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I was born, a second child , in July of 1979. My child hood was ok, no bad memories or anything. We were always poor, but got what we needed. I always was kind of shy and this did not chang much my whole life. To this day I still am a bit anti-social, not that I want to be, but I just dont feel like I fit with the masses. In the early 80's we had Atari 2600's from friends but never got to into it, being like 5 years old and all. In 1986 our much better off cousins got a NES for christmas and I remember being sooooo jealous. Next christmas my brothers and I all got one as a gift to us all from our parents. It was great. Certainly a defining moment for me, and many others. In 1990 my family was forced to up root from Tucson, Arizona to a city near Nashville, TN. Needless to say It was devestating at the time. I had just started 6th grade,junior high, and was making friends and had many from elementary school. So I had to go to a new school, an elementary school at that as some states did not junior highs at the time. Talk about culture shock.I white but I was raised around all races, mostly hispanic, so It was strange to go somewhere that was white and black only. Naturally I tried to befriend some black kids, not seeing them as black but, just a person. Well in some places in Tennesee, even in 1990, were still quite seperated. The black kids hated me for being white, and the white kids stayed away because I tried to talk to black kids. Fortunatly, we moved on yet again not 3 months later to an even further east state, Virginia. I made no friend in TN, so I was glad to go ANYWHERE else. Virginia was Ok, though I still missed AZ. The town we moved to was small. Real small. They were barly getting cable TV in 1990 when it came out in the 70's in AZ. So we got the 15 channel cable that sucked. Well not even a year after the initial move, we came back to AZ, mostly cuz us kids an Mom missed it. I ended up getting to kinda skip by 6th grade as did my bros in thier grades. Remember, in 1991 there was no internet or e-mail, so school records had to be mailed, and it took time.
Well in those 7 months kids change alot, especially at that age and my "best" friend wasent so cool anymore. In fact, even though I was gone only 7 months,I lost all my old friends.But I was still glad to be home and ready to make new friends. In my next two years at that school, I made maybe 5 friends. Only one I still have contact with these days. I always have been self consious, even when I was'nt fat. I look at my pictures now and see that I was a good looking kid, but at the time I felt...ugly. Not that anyone ever told me that, I just would look in the mirror and not like what I see. However it twas these years when we got a SNES, which I always imagined would make me more cool somehow, with Star Fox. I continued to withdraw socially in school and get deeper into games.
Fast forward to High School its 1994, the SNES is in its glory days and the Playstation was still on the way. I still had hopes for getting more social and hopefully get a girlfriend. But my Moms brother did some foul ass shit and tried to make me take the fall. Without going into too much detail, over a year was taken from me in the most important time in my young life by that peice of shit, and he deserves all bad things that happen to him. Duing the time from 1994-mid-1996 I was on house arrest from my Mom. With a court case pending, she aimed to keep me out of trouble by keeping me home. Which was a good thing, but hurt me in the long run. I missed alot ofthings boys are supposed to do between 14-16. The truth prevailed and my name was cleared, but damage certainly was done. And when I was old enough to work, I worked, and when I was old enough to drive I got a car. I quit school to work at Sonic Drive In in late 1996. I tried to finish a couple times, but every time I went back It was more and more strange. So never got a girlfriend high school.
I moved out of my parents when I was 17 and did some different jobs. In 1998 I started working at Autozone, as I have always been good with cars. In 1999 my life changed forever. I was a year into Autozone, and was pretty comfortable there. At the time I lived with my older brother and a friend. We split the bills and it really was a bachelor pad, no chicks anywhere. It wasent long before my bro found a new girlfriend and she had a hot sister named Jackie.They would come by to visit and I started to get to know Jackie. Since I had been getting a steady check for a while, I got a PS1 and then a N64. Those were the days of Final Fantasy 7, and Mario64, great times in gaming.All my life I had been anti drug, and my younger brother had become a regular weed smoker. As It turned out Jackie was a weed smoker as well. Well I wanted to get closer to Jackie so I decided to try smoking weed. I got a small amount from my little brother and took it home. I found an old mouantain dew can and made a can pipe. i smoked It , gaged and didnt get high.About a week later, my little bro asked if I did it and I told him what happend. Of course he wanted me to try again, as all stoners love to bring in new recruits, and watching a rookie is funny.So after much persuasion he convinced me to hit this little blue 8 inch tall bong. To this day Ive never been so high as those first weeks. So I got good at smoking and sure enough Jackie did start to take interest. Its lame that I started smoking bud for a girl, but hey, I dont regret it. In fact weed made me feel ok about myself for the first time in my life. I was kinda a douche before I was a stoner. I had the worst weed hangovers my first couple weeks. See I started smoking and nearly EVERY day since Ive toked up. Every day, all the time.Thats 10 years straight. It was like seeing things for the first time! Anyway, it did have negative effects. Before I was a stoner, I was 10 times as active, now chilling is my main activity.
