot stuff.
    The date/hetero-man-get-together aspect of the game is also pretty tedious. You can go bowling, play pool, go out to eat, or hit up the strip joint, but it's not really that fun, except when you go to the bar, get drunk and drive home on the sidewalk, which is a blast, not only because you're drunk, but because the most fun by far that I had while playing this game was hitting pedestrians in my car and watching the Euphoria physics engine work it's magic. It's really amazing, actually, and it helps explain where all the money went.
    The combat in this game is improved over the others in the series, but isn't as good as other third person shooters out there, mainly that one where you play as a bottle of steroids. Still, it works well after some getting used to and bears resemblance to The Godfather, just as the police chase segments bear resemblance to Scarface.
    Because I'm tired of talking about everything in this game, and believe me, I probably covered barely more than half of the elements in the game if that, I'll sum it up with this: Grand Theft Auto 4 is fun, but not nearly as fun as it could have been if it stuck to its roots. It's gritty when it shouldn't be, which is pretty much whenever it's gritty, and it's a shame. I'd recommend playing it because the basic GTA formula is here, it's only worsened a little. The city is worth exploring and Nico is worth knowing, but I don't think it's really worth putting another 200 hours into.



Reviewed by Arkthemaniac
July 30, 2008
The scary thing is that some developer thought this was good.


    Oh man, what a fool I have been. Here I was, stuck in ignorant bliss of the world around me, excited for every Wii game set to come out. Escape From Bug Island, well, it has a stupid title, but gameplay>graphixzorz! It'll be great! Not only does this game effectively break anything good about survival horror games from the past, but it singlehandedly made me cry and sent me into horrific diarrhea, shattering all hopes for good in the world and made me feel like self-mutilation. Here, I shall explain why.
    You start off by seeing 3 blocky people get off an even blockier boat. One of them has a rifle, for no explicable reason. It then takes you to a controls tutorial where your gun-bearing friend teaches you how to play the game, and then teases you for liking the girl that went on the trip with you. He then talks you into asking her out at night by the campfire: the ultimate romantic setting. Then, just as your about to ask the question, he asks her out instead. then they up and leave, and don't come back.
    Before I start vomiting up my intestines due to this completely and utterly retarded "twist", let me clarify some of the things I've already said. When I say controls, I mean pressing two buttons at once and swinging the remote. It doesn't matter how you swing it. Your character will always do the same motion over and over again. And you have to hold two buttons at once to to pretty much everything, which shows a lack of though or insight in the controls. A lack of thought pretty much sums up the game, really. Almost everything involves swinging the remote, and they don't even work that well. Your attacks are the same thing over and over again, so no immersion is had at all. Immersion is the first and most pivotal rule of survival horror that this game defecates upon.
    Next, lets discuss the graphics. Super Mario 64 trounces this game in that category. I don't even mean because it's more colorful. I mean it's technically more impressive than Bug Island. That's all I have to say on the matter.
    And my absolutely favorite part: the dialogue. It's so bad, I put it in its own category. Everything your character says seems to have no purpose or meaning other than to awkwardly progress the stupid plot, sometimes inexplicably. Everything is short fragments, and it seriously reads how you would expect a 4th grader's dialogue between two friends would read. The story is pure crap at best, the cause of nuclear genocide at worst, leaning towards the latter.
    If you manage to make it past the terrible dialogue and cutscenes where, for some inane reason, Butch McGunslinger keeps aiming his 12 gauge at your eyebrow every time he says anything, you'll find some enemies, some of which are stupid, others of which are OK. There's these little fish larvae that can jump 30 feet in the air to divebomb you from the sky. To kill them, you hold down two buttons and waggle. Big surprise. Then you have the Mantis creatures, which is really the only good thing about this game, that these creatures have the potential to be frightening. You kill these by holding down 1 and up on the D-pad on the Wiimote, and pressing up and down simultaneously on the joystick. Okay, I made that up, but it might as well be that in terms of intuition. Each area has a certain amount of Manti, moth creatures, which are hard as hell to hit, and cuccoons. It deals out points according to how many you killed.
    In the first area, there are a few cabins. When you go inside to check them out, you'll find the funniest notes in videogame history. The notes will say things like, "My girlfriend just got ripped in half and devoured. I hope she's alright." It really would make me laugh for hours on end if the music that played during the letter cutscenes wasn't the worst, most grating orchestra score I've ever heard. Just thinking about it makes me want to perform emergency brain surgery on myself. You also meet up with some stupid gorilla thing that you have to fight.
    Now, you may be wondering why I keep talking about the first area so much. The reason is that this game is so horrible, I TURNED IT OFF AFTER HALF AN HOUR, which is far too much time to put into such an abomination.
    The only thing I feel bad about in this whole review is my comparison to Super Mario 64. To all Nintendo fans, SM64 was the classic of its time, and I can agree it may have been wrongful to even mention it in the same review as this game, but It served its purpose. Don't buy this game. Don't even rent this game. Don't even think about this game anymore. Once you're done reading my review, clear it from your mind. I played the game, so I will suffer the awful memories that follow. I've been given a curse, and that curse is named Escape from Bug Island. Like I said before, a half hour is too much time to invest in this game, unless it involves getting together with the neighbors, throwing the disc into an oil drum and lighting a match, all the while mumbling a prayer to guarantee the games condemnation to the seventh circle of Hell: a fate far too merciful.



Reviewed by Arkthemaniac
July 30, 2008
It took alot of failure to make Red Steel bad, but they did it.


    I got Red Steel a few days after we got a Wii, so sometime after Christmas. My brother and I were excited to see a shooting game on the Wii, and also wanted to engage each other in sword-fighting duels. In fact, everyone was interested, and had hopes in  the clouds for this game. Unfortunately, the game seemed to have only the bare minimum. All things aside, this game is one or two bugs from being broken.
    You play as a Japanese American named Scott, who is called "Scott-san" to my great annoyance, who is currently dating the daughter of a Yakuza mob boss. It starts the game at a restaurant/hotel complex where you are meeting your will-be-father-in-law for the first time. Just at that moment, expectedly, a rival Yakuza gang breaks up the gathering. The game then leads you from California all the way to the land of Ninja and Samurai in a quest to save your would-be wife, helping piece together the broken parts of your father-in-law's empire and restore the honor held by your family....err....family-in-law.
    First off, let's address the story. It follows an unoriginal template set down by countless Steven Segal flicks, making everything incredibly predictable. It doesn't help that the cutscenes are awful, and the dialogue as well as the voice acting are bottom of the barrel in every regard. Next, the gameplay. While the controls of the shooting aspects of the game work somewhat well (even if the avatar's wrist is constantly moving around in an annoying fashion), the sword-fighting is one of the stupidest attempts of its kind. While the controls don't read nearly as well as they should, the sheer concept of these skilled swordsman bashing swords around like cavemen makes the game unappealing. The shooting also suffers from having minimal customization as far as the controls are concerned, since the bounding box and sensitivity cannot be adjusted, and the bounding box as it stands is far too wide.
    Also, the multiplayer is a course for concern. There are four maps available and only three game modes, which leave little variety to be had. The maps are unimpressive and the gameplay is full of bugs, such as how your wrist looks broken all the time, grenades getting stuck in air, and your starting weapon being more powerful than a shotgun. Also, there are no bot opponents. This isn't necessarily a huge deal, since games like Halo don't have them, but it's always a nice addition. Also, there was no sword-fighting multiplayer in the game, but after seeing how it played, that might be a very good thing.
    When I think about it, it's really amazing that Red Steel was as much of a failure as it was. The first two things that gamers thought of when they saw the Wii mote was shooting games and sword-fighting, particularly Jedi sword-fighting. Ubisoft literally jumped on the chance and combined the two, yet made both completely lackluster. Top that off with numerous technical issues and graphical glitches, and you got a big winner.
    All in all, the game was thoroughly disappointing due to its derivative story, uninteresting multiplayer and overall lack of effort. This game should be a poster child for games that try to rush to meet a launch. If it isn't as good as it should be, don't send it out. Games could benefit massively from that simple statement, as could gamers. Red Steel is one of the biggest letdowns in years.



Reviewed by Arkthemaniac
July 31, 2008
Boom Blox offers great gameplay for anyone, especially groups.


    I don't think anyone really thinks Steven Spielberg made this game, or even had a large role in making this game. It was probably more so that he helped to make the concept, and let the developers put his name on the box to bolster sales. A cheap move, really, putting someone's name on the box when they weren't all that involved. Oh wait, this is actually good. Really good. While some modes are bland, others are fantastic, and almost every game in the package uses the Wii remote well. I can safely say that this game, unlike most Wii party games, is only made possible by the Wii platform, and just wouldn't work on any other console.
    Boom Blox has fairly simple gameplay dictated to you through the title. You make blox go boom, but there's more to it than that. Some games have you shooting blox, others have you pulling blocks, and then theres the ones where you makes stuff go boom. All of the game's modes are available to you in the single player modes, set as goals to achieve. These generally involve either knocking over as many blocks as possible in just a move or two, keeping one block off of the ground as you dismantle the tower it sits on, and so on. You use the Wii remote to throw different types of balls at whatever is in your way. You do this by aiming at the screen to where you want to throw the ball, then pressing and holding A. You then go through the motion of throwing and let go of A when you would let go of the ball. It has great tactile feel and is, for the most part, completely functional. In your journey through boom blox, you will run into a variety of block types. There are Bomb Blox, that explode upon contact with the ball, Chemical Blox, that explode upon contact with each other, Vanishing Blox, which disappear when hit with the ball, and so on. The large variety of blocks makes for many possibilities in the levels provided, as well as in the Editor mode. More on that later.
    Single player is divided into story mode and challenge mode. Story mode is like a storybook,  with all the characters looking very cartooney, and all the text given in a nursery rhyme format. Challenge mode is more straightforward, as it cuts out the story and just has you doing challenges. How much fun you have generally boils down to the section you're in. While the bomb sections are great and the Jenga-style sections fantastic, the shooting sections are much less fun by comparison, and these become a chore to play. Progressing through the story mode awards you prizes and gadgets to use in Editor mode. Again, more on that later.
    The game's multiplayer aspects are much more fun and have more lasting value than single player. This is a party game, after all. There are many different modes to choose from, which keeps the overall experience fresher for longer. Get a group of people that really get into it and Boom Blox is one of the better party games yet made, standing out like a shining diamond amongst a sea of crap, like Deca Sports.
    For me, the level editor stole the show. Not only is it the best application for an editor I've seen in a game, but it's executed very well. If you're bored of the levels provided for you in the package, make some more. The most compelling part of it for me, though, is being able to make Rube Goldberg projects (like the board game Mouse Trap). There's a lot of options here. Get some creative people together with the drive to make something and you can come up with some really great stuff. The only issue I've had with it is that it seems as though the path changes for some things, making it so you have to tweak your device every time you open it.
    All in all, though, Boom Blox is a worthy addition to any game night, a good fit between having partial deafness from Rock Band and thumb arthritis from Smash Brothers. Much like these games, your enthusiasm makes everything all the more fun. There's a lot of fun to fun to have here.



Reviewed by Arkthemaniac
Sept. 15, 2008
Condemned is great fun, despite some issues and inconsistencies.


    First person games are few in far between. Okay, let me slap myself in the face for lying to you. OK, first person games that aren't shooter-based are few and far between. While they can be used for superb immersion, many people look to other styles for their non-shooter games. Condemned is a welcome exception to this rule. While there are guns in this game, they are a smaller part than most other FP games, which makes it unique from the start. Couple that with a genuinely interesting story and goosebump-filled atmosphere, and you have a treat.
    In Condemned, you play as FBI investigator Ethan Thomas, a top notch detective who focuses on serial killings. As the game opens, you are at the scene of the crime, a murder commited by the "Match Maker". This scene then thrusts you into a chain of events as you chase down a serial killer who holds some key to your life. The story is solid, but the presentation is lacking, mainly in its use of cutscenes. While some sections are propelled through cutscenes, others have you looking from a first person perspective as scripted events take place before you. This provides inconsistency, and makes it hard to get into a rhythm.
    The game also uses most scripted events poorly. By this, I mean that there will be a scripted fight between two people going on in front of you, and you can only approach once one is dead and the other is coming at you. This really makes the game feel too much like a movie, as if you would want to just sit by and watch, when logic would have you attacking one with his back turned at another enemy. However, much like the use of cutscenes, this part of the game is strangely exclusive to the first sections.
    The main draw for Condemned comes from two places: the fact that it's a horror game, and the fact that it focuses on melee combat. Both of these elements come through very well. The combat, while difficult to get used to, is visceral and enjoyable. Even after playing the game for an hour, the nice crack you hear when beating an enemy over the skull is great satisfaction. Blocking, on the other hand, is difficult. Because of this, some fights end up being more like Oblivion fights (run up, attack, run back, wait for him to miss, run up, attack, etc.) rather than its own breed. Still, the combat is fun. There are guns to get in Condemned, but they'll usually have enough ammo for only two or three enemies. Finding a gun is not a huge relief, as you'll be back to the melee soon enough. Weapons for melee include 2X4s, metal bars, desktops, fire axes and sledgehammers.
    The atmosphere as well is a big draw, since it can be genuinely scary at times. Seeing a little mutant humanoid run under a table and out of sight just as you walk into a room will send an unwillingness to continue up your being. Other moments, however, are more predictable, which aren't as frightening. For the most part, though, it's freaky. What adds to this is this constant feeling of not knowing what's real and what isn't. It will appear as though enemies are around, yet they will not be. Scenery will change, enemies will run out of nowhere, crack you one, and disappear, and more. This really makes the game surreal, and is probably the most commendable aspect of the game.
    There are more faults to discuss, though. The forensics, which consist of using UV lights and whatnot to survey crime scenes, can be frustrating due to an unclearness on what exactly to do. Also, the achievements are terrible, consisting of collecting dead birds and finding Xbox 360s strewn about the game world. They're completely frivolous. Also, there's so little explained in this game left to be explained in sequels that it's maddening.
    All in all, Condemned offers up the scares with some great visceral action to boot. I'd recommend it to anyone looking for a good Halloween party base, or someone looking to beat down some crazy hobos and zombie-like things. It offers a hell of a lot of value to anyone fitting this bill.



Reviewed by Arkthemaniac
Oct. 5, 2008
Corruption is the "Prime" example of the Wii's true aim.


    The Wii gets a lot of flak, and I mean a lot of flak for its control setup. Often called "gimmicky", "pointless", or "childish", it is the bane of all that the traditional gamer stands for, or at least that's what some select haters would lead one to believe. The points made on why the control setup doesn't work were completely shattered with Metroid Prime 3. While the game is fundamentally very similar to the prior two games, it represents better than any other game on the market what the Wii's goal is: changing the way you play the game.
    In Corruption, you play as Samus, as you do with all Metroid games. You have a Chozo suit and a hand cannon that can shoot lasers and missiles. You also have a selection of visors and a ship, both of which you can use to interact with your environment. The goal of the game is to destroy the Phazon seeds (which can "corrupt" the planets they inhabit) and confront the Space Pirates. This time around, because you were also corrupted with the Phazon, you can go into a heightened power state, called "hypermode". This is used to make penetrating alien skulls with lasers as well as traversing your environment easier. Other than that, all prior rules apply: get powerups, explore, find stuff, fight bosses, etc.
    What the game throws at you is similar to the prior games in the series, and for that, many have condemned this title as a "rehash OMG". However, as I said before, Prime 3 truly gives the Wii's new control opportunity concept wings. The FPS control system on this game was unparalleled in the console market upon release, and really gave the game its own flavor and own life. Shooting stuff is satisfying and accurate, auto-lock on is intuitive, and everything flows. The minimalist approach to motion controls also adds to the game rather than detract. Motions are not used as a major control in combat, but are placed in more subtle spots, such as pulling levers or gathering energy tanks. You do use the nunchuk for your grapple beam, but this isn't used incredibly often. When it does need to be used, it works.
    Other than the controls, both the boss fights and graphics need to be addressed. The boss fights in this game are all really creative and genuinely challenging on the higher difficulties in a mostly non-cheap way. All the bosses reflect their environment and have creative ways of being defeated. This game actually somewhat reinstilled my faith in the art of the boss-fight. So few games have them nowadays that when a game does them as well as Prime 3, everyone should take notice. Also, the graphics in this game are mind blowing. Technically, they're very impressive for the Wii, but not for the other consoles. It's the art direction that really sends this thing to the level that it sits. There are moments visually in this game where I just have to stop and watch, mesmerized by how beautiful the scene truly is. This game stands as a pillar, just as Okami did before it, of how important using the television as a canvas can be in making a visually breathtaking piece of software.More developers should take a hint from the art direction at Retro (or former art direction at Retro). They might be the best in the business.
    Put all this stuff together, and you'll get beautiful, well laid-out environments that are easily navigatable, ending with a clever boss fight that will really test your mettle. What do we call that? We call that classic form, and this game has it in strides. It mixes the old ways of Metroid with the new ways of Wii to make a game that is completely recommendable in every way. You should play it. In fact, everyone should play it. Maybe if they did, people wouldn't complain about Nintendo's little white box anymore.



Reviewed by Arkthemaniac
Dec. 30, 2008
Mushroom Men is simple, classic fun on a system that needs it.


    Mushroom Men left me feeling a little confused on what to give it for this review. On one hand, the game's protagonist, Pax, is charming and likeable, as are his allies and companions. The design for the characters is also superb, as is the entire look of the game, which is in no small party due to the phenomenal art direction at work. The game also has the musical videogame debut of Les Claypool, bassist of Primus, and he produces some of the best videogame tracks I've heard in a while. No exaggerations. On the other, uglier hand, the combat is weak, and the game is over far too quickly. Nonetheless, Mushroom Men deserves some attention.
    Mushroom Men s all about mushrooms . . . that are like men. Get it? After many freak meteor showers, certain types of vegitation have gained sentience, among them mushrooms. These mushrooms are the focus of the game. You, Pax, are a bolete mushroom. The morels are your allies, and the amanita are your enemies, due to their poisonous qualities. Basically, you're a drifter who accidentally absorbs a precious meteorite chunk from another bolete village. Your quest is to get another. No matter what you do, though, you keep absorbing them.
    This absorption is due to your ability to control "Spore powers". Throughout the game, you get to use different powers, mainly Sporekenesis, which allows you to move objects in your environment. You will need to do quite a bit of this to complete the game. Doors are activated by pushing the lever on a toaster, ironing boards are dropped by removing pins from the lock, etc. It works pretty well, and it usually isn't too hard to figure out where to go. You may scratch your head from time to time, but it is a platformer based on exploration, after all. You can also glide on your head.
    Speaking of the environments, they really are quite remarkable. Since you are a tiny mushroom, your goal is uusually to navigate throughout the gigantic world of the humans. This allows for a lot of really cool visuals, and many are capitalized upon. In one instance, I saw a meteorite chunk on the far side of a wall (Meteorite chunks act as collectibles to make you stronger). I jumped and started to glide to the meteorite when I realized that I was soaring over a hillbilly kitchen. The perspective of it really did make my jaw drop for a second. This is all complimented by brilliantly composed music by Mr. Claypool. There is some really, really catchy tunes that could go on to become standards in Play! orchestra arrangements. There is a good sense of humor about the game, albeit somewhat dark. The final boss room exemplifies this.
    When you are exploring and encounter an enemy, which could be a rabbit or a mole or a roach or another mushroom, you see the game's biggest drawback. The combat is really weak, though it isn't without its good ideas. The game implements a weapon homebrew system, called "Scav", which allows you to take items from your environment and make weapons out of them. You see a DS Stylus, piece of gum and a razor blade? I see a weapon of death; in this case, it's a hatchet. This helps make the game somewhat more fun with the combat, but it doesn't save it. It's all waggle. And I mean waggle. Twilight Princess waggle with no timing thrown in at all. It really is disappointing. Another disappointment is that the game is very short, easily under 10 hours. It is also a fairly unpolished product.
    Yes, it may follow the "Games you should rent and not buy" template upon first glance, but it really is a fun game that you may want to run through again. The best thing about this game that I have seen is that nothing about the game that can't be fixed in a sequel. Better combat, more length and more polish is easy. The kind of quality presentation here is not, by any means. Classic platforming may not be particularly innovative, and this game didn't do it best, but they did it with such style that it makes up for its deficiencies. It's fun, period, and it's a great addition to the Wii library.




299 Points
Ranked #1314 of 27,130

Arkthemaniac's Latest Images