So anyway ,I worked 2 years for Autozone untill I was fed up with hearing about peoples piece of shit cars, took a 6 month hiatus where I had to move back with my parents for the first time. I was 21 years old. I got a job next at Checker Auto through an old Autozone friend . Moving home was not so bad now that I was a stoner as well as my little bro. We became kinda partners where before we were always in competition. Its funny that by the time I was 21 I didnt want to drink, just smoke bud.After two more years of auto part hell, I was finally ready to move on.
I moved in with my brother and his now wife and got a job , my worst paying,yet eaisest job yet, Convenience store clerk. Yep AM/PM graveyard shift. My older brother was already working there and got me the job. That place chaged my life. In fact the person I am today wouldent be here without AM/PM. How sad. So after a while my brother went to the day shift and I got some dudes from across the street at Chevron to work with. The Chevron dudes knew a girl who needed a job, and got her hired to work with me in gravyard.
Her name was Melody. She was very beautiful to me,and I was a bit nervous around her. I had just lost over 100 pounds a few months before, and was at the leanest ive ever been. We worked together and got to know one another. She was in a bad relationship, in fact her first night working with me was her birthday, and her man had not acknowledged her. I did. She told me how bad her life was , and I told her how her man took her for granted, and how I wish I had a girl like her. Well it wasent long before we started to get psyical. I was full of passion, having limited experience with girls at that time, which helped. After quite a bit of drama, she left her man for me and my brother kicked me out of his house because his wife hated my girlfriend. From the start things were out to get us. Its like the universe was trying to get us apart. Honestly it felt so good to be desired that I threw all caution to the wind and went full steam ahead with her.
I moved in with her and things were ok. I loved her, she loved me and we spent all our time together. At some point around christmas she started telling me she wanted to have my baby. I never thought about being a dad, didnt really think I could handle it. So she convined me and I got her pregnant. The pregnant months were great. I look back with fondness on that time. I got a new job paying pretty good to a drop out and we had a new place, a pretty nice place really. Once our lease was up we moved to a smaller apartment close to my work. Just happend to be directly connected to my bro who kicked me out. And then we got married.
After a year or so, money wasent enough so my wife got a job, of all places Autozone! With my old boss no less.That was the begining of the end. I know Im a lousy husband. My favorite thing to do is to stay at home getting high and gaming. She needed more. She wanted me to be a part of her life more that I was. The only thing we had left in common was sex.Great sex I might add. She hated everything I did or listend to. I never knew what a piece of shit I was till my wife told me. Maybe its true. She quit Autozone and started to work at Circle K, graveyard shift.Now we had opposing shifs also. I worked from 8 to 430pm and she worked 10p to 6a. In the mean time my baby son gets no child care from the time he would wake up till I would come home. She would sleep all day cuz of her shift. I begged her to quit, I told her we would find a way together. She wanted that job. It was more important to her that myself and her son.
Disaster struck and I lost my job. I expected support from her like" Dont worry babe, well make it together." No. She was pissed at me, and not understanding at all. I got another job soon after for nearly the same money, but it was too late. She started getting defensive with her cell phone, and I started getting hang ups on my land line. We started having less and less sex. To this day she swears she never cheated, but I just feel it. In a bold move I told her we should split up if she wanted to. We were gonna take turns with the baby. Well I ended up keeping my son and she does whatever the fuck she wants now i guess. That was 3 years ago.
So here I am, 2 in the morning, unemployed, lonley. Now I have been without her for 3 years, yet still have nightmares about her weekly. She lives nearby but doesent make any effort to see our son. She barley calls once a week. We tried once to get back together, but I blew that too. The worst part is I did to her just what her last man had done, took her for granted. I really believed she would never leave me.Welcome to my world.
on July 30, 2